Spoilers - RnRN accepts (and recaps) Amex so you don't have to!

(193 Posts)
RocknRollNerd Wed 03-Jul-13 08:22:16

As requested by someone on the Lillian thread herewith a recap of yesterday's Amex:

We start off a presumably swish (but not in the Jennifer sense) Montenegrin hotel one bright sunny morning. Possibly Monday or Tuesday as there are references throughout to TigerLily coming home tomorrow (ie Wednesday in Borsetshire). Tiger is up for some early morning snuggles but Lil continues to work her Princess Di being interviewed by Martin Bashir sad-face voice and rebuffs him. Excuses offered include the fact she's no longer 21 and it's early in the morning. Matt harrumphs (hopefully not a metaphor) and Lil excuses herself to the bathroom.

Some discussion a bit later on as to plans for the day, Tiger bitching and whining about Lil's mood, Lil PrincessDi-s that she's sorry, isn't really up for anything etc. They agree on shopping in town to buy souvenirs for myriad posh (ie not married in via a Blacksmith) Archers. All listeners twitch slightly in anticipation of convincing 'we're actually on location as it's Summertime in Amex' accents.

But no! We find out that Lil has bought Peggy some Pomegranate stuff (she hopes Peggy likes it, which lets face it is unlikely unless it can be used to poison Kiera, feed to the cats or bake into some scones) and Jennifer will just have to settle for 'a purse' as Lil has lost her shopping Mojo.

Tiger wheedles that he wants to buy Lil some jewellery and <drumroll> we finally get our Borsetshire Casting Central (TM) accent from a shopkeeper - he could be supposed to be Montenegrin, he might have been already cast when this plot was supposed to take place in Turkey or he may in fact just have learned his accent whilst watching that Doctor Who episode set on a Russian Submarine...it's really very hard to tell. Matt proves he's losing his business mojo by getting a mere 50 Euro off a 600 Euro necklace. Shopkeepervich throws in some extra irony for free about how the necklace must be bought so Matt can keep his beautiful wife

Cut to plot exposition scene set in a church just in case anyone happens to listen to Amex and not the Archers (FFS!). Lil is interrupted by a British lady (who I swear sounds like Anita Dobson when she's reminding us she's not just Aaaaaaannnnnnggggge and is a proper fox-bothering actress and everything - sadly however it isn't Celia turning all Single White Female). British Lady has a Montenegrin son-in-law and SHOCK! Horror! Montenegrin grand-children. Lil cranks up the PrincessDi-ing and explains that she lost someone very close to her who she loved, can't see how she can go on, can't talk about it etc. <yawn>

Matt is cross and phoning Lil as he can't find her but gets voicemail...Lil eventually appears from the church and Matt clocks she's been crying. He suggests lunch, Lil declines and Matt strops off.

Cut back to the hotel with very little time left of the pod-cast so Matt is forced to engineer The. Big. Denoument. They bicker about why Lil is unhappy, she plays the 'I stuck by you when you were in jail card' and PD's about how it's all about Matt never about her....Matt keeps manouevering and asks her to just be honest with him....Lil tries to be dodge it but there's no escaping it, with mere seconds to go Matt drops the bombshell: he knows she was screwing his brother, he knows she was seeing Paul!

jingley jangley music and that's it until Thursday folks!

Bumply Wed 03-Jul-13 08:30:05

Thanks for saving me having to listen to Amex.
You write very well, though I could have done without the Princess Di sad face image now stuck in my brain.

Panzee Wed 03-Jul-13 08:53:56

Love the reference to the Radio 4 Accent. Many a play has been enhanced by Unspecified East European.

(Yes I know I said on the other thread I was staying out of here but I couldn't resist! smile )

BoreOfWhabylon Wed 03-Jul-13 09:58:54

That is a superb synopsis, RnRN!

Thank you so much flowers

puddock Wed 03-Jul-13 10:05:20

Marvellous synopsis. You are spot on about the forrin jewellery merchant. I don't entirely blame the actor though - what can you do when the SW are lazy/shameless enough to give you lines like "I geev you good price!"

Just listened to it myself. I did wonder who the random woman in the church was and what Pawel was doing in Montenegro.
Also why is the theme tune so awful?!

PrincessFiorimonde Wed 03-Jul-13 12:19:55

Thanks, RnRN. I do think it's bad that this was on Amex rather than the main programme.

JollyGolightly Wed 03-Jul-13 14:13:05

It's unforgivably lame that this was on AmEx and not the main one! I never usually pay any attention to AmEx but felt I had to on this occasion, having put in so many hours listening to this very patchy storyline. Your synopsis was far more entertaining than the episode itself.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 03-Jul-13 14:20:44

thanksgrin
Brilliant recap!

Somethingyesterday Wed 03-Jul-13 15:22:14

Wonderful! Well done! flowers

I actually thought "woman in church" sounded like the actress who was last heard being Paul's daughter.

And I agree it's SHAMEFUL that after all these months they wrote the climax of the story into a show that not everyone wants to listen to.

heronsfly Wed 03-Jul-13 15:22:41

Thank you, that was great, wine

Lilymaid Wed 03-Jul-13 15:38:27

Thanks so much for sparing us from AmEx. How ridiculous (yet again) to finish off a main story elsewhere. Perhaps Vanessa Whitburn's successor will make sure that future AmEx stories are separate from maIn story lines.

Thesunalwayshinesontv Wed 03-Jul-13 15:45:59

You have done us all a great service RnRN, thank you very much. Great précis, too, very evocative.

So Matt and Lillian get back on Weds do they, and next episode is AmEx on Thursday? So they'll appear on normal TA with bombshell having gone off - will the aftermath play out on normal TA or on AmEx? If the former, what's the point of this first episode of AmEx? If the latter, what was the point of having the affair happen on normal TA? Grrr.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 03-Jul-13 15:49:43

It would be quite fun if they did alternate realities... if in TA Matt didn't confront Lillian - and then see how from that one difference the ripples spread out to affect the whole village in various ways (starting with, in one Brenda leaves, the other she stays)

Don't suppose they are planning anything that radical though!

ppeatfruit Wed 03-Jul-13 16:00:26

Oh Bull I was listening to it on Play it Again and it went "off' before the final denouement I also commented to another poster that it was just padding before reading the spoiler (well related BTW RnRn thanks)!! grin .

grimma that would cost them money and involve imagination!!! Don't be daft!!!

heronsfly Wed 03-Jul-13 16:49:00

I cant work out how they are going to join this up either,although i like the idea of an alternate reality grin.
I think Lil will just go off to see Jolene crying and saying'he knows, Matt knows' ect.

ppeatfruit Wed 03-Jul-13 16:56:31

Like she's so thick she didn't pick up the clanging hints he's been dropping for weeks!!!! Come on script writers isn't she meant to be intelligent?

elpth Wed 03-Jul-13 16:58:55

Thanks RocknRollNerd (and love the name, I'm a massive Tim Minchin fan!). Great recap.

BuiltForComfort Wed 03-Jul-13 17:03:59

Great synopsis! I have succumbed to Amex for this series. Presumably Joleme will get a call in tonight's TA from Lilian telling her what's happened.

Re Amex - I survived the Alastair/young hussy storyline but gave up when it moved on to Fallon and Jazzer having a shag. (Basically Amex is about sex and a tiny bit of swearyness or coarser language isn't it? You'd never get someone saying "screwing" on TA.)

I love the idea of Amex as a parallel / alternate reality though, that would be great. They could bring back Nigel, see how Alastair's doing with his gambling addiction, give Caroline and Oliver another go at fostering, bring Karl back to torment Amy and generally pick up any other bits of plot they forgot about developing beyond a three week story arc...

cryhavoc Wed 03-Jul-13 17:06:33

I LIKE AmEx. I thought the Joe/Liverpool story was brilliant. However, I agree that the confrontation should have been on the main programme. Is this going to be the AmEx thread?

Kiriwawa Wed 03-Jul-13 19:51:40

RocknRoll - you are as entertaining as NBS - bravo!

RocknRollNerd Wed 03-Jul-13 20:42:56

Gosh! Thanks for the kind comments, wasn't sure if you'd like the 'style'...I'll try to do each ep if people want? I listen on podcasts so there may be a day or so lag each time. Apologies for the typos and bits of bad grammar/rogue words - I listened in the car whilst driving and then only had 10 mins to dash something off.

Someone said about timescales for tomorrow's episode - Amex always seems to have its own timeline so sometimes it picks up exactly where it left off and then it can finish almost 'after' the day its broadcast if that makes sense; other times it mirrors 'real time' more closely. I guess it comes from only being on twice a week, it plays a bit fast and loose sometimes.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea Wed 03-Jul-13 21:15:41

Bwahaha at Princess Di analogy!

(Shameless bookmarking of place)

I disapprove of AmEx entirely and this denouement being moved off the main programme is a really bonkers decision.

JessieMcJessie Fri 05-Jul-13 11:23:50

Just listened to episode 2 of Amex. Shockingly bad, didn't even pick up during the big comfrontation so we disn't ge Lilian's reaponse, and "Compare The Meerkat" man was beyond the pale. Sure I will enjoy RnR's recap more.

ppeatfruit Fri 05-Jul-13 11:40:40

IKWYM jessie the fact he's been lying to HER for weeks didn't seem to be picked up by her she's playing the victim AGAIN,I don't get why the SWs have changed her character at least she decided to go on her own.

Somethingyesterday Fri 05-Jul-13 12:05:23

grin Meerkat Man

I don't understand. Matt was brought into Ambridge as a ruthless businessman who had made himself rich through his wits. So what on EARTH....?

ppeatfruit Fri 05-Jul-13 12:43:20

Oh you mean why has he decided to go into some Russian's property empire? perhaps he's soooo upset he's not thinking straight. grin Remember his judgement must be faulty because he was in nick wasn't he?

Songbird Fri 05-Jul-13 14:25:19

Ooh LOVE the alternate reality idea - The Archers does Sliding Doors kinda thing. Haven't listened to ep 2 yet. Shall I / shan't I?

RocknRollNerd Fri 05-Jul-13 16:13:45

Episode 2 begins on the podcast with the announcer informing us it was first broadcast on Radio 4 Extra...I believe he may have then skipped the bit of the script that said 'please tune into it please, there are folks who've just graduated drama school and need the accent practics'.

In a bar somewhere in Slavic-accentland, so let's assume we're still with TigerLily in Montenegro. Tiger is ordering scotch and Random Accentovich Chap (who sounds like a slightly camp Pavel if you need an audio description) has collared him and is talking about a $3000 bottle of scotch he bought and drank all in one evening last year. Matt escapes this thrilling tale and goes back to Lil who archly references the whisky and the early hour of the day so I think we can assume it's the morning after The. Big. Showdown.

Plot exposition between them gives us the following: Lil has a spa treatment and has reigned in the PD-ing a bit and Matt is being snippy, also they're flying home 'today' which places us on Wednesday morning Montenigran time.

Lil goes off to the Spa and Random Accentovich slimes up - he's in property too and clearly paid attention in his 'colloquial English' expression lessons. He mentions Matts wife and is put straight that she's Tiger's 'Business Partner'. Accentovich is apparently called Vitaly Kitroff.

The scriptwriters clearly went for a crash course in clunky allegory and metaphor before this episode as Matt explains to Vitaly that he was in Montenegro to get the lie of the land and was hoping to secure a deal he'd been working on for a while but it hasn't worked out. Vitaly calls his flunky (flunkski?) to get him and Matt more scotch and they establish Vitaly is Russian and in Montenegro to build a hotel. He has his fingers in many pies - developments in London, Russia, Kazakhstan, Montenegro - basically Vitaly has got his Gold badge from the I-Spy book of 'where do dodgy Russian Oligarchs launder their cash'.

Matt bigs up Amside and his luxury property deals but then has to spend a couple of mins explaining where Bortsetshire is which rather undermines his positioning himself as Donald Trump of England. He and his new bff toast Amside and talk about English and Russian history (I kid you not!). Matt references the TigerLily abode and then corrects himself saying 'I've' got a Georgian property - brave man mentioning Georgia to a Russian! Vitaly mostly lives in St Petersberg which it's apparently important for us to know and then invites Matt to come see his hotel (this disappointingly is not a metaphor!).

Lil's turn to try to ring Matt because she can't find him. She's more shrill than PD this time though - perhaps the old Lil will return...

Vitaly's Hotelovich is apparently 'uuuuge' and it transpires he owns the biggest yacht in the marina (again not a metaphor). He's keen to develop this part of Montenegro and turn it into the next Cote d'Azur.

Matt answers his phone and gets shrilled at some more; he's not having any of it and there's still a couple of hours before they need to leave. Matt metaphors to BFFVitaly that it was his partner and he's not sure how much more business they will be doing in the future and he's working alone. BFFV has projects he'd like to discuss with Matt...

Lil is snivelling at the hotel and goes all needy when Matt comes back about how worried she was. She's packed his case but apparently she needn't have bothered. Matt's not going back to the UK. Lil drags out the PD voice again to quiz Matt about BFFV and insists he (Matt not BFFV and Flunkski) comes home. She calls him a petulant child and he pretty much says 'wotevver'.

Lil self-flagellates a bit, Matt says he spent so long trying to cling onto what they had 'and as soon as Paul.....' Lil interrupts and Matt backpedals that he meant once Paul had died he decided not to say anything and they would get back to normal but they can't because Lil wouldn't be honest - there's an opportunity in Montenegro and he's going to take it.

Lil desperately clunks that 'Amside' needs him and he can't turn his back on it but Matt's not having any of it; he'll be a week or two. Amside can manage without him - Lil says it can't and then in case you'd missed the fact that this isn't really about 'Amside' Matt suggests that maybe Lil should have thought of this before she slept with his brother and in fact if it hadn't been for Amside he reckons Lil would have shacked up with Paul long ago.

Lil says she'll go back and then fails utterly to get one over on Tiger and gives him his passport back. She PD's that she does love him and always has and Matt wotevvers it right back in her face. Door closes and the jingle jangles wrap us up for this week!

ppeatfruit Fri 05-Jul-13 16:19:53

YaaaY thanks ! do we reckon that Lil is free of him!! Will we find out tonight or will all the action continue on Ambex?

GrimmaTheNome Fri 05-Jul-13 18:18:58

Thanks thanks. I'm sure your recaps are much more entertaining than the actual program!
I managed to miss the excuses explanation for ambexing this plot on Feedback this afternoon - anyone know what they said?

Thanks for another brilliant summary. Sounds as painful as the last episode!

ppeatfruit Fri 05-Jul-13 19:15:08

well grimma TA spokeswoman said she wanted us all to be 'comfortable' with both radio and computer broadcasts, downloads, podcasts etc. blithely ignoring that quite a large section of TA audience may not be at all comfortable with the B.B.\computer culture.

She was unable or chose not to answer very relevant points put to her by the presenter and a 'complainer' angry hmm

GrimmaTheNome Fri 05-Jul-13 19:54:10

Twit. I'm extremely comfortable with computers. I write software for a living. A bit of MNing during the day is OK but if I start plugging into podcasts, iplayer etc I'm doomed. I like the serendipity of radio 4 - sometimes I'll get TA, sometimes I might miss it, sometimes there will be some unexpected gem. I don't want to tune to R4X or listen on my computer. Anyway, if I did start getting into podcasts and iplayer there's a heck of a lot of other stuff I'd prioritize ahead of ambex.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea Fri 05-Jul-13 20:32:11

Thanks for the recap! So Lil arrives home alone ...

ppeatfruit Fri 05-Jul-13 21:02:10

Yes IKWYM grimma i'm getting on and I'm alright (not brilliant though) with the computer culture,There are not enough hours in the day to do what I want to do in RL even now (I'm retired) without getting into it all even more!

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 05-Jul-13 21:59:20

Thanks for the great summary, RnRN.
grin grin grin at flunkski!

BoreOfWhabylon Sat 06-Jul-13 01:24:57

Thanks so much RnRN, far, far better than any piddling podcast could ever be flowers

Ok, prediction: Matt will get into hot water in Forrinland, either shady stuff that gets out of hand or (and this is my favoured one) kidnap and ransom by Meerkat Kitoff, hopefully in Kazakhstan. Lil will somehow save him and they will declare their enduring lurve for each other. The end.

PseudoBadger Sat 06-Jul-13 02:36:03

Great recap! I was convinced that Matt had been lured to a building site to be murdered or mugged. I imagine he'll just have to endure a Russian mafia lifestyle for 2 weeks instead, and he'll arrive back in Ambridge with a penchant for vodka and meerkats.

JessieMcJessie Sat 06-Jul-13 04:15:46

ppeatfruit please explain the shopping picture?!

ppeatfruit Sat 06-Jul-13 08:27:50

Sorry Jessie? I'm not with you? grin

JessieMcJessie Sat 06-Jul-13 14:08:15

Weird. Reading this on my iPad earlier, your post had at the end of it a picture of some hands reaching into boxes of food. I noticed it randomly pasted on to the end of people's posts on other threads too, and looked at the front of Mumsnet to see if it was some sort of "paste this picture on your talk posts if you support free school dinners" challenge or something. I then saw that the picture was the one that is on the featured "Food Banks" blog. However I'm now reading this on an actual PC and the pictures in the posts have all gone, so it must have been some sort of weird iPad glitch. Ignore me.

ppeatfruit Sat 06-Jul-13 16:40:09

Oh dear Jessie is there a I can't remember the word something trying to get into our posts (i noticed that I've had to log in today which is not usual) I wonder if MN is aware of it?

PseudoBadger Wed 10-Jul-13 10:29:29

Ok so I've come over here to say:

Is Matt going to lose all Amside's money with Meerkat Accentovitch?

Is Brenda going to become Matt's assistant in St Petersburg?

Somethingyesterday Wed 10-Jul-13 12:15:59

Regarding Matt - that would be the natural narrative assumption, but, as we know, things don't always go the way they ought....

But they do seem to have been quite clever (!!!) re Brenda. Two viable possibilities and no way of telling which way they're going to take it. I did pick up some hint of a Russian story for her, but I can't remember where....

GrimmaTheNome Wed 10-Jul-13 13:36:30

No - my narrative assumption was that Lonely Cow would really have TB.

(unless Alistair has mixed up the paperwork and is about to drop a bombshell...)

heronsfly Wed 10-Jul-13 17:47:17

I also wonder if Matt is going to loose all Amsides money, but i think hope Lil still has control.My monies on Brenda joining him grin

Somethingyesterday Thu 11-Jul-13 14:19:17

Passport!!! I'm seriously worried.

RocknRollNerd Fri 12-Jul-13 08:41:00

Apologies for the delay - been working crazy hours. Tuesday's Amex recap will appear shortly....

PseudoBadger Fri 12-Jul-13 08:54:06

Well I was right about Brenda. If she makes it....
There is definitely meant to be something dodgy going on, but I think if they want their hands on Matt's money they will be sorely disappointed. Seeing as how it's all
Lillian's!

RocknRollNerd Fri 12-Jul-13 09:06:01

We're still in Montenegro. BFFV is showing Matt to 'the very best suite' in the hotel which has been booked at 'the family rate' as the hotel is apparently very good to them. A car will be coming for Matt and BFFV informs him 'you will enjoy this evening' - it's up to the listener how much menace they read into that one dear reader. They're off to a very exclusive galary.

Brenda calls Matt and basically rants at him, she doesn't know what's happening and Lils is in a vile mood and has been crying. Matt says it's not his problem and hangs up. Once he's hung up he mockneys: sorry sweet'eart I'm busy 'ere.

At the gallery - Flunkski is trying to get BFFV to talk to his dad - I shall call him 'Vladdy' as I'm discovering recapping needs names. BFFV doesn't want to and Flunkski points out that Vladdy won't like it - seemingly BFFV thinks he pays Flunkski to do what he's told whereas Flunkski reckons he's there to make sure BFFV does what Vladdy tells him.

Endless filler between Matt and BFFV both trying to make out they know about paintings. Also some sleazing over waitresses. One painting has caught BFFV's eye in particular, it looks like both fields and prayer-mats apparently so go figure. Matt says it looks like an old quilt. Apparently the painting costs the same as 'a top of the range motor' and is a bit Emperor's New Clothes according to Matt who then has to back pedal his motor as BFFV is thinking of buying the painting for the hotel.

Flunkski reappears with the phone - Vladdy is insisting on talking to BFFV...

A Slavic temptress comes along - she's called Tatiana but sounds like Caroline doing a Compare the Meerkat voiceover. There's some tedious flirting whilst BFFV seems to argue in Russian with Vladdy (we hear some 'nyets' and 'da papas'. Flunkski opines that Vladdy 'feels very strongly'. BFFV tells him no more interruptions and Flunkski menaces that BFFV won't be buying any art tonight as Vladdy was very clear about that. BFFV does his best Kevin the teenager and says he didn't want to in anycase, it's all rubbish. Flunkski is banised to wait by the car.

Matt sleazes that 'he knows what he likes when he sees it' to Tatiana. The euphemisms contine apace. Tatiana is going to buy the Prayer Mat field picture for her employer who is back in Russia - it apparently doesn't matter if he likes it, just that people know he's bought it.

Tatiana apprently knows BFFV when Matt mentions him - all the Russians out there know him. Tatiana compliments Matt on his accent and Matt offers to talk all night <retch>.

Tatiana and BFFV swap pleasantries and BFFV rubbishes the painting and then cramps Matt's play by telling Tatiana that Matt said it looked like a Granny Quilt. Tatiana gives Matt her card, Tiger is cardless but Tatiana assures him she won't forget him.

Matt and BFFV go off in the car as BFFV has something more interesting to discuss with him. Plans are made for food, fine cigars etc and talking in private.

BFFV wants to discuss a development in St Petersburg - luxury homes in an English style - all traditional with parklands, cottages, gardens oh and armed guards for that classy exclusive touch. Apparently this is what the wealthy folk of St P's want with particular emphasis on keeping 'ordinary people' out. Matt tentatively suggests his money's a bit tied up to invest but he could maybe free up some funds.

This however is not BFFV (and Vladdy's?) plan. Matt is to be a consultant to advise and ensure it's authentic (so presumably the guards will have flintlocks and muskets rather than Kalashnikovs). Matt is intrigued but says it's tricky as he doesn't usually work outside the UK - BFFV reminds him that he'd been planning to build in Montenegro. Matt is keen to find out more and BFFV invites him to St Petersburg and apparently he can bring a 'personal assitant' with him. BFFV promises Matt that 'Vitalky Kitroff does not disappoint'.

Jingle jangles and we're doneski - next stop maybe St Petersburg.

RocknRollNerd Fri 12-Jul-13 09:10:51

(The above is Tuesday 9 July recap btw)

Helpyourself Fri 12-Jul-13 09:13:54

thanks
Thank you!

GrimmaTheNome Fri 12-Jul-13 10:20:45

Another recap of genius thanks

If word of this thread spreads abroad, RRN will be the only person in the world actually listening to Ambex grin

ppeatfruit Fri 12-Jul-13 12:01:29

Is anyone confused about what they're effing doing with Amex and the normal Archers? I listened again to TA and got yesterdays' but it was Amex complete with music WTAF????

Thank you RnR. Brilliant!

RocknRollNerd Fri 12-Jul-13 14:35:39

That would be fab Grimma - do you think they would come and perform it in my study and pause as I type bits up!

I've noticed that on the Archers iTunes podcast, they've now started including Amex in the Archers downoad, as well as it's own separate subscription. Confused the hell out of me when it kicked in between Archers episodes in the car. I presume they're really pushing Amex onto the main audience but it does seem a bit underhand.

ppeatfruit Fri 12-Jul-13 15:58:10

RnRN Do you think it might be in response to the negative reaction they're getting not only on here but on Feedback? If it is it shows they DO listen which is good!

ppeatfruit Fri 12-Jul-13 16:04:05

Just heard they're talking about Amex on Feedback in half an hour on R4 grin

GrimmaTheNome Fri 12-Jul-13 16:44:25

Thanks... just caught your post in time to turn on Feedback.

I think if they want people to listen to Amex they should make it an alternate reality where Lizzie wakes up to find Nigel in the shower...

RocknRollNerd Fri 12-Jul-13 18:37:08

Here we go with Episode 4:

Brenda on the phone with Matt exclaiming 'St Petersburg!', Matt wants her out there as his PA so Brenda has to explain that she's quit Amside. Matt brushes it all aside and says it might work out better as she won't need to tell Lillian and can go out and help him.

Brenda gets told to hold as BFFV is at the door after his passport. Flunkski is made to wait outside whilst BFFV explains it's for Matt's visa, they're leaving tonight. They're flying on BFFVs private jet which I'm sorry but I will have to refer to as a private jetski from here on in (the gags sometimes just write themselves!). Matt blusters that flying commercial is such a chore and fools no-one listening.

Finally he clocks that most people can't rustle up a Russian visa with as few hours notice. But BFFV explains that they 'know the right people' and the visa is merely a formality; however he does need the passport now as he is not a 'magician' although I suspect he does know folks who do a nice sideline in persuasion involving hoods, knives, boxes etc! Flunkski is despatched to get the visa and told 'quickly' which is presumably code for 'pay double the bribe we normally do just get the damn visa'. BFFV's people will pack for Matt freeing Matt up to go and drink on the yacht before they leave for the airport.

Matt finishes his call to Brenda and tells her to forget Amside and get to St Petersburg. She should look up Kitroff Holdings to see how wealthy they are and Matt is expected to have a PA so she needs to come over. Brenda dithers as clearly she has lots to keep her in Ambridge at the moment with her lack of romance, cramped living conditions etc and Matt tells her to take some time but not too long.

On the yacht - much drinking of vodka going on. Matt mangles the Russian for cheers and tries to pin BFFV down to the details of what work he will be doing on the St BluePetersburg project. BFFV ducks and dives the questions and there is much tedious stuff where they both refuse to reveal what they earn/how much they want etc. BFFV promises details will be revealed in St P's and then grills Matt as to if he has wife, kids etc.

Exposition gives us that BFFV has a wife and cheeeldren that he meeeses and doesn't see enough. They live in France but MrsBFFV is actually ex-MrsBFFV. More exposition about the mini-BFFVs and how a 'man must be a man' and is a lion with many lionesses in his pride. It's all too tedious to recap but I think we're safe to assume that Brenda is soon going to be in the sights of BFFV. To remind us that this is part of the ongoing TigerLil story - Matt grumbles about how you can't trust people, shouldn't keep them close etc and tells BFFV about his half-brother who tried to take everything and yet Matt still feels guilty and that it was somehow his fault. More drinking and Matt asks about Tatiana and how she'd put lead in your pencil <shudder>; BFFV cracks that Matt's business partner was very beautiful and Matt says she was beautiful but it was all a long time ago and she's not up to much now. They toast leaving the past behind and to the future ahead and their success and I now need a drink as it was just so dull to listen to.

Matt is checking out and is gobsmacked at the size of the bill; he gets the Kitroff discount applied and the bill is still pretty high. Shrillian calls and tells him about Brenda; she's thrown slightly by the fact Matt knows; Shrillian pleads for him to come home and Matt suggests she gets a temp and he's too busy to worry about it.

On the private jetski: Brenda calls - she's sorting out a visa and can fly out but it will be via Copenhagen and Matt needs to cover her hotel there. Brenda flaps about what she needs to take in terms of laptop and clothes - does she need to dress up for 'posh do's'. BFFV is exhorting Matt to drink more and he hustles Brenda off the call.

The 14 mins are up, the jingle jangles play and I wonder why the fuck they needed that long for something that could be summarised as: Matt is going to St P's, BFFV clearly has 'connections' and is being shady about what he wants Matt to do and how much he'll pay him and Brenda is also going to be joining them and apparently it was important we knew she was going via Denmark and would be staying overnight.

JessieMcJessie Fri 12-Jul-13 18:46:31

Fab synopsis, am definitely moving no the " you listen so we'd don't have to" camp. however I came on to post about Feedback, having just Listened Again" to it. That Jeremy bloke was a slime ball with all his fuckwittish " I really don't want to upset Archers listeners because The Archers is SUCH a great show". It 's not a " show", it's a programme or maybe even a serial. Sod off with your americanisms Jeremy. I bet you have barely ever listened to TA and would be hard pressed to tell Jack Woolley from Jack McCreary.

RocknRollNerd Fri 12-Jul-13 19:02:38

Yeah I thought Jeremy had missed his calling as a slimey politician. It was just so dismissive of everyone. On the plus side I did clean the kitchen whilst listening so it wasn't all in vain smile.

I'm worried now, if you're all giving AmEx up and relying on my synopses does that mean R4 will hunt me down and make me stop! grin

GrimmaTheNome Sat 13-Jul-13 00:05:06

Brilliant summary - but not as good as Mike's parting line tonight. Which I now can't remember but along the lines of 'Matt Crawford or Russia would be bad enough but both together...

Oh dear. Poor Brenda's in for a rough time, isn't she?

Yes poor Mike. How old is Brenda? 30? And still causing him sleepless nights.

ppeatfruit Sat 13-Jul-13 08:00:09

Yes that Spokesman Jeremy and the spokeswoman seem IMO too young as you say Jessie I don't reckon either of them 'd know old Dan Archer was any different to young Daniel. They've still got poor old Jack on ice FGS!!!

BoreOfWhabylon Sat 13-Jul-13 09:41:00

Thankyouthankyouthankyou RnRN flowers flowers flowers

Superb recaps - and much more entertaining than listening, I'm sure (although would quite like to hear Tatianoline).

Sooooo... hostage situation, do we think? Oooh - maybe Tom will get to find out (panicked call from Bren) and sell Bridge Farm out from under Pat'n'Moany tomget the ransom, then set off to StPburg to save her? Then he can be captured too, then Hellin will set off to save him, get captured herself and so on and so on until the whole of Ambridge is transplanted to Kazakhstan, or possibly Siberia?

PseudoBadger Sat 13-Jul-13 10:12:59

Lol - cheesequeen goes to rescue Brenda. Doesn't return. No one cares. Perfect.

Somethingyesterday Sat 13-Jul-13 10:23:01

Who needs hostages? They had his passport for several hours - and they have his pin number.....

I will be furious (again) if they let this go - as they did with Paul's family and the non-event funeral.

RnRN Loving your recaps, even though I'm listening. I do hope this isn't taking up too much of your time?

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 14-Jul-13 19:58:37

Lurking as have caught up now
NB I love AmEx blush

Sorry

ppeatfruit Mon 15-Jul-13 12:41:02

I don't mind it olivia it's just a bit annoying having to go away from the 'normal' radio to get it and there does seem a lot of padding in it esp. in this one, I suppose to set the scene for Matt's eventually becoming an inmate in a Russian jail!! (hopefully just Matt not Brenda!).

Somethingyesterday Tue 16-Jul-13 14:24:44

SO need a Russian translator RIGHT NOW!

PseudoBadger Tue 16-Jul-13 20:47:32

Hustle comes to The Archers grin
Is Matt really this naive? Another character being rewritten I think.... Mind you, they always said in Hustle that you can't con an honest guy.

PseudoBadger Tue 16-Jul-13 20:53:16

I'm going to have some fun with Google Translate...

&#1050;&#1072;&#1082;&#1086;&#1077; &#1085;&#1077;&#1074;&#1077;&#1088;&#1086;&#1103;&#1090;&#1085;&#1086;&#1077; &#1087;&#1086;&#1074;&#1086;&#1088;&#1086;&#1090; &#1089;&#1086;&#1073;&#1099;&#1090;&#1080;&#1081;

what an unbelievable turn of events

PseudoBadger Tue 16-Jul-13 20:53:28

Ah bugger

Eastpoint Wed 17-Jul-13 06:18:08

Just listening to Tuesday's episode of Ambex - it's making me cringe...

ppeatfruit Wed 17-Jul-13 08:07:24

What Wha Wha??? I'll listen to yesterday's Ambex will it enlighten me?!!

ppeatfruit Wed 17-Jul-13 13:28:24

Okay psuedo would you VERY VERY kindly translate for those poor souls who don't have the energy to do it pretty pleeeeease (grovel grovel) Thanks in advance thanks

PseudoBadger Wed 17-Jul-13 13:30:58

It was meant to say 'what an unbelievable turn of events' in Russian. But the copy/paste didn't work sad

GrimmaTheNome Wed 17-Jul-13 13:44:29

If someone pastes html codes like that, you can just copy them and paste into Google Translate. I can confirm it says what it should smile

Oddly enough, if you paste into a mn message and hit preview, the preview shows the html codes but the new message box you get to revise it shows the Cyrillic. So if anyone really wants to see what it looks like they can!

ppeatfruit Wed 17-Jul-13 13:55:08

Yes but what did Vitaly say to the man or vice versa who met Brenda when she got lost in the building?????

Eastpoint Wed 17-Jul-13 14:01:45

There must be some Russian speaking Archers fans surely? I've just thought of 2 people who speak Russian but they're both at work now. I wonder if either of them are Ambex fans?

Somethingyesterday Wed 17-Jul-13 14:09:04

I thought I heard "Papa" so assumed Brenda had met Vitaly's father - who was quite interested to find out what his son was up to.... I could be horribly wrong!

ppeatfruit Wed 17-Jul-13 15:40:06

Oh blimey it would be REALLY good to know Russian!!

ppeatfruit Wed 17-Jul-13 15:44:19

They're definitely setting up Matt for an enormous fall aren't they he's so blinded by optimism maybe Brenda (who, even with jet lag, seems to have more commonsense in her little finger than Matt has in his whole daft brain) will save him ? Do we want him saved?

Somethingyesterday Wed 17-Jul-13 21:27:22

Y'know, thinking about it, Matt has suffered enough. Over the last few months they haven't set him up as unforgivably evil, he isn't due for a(nother) crashing fall. I think he might recover his brain in the nick of time and, with Brenda as linchpin, outwit Vitaly, gain the immeasurable support of Vitaly's dad, return to Ambridge in triumph etc, etc.

ppeatfruit Thu 18-Jul-13 13:23:30

No i suppose that's true (it's not as if Lil has been pure as the driven!).But greedy people DO make BIG mistakes in RL too.!

GrimmaTheNome Thu 18-Jul-13 19:59:36

Sending a threatening heavy round to his brother is pretty evil in my book. And the way he was playing Lillian's emotions was sheer mental torture... he's got it coming to him, IMO.

Somethingyesterday Thu 18-Jul-13 20:51:21

I think the "Armageddon" option would have represented evil. It was made very clear by him that Paul was only to be scared. Strangely I didn't feel that mental torture was his primary motivation; he was waiting and waiting for her to volunteer a confession. It's all, perhaps, part of his complicated "ducking and diving" psychological make-up.

I am worried about Brenda
She has gone swanning off with this random to the Hermitage
and he ADMITTED he was stalking her....
AND he is somehow connected to Vitaly too.

How are they not thinking "this is too sodding good to be true?!??"

Somethingyesterday Fri 19-Jul-13 21:08:24

Hey Olivia! Don't worry just yet. On the Beeb site there are still two characters to arrive. They're in London, one of them is something in computers and they're friends of Dmitri (?). (It's not a spoiler!)

So. I'm thinking that there's still room for a last minute dramatic rescue - engineered by brave Brenda.

Nothing bad will happen to her. Narrative-wise she's due a reward, not a punishment.

nennypops Fri 19-Jul-13 21:44:20

Grimma: And the way he was playing Lillian's emotions was sheer mental torture... he's got it coming to him, IMO.

Oh, I dunno, she was getting so bloody irritating my sympathies were definitely with him. I was OK with the storyline at the point when Paul was being evermore creepy and she was beginning to suss him, but when he kicked the bucket and she was constantly glugging all over Jolene I was shouting at the radio "For goodness sake, woman, it's not like you were going to live happily ever after with him!"

ppeatfruit Sat 20-Jul-13 08:27:08

Yes I agree nennypops Is Dmitri Vitaly's Dad something (i've had the dreaded virus so been 'out of it' for a couple of days).

Somethingyesterday Sat 20-Jul-13 09:12:21

ppea Get better soon. smile No, Dmitry is an apparently random charm merchant who picks up Brenda and leads her on a "Roman Holiday" in St Petersburg. But I'm certain he'll be on the side of the angels.

ppeatfruit Sat 20-Jul-13 09:44:54

Thanks something grin I'm going to Listen Again now!

RocknRollNerd Mon 22-Jul-13 20:48:24

Apologies have been on holidays so not podcasting in the car, will listen tomorrow and Weds and post recaps as soon as I can!

Somethingyesterday Tue 23-Jul-13 14:33:45

shockThat was the most excruciating episode in about thirty years... Don't wait. Listen Again.

oooh

PseudoBadger Tue 23-Jul-13 15:55:25

50 Shades of Brenda....

GrimmaTheNome Tue 23-Jul-13 16:32:46

Sounds like I shouldn't listen to it on my work computer! Awaiting RnRNs recap with bated breath... grin

ppeatfruit Tue 23-Jul-13 16:42:07

Bloody 'ell i'll listen as soon as the book critic show has finished!!

ppeatfruit Tue 23-Jul-13 16:49:43

It's called a Good Read very enjoyable!

PseudoBadger Tue 23-Jul-13 16:51:09

I like A Good Read, I always intend to read books mentioned but never do!

ppeatfruit Tue 23-Jul-13 17:34:54

Me too! WELL what about brenda and Dimitri then?still think he's on the side of the angels?? Or has he just kept her away from the diddling of Matt which no one could see coming DUH!!

PseudoBadger

50 Shades of Brenda....

ROAR

Songbird Wed 24-Jul-13 12:27:12

Ooh I did enjoy that! Well done Lillian!! Matt is a prize twat and has been skirting along the side of the law for long enough. Serves him right for being such a ginormous div (I still think the storyline is massively unrealistic though, Matt just wouldn't be that stupid!). Plus his voice is somehow even more grating in Russia.

I hope Dmitri is a goody, Brenda needs a good seeing to bit of romance after the endless lectures on sausages.

mummytime Wed 24-Jul-13 17:12:08

I hope if Dimitri isn't good, Brenda sees it all as some fun and doesn't go all whiney.

Gigondas Wed 24-Jul-13 18:26:49

I hope so too at Brenda deserves some fun after Years of Tom.

Also cant Cope with whining on Amex and with cathy back in archers.

ppeatfruit Wed 24-Jul-13 20:33:53

She's already txting friends in Ambridge that she's in LURRRVE I forecast a great deal of meltdown if when- it goes tits up hmm

Gigondas Thu 25-Jul-13 05:55:05

Indeed which it will. Also want to know what will happen to Matt.

ppeatfruit Thu 25-Jul-13 05:59:48

Yup despite complaining i'm rather enjoying the Russian storyline grin

ppeatfruit Thu 25-Jul-13 06:00:37

Am I very lightweight? grin

Gigondas Thu 25-Jul-13 06:19:53

No I like it too wink

Somethingyesterday Thu 25-Jul-13 14:52:30

Stop press! BBC ditches Ambridge for James Bond /Jason Bourne schocker.

Well that (Thursday) was nothing like The Archers. Great fun though, and a teeny bit harrowing. Much, much better than the previous pathetic attempts at an alternative Ambridge-on-tour. Although as ever it will be wrapped up all too speedily.

So I admit I enjoyed it. But I still don't want TA on 4 Extra.

GrimmaTheNome Thu 25-Jul-13 14:55:26

Oh blimey... unless someone does a proper recap soon I'm going to have to dig out the headphones and listen on the computer which I hate doing...

ppeatfruit Thu 25-Jul-13 15:07:32

Give us a precis something Listen Again is not allowing me to do so. Pretty please....

Gigondas Thu 25-Jul-13 16:56:58

Brenda been holed up in love shack with lover boy dimitri.Meanwhile vitally did a runner with matts cash so Matt found himself checked out with no cash (as Lilian stopped cards) and Brenda AWOL. He then got pissed and arrested.
Brenda lover boy seems to be in league with tatiana (lovely girl from art gallery) who bailed Matt from jail.

Tatiana now trying to help Matt find the missing vitaly with dimitri. They bail Matt and take him to see Brenda

Vitaly dad (who is chairman of the company Matt was trying to deal with) turned up at end to tell Matt and Brenda that vitaly is in jail...

Lilymaid Thu 25-Jul-13 19:14:31

Listened to Archers Extra for first time today. What a mistake - must be one of the worst productions ever put out by the BBC. I shall stick to this thread in future!

ppeatfruit Fri 26-Jul-13 08:41:40

What??? All that in one episode blimey shock Thanks gigondas BUT i did forecast matt would end in a Russian jail grin!!! Shame he's effing got out!!

Gigondas Fri 26-Jul-13 08:42:20

He was only in it for about an hour...

ppeatfruit Fri 26-Jul-13 08:49:40

Not long enough THAT might of made him clean up his murky business ethics, a spell in Russian clink! The English one obviously didn't grin

RocknRollNerd Fri 26-Jul-13 08:52:04

Ok - recaps a gogo, am hoping to get at least one more up today, if not two....

Tuesday 16 July finds the listener agog to see why Copenhagen was so important, unfortunately it seems to be a bit of a delicious dill dressed red herring as we start off with the shock news that Matt is the new Doctor Who...oh wait, no it's just some shitty sound effect designed to convey that they are at the airport in St Petersburg. Brenda has arrived and Matt is meeting her with BFFV's driver.

Brenda is all wide-eyed at the luxury of this but aghast that she now has to go straight to work. Matt wants to create the impression it's just run of the mill business for them, he will do the talking and Bren needs to just stand there and look pretty. Bren is not impressed.

Brenda tries to wheedle info out of Matt about what's going on with Lils; Matt isn't happy that Lil knows he's in Russia and promises to give Lil a call but he has more important things to worry about at the moment.

At the Lubyanka (aka BFFVs offices). Matt innuendos that Bren is familiar with all his affairs. BFFV lowers the lights and starts off the presentation of 'Kensington Gardens' <chortle>. BFFV has 'acquired' the freehold for the land so form your own conclusions there as to how he comes to own it. Based on the sniggering from Matt and Bren it's clearly based on England at Epcot, houses called things like Sandringham and Highgrove and a lovely High Street. They are going to sell the houses off plan as it's nice to get the money up front.

Bren excuses herself to create a plot device and use the loo whilst she's at it. She gets lost on the way back and is shown the way back to the office by an avuncular sounding Russian chap (a bit like if Oliver wereputting on a subtle Slavic accent). Bren says she's meeting Vitaly and the chap reveals he also works there. He shows Bren into the room and then there is much Russian chat between chap and BFFV - the only words I get are 'Matt Crawford' 'Kensignton Gardens' and 'papa' so clearly the avuncular chap is Vladdy! BFFV is once again a bit rattled by having to talk to Vladdy.

Matt and BFFV are off to a sauna to talk business and I now need brain bleach as the scriptwriters feel the need to let us know that they are both naked. Bren is spared this and has been dropped off at the hotel.

Business schmoozy chit chat and BFFV gets to his new proposition 'separate from Kensington Gardens'. BFFV wants Matt to invest in another project - he wants to buy some land outside the city to build an electronics factory, he promises returns of 75% and says it's mutual back scratching, Matt invests in this project and he can work with Matt in the UK (presumably now Iceland is bankrupt and no longer available for laundering of dodgy Russian money). They want to sign the deal this week so Matt will need the money by Thursday, conveniently co-inciding with the next installment.

Matt wakes Bren up back at the hotel and regales her with details of the new deal 'the biggest he's ever done'. Bren is sceptical and shocked to discover Matt has a secret stash of cash - apparently when he was getting divorced from Yvette he hid it off shore (so it wasn't caught by the Fraud Squad) and he can't access it from the UK but he'll be able to get to it from Russia. Lils doesn't know about the money.

Bren comments that he's planning on doing this all without Lillian and observes he's planning on not coming back. Matt says 'looks that way' and the jingle jangles of forshadowing see us out until next time!

Songbird Fri 26-Jul-13 09:39:33

*Round of applause! I think Lil does know about the money though.

ppeatfruit Fri 26-Jul-13 10:35:16

Yes I was going to say that songbird she knows ALL about it because she said they were going to 'share' it shock and it annoyed her that he's using it.

ppeatfruit Fri 26-Jul-13 10:36:19

It'll annoy her even more when she discovers it's been pissed away!!!

Songbird Fri 26-Jul-13 11:14:48

Yes well, he doesn't have any claim to the rest of 'their' money does he? Amside is Lillian's business in name isn't it? She's bugging the hell out of me at the moment but I just find his character utterly repellent and I hope he gets what's coming to him.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 26-Jul-13 11:19:05

Thanks RnR - another work of genius! - but I'm still confused who Dmitri is and where he fits in.

BoreOfWhabylon Fri 26-Jul-13 11:30:25

Yay for RnRN! You must NEVER go away again!

ppeatfruit Fri 26-Jul-13 13:48:38

grimma I'm wondering if Dimitri and Tatiana are undercover police esp. to set up Vitaly (the keeping Brenda away from the scene speaks volumes Poor brenda's been "had" too in more ways than one !!)

ppeatfruit Fri 26-Jul-13 13:49:35

I know I should get out more but it's too hot ATM!!

RocknRollNerd Fri 26-Jul-13 14:02:02

Thursday 18 July - the description on iTunes says: Matt's never gambled like this before and Brenda has a chance encounter...are we all excited?!

Matt is crosspatchy and waiting for Brenda who had apparently been waiting an hour and hardly left the hotel yesterday (yeah I can't work out who was waiting for who either) - good thing she has Ivan the Teddible for company. Matt's a bit agitated as he's got to go and pick up the cash - he wants Bren to be there to witness the deposit later on - the cash comes in a briefcase cuffed to his wrist which is apparently how they do things in Russia.

Bren is shocked at the fist full of roubles set up and unhappy she needs to be at the hotel lobby at lunchtime as this will cramp her Hermitage visiting plans. Matt points out she's not there on holiday and Brenda counters that he still hasn't paid her for her tickets yet...he has the grace not to mention cashflow problems as he hustles out to the bank.

Street noises, Matt is trying to hail a cab and a passerbyski tells him he should book a licensed cab from the hotel. Passerbyski then hails one which he tells Matt is ok. Russian words exchanged between Passerbyski and Not-at-all-an-accomplice-clearly-an-honest-law-abiding-cabbie. Passerbyski arranges for cabbie to wait; Matt tries to tip Passerbyski who declines as he's happy to help.

Bren in a cafe, joined at a table by a convienient passing plot-device. CPP-D is an architect designing hotels. Bren rattles on about how she hasn't seen much and there is so much she wants to see. She flirts that CPP-D has great English, he was educated in the South of England apparently. [CPP-D sounds like Kenton doing a Russian accent btw].

Cabbie comments on bad traffic, Matt gets a call from Shrillian to pass the time and pretends to be surprised that Bren isn't at Amside holding the fort. Shrills bitches and whines, Matt suggests she calls Bren to apologise and suggests people should be treated with respect if you want them to stick around - clearly the clunking analogy scriptwriter is back. CPP-D and Bren beetle off to see one room at the Hermitage with the promise she'll be back by 12.

Matt explains he's doing a deal and when Lil asks what he's using for money he says the offshore funds. Lil goes back to Princess Di mode as the money was for both of them. Matt clunks that he couldn't resist and Lil knows what that's like doesn't she. Matt arrives at the bank whilst Bren and CPP-D recite the Lonely Planet guide to the Hermitage for the benefit of us dear listener. Bren stumbles, CPP-D supports her and tenderly brushes a hair from her cheek.

Back in the cab - the police have pulled them over! Matt is asked for his passport...Much Russian and then a request from the Cabbie to give the policeman Euros...so far so stereotypical.

Tedious flirting between Bren and CPP-D, like the art gallery scene in Montenegro I slightly lost the will to live so no recap.

Back at the hotel, Matt is after Bren, hammering on the door. BFFV is cross and wants to hustle off to the bank. Matt leaves Bren a stroppy voicemail. Bren gets the message and apparently it's not yet 12 and she tells CPP-D she doesn't have to go anywhere - they pootle off for lunch instead - they are eating in 'The Kissing Room' which sounds frightfully unhygenic. We finally learn that CPP-D is called Dimitri but it's too late for me, I've named him!

More flirting, this time based around food comparisons - blech! CPP-D confesses he first saw Bren at BFFV's offices and had come looking for her (so not so much a chance encounter then apparently).

BFFV gives Matt a receipt for the money and tells him to keep it safe. He exhorts him to cheer up as when he returns to 'that beautiful leetle village of yours you weeel be a veery reeech man'.

Jingle, jangle, over and out!

RocknRollNerd Fri 26-Jul-13 16:56:35

Final one for today I suspect: Tuesday 23 July. iTunes tells us: things are getting out of control for Matt whilst Brenda's in seventh heaven. ...maybe Ivan the Teddible takes batteries!

Smooching noises - Brenda and CPP-D (Dimitri) who proceeds to inform her she looks like a little girl in her sleep <shudder>. It's morning somewhere unknown...there are dustsheets downstairs and an amazing staircase. Apparently it belongs to one of the senior partners at CPPD-s work and he wanted someone in the house whilst work was being done. Blah blah, naked CPP-D, amazing views, smoochies and canoodles.

Matt hammering on BFFV's door which is answered by a Russian lady who speaks no English other than 'man go out yes, check out room'.

More amazing house flirting with echoey sound effects so it's a BIG HOUSE! Splashing sounds of Bren in a bath or possibly pool. Tedious supposedly romantic discussions of life...

Matt demanding someone at an office gets BFFV on the phone, the man can't do that so Matt shouts he wants the architect - that's also not possible as there are 24 architects. Man sighs and says he will get Mr Kitroff's assistant (maybe Flunkski is making a return?).

Bren and CPP-D continue canoodling - WE. GET. IT, she's over Tom and sampling Kielbassa instead - enough already.

Flunkski can't be found, Matt isn't going anywhere he needs to speak to him NOW and is getting ranty. Man at desk says ominously 'you're in reasonable shape but middle aged' and Matt is Man-handled out of the office.

Canoodle canoodle

More man-handling

Bren waltzes round the ballroom at the mysterious house and is invited to stay there with CPP-D - he's offering sight seeing, champagne and dancing. She agrees.

Matt back at the hotel, his key card isn't working for his room. A receptionist informs him he's been checked out; the bill is paid and luggage is in the store-room. The bill was paid by Kitroff Holdings over the phone. Good thing Bren has got herself other lodgings as her luggage is there too. Matt decides to pay for his own room and stay a bit longer as he has no-one canoodling him. His first credit card doesn't work and the second one is taking a while......it's also not valid. Matt growls that he needs to make a phone call.

Canoodle canoodle, Bren is sitting on CPP-D's knee whilst he plays piano to an implausibly high standard. She covers his eyes and he can do it blind! He is apparently the most gorgeous man she's ever met.

Matt rings Lils who purrs she thought he might call...she's stopped his cards! Pusscats back! She suggests he can use his offshore money, he's doing a private deal with his money so he's not getting Lillian/Amsides cash. Matt growls Lil's got to get his cards reactivated, she sarcastically suggests she doesn't have to and hangs up. Matt rants don't go, oh god Lillian and the dial tone leads us into the jinglejangles.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 26-Jul-13 17:16:11

<applause>
Another couple of brilliant instalments! thanks

Fantastic! Thank you for this!

heronsfly Fri 26-Jul-13 21:14:40

Thank you, that was great. flowers
must admit I've stopped listening to Amex, your reviews are much more interesting

Thanks RnRN. Good to see Lillian back on form

RocknRollNerd Sat 27-Jul-13 12:57:39

RnRN in up to date shocker!

iTunes teaser: Matt wakes up very uncomfortably and Brenda wakes up in a dream...yes this weeks episode potentially from the top infants class 'and then I woke up and it was all a dream and I was still an underpaid, over-qualified minion with horizons no broader than Felpersham'.

Matt mockneying and sounding rough with someone Russian - oy, I'm alright, nah nah, lemme go etc.

Orchestral sounds...smooching and canoodling Dimitri claiming its a lovely way to wake up. We'll assume his clock radio is tuned to Classic FM and not that they fell asleep in the orchestral pit at the Opera.

Matt hurls abuse at a Russian plod [sic] - he's had enough of Russia and wishes he'd never gone there. The Russians don't speak English but clearly understand it and are not impressed at this sleight. Sirens in the background.

CPP-Dimitri tells Brenda she's making a mistake, she's planning on calling Matt as she feels she'd better check in with him. CPP-D would rather stay in bed. Bren has multiple messages from AngryMatt explaining no Vitaly, no hotel, no credit cards and he's got nowhere to sleep. Bren calls him and gets voicemail. She frets, CPP-D suggests she has a shower and then they go to the hotel.

Whilst Bren showers, CPP-D makes a call - it's to Tatiana! Lots of Russian but Matt's name comes up and Crawford something...

Clanking (chains? keys? red hot pokers?) Matt's in custody and demanding to speak to a lawyer and the Embassy. Plodskis are having nothing of it and try to put him in a cell so Matt slings BFFV's name in thus proving he can be thick anywhere in the world...Sound of punching and Plodskis chuckle and amble off.

Brenda is greeted by a receptionist at the hotel who assumes she is there to collect her luggage. CPP-D asks some questions in Russian, they're told Matt has also been checked out 'a communication problem' and didn't stay there last night. Bren goes to get her case and CPP-D takes a phone call - Tatiana again, Matt's name mentioned but feck knows what they're saying. CPP-D says nyet at one point and then puts on his sunshine voice as Bren comes back. Bren realises something is up and they go to sit down.

CPP-D has news about Matt, CPP-D has a friend who is 'good at this sort of thing' and the good news is they know where Matt is but he's been arrested and he's in prison due to kicking up a fuss when he was taken to the station. He's in prison on the other side of town, it's a pretty awful prison and Matt's friends know he's there and they are organising his release. CPP-D suggests they leave it to these friends and go home.

Matt shouts questions about how long he'll be there, is someone from the Embassy coming. Tatiana appears thereby shocking the Crawfords off Tiger. Tatiana apologises for the unpleasantness he's experiencing in her country and she has papers for his release. All his stuff (including shoe laces) is in an envelope including the bank receipt! He signs and they go out to a waiting car.

Matt recounts his escapade - he got upset with a policeman after the cards were stopped and BFFV disappeared. Tatiana asks if he gave BFFV money and then changes the plan - they're off to see someone who will know exactly where BFFV is. Matt realises this is all just too odd and asks exactly who Tatiana is and why she got him out. Tatiana doesn't answer she's on the phone in Russian.

CPP-D hangs up a phone call and tells Bren Matt is out. Bren comments the friend must be very well connected and they hustle off on a motorbike to see Matt.

A touching reunion takes place at a location unknown, but it does have a huge drinks cabinet apparently, Matt thinks he's met CPP-D before; CPP-D excuses himself so Matt and Bren can catch up.

Vladdy arrives! Matt has no idea who he is - he introduces himself as MD of Kitroff Holdings and Chairman. Vitaly was also arrested and is also 'sadly in prison as we speak'.

Jingle jangle huh?!

trincomalee Sun 28-Jul-13 19:56:09

Thanks for the updates, RnR. Do you know how many more of the current batch you're going to have to sit through on our behalf are planned?

CuttedUpPear Tue 30-Jul-13 00:10:11

Thanks...bloody mystifying

There can't be that many - think theres 8/10 to a series iirc

TeaandCake Tue 30-Jul-13 22:49:52

Thanks for this thread! So much better than AMEX first hand!

PseudoBadger Tue 30-Jul-13 22:51:54

Why has no one explained to the incredibly sophisticated Dimitri and Tatiana HOW RUDE it is to speak in your own language in front of a guest....

GrendelsMum Thu 01-Aug-13 16:59:20

TBF, Dimitri does say to Tatiana 'we should speak English' (in Russian) at one point and then they switch language. The rest of the time they're probably plotting sinister things that my Russian isn't up to date enough to understand.

I'm not sure the Russian plods were actually plods - I didn't get everything they were saying but the hustling Matt off sounded a bit speedy and well organised.

PseudoBadger Thu 01-Aug-13 17:05:16

Well after today's episode I'm back to being suspicious. Poor Brenda.

Somethingyesterday Thu 01-Aug-13 17:17:41

Yeah - it's not looking good. Are the pseudo siblings the uber-villains?

But Matt has his mojo back... All will be well with the world.

PseudoBadger Thu 01-Aug-13 17:25:45

I predict that Matt will turn up to confront his fraudster and it will be.... Dimitri. Or is that too ridiculous?

GrendelsMum Thu 01-Aug-13 17:37:57

And what is the mystery of the diamond in the box in the drawer in Dmitri's borrowed flat?

GrendelsMum Thu 01-Aug-13 17:38:12

Still, at least she's had a lot of great sex.

PseudoBadger Thu 01-Aug-13 17:45:48

And she's learnt to play chopsticks

GrendelsMum Thu 01-Aug-13 17:51:18

And tried on a mink coat.

PseudoBadger Thu 01-Aug-13 17:52:50

Was it wild mink? No it was livid.....

chopsticks???

RocknRollNerd Sun 04-Aug-13 20:17:29

iTunes teaser: Matt's hopes are shattered, and Brenda begins to wonder.

Yes even on AmEx there is no escaping Emeli Sande!

Brenda smooching at Dimitri if he has to go, he does but she's not making it easy. Tatyana (who looks like a model) appears - more Russian. She apparently loves to shop and has a nice suit on.

Vladdy asks if Meester Crawford is enjoying his breakfast. Matt skips social niceties and wants to know if BFFV is still in jail. The news is not good, Vladdy contacted the bank where the money was deposited and 'eets not there' - it was withdrawn the day it was deposited...or possibly the day after, I can't be arsed to skip back and I don't think the timeline will be crucial. Vladdy has a statement showing the money was withdrawn and the account is now closed. Matt reckons that's not possible as he has a receipt. Vladdy checks the receipt, it is a bank receipt but not for cash...for office supplies! Vladdy explains that things in Russia aren't always regulated, things can go wrong and sometimes you just have to walk away.

Tatyana has heard lots about Brenda but Brenda's heard nothing about her. Tatyana asks if Dimitri's played Bren a Rachmaninov concerto, apparently he only does it when he's very smitten. Dimitri (who is off getting more drinks) should take her to the Cat Club, Bren points out they've already been, apparently Dimiti and Tatyana used to go all the time.

XBFFVitaly comes back to wherever Vladdy and Matt are breakfasting, he stinks and looks a mess according to Vladdy (whose real name is Leonid we have learned). XBFFV is clearly rattled - he had to move the money at short notice to seal the deal. Matt shouts, sounds of fighting, it appears XBBFV has come off worst, Vladdy isn't bothered he has wanted to do the same himself for some time.

Dimitri is arranging for Tatyana to take Brenda shopping. Brenda snarks at how close Dimitri and Tatyana seem. Tatyana says they haven't always and then asks Brenda if she gets on with her brothers and sisters. The roubles begin to drop for Bren.

A bad man took XBFFV to his hotel room and forced him to give him the money it seems, XBFFV says they have to write the deal off, they threatened him and they can't stand in their way.

Shopping scenes. Tatyana is trying on a chincilla jacket and it makes her look like Beyonce! Brenda snarks about fur, Tatyana reasonably points out that she's clearly never lived in a cold country. Brenda tries on a farmed mink coat (which apparently is ok), she loves it!

Vladdy is ranting at XBFFV, he's cross at him getting involved with such people and Vladdy has done so much for him. XBFFV whinges that this was HIS deal and he wanted to do something without Vladdy's contacts. Vladdy basically washes his hands of it and leaves XBFFV to Matt...Matt now awash with 20:20 hindsight observes he should have gone into business with Vladdy instead... XBFFV continues putting 5 year olds the world over to shame by saying Vladdy wouldn't be interested in Matt with his small amounts of money. Vladdy chunters that XBFFV should listen instead of speak, he acts when he should think.

Back at the lovenest - Tatyana and Bren are now big mates. Tatyana excuses herself and then talks Russian to Dimitri. Once she's gone Dimitri produces champagne to celebrate Bren staying 'in the motherland' rather than going to boring old Ambridge. Bren points out that she's not yet decided. Dimitri asks her to fetch a tea-towel as he was carrying the champagne on a plot device bike and it might explode. Bren opens a drawer and finds...a diamond! Dimitri tells her to put it away back in the box. He thinks it must belong to the owner of the lovenest.

Vladdy is explaining to 'dear Matt' that he doesn't seem to understand. Putting it plainly, what happened to XBFFV was a warning and Matt should not try to get it back. Matt says he can't go back without the money, Vladdy counsels that this is a bad idea and he's booked Matt a flight home. Matt should take the loss and take the flight.

Even the jingle jangles seem a little sombre...

RocknRollNerd Mon 05-Aug-13 20:27:02

Thursday 1 August: iTunes teaser: Matt's on the way back home, and Brenda wonders if Dimitry is all he seems.

RnRN: feck I've been spelling Dimitry wrong all this time...transliteration can be such a bugger! Presumably Matt has to slum it on a standard plane and not the private jetski this time.

Sounds of zipping - could be Bren getting smoochy could be Matt packing... 'tis Matt, Bren phones him and he's decided he's going home to Ambridge, he asks to meet Bren to say goodbye. Awww.

XBFFV knocks on Matt's door, Matt is snippy with him and XBFFV is grateful Matt is not 'persecuting' [sic] him. To show his gratitude he is going to take Matt to the airport. Vladdy is busy on site somewhere.

Dimitry asks Bren to stay with him for the whole Summer, he slags Ambridge and her provincial little life off and is offering a trip to his parents place in Georgia (does he not have a place of his own). He doesn't want her to go and can't let her go. Matt arrives to say dosvadanya, Bren tells him she's staying with Dimitri. Matt wants to go try his new bankcard which Lillian has apparently sent through, Matt is feeling humiliated and licking his wounds (not a metaphor we hope) he's been played and wanted to go back to Lil with his head held high. He goes a bit paternal on Bren about if she's sure about Dimitri, are those great clanking bells of irony we can hear in the background...Matt confirms it by saying she's a better judge of character than he is so I think we can safely say Dimitri is going to end up not being all Bren thinks he is. The cash machine comes through and there is much relief from Matt.

Matt mockneys that he's angry and the last time he felt like this, the outcome weren't good, they had an 'eart attack but maybe in some indirect way, he...you know... Bren tells him to stop it and delivers a prissy little lecture about how it will all be alright and people have to change. Bren has to go, she has an appointment and XBFFV arrives with the car. Matt's parting shot is asking Bren to look after herself as he doesn't want Mike coming after him with a pitchfork.

Tatyana russianing, possibly on the phone....Bren enters, apparently when she told the office staff she was a friend of Tatyana they practically rolled out the red carpet. Tatyana suggests they talk in the boss' office as the phone keeps ringing. The office is palatial but the boss isn't there 'he's on site today' and apparently in construction....

Bren wants to talk to Tatyana about her job, Dimitry couldn't explain what she does very well and Bren is interested and looking for new openings. Tatyana is a kind of personal assistant and has a lot of travel and responsibility, the job needs discretion. Bren has realised she's stuck in a rut and then asks about Dimitry and how different he and Tatyana are. Bren mentions the Georgia plan and how she doesn't know how Dimitry will get the time off from 'Usdek'. Tatyana sounds confused at this name, so Bren helpfully clarifies it's where he works. Tatyana suddenly remembers that of course he works there. Bren's spidey sense tingles a bit and she comments on given how close they are Tatyana can be a bit vague about her brother sometimes. Tatyana makes excuses and Bren departs. Tatyana russians on the phone to someone about Brrreeeendaaaa.

In the car to the airport. XBFFV is recounting when the big boys came and took the money, they counted the money and gave him a contract to sign. Matt flips out and starts shouting that XBFFV has the contract on him. The scuffle slightly which is a bit hairy as XBFFV is seemingly cut off from Flunkski and is driving them himself.

Bren is at an office and asking a receptionist to contact Dimitri 'he's one of their junior architects'. He's not, both the junior architects (presumably at Usdek) are women.

Matt has calmed down and is looking at the contract (presumably in Cyrillic) he admits XBFFV is right and it won't help him get his money back. He asks about the guy whose name is at the bottom Nikolai Babari - he's the guy who XBFFV reminds Matt has disappeared, he says Matt is doing the safest thing. They arrive at the airport and there is a brief, not-at-all-touching farewell with Matt refusing to shake XBFFV's hand. The car drives off and Matt immediately hails a taxi to St Petersburg...because hailing a cab worked so well for him last time in Russia....

The jingle jangles drown out the sound of the listeners shouting 'you idiot Matt' and realising this is how they are going to stretch it out over even more episodes...

BoreOfWhabylon Mon 05-Aug-13 21:01:33

Thank you once again, RnRN Confess am a bit baffled by tortuous plotline - perhaps a Venn Diagram would help? Thank god I don't have to listen to it all!

Am thinking that the brother and sister are not really siblings at all. And when will Ambridge book a charabanc to head off to rescue Bren and Matt?

RocknRollNerd Mon 05-Aug-13 21:35:01

grin at the Venn diagram suggestion (and also at Pseudo's joke). I can barely keep up with AmEx never mind dusting off set theory.

In a nutshell who/what we know:

XBFFVitaly - hopeless, may or may not have contractually screwed Matt over, or perhaps he just gave in to threats of armed violence.

Vladdy - I suspect Tatyana's boss, despairs of XBBFV and seemed to be terribly concerned for Matt but not enough to make good his losses. If he is Tatyana's boss then business is clearly booming.

Tatyana - mysterious job, possibly just a PA but I suspect much more than that. Also travels abroad (at the same time XBFFV does) seemingly to acquire artwork for her boss.

Dimitry - purported kid brother of Tatyana. Does not work at Usdek, may or may not even be an architect but is presumably genuinely good at piano playing. Possibly homeless given his propensity for staying in other people's places.

Owner of flat Dimitry is staying in keeps diamonds in the kitchen drawers.

Our intrepid Ambridge heroes: Matt - plotting revenge and heading back to St Petersburg to get his money back from Nikoloai-the-contract-signer ('contract' possibly in a Mafia sense?). Bren - finally seeing life beyond Ambridge and considering spending the Summer shagging Dimitry.

Panzee Tue 06-Aug-13 14:56:04

Last week's Amex omnibus landed on my iPod so I thought I'd give it a go. I quite enjoyed it. I think it was because Matt was in it, I like Matt. And I was hopeful that Brenda might disappear into the Baltic. But I didn't really follow what was going on, although it sounded rather jolly and faster paced than Archers Classic.

Somethingyesterday Tue 06-Aug-13 15:32:46

......faster paced?

Not sure about that. It's more superficial. They have thankfully improved it since the dreadful "en route to Edinburgh" ages. But today was disappointing. One shocking moment (poor Matt) but then the rest was just time filling - nothing actually happened. And if Brenda started a thread about a new boyfriend whose background was a mystery and who never ever wanted to get involved with her life or friends, people would be saying LTB.

RnRN - you have been doing sterling work. Are you longing for it all to be over? I had assumed that the next episode would be the last - but there are still two characters who have yet to appear!

Lomaamina Wed 07-Aug-13 21:24:55

Ingenious summaries RnRn! I only just discovered this thread and I've been listening avidly, understanding around 60% due to the long segues into Russian, but your recaps are great fun, although sadly I still cannot fathom what the relationship between Tatiana, Dimitri and the baddies is likely to be.

Is anyone else wondering if the Russian ambassador has been doorstepping BBC Radio 4 demanding that they set the record straight about their magnificent country, given that Ambridge Extra is depicting it as full of mafioso, corruption, doing-down-the-peasants-but-what-else-is-new-in-Russian-history and general lack of taste (other than the OTT tourist board tour of St Pete we got at the start)?

mummytime Thu 08-Aug-13 10:35:24

On the Archers website it lists the latest ArchersExtra as 11 of 20!

Somethingyesterday Thu 08-Aug-13 11:13:18

mummytime Oh good lord! I've just noticed that. Twenty episodes. Are they serious? I've already had more than enough.

This really begins to look as if TA is being completely shunted over to 4 Extra.

20 episodes? <wrinkles nose>
Brenda calling Dmitri "Deema" is really getting on my nerves now

Panzee Thu 08-Aug-13 17:33:14

20 episodes? Oh I've lost interest now. I was really hoping that would be it. Matt goes home, Brenda disappears. Weird music. Back to Radio 4, all's well with the world. Please?

RocknRollNerd Fri 09-Aug-13 06:18:34

20 episodes shock

By my reckoning then we've got this week (recaps over the weekend if not today hopefully) and then 2 more weeks of this and then we'll have 2 weeks of shit 'filler' late Summer holiday bollocks with Jamie and Daniel in America, a bit like that trip to Scotland one.

Olivia - can I have the gin you're not drinking please, think I'll need it!

...and yes the 'Deema' is irritating me (hence refusing to acknowledge it in the recaps!).

RocknRollNerd Fri 09-Aug-13 16:33:26

Tuesday 6 August - iTunes reveals feck all - Matt's still in St Petersburg and Lillian's getting worried....so presumably we're in for lots of 'on the phone' microphone effects.

And sure enough! Tiger on the phone to Pusscat thanking her for sorting the cards out. Puss is checking he's ok as its his birthday tomorrow, she's worried about him. He blusters that the deal is going well, Lil is back on Princess Di mode and then Matt tries to hustle her off as he's got to meet Bren. Lil switches from PD to Shrillian mode and berates him about swanning about and a high old time and Matt says it's not Bren's fault. Lil switches back to PD mode about how she supposes she has to trust him, Matt passive-agressives back that it's not much to ask. Matt rants, hangs up and bursts into tears!

Dimitri is not happy Matt has come back, Bren realises he's not telling her something. He explains the girl at the company must have got confused, maybe a language problem, of course he works there. Bren of course believes him because let's face it we've got to stretch this out over another few weeks. Deeeema is still worrying about keeping Brenda safe as Matt/XBFV are involved with dangerous people. He will give Matt the info and then they walk away. Bren is not to get involved, thus proving her magnetism to control freaks holds good outside of Borsetshire.

Dimitri and Matt are frosty with each other but apparently Dimitri has an address for the guy (Nikolai Babari) that XBFFV gave the money to. Matt is gob-smacked as to how he managed it. Nikolai-the-bad-guy is at an office not far from where they are. Dimitri tells Matt he must be careful and goes off to buy drinks. Bren asks Matt to show Dimitri the contract but Matt's having none of it, presumably hanging on for a passing unicorn to translate it. Matt is off to check this lead out; Bren frets that Dimitri took some pursuading to hand over the address and Matt goes off exhorted by Dimitri to get out of there quickly.

Bren suggests they follow him, Dimitri is not happy.

Matt is knocking on a door, and seemingly knocking things over. A scared sounding Slavic lady asks who he is, what's going on. Matt asks if she works there and if they've been burgled. Slavic lady says she just tidies and starts shouting in Russian. Matt asks who trashed the computers. Scared Russian shouting including the words Nikolai. Matt explains he's an English business man working with Vitaly Kitroff, he shows her the contract. The lady is very teary and tells him he must leave. Matt threatens to call the police, the lady says the last time she saw him he was going to the site where the factory will be built but this really is all she knows.

Bren and Dimitri meet Matt as he comes out of the office, he recounts what he learned and Matt is off to the factory site which is about an hour and a half away. Bren pleads with Dimitri that they need to go with him. Dimitri relents and takes them all in his car.

Wherever they are is bleak, Bren can't believe people live there. Bren is to stay in the car with the doors locked while Matt does the 'shouting English loudly thing' to random passers-by to find Nikolai. A passing old chap (who Dimitri says is on drugs) is interrogated by Dimitri, the druggie is also a farmer, but people burned down his barn. The police do nothing and intimidate the villagers. The land is worth a fortune but the people's lives are not and it's easier to scare them. The farmer is 76 and unhappy at foreigners buying the land up. Matt and Bren explain they aren't that sort of foreigner and they're trying to help him.

The farmer says Stalin would have dealt with this, he looked after the people but now nobody cares. Bren spots a black 4x4 and Dimitri suggests they get back to the car quickly. Matt blusters that they're not finished and Dimitri says they are 'eets time to leave'.

Jingle jangle, da da daaaaaaah

RocknRollNerd Fri 09-Aug-13 17:00:19

Thursday 8 August - iTunes: Matt takes a step too far and Brenda's seriously frightened. As opposed to the amusingly frightened?

Previously on From Russia with Thugs our intrepid heroes plus Dimitri man of no fixed abode or discernible source of income were dashing back to the car as a black 4x4 loomed on the horizon in some bleak but valuable part of Russia 90 mins outside of St Petersburg....place your bets as to when and where the action picks up....

Sounds of a bar, Bren is wishing Matt Happy Birthday, she's bought him a cigar. It must be Wednesday. Matt still wants to go after Nikolai-the-baddie but Bren isn't happy. At least she wants Dimitri to see the contract before he does anything else. As if by magic or just the miracle of scriptwriting Dimitri appears having been buying more drinks [how does he fund them?]. Matt agrees to show him the contract but not in the bar, in his room.

The TV is on, Matt doesn't recall leaving it on. Clearly he's been having to grill his own sausage as Bren catches sight of the screen and goes 'ewww'. Matt is outraged, he doesn't watch this stuff, he really doesn't. Bren is unflapped and says it's ok, he doesn't have to explain and I'm curiously side-tracked wondering if there is a file in the sound engineer's archive labelled 'Eastern European Porn' or do they just download some and rip their own soundfile. Matt is obsessed with pointing out he hadn't left the telly on. He says it must be the cleaner Dimitri points out why would a cleaner be watching porn.

There is a knock at the door. No-one is expected, Dimitri advises checking the peephole, there's no-one there, just a bottle of champagne with a note saying 'Happy Birthday'. Dimitri queries if the note is in English, clearly he also feels AmEx is dragging on so long that Matt has had enough time to learn Russian and read Cyrillic. He gets cross and insists Matt shuts the door. Dimitri says he doesn't know who it's from but they want them to know they're watching them. Nobody has a better explanation and Bren decides she feels sick. Dimitri says it's a warning to stop looking for Nikolai-the-baddie. Bren asks what they're going to do and Dimitri tells her she's getting on a plane straight back to England.

Piano music, they're back at the posh-squat. Bren is packed and starts to cry. She doesn't want to go but she's terrified as well. She had been having such a wonderful time with Deeema she never imagined it could be so ugly. Deeema promises to visit, presumably when he's short of a place to stay.

Matt calls Bren, he thanks her for sticking by him. Bren gets him to promise he won't do anything stupid and he asks her not to mention any of it to Lillian. Bren isn't happy and Dimitri gets the phone off him and tells him not to do anything until Dimitri gets back - Matt is NOT to go back to the office and is to stay at the hotel until he gets back. Bren panics that she can't go back to Ambridge, what if she lies to Lil and something happens to Matt.

...which is highly likely as he's back at the office, menacing the cleaner/secretary. He wants to know about her boss. She tells him everything in the office has gone and so has Nikolai.

At the airport Dimitri is arranging for Bren to stay with Zak who is a great guy and has a beautiful flat in Malmo where Bren can stay as long as she wants and there's no chance of her running into Lilian...although with the current plot lines pretty much anything seems to be possible. The smooch a bit and Bren leaves. Once she's gone Nikolai says 'dosvadanya, until we meet again Brenda Tucker'.

Matt is still menacing the cleaning secretary they're on the tram. He can't stop until he gets his money back. Nikolai has gone to the south and disappeared. Matt wants to know who told her to close the office but she can't say as 'then they'll know'. Matt demands to know who, he has to know, it's his life and he has to get his money back. Cleaning sec. is scared and Matt asks her to give him anything, she has something but Matt must promise never to see her again.

It's something Nikolai-the-baddie left in the offfice, she took it to give back to him but N-t-b never came back, it's the only thing not destroyed. She gives it to Matt and she makes it clear he must now bugger off.

Matt shows Dimitri what he got, it's N-t-b's phone. Dimitri is really scared/cross and hustles Matt inside somewhere echoey (later revealed to be a toilet). Dimitri is really cross and wants the phone. They need to get rid of it and certainly not turn it on (the battery is flat). Dimitri loses his rag and is seems to be waterboarding Matt who gives him the phone. Dimitri wants to know what Matt was going to show them earlier on when they were in his room but Matt's not playing. Dimitri realises that now he doesn't have to be nice to Matt as Brenda's not around tells Matt that he's on his own but he's warning him, he'd better watch his back.

Don't you think that the jingle jangles would make great music for Cossack dancers?

Dosvadanya until next week comrades!

RocknRollNerd Fri 09-Aug-13 17:03:18

Gah! Sorry for all the typos. Hopefully you get the gist...

Also if any AmEx scriptwriters are reading, please give the characters names, or at least some characteristic I can make a bad joke about...would it have killed you to give me something better to work with than Cleaning Secretary!

BoreOfWhabylon Sat 10-Aug-13 01:00:19

Superb, as always, RnRN

Have a well-deserved wine

Thanks RnR . Saved me the pain again!

Somethingyesterday Tue 13-Aug-13 15:15:04

Dreadful. An absolute masterclass in stringing things out. One hazy piece of info per episode now. This is far too long.

Somethingyesterday Tue 13-Aug-13 15:16:24

Oh! I meant the broadcasts. Not the excellent summaries here! smile

PseudoBadger Fri 16-Aug-13 09:17:34

Ok so this guy who Matt has met in London must be the Russian guy right? I foresee Brenda and/or Lillian being kidnapped or in some form of mortal peril...

ooh do you think? Robin someone?
V smooth in the city
I cannot BELIEVE how naive Matt is being about all of this...
He's bin inside ffs

Gigondas Sat 17-Aug-13 13:16:51

He seems to have forgotten all that olivia. Lilian also seems to have amnesia after all their relationship angst (not that I am sorry that we don't relive the mewing when Paul died).

Somethingyesterday Thu 22-Aug-13 14:26:40

Listening to Thursday. This looks evil. I think they may be actually using the fact that poor Bren and Matt can't speak Russian.... Evil....

MrsCampbellBlack Thu 22-Aug-13 14:34:49

Brenlove - sancerre is generally served cold, you don't have to request that wink

And now her and fagash are besties - honestly, have they got the summer interns writing these episodes? Although I suspect fagash will be the one who figures it all out and saves the day.

ictiam Mon 26-Aug-13 11:50:34

Have really enjoyed these synopses. Thanks RocknRollNerd!

RocknRollNerd Wed 04-Sep-13 12:48:48

Sorry for radio silence (pun intended), have been away with work, then on holiday...am back now but have a massive backlog of podcasts - do you still want updates as and when I get around to it or has the moment passed grin.

ictiam Wed 04-Sep-13 13:18:17

Oh please do them when/if you have time....have missed your brilliant summaries.

mummytime Wed 04-Sep-13 13:21:03

Yes please!

WatermelonSugar Wed 04-Sep-13 13:26:37

Hey RnR good to see you back!

Yes please to further updates - I'm sure I speak as one of the many who would love to know what happens but would also love to not have to listen to the whole bloody thing.

And when you've finished this, perhaps you could summarise episodes 1-244 of The Bugle?

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 04-Sep-13 22:23:00

I am V excited about the concluding part tmw.
<must get out>

Eastpoint Thu 05-Sep-13 06:07:26

Do you think Lilian is going to save the day so she & Matt can come back to Ambridge in triumph? Poor Brenda it seems as if she is going to come back working for Amside, maybe in a better position. Brenda being swept off by a mini oligarch would have been wonderful, helicoptering up to Ambridge, having drivers in Maybachs hovering outside the Bull (I know Dima isn't like that but I'm projecting).

Somethingyesterday Thu 05-Sep-13 07:06:18

I'm just hoping all three come back alive.....

JessieMcJessie Fri 06-Sep-13 07:01:10

"it's over, it's over at last" said Matt. Amen to that.

Eastpoint Fri 06-Sep-13 09:16:38

I wish Dima had given Brenda the diamond anyway

Somethingyesterday Fri 06-Sep-13 10:18:32

confused

But I thought he did?

OldBeanbagz Fri 06-Sep-13 12:37:29

I thought he did too confused

So who's going to have the next AmEx then? I'm betting Daniel or Pip.

Eastpoint Fri 06-Sep-13 20:14:27

Maybe I misunderstood. I listen to podcasts to help me go back to sleep. they block out dh's snoring

Somethingyesterday Sat 07-Sep-13 01:19:54

I think she kept it... Actually I'm already making plans for what she might do with the £££££ when she sells the thing.

A mega-sausage business would work well....

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 07-Sep-13 16:29:12

Oh such an anticlimax
sad

CarolineKnappShappey Mon 09-Sep-13 16:08:07

What happened??!!!!!

RocknRollNerd Mon 11-Nov-13 15:41:57

Gah - did more work travel, caught up on pod-casts then lost them all during a clear out on the computer!

Off the top of my head in case anyone cares/doesn't know how it ended the key bits of the last few episodes were:

- Matt comes back to the UK, Bren also comes back to the UK
- Bren discovers Dimitry is massively rich - Tatyana and Zak both work for Dimitry.
- Matt hooks up with a not-at-all-dodgy and very posh lawyer who offers to take a look at the contract Matt found on Nikolai's phone. Tatyana also has taken a copy of the contract and is working on it. Matt throws his lot in with not-at-all-dodgy lawyer rather than Tatyana.
- Bren has a crisis about can she truly love somebody so rich - FFS!
- Lils comes to London, Matt is worried about gangsters so tries to protect her, Lils gets the wrong end of the stick after yet more mysterious teddybears in hotel room menacing threats and strops off, then strops back
- it is revealed that dodgy-lawyer is truly dodgy and working for Vladdy, somewhere along the line a plot is hatched to kill Matt at a grouse shooting weekend. Meantime Lils goes all Mata Hari to try to sort it out and tries to seduce Vladdy, Matt realises finally what's happening and Tatyana deus-ex-machinas a flight from the grouse shoot to Vladdy's house of doom where somewhere along the line the day is saved.
- in the complicated 'leaning up against the fireplace recapping the plot twists and turns' it boils down to Vladdy=Baddy, Matt=idiot, Dimitry=good guy trying to buy up companies which would otherwise oppress people etc and the day is saved.
- Bren decides she can't live a life of riches and luxury and dumps Dimitry
- the only bit worth listening to in all of this was the glorious episode where Lil decides that Matt is shagging Tatyana and refers to her throughout in her fag-ash drawl as 'Tarty arna'.

And I hereby promise to never get as far behind in recapping again!

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