My ears! My ears! Helen and Rob...

(73 Posts)
PureDeadBrilliant Sun 28-Jul-13 19:47:29

this is not going to end well.

trincomalee Sun 28-Jul-13 19:51:16

Helen always has to have Complications, doesn't she? It's one of the laws of Ambridge.

MrsDeVere Sun 28-Jul-13 19:54:45

It will give her something to angst about.
Its been a while.

LizzieVereker Sun 28-Jul-13 19:59:58

Yes, I think I heard her laughing earlier in the week, about Tom's shrink wrapping crisis, so they need to redress the balance of gloom.

lljkk Sun 28-Jul-13 20:07:44

He is just so revolting. She knows how to pick 'em, doesn't she?

MrsDeVere Sun 28-Jul-13 20:13:33

It will play nicely against the backdrop of Kenton and Joelene's nuptials.
If they time it right she might be able to spread misery at the reception.

BoreOfWhabylon Sun 28-Jul-13 20:16:58

Leave the bastard, Jess!

lljkk Sun 28-Jul-13 20:49:24

That's true, can't decide which one is more barftastic (K+J or H+R). Probably H+R, but it's a close call.
(Haven't a romantic bone in my body, before you ask).

MrsDeVere Sun 28-Jul-13 20:52:59

Quite apt I think smile

Also fairly apt.

I am a huge fan of TA. Don't know why because it drives me bonkers. I do not like anyone in it and if I hear the words sausages or ready meals one.more.time....

And don't get me started on Clarrie morphing into Pam Ayres overnight.

Hassled Sun 28-Jul-13 20:56:23

God I wish I understood The Archers, just so I could join in these threads.
I've had it on as background noise on and off for years and this morning was quite entertained by someone not being allowed to play "I Fought The Law" on the bagpipes, but I still don't understand. Even when I force myself to really concentrate I don't understand.

MrsDeVere Sun 28-Jul-13 21:08:02

There is no need to understand.
I have been listening for years and I still can't quite
tell everyone apart.
The MC ones are all shrill and melodramatic
The WC ones are all thick and dishonest and either speak like a wurzel or someone from Eastenders.

Hassled Sun 28-Jul-13 21:30:55


I only recognise Linda Whatsit. I like Linda.

JollyGolightly Mon 29-Jul-13 18:49:44

I bet she posts in Relationships and gets a thorough flaming.

LondonMother Mon 29-Jul-13 22:46:03

I've been listening actively for over 30 years and passively for 20 years before that and I can't claim to understand it either. TA passeth all understanding. Will Kirsty keep her mouth shut about Helen and Rob? I hope not.

StayAwayFromTheEdge Tue 30-Jul-13 22:21:21

I feel like the odd one out in that it all makes perfect sense - Been listening for more years than I like to remember though!

PareyMortas Tue 30-Jul-13 22:24:30

Me too stay away, I love it. Fwiw I think Helen and Rob are a good match, he's got baggage which is what Helen always goes for and her mother disapproves of him.

babybarrister Tue 30-Jul-13 22:26:41

WTF is Rob tHough ? Is he a new comer ?!

GrimmaTheNome Tue 30-Jul-13 22:32:46

>WTF is Rob tHough ? Is he a new comer ?!
not that new. He's the manager for Brian's megadairy. He's got a wife who won't move to Ambridge because of her job (I think).

babybarrister Tue 30-Jul-13 23:11:17

Thanks grin - what about Lizzie - will sh get off with that blokefrom the bank? Smeone needs to be found for the poor widow ,.....!!!

Tommy Tue 30-Jul-13 23:13:18

car crash radio....... can't bear Hell-in so I'm meanly hoping it will all end in tears...

LadyBigtoes Tue 30-Jul-13 23:18:02

I used to keep up with TA but I'm really behind with it all atm. However my loathing for whiny Helen remains undiminished. I turned it on the other day and what do I hear - yada, yada, yada my wife doesn't understand me - "You poor thing" - "Oh Helen!" - followed by the dreaded Archers snog which always sounds like a toilet being plunged. (We can't work out that they've fallen into each other's arms of course - there always have to be those grim sucky noises)


I don't really understand who Rob is but by the sounds of his self-pitying moan I reckon he's a scheming liar/bigamist/wrongun and it will all go tits up for Helen again.

Also heard Jolene planning her wedding but I had no idea who to!

LizzieVereker Tue 30-Jul-13 23:19:17

Who is the man who keeps telling Cathy off?

LizzieVereker Tue 30-Jul-13 23:21:05

Jolene is planning her wedding to Kenton, Lady - Kenton! And Fallon is fine about it (or so she says...)

PareyMortas Tue 30-Jul-13 23:23:33

Joleneis marrying Kenton, so she'll become an Archer.

The horrible man telling CKathy off is on the board of Borchester Land and is for some reason looking into how the golf club is run.

I thought I'd caught every episode in years, but somehow missed what happened between Lizzie and the dishy golf/tutor chap. They were heading for romance then nothing, what did I miss?

Tommy Tue 30-Jul-13 23:26:28

Lizzy invited Ifti round for dinner, had got rid of the kids for the evening and put "Move Closer" on the CD.....the got all flustered when he made a move.
Don't think we've heard from him since hmm

babybarrister Tue 30-Jul-13 23:30:01

But thinks of the kids ...they need a new Nigel

LadyBigtoes Tue 30-Jul-13 23:30:46

Is Kenton much younger than Jolene? - in my head he is but I forget that they all age like us grin

What do we think is the truth about Rob's absent wife?

PareyMortas Tue 30-Jul-13 23:32:13

Ooh Tommy thanks, how cringey 'move closer' that's what we used to snog boys to at the with form disco.

LizzieVereker Tue 30-Jul-13 23:54:04

Oh now I've got an image of Elizabeth and Ifti "dancing" with their hands on each other's shoulders, side stepping at arm's length.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 31-Jul-13 00:03:23

Kenton is the same age as Shula - they're twins... Shula seems older to me than Jolene but Kenton younger... he doesn't act his age. Whatever that is ...ok, I'm going to look it up - aug 8th 1958.

David is just over a year younger (blimey, Jill must have had her hands full!)

Jolene's age is not revealed.

Tommy Wed 31-Jul-13 07:44:20

lol at the school disco image..... grin
it was quite cringey it has to be said

Tommy Wed 31-Jul-13 07:45:38

I thought telling-off-Kathy-man was the chairman of the golf club?

MrsDeVere Wed 31-Jul-13 07:53:30

I thought the telling off man was the same slimy get who was all 'wink, wink' when he saw Lillian and Paul at the races.

They may just wheel out a generic slime ball on these occasions though.

OR he could be a big fat liar who is scamming her for free drinks.

StayAwayFromTheEdge Wed 31-Jul-13 08:42:34

The icing on the cake would be Hell-in being pregnant!

lottiegarbanzo Wed 31-Jul-13 09:16:28

Yup, I was looking forward to Lizzie and Ifti (visible miles off) but when it came to it she said she wasn't yet ready for a new relationship. Freddie would have liked it and Ifti's outsider credentials would have wound up some of the old folks endlessly. Everyone was just fine about having him as a cricket coach and tutor - service roles - but as an arriviste landowner?!

I know Helen is deeply annoying but I think I may be the only person who likes her. I think Rob could be great for her, or those are the solid, hardworking, sociable, child-loving indications. Only if he makes a clean break pretty fast though. A long angsty affair while Jess piles on the guilt about abandoning her, tied to her dependent parents, will wear them all down into messy despond. Decision time Rob!

Back2Two Wed 31-Jul-13 09:23:37

It's funny how so many of us listen but don't really know what's been going on. I grew up with my mum listening and now I listen....not religiously but I love it if I happen to be around at the right time and sometimes I'll do the omnibus on iPlayer.

Even though it sort of bugs the hell out of me at the same time. I find it comforting I think.

HarlotOTara Wed 31-Jul-13 09:34:50

MrsDeVere I agree with every word you say, I spend most of my time shouting at the radio when the Archers is on. I started listening when my eldest dd was a baby 22 years ago (eek!) and I think it is awful at the moment.
Clarrie has lost countless brain cells since the actress change and I wish Tom's bloody pigs would eat him. I used to like Kenton until he got together with Jolene, they don't work IMO. The only character I like is Brian and even he needs a slap with a wt fish at times.

Lilian has become totally unbelievable since the beginning if the Paul storyline and Brookfield, Pip and the Dopey Duo deserve to fall in the slurry pit.

Anyway feel better for a rant!! anyone listen to Ambridge Extra? Half of it is in Russian

GrimmaTheNome Wed 31-Jul-13 09:40:29

Lottie - yeah... so we know which way the SWs will play it! wink

I've missed a few but I started to like Lillian again when she cancelled Matts access to the bank account. That's more like it, puss cat has claws!

LadyBigtoes Wed 31-Jul-13 10:58:27

The only characters I like are Linda Snell, and Brenda. Everyone else is vile and even Linda Snell is meant to be vile, but is actually fantastic.

My number one, top most deplorable Archers character though was Siobhan of "Brine" fame. I'm sorry she disappeared (and then died), I used to love hating her!

MrsDeVere Wed 31-Jul-13 13:44:20

harlot you are my kinda gal! grin

I can't forgive Pip for ruining the name Jude for me.

babybarrister Wed 31-Jul-13 14:09:32

Is it actually a new Clarrie as her voice seems much more yokel ...or has she been told to change?

GrimmaTheNome Wed 31-Jul-13 14:16:13

Clarrie changed a couple of months ago, but the actress is actually the person who played her before the last one. So she's a new old one grin.

StayAwayFromTheEdge Wed 31-Jul-13 14:36:59

I have just realised that I really don't like anyone in the show - except maybe Jill? And I've been listening since I was 5 (36 years!).

choccyp1g Wed 31-Jul-13 14:44:31

StayAway, Ian how can you not like Ian?
Though he too is overdue a total personality change to suit an unlikely plot-twist.

StayAwayFromTheEdge Wed 31-Jul-13 14:50:25

I forgot about Ian - I seem to go for the ones that can cook!

GrimmaTheNome Wed 31-Jul-13 14:52:37

Haven't heard much from Ian for a while - please can we have more of him? not Kathy

babybarrister Wed 31-Jul-13 20:57:12

Thanks for the clarification! I agree all of the characters v annoying at the moment ...even the youngsters - I don't want to know about Nicky's leg cramps -- unless she is going to ice the bucket as a fault of some hideous pregnancy tragedy--

babybarrister Wed 31-Jul-13 20:57:41

Should say kick the bucket!

HarlotOTara Wed 31-Jul-13 22:12:07

Nic makes me itch - how tedious was tonight's episode? I am sure the story lines have got worse in the last year, have they employed junior writers or something?

I think Pip, Tom and Helen (Hellqueen) are the worse - doesn't bode well for the next generation.

Tom is utterly boring - pork ready meals sound disgusting. I have never forgiven Helen for treating Hayley so badly after John died and I loathe Pip soo much. I can't understand how she was being such a cow and then suddenly becomes so (obnoxiously) pleasant - and why did no one berate her? I was so hoping she would fail her degree

MrsDeVere Wed 31-Jul-13 22:57:21

WHY are women who have had children treating a third time mother's cramp as if it is pre eclampsia?
Why don't they just tell her to eat a fecking banana hmm

HarlotOTara Thu 01-Aug-13 07:17:06

Quite! Absolute tosh and I really don't like the new/old Clarrie

Gigondas Thu 01-Aug-13 07:33:46

I have come to tolerate Linda. I don't mind Caroline, Clarrie, Jill, jolene or Lilian. Helen has always been loathsome as has Tom.

Brillig Thu 01-Aug-13 22:51:11

Oh, I loathe Linda - except when she does something to redeem herself. Does anyone recall her once babysitting for David'n'Roooth (I think it was some yawnsome plotline where they'd agreed to swap jobs or something), and she was very tender with Baby Ben (as he was then), reading him a bedtime story and soothing him to sleep.....all at once you could see how desperately she'd longed to have a child of her own, and it never happened.

Luckily she always goes back to being a vile crashing snob, then I can hate her again grin

lljkk Fri 02-Aug-13 08:37:22

Linda is also very good with teenagers, remember Kate Aldridge used to confide in her. I've warmed to Linda a lot.

MrsCampbellBlack Fri 02-Aug-13 08:40:26

I like Linda, she was fab with Kathy when she was raped. But the scriptwriters like to parody her too much.

Brenda should stay in Russia

lljkk Fri 02-Aug-13 08:45:19

Moany bitchy Brenda is one of my faves. Good entertainment.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 02-Aug-13 09:45:34

Lynda is fabulous when someone has a real problem - she was great with Vicki too. And she stepped into the breach when Caroline was ill without going into her bossy theatre-director persona.

minkembernard Fri 02-Aug-13 10:23:56

i agree Linda has her moments.

I think Jess will turn out to be pg and or have six kids. family abandoner. Helen will be pg. get pnd and go back to be miserable like she was before she had Henry.

the real nice guy is Neil Susan's husband who is actually genuinely lovely, good at diy and long suffering.
Susan is quite god for amusement.

btw i love Linda with her llama dramas and for having a child called Coriander <snort>
(apologies anyone with a child called Coriander and llama called Salieri)

choccyp1g Fri 02-Aug-13 11:35:17

Coriander and Leonie are Lynda's step children.

campion Fri 02-Aug-13 22:49:29

Are you suggesting that Helen is cheerful these days, mink?

Coriander is Lynda's stepdaughter. Lynda couldn't have children - she once confided this in a moment when the SW's forgot that she's a caricature.

BlackeyedSusan Sun 04-Aug-13 23:20:37

my first thought was did they use contraception? there uis bound to be some worry that she is pregnant in a couple of weeks.

I like neil and christopher. linda has improved a lot.

Gigondas Mon 05-Aug-13 06:58:16

I agree Linda only moderately annoying - doesnt make me grit my teeth like she used to.

There has to be some fallout on this sl as hinted around it for too long.

MrsDeVere Mon 05-Aug-13 07:23:58

I admit to quite liking linda.

A bit. But only a bit.

PrincessFiorimonde Mon 05-Aug-13 22:29:45

I'm also in the don't-really-like-any-of-them-but-can't-stop-listening camp.

NetworkGuy Wed 07-Aug-13 08:48:48

Cor... certainly a lot of characters to dislike in those posts... for varying reasons. Have to admit I still have a soft spot for Ruth, even if her "Ohhh Nooooo" has been taken into comedy sketches. Probably quite like most of them, most of the time, apart from Tom and his parents (if Pat's not being 'holier than thou' about organic, Tony is having a moan about something... hardly remember him as a happy guy, though he must have been, some time back, before he needed hospital).

"Luckily she always goes back to being a vile crashing snob, then I can hate her again..." Yes, while Lynda has a few redeeming features (such as being humble towards Jazzer when she got it wrong about the Clan leader), I find her snootiness easy to make her dislikeable most of the time.

I think the few characters I've really disliked were Carl (Amy's "boyfriend" who was married) and Jude (Pip's boyfriend, who was a bad influence, oh yes, and that nasty student lending money to Alice and others in Southampton).

While trying to remember Tony's name (I'm older than Tamsin Greig!) I found this page on Wiki which might help others wanting to see a few family trees. It's not as detailed as some other works about the characters, but it has 3 or 4 helpings that are easily digested and bring you up to date with some of the affairs and break ups, and why X is not on speaking terms with Y (eg Shula, Alan + Usha). Ignore the note on the page saying it is outdated - keen listeners have been giving it updates from 2010 to this year, so the fact Brenda is away is included...

StickyProblem Wed 07-Aug-13 09:02:22

I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't understand it. I quite like Helen although I've only been listening for about 5 years and I think most of her worst bits were before then. Every time I say "quinoa", which is not very often, I want to do a Helen voice "keeeen-waaaaahhhh".

I couldn't bear Brenda and Tom together but I dipped into AE this week and loved her with the Russian guy! Is she going to get pulled into a crime ring and moan because they won't let her do enough marketing events?

Gigondas Wed 07-Aug-13 09:55:10

I want Brenda to be happy as I like her.

Why the fuck anthea is still employed I don't know. It's just ridiculous .

Sunday episode with both Helen and sodding cathy was very angry.

NetworkGuy Wed 07-Aug-13 10:30:47

Rest must be on holiday, Gigondas. Loads of people seem to be away for weeks or months at a time... Have Alice and Chris decided to go (or even gone!) to Canada ? Don't worry, not that vital to know.

I spend a fair amount of time with radio on, but nowadays it is often from San Francisco {SoMa FM - loads of music choices} or WRN rather than Radio 4 smile

ppeatfruit Fri 09-Aug-13 11:40:37

So to return to Rob and Hellin grin iMO it's a brilliant idea of the SW's as someone said upthread. BOTH parents hate him, he's hardly an organic farmer's poster boy, so he's got baggage, he would have, like Hellin. Yes she's bound to get upduffed because all soap characters have missed the contraception talk at school. grin

TheSilverySoothsayer Sun 11-Aug-13 20:07:18

Listened to tonight's epi, shouting in my head 'run, Rob, run! Run for the hills!'

ppeatfruit Mon 12-Aug-13 09:17:44

Nah as we are saying on the Lonely Cow thread it's great to have a proper affair on TA again (Lil and Paul's didn't really cut it).

lljkk Mon 12-Aug-13 09:21:48

Oh, I'm warming to Anthea. Maybe because I'm so peeved at Lill. Someone needs to put Pusscat in her place.

Why does Cathy not realise that she's about to be sacked? Why are Tony & Pat always so oblivious to the bleedin' obvious?

ppeatfruit Mon 12-Aug-13 11:54:10

yes IIjkk Did you pick up on the fact that Anthea 'used' to work for a 'large' property company in Birmingham;was it J'lene who said to Lil watch out she'll be taking you over? shock now there's the seed for another complaining Lil plot eh??

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