And another one......:0(

[swizzlestar]

I've been with dh (not v d atm) for 5 years and married for just over a year. We have a dd and both have children from previous relationships. Plus we're ttc....or were....

He's always been a wonderful, loving and trustworthy man, but not any more.

A while ago I found out he was taking anabolic steroids. Found the pills totally by accident and then found evidence of phone sex lines. Confronted him immediately, and we sorted it. He stopped the steroids and said he'd stop the porn. I don't mind porn....it's the secrecy that got me.

Anyway I thought things were going along fine - apparently not. He's had emails from web cam type sites which he wrote off as pre- me, which is fair enough, but the trust still isn't there.

So I've done more digging tonight (he's out). There's a message to a girl in his FB sent items saying he'd love to have phone sex and he's also awaiting confirmation of a phone sex group.

WTF is wrong with the fucking wanker???? We literally got married a 13 months ago. What else is going to come up????

Feel sick to my stomache, shaky and sat here getting as pissed as I can.

Do I confront him now??

[AnyFucker]

No, don't confront him when you are pissed

When you are stone cold sober, tell him your marriage is over (for whatever the fuck it was worth...) and he is moving out

job done

[swizzlestar]

What is wrong with these bloody men??!! Should have known it was too good to be true.

Slightly annoyed I can get at his phone bills. Think they would be interesting.

My divorce solicitor will be glad to see me, she a fortune out of me when divorced xh.

He's back......arse.

[swizzlestar]

can't get at phone bill....not can!

[whatthecrocodilehatwasthat]

what a cock. Tell him to go, and make sure your daughter grows up to know that that sort of behaviour from a partner is not acceptable.

[msboogie]

No, do not say or do anything tonight. If he is on anabolic steroids he could go apeshit and batter you. Even if he is "not like that normally.

Go to bed now and get out in the morning while he is sleeping it off.

[wornoutbyarguing]

you poor thing i toatally understand what u r going thru,my husband has done all the above its crap

he had sex lines,joined sites for hooking up to pay for women to strip and lots of other stuff overwebcams.hid porn everywhere he cud
and we didnt have sex because he wasnt intetsted in me just porn sites

i hate the cheating lying secrtetiveness its awful,,,,
it is an addiction my ex wud not get help and today i left him and moved out with my dds.
i hope u can work it out or he can get help,but dont waste 10 years like i did u deserve so much more xx,

[swizzlestar]

Thank you ladies!

Wornout - congratulations on leaving! I left my mentally and physically abusive xh 9 years ago. it was the best thing I ever did. I thought I had my happy ending.......

Well we're just sat here like normal. Film on tv, him doing crossword, me on here.

I want to rant and scream and call him all the names under the sun for ruining everything. I feel so bad for my dd who loves her daddy so much, and i feel bad. I'm cross, but I really do love him and in every other respect he's a great husband. It's just the porn....but it hasn't stopped us having a great sex life too.

Devastated.

[lalalonglegs]

Confront him about it, tell him you know - don't worry if he blows up about your snooping on his facebook page, it's just a diversionary tactic - and when you have said your piece, see how contrite he is. If it is an addiction - and it's the sort of compulsive, high-risk behaviour that might qualify as one - see if he is interested in treating it.

[lalalonglegs]

PS Don't necessarily do that tonight.

[swizzlestar]

Thank you for all your advice, and sorry for not coming back sooner.

Well had it all out with dh, and he is still my dh I'm pleased to say.

He did have phone sex, but only the once, and was totally honest about it and volunteered the info about joining the phone sex group, which all happened around the same time. This is all a one off.

It was at a difficult time for us, he has a high sex drive, and so do I but I had a lot of things going on at the time and it did affect me. He need an "outlet" and made a couple of bad decisions.

We've talked it through, drawn a line under it on the condition it doesn't happen again and have realised that we need to make more effort and time for each other as we have become guilty of letting all the every day things get in the way.

He does like porn, he always has, and we used to watch it together, but that's stopped over the years. I don't think he's addicted to it though, I think we need to be doing these things together again!!

Thanks again, I kind of fell to pieces over the weekend.

[rupert22]

What about the steroids, where do they fit in?

[rupert22]

I mean, did he take those simply to have better phone sex?

[swizzlestar]

Oh forgot about them!!

I think my first post was a bit mis-leading,in that I did find out several months ago that he was taking steroids. He didn't stop taking them when I found out as he felt it was his decision (in way I agree - reluctantly!), but he chose a week later to stop taking them. Much to my relief.

At the time he was going to the gym and obviously spent too much time with meat heads!!! He now does a totally different and much more competitive sport, which is so much better for him, and the steroids are in no way useful for this sport and would most definitely stop him from doing it competitively at an amateur level.

Sorry trying to explain without giving too much away iykwim!!

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

So he lied to you about the steroids, uses porn secretly, got busted by you on phone sex lines, promised never to do it again, pretended that emails about sex web cams pre-dated you (5 years later!!) and only admitted to engaging in phone sex after you'd seen the FB message and he is back to being a DH?

In the words of Harry Enfield, he must have seen you coming...