Anyone else want to reach into their radio and slap Tom Archer?

(67 Posts)
OliviaPeacein2013Mumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 14-Jan-13 19:10:24

It can't just be me?!?

GrendelsMum Mon 14-Jan-13 19:38:24

No, I love Tom, and how incredibly sausage / ready meal obsessed he is. My DH is just like Tom and from time to time I turn the radio up and say 'That's you, that is. That's you and your precious sausage business'. When I want to insult his company, I refer to it as the sausage business.

I just wish my DH had someone like Jazzer to tell him it like it is, i.e. sausages are dull and no-one else cares.

katieskids Mon 14-Jan-13 21:29:21

Slap Tom!! I'm just so relieved to hear from the old characters who have been in scriptwriters wilderness grin
Hellin, Pat, Tony, Henry, Usha - welcome back!

HumphreyCobbler Mon 14-Jan-13 21:34:29

It isn't just you

But I hate Will Grundy even more

WhatSheSaid Mon 14-Jan-13 21:40:41

I always want to reach into the radio and slap Tom Archer. And I can't say I'm thrilled that Helen's back.

I'm sure Lillian is going to be discovered soon. All this "Paul, I love you...Matt you're being so thoughtful...Paul I love you" stuff is getting a bit repetitive. Though I'm looking forward to the huge row when Matt finds out.

And why does she have to drive James to his appointment? Do they not have taxis in London? confused

sittinginthesun Mon 14-Jan-13 21:41:53

I'm with you, Olivia.

bigbadbarry Mon 14-Jan-13 21:41:55

YANBU I hate Tom and have not a clue why Brenda is with him.

Ponders Mon 14-Jan-13 21:46:26

Brenda has been so sane & human lately (re Tony/Pat, & Vickoi's baby) she must be going to dump the sausage king soon


LadyBigtoes Mon 14-Jan-13 21:47:19

Yes yes!! Urge, apart from his endless sausage drivel and non-personality, I can't stand the way he says "sandwiches" angry it's like this: "sand-wit-juz" Aaaaaaaaarrgghhh!

LadyBigtoes Mon 14-Jan-13 21:47:55

Urge? That was Urgh - bastard iPad

LadyBigtoes Mon 14-Jan-13 21:50:14

And pat and tony actually seem ok - at least as archers characters go - its a mystery how they have managed to spawn such humourless twunts.

TheFallenNinja Mon 14-Jan-13 22:08:53

Your not alone.

kittyandthegoldenfontanelles Wed 16-Jan-13 01:00:34

Yes plwase. I can't stand the way he talks. What's wrong with him?

R4 Wed 16-Jan-13 13:08:18

Pat and Tony are holier-than-thou, moaning, martyrish eco-warriors so I can understand how thay produced equally up-their-own-backsides humourless twunts.

I really wish that someone would do a proper analysis of the farm, the dairy processing, the organic shop, the pig business, the Tom Archer Food Empirehmm, etc and actually work out which bit is profitable. There is so much cross-subsidy going on that I bet no-one knows. There really ought to be more family squabbles going on about one sector 'carrying' another, like the other farms do in TA.
I can't believe that there is enough profit to support Pat, Tony, Tom, Helen and Henry, especially with Tony being off sick for so long.

LadyBigtoes Wed 16-Jan-13 13:11:08

I agree Pat and Tony are not that nice, but no one on the Archers is likeable at all - except possibly Usha. In the general scheme of things they are saints.

heronsfly Wed 16-Jan-13 13:13:06

I think Brenda is about to dump Tom too, either that, or she has accidently got pregnant, Im sure she refused a drink some time over Christmas.
I prefer option one though, cant stand Tom .

TheOriginalSteamingNit Wed 16-Jan-13 13:16:11

Oh, if Brenda were pregnant with a 'perfect' baby who was within 9 months of Vicky's, that would be interesting.

Thoughtful Matt is not very convincing, is he?

HarlotOTara Wed 16-Jan-13 13:17:03

Slap him - I would kill him, I fast forward when he is on the little snit - absolutely can't stand him or Hellin or Pat, wish they would all bugger off - Archers is better without them. Actually The Archers would be better if all the characters weren't in it. Love it tho'!

TheOriginalSteamingNit Wed 16-Jan-13 13:19:07

I think Linda Snell is one of the better eggs on it, and I hate the way they are all bitchy and rolly-eyed about her. She is actually always rather kind, as far as I can see!

Graceparkhill Wed 16-Jan-13 13:21:10

Tom and Helen are a dreadful twosome . If I were Pat and Tony I would disinherit the pair in favour of Rich.

GrendelsMum Wed 16-Jan-13 15:41:53

My DH would like to challenge you all on your unpleasant attitudes towards Tom. He has asked me to post "What's wrong with Tom? At least he does some work and has some ambition. Not like Helen, or Kirsty, or Jennifer, or Adam, or any of the rest of them."

R4 Wed 16-Jan-13 17:58:25

At least he does some work and has some ambition.

Which version of TA is your DH listening to!? grin
Tom likes to skive off work delegate the gruntwork as soon as he can to leave himself free for greater things eg Vision and Strategic Planning for, erm, a burgervan.

Colliewollydoodle Wed 16-Jan-13 18:06:37

Bring back Tom Forest! grin

GrendelsMum Wed 16-Jan-13 20:04:57

Oh dear, LOL at 'Planning for, erm, a burgervan'. It's a burger van in John's memory, you know?

I shall pass your thoughts back to DH.

R4 Wed 16-Jan-13 23:26:53

It should be named The John Goldenboy Archer Memorial Van.

Tom was doing his best CEO impression today when he was explaining to Tony that the most efficient use of manpower was for any old idiot to do the milking because it only needed some random drudge, which would leave Tom free to do the Important Things that only cleverclogs Tom could do. It seems to have slipped his mind that it was only yesterday that he was trying to persuade Tony to do the milking ...

On another matter: does anyone else think that Brenda has gone broody? She will decide to have a baby with the Sausage King and then in ten years time think "How did I get here? Why am I shackled to this twerp? What happened to my life?"

Whiteshoes Thu 17-Jan-13 00:05:35

I salute you R4. I wish the Neil/Ruth farming troubleshooters would sit down at the bloody Bridge Farm computer with its amazing Tom-installed software and explain to us how the hell any of it makes sense.

How do the kids get their money for example? Does Helen own the shop and negotiate prices for those bloody leeks with St Pat and Tony? Or do they pay her salary, and did she take a pay cut as a result of poo-gate? Bah. it all sounds so ropey and small time. Can't believe they all survive on that and the magic sausages.

bigbadbarry Thu 17-Jan-13 13:37:58

I'm a couple of weeks behind but I thought it was Tom who was broody and Brenda not quite yet downtrodden enough to have a baby with that idiot not ready yet?

superfluouscurves Thu 17-Jan-13 16:38:45

It's the way he talks ... like reading from a script ... oh......hang on a moment [hmmm]

ArtexMonkey Thu 17-Jan-13 21:37:14

PMSL at GrendelsMum on this thread grin

Tom is just horrible. I hope Brenda tells him to fuck off soon. She used to have talent and ambition and she was going places, now she is just Matt n Lil's dogsbody, they are both horrible to her face, and they talk about her like she's some sort of barely sentient rhesus monkey when she's not there, and THEN she has to spend her evenings listening to Tom moan about how everyone's eyes keep glazing over when he starts on about how he's thinking of taking over another unit in the industrial estate zzzzzz

I want her to have a Falling Down style breakdown in the village shop and go on a rampage. She's earned it fgs.

Tommy Thu 17-Jan-13 22:33:31

I would like to slap Tom too - am happy to form a queue if necessary.
Brenda is lovely and he doesn't deserve her
I also find Tony's delivery extremely zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...........

GrendelsMum Fri 18-Jan-13 09:57:21

I think you're PMSL at my DH and his sausage empire, ArtexMonkey smile

I wish Brenda would have a breakdown - but maybe the Matt / Lil storyline is going to bust up with Amside collapsing and Brenda making a break for freedom. I mean, for heaven's sake, she does actually have qualifications and experience and instead she sits around making Lillian's coffee and asking Matt to get back to people. Except she's never in the office.

OliviaPeacein2013Mumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 18-Jan-13 10:27:45

Any reason for Amside to collapse?
Has MAtt spend all the dosh on Joyce's new flat?

seeker Fri 18-Jan-13 10:33:41

The trouble is I couldn't decide who to slap first.

Will Grundy, for one.

Oh, and bloody Oliver for not realising Ed was in trouble. I thought they were business partners.

Kiriwawa Fri 18-Jan-13 10:40:55

I have a weird soft spot for Tom. He's such a wazzock and so unaware that he amuses me.

Whining Will Grundy on the other hand ...

Salteena Sat 19-Jan-13 17:08:32

I am an equal opportunity hater - I loathe all of them on a rotating basis, so as to be fair and not leave anyone out grin

However, I hate Tom possibly more than all the rest. The Archers messageboard on the R4 site, to which I refer more often than I should, is very entertaining on the subject of how he could possibly be making money from this ludicrous 'luxury pork-based hampers' business.

Let's be honest, how many of us hire a holiday cottage and think 'what I really would like waiting for me when I arrive is a lovely hamper full of sausages, bacon and assorted pork products.'

merrymonsters Sat 19-Jan-13 19:17:55

I want to slap Ed. Every time his partner (can't remember her name) says something about their money problems, he says "I can take care of my family!" He drives me nuts.

Lilymaid Sat 19-Jan-13 19:24:11

Let's be honest, how many of us hire a holiday cottage and think 'what I really would like waiting for me when I arrive is a lovely hamper full of sausages, bacon and assorted pork products.'
I would - but not Tom Archer's!

bigbadbarry Sat 19-Jan-13 20:02:40

merry monsters you mean Emmurr. Who is a brilliant actress, I think, because she is perfectly portraying a young woman turning into her mother. Same intonation and everything smile

seeker Sat 19-Jan-13 22:23:33

I am also fascinated by how Bridge Farm can support so many people....

GrendelsMum Sun 20-Jan-13 15:04:18

DH's theory regarding Ruth and David is that they're thrifty and worry a lot about managing the farm's outgoings but actually quite well off (because they always talk about money). Might be the same for Bridge Farm?

R4 Sun 20-Jan-13 22:33:46

Does your DH actually listen to TA Grendel or is he pretending, to humour you? wink

David's family have owned Brookfield since God was a boy. Pat and Tony OTOH were tenant farmers until fairly recently when they bought the farm from BL. They have a whopping mortgage to service and hence their outgoings are much higher.

Butterycrumble Sun 20-Jan-13 22:40:19

I vote for Brenda slapping tom and moving on to twatting will then lovely Linda can take her for tea and scones.

I hate them all really, dunno why I still listen. I even miss Nigel.

Crikeyblimey Sun 20-Jan-13 22:49:29

Every time I hear Tom Archer these days I have an uncontrollable urge to slap him.

I suspect Brenda will declare she wants a baby bu Tom will say he has to "focus on the core business" or some such bollocks and the time isn't right. Brenda will hook up with the lovely new Herd Manager (whose wife has probably been bludgeoned to death and is under the patio of their old house). She will get pregnant and the day the baby is born Herd Manager Man will be carted off by the police.

Ponders Sun 20-Jan-13 23:26:47

'the lovely new Herd Manager (whose wife has probably been bludgeoned to death and is under the patio of their old house)'

worse than that - she's a social worker

Crikeyblimey Sun 20-Jan-13 23:36:44

Ah yes - so she is. Well she's probably not been murdered yet then. She will no doubt take Georgie and Sciatica into care before Ed bludgeons her to deadness but Will will get the blame and "go down"!

Jajas Sun 20-Jan-13 23:44:19

The Herd Manager is definitely suspect hmm

SomethingChanged Mon 21-Jan-13 17:11:15

Why is Tony so slow on the uptake? 'Has something gone on while I was on that completely unnecessary errand to get ice cream? In January?' Tom did well over Christmas though to prove there is a character more annoying than James.

GrendelsMum Mon 21-Jan-13 18:26:27

R4 - hmmm, that could explain the mysterious liking for Tom Archer and the belief that Bridge Farm could in some way be a viable business. DH is listening to a fantasy Archers going on in his own head. Or maybe he tunes the radio to a parallel universe where the episodes feature a saintly, sympathetic Tom and spendthrift self-centred Brenda.

You're right about Pat and Tony's high outgoings (which if we accept it can support 4 adults and a toddler does suggest that DH is right about Brookfields actually being quite profitable and Ruth and David quite well off).

GrendelsMum Mon 21-Jan-13 18:27:29

Butterycrumble - the only rule of the Archers is that you must hate them all. Every last one. We blush and mutter when we have to admit that we quite enjoyed an episode.

FER1 Wed 23-Jan-13 04:54:03

I think Brenda will dump Tom - she seizes up like our boiler every time he mentions getting married (remember when he took her to that spot where he wants to build a house a few months ago? awwwwkward). She's a career gal she is.

Butterycrumble Wed 23-Jan-13 07:29:05

Ha indeed grendelsmum. I do love Linda and the way the actress looks just right too!

TheOriginalSteamingNit Wed 23-Jan-13 07:36:29

I see Helin is being slowly reintroduced through an unconvincing friendship with Emmer. I think she's going to not be coping with motherhood so well after all, isn't she?

I do think Brenda is either pregnant or having a Big Think.

Songbird Wed 23-Jan-13 14:49:12

I don't think Brenda's pregnant. I think she's having a Big Think because baby Bethany has woken some maternal urges, and she's realising that she wouldn't want a family with Tom.

superfluouscurves Wed 23-Jan-13 20:25:19

I'm assuming Lilian is past the menopause (is she?) The thought crossed my mind that she might be pregnant today as she has been "off her food" for a little while. Or is that just guilt?

arf at Grendlsmumgrin

Ponders Wed 23-Jan-13 21:49:32

Tony turned 60 in the last year or so & Lilian is his big sister so I think we're safe (phew)

Ponders Wed 23-Jan-13 21:50:47
superfluouscurves Thu 24-Jan-13 22:06:42

oh well, that demolishes that theory rather conclusively grin

she is a bit of goer though isn't she? [Hope I have half her energy when I reach that age emoticon]

ArtexMonkey Thu 24-Jan-13 22:53:21

Tom had a 30 second period of not being unbearable over Christmas when he started asking James and leonie if they'd seen Misery and joking about leonie breaking James's ankle with a hammer.

I swear. It happened.

lalalonglegs Thu 24-Jan-13 23:12:25

James had a 30 second period of being not unbearable when he was stuck immobile in a room with Tom droning on about pigs in blankets - God, I felt for the poor man. Every time Tom opens his mouth I wonder how he has ever managed to have sex.

Whiteshoes Fri 25-Jan-13 22:27:57

Brenda does sound like she's bored to her back teeth. I still don't understand why she left a proper job that she was so enthusiastic about when applying, to make coffee and write letters for Matt and someone who hates her. How was that an improvement?

I do want to slap Tom, but I want to kill Will.

Panzee Wed 30-Jan-13 10:51:26

But the job was all the way in Leicester, and her and Tom were starving because they were both too busy to cook or buy milk (remind me what their families do again?)

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 30-Jan-13 11:38:22

arf at seizing up like our boiler
Yes, I don't know what's got into Brenda
Talk about needing to get your shit together love.

Only just discovered this brilliant thread! Tom is the most annoying character on radio, closely followed by Will.

Love Linda & her DH. Would love to strangle Pip!

Songbird Wed 06-Mar-13 11:42:38

This thread WILL be resurrected. After a brief period of being nothing worse than a sausage bore, he's back to being a sanctimonious little shit again isn't he? Anyone else want to cheer when Brenda told him to grow up and get over it?!?!

PrincessFiorimonde Wed 06-Mar-13 17:33:09

Haven't we all been here before in the Archers with Tom and Brenda and all this 'Is he really committed to being organic or just going to make Pat and Tony wring their hands' stuff?

See also the other thread re: Pip plays up - didn't she do the same when she took up with Jude a while back?

Or is it just me finding these storylines a bit Groundhog Day at the moment?

R4 Wed 06-Mar-13 21:45:47

I agree about Groundhog Day. It feels like the SW have run out of ideas.

Songbird Wed 13-Mar-13 15:29:44

Oh dear God, I'm listening to Monday's ep - can't believe the way he was talking to Pat and Tony! Don't like any of them but gaaaaah he's the worst! He really doesn't listen does he? He's right and that's it! Bloody ready meals?

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