i want to leave my husband!!!

[samandchloe]

ive been married for 5years and im not feeling the same for him anymore.i want him to leave but i don't know how to go about it ive tried before and he said he will take the kids away from me thats not fair.i have found someone else and i have more feelings for him than i do for my husband i really don't know what to do.it's driving me insane being in a relationship that i don't wanna be in anymore and can i cope on my own with 3kids should i be staying with him just for the kids sake???

please help me

[Rafwife]

Have you actually tried and I mean REALLY tried counselling, etc, talking to get to the root of all this.

I hate to say it but aftter a few years and kids things become harder work as such, you do have to work at things sometimes. It's different to the first flutterngs of LUST.

You sound quite young, is that an accurate guess? Flitting from one relationship to another won't help you or the kids in the long term.

Dump the OM and try and at least make a 100% to fix the marriage before you move on.

[GypsyMoth]

you say he has said he'll take the kids? and you say that thats 'not fair'???

bloody hell woman....taking his kids away for the sake of another man isnt fair either!!! you go off with the other man if you like.....but the kids should stay with their dad!! why assume that YOU should have them???

[GypsyMoth]

oh and you want to chuck him out of his home as well?? presumably then its clear for your new man to get himself settled in too??

[celticfairy101]

I agree with whitecherry. You do not have automatic rights to your children. As far as the courts are concerned their rights are more important. The family home or something similar will be their primary residence, staying near schools and with as little disruption to their lives as possible.

You are the one who is having the affair and therefore, if you have any decency left in you, you should leave and make a new life with your new man and co parent with the father of your children. He can't take the children away from you (that's just hurt and anger talking), and the adultery will not be seen in court, or even entertained, as an indicator of an unfit parent.

Yes you can leave this relationship but you can't do it on your terms only. There are your children to consider, their home and their father.

[samandchloe]

no i don't want the new man living with me and im not leaving because of him.the kids will stay with me.

[GypsyMoth]

why are you leaving then? and why are you cheatng?

[samandchloe]

i see your point that im the one being horrible but i didnt plan things out this way and maybe the kids should be with him and not me.

[GypsyMoth]

its something to think about. they need stability.

[Rafwife]

Sam you sound really young, how old are you genuine question?

It's not just you here you have three children and your post does come across as terribly selfish.

Have you even tried to fix that relationship you have with the father of your children before skulking off elsewhere?

What happens in 5 years with the OM and the initial excitment has worn of and there are more children and bills etc in the running?

At the moment your posts read as if the relationship has gone stale so you have started seeking the kick elsewhere, this is not a longterm answer.

I think firstly you need to address your issues with your husband and see if you can work them out first before skulking off to another man. Ditch the other man first then try and sort things with your hubby, you have no chance all the time you are shagging someone else.

[samandchloe]

im 25.yhe i noticed that im not selfish really just want a new fresh start in my life.i did speak with him and now there's alot of tension not sure what else todo.

[Rafwife]

You are 25 with three young kids....it is young. I am not that much older than you really but you do come across as very immature.

You are going to learn the hard way I feel and probably are destined for a long term situation of singledom unless you wise up a bit.

You can't just move on everytime you get a bit bored or things get a bit stale and you fancy a fresh start. It will happen all the time a few years down the line until you realise relationships take work on both parts.

It will ruin your life but sadly that of your kids and whoever you go on to have kids with next time.

I hate to say it but you need to grow up, there is no such thing as a "fresh start" when you have kids. Just because you are a bit bored of the father of your kids does not mean you can just ride all over his feelings and expect him to drop his kids.

[Mouseface]

I second what SugarPinkMouse has said.

If you really do want to leave then do it. But as Sugar says, there really is NO going back to once you have made that decision.

The damage will be done. Put the shoe on the other foot. If he left you or wanted to leave for another woman, then changed his mind, we'd all be telling you it's his loss and not to take him back.

If you go you have to stay gone. I think that maybe you should be talking to him about how you feel and considering the children more.

Wouldn't you want the chance to talk if he was thinking of going? Fair enough if you no longer love him but you need to seperate in a controlled way. Not just bugger off with the children and hope for the best.

[Mouseface]

SugarMousePink even. Sorry.

[samandchloe]

well we sat down last night and talked for hours and decided to try and make a go of it and maybe even marriage counselling is the best thing for us.thankyou for everyones comments it had made me see sense of it all.i think a few harsh words was needed from people i didn't know it would of been selfish of me to just walk away without even trying.thank you all..

[mummytime]

Do get counselling. You need help to work through these problems.