And my next Archers rant will be...

(58 Posts)
DuaneDibbley Sat 29-Sep-12 09:46:50

WTF have they done to Fallon??! What a simpering, desperate, insecure 'girl' they've turned her into AND now they're going to land her with boring as sin Rhys angry

R4 Mon 01-Oct-12 10:55:29

Agreeing with you again Duane. Whilst we are on the subject of personality transplants, what was that about Jazzer and his disallowed entry to the F&P show. Why/what/how <explodes in confusion> does he have a breadmaker in his kitchen!?

DuaneDibbley Mon 01-Oct-12 11:59:13

Um... Harry must have left it behind during his completely ridiculous exit from Ambridge?

GrendelsMum Mon 01-Oct-12 15:27:49

It's not as daft as it sounds - there was a scene where Harry gave Jazzer all his stuff as Loverboy already has a better breadmaker, food processor, iron etc (in addition to his own beautiful home in the Scottish borders) and Jazzer made sarcastic noises about what he was going to do with them (i.e. sell them).

Isn't Rhys dull, though? Maybe Jazzer could sell Rhys.

DuaneDibbley Mon 01-Oct-12 15:51:56

Rhys is SO dull! And I almost never think that, so they must be making an extra special effort on the dullness front.

R4 Tue 02-Oct-12 10:04:28

Thank you GrendelsMum.
In days of yore, I would have known this. Did I miss this nugget because I'm not really listening properly to TA any more or is it because it was on AmEx.

lalalonglegs Tue 02-Oct-12 10:32:10

Another occasional listener - why did Harry leave? (Agree with everything you say about Fallon and Rhys - why can't they get that woman a decent storyline?)

GrendelsMum Tue 02-Oct-12 15:09:57

Lala - you've got no chance of knowing why Harry left unless you've dedicated your life to flipping back and forth between AmEx and TA.

Basically, Fallon, Harry, Jazzer and Kirsty drove Fallon's van up north, trying to get to the Edinburgh festival, which was really supposed to be Fallon's chance to finally get off with Harry (Jazzer had invited himself along and Kirsty was invited to try to distract Jazzer). They broke down on the remote Scottish borders, but luckily Harry recognised it as being only a few miles from where the great love of his life lived. The love of his life turned out to be a young man called Grant, who has an adorable dog, a wood-burning stove, a very nice house, and his own iron, breadmaker, food processor, etc etc. Sadly they had quarrelled, leaving Harry to throw it all up and become a milkman in Ambridge and share a flat with Jazzer. On remembering what he'd been missing, Harry realised that he would better getting back together with Grant, leaving Ambridge one milkman short of a float.

Thus, the joke is that after all Jazzer's suspicions of a tidy cyclist who loves to cook, Harry was gay all along.

The scene with Harry giving Jazzer his stuff was definitely on TA, but it wasn't a very exciting episode.

lalalonglegs Tue 02-Oct-12 15:18:26

But, but, but... wasn't Harry going out with one of the strawberry pickers? (I seem to recall some very bad Eastern European accents - not the one that was genuinely gay and tried to get off with Ian but a lady one.)

I remember everyone going off to Edinburgh festival but then I went on holiday and when I got back Harry was going off and Fallon was finding comedy acts for the Bull. Honestly, you can dodge the Archers for a year and a half and nothing much happens (Tony and Pat still fretting over the future of organic farming/ David and Ruth still sighing and reminding each other how lucky they are despite everything/ everyone scared to death Aunty Peggy will find out about such and such and mustn't be upset) - it is unheard of to fit that much story into a mere fortnight.

GrendelsMum Wed 03-Oct-12 17:08:08

Oh, Lala, you are so behind the times. Harry is bisexual (as he kindly explained to us) and so likes boys AND girls, but mostly boys.

If you missed that, you probably missed Adam sleeping with Pawel and Pawel then making a pass at Ian and Ian brushing Pawel off, and Pawel talking to Jenny about how hard it is to be a young gay man in Poland, and Adam telling Jenny that he had slept with Pawel and Jenny being distraught because Ian is the only other person that really appreciates a venison casserole.

On the other hand, Tom's sausage empire is in exactly the same state as it always is, Matt is still dodgy and leering, and Tony and Pat are fretting about something to do with carrots.

lalalonglegs Wed 03-Oct-12 17:59:16

Blimey, that Pawel was a bit of a goer - I had no idea. (But why would Adam tell Jenny that he had slept with him? It makes no sense.) I suppose the wonderful thing hmm about the Archers is that I can miss all this stuff and it makes not a jot of difference - my abiding memory of it will always be someone chuntering on about milk quotas or potato blight - never a scintilla of plausible human dialogue or behaviour.

Note to self: do not go on holiday grin.

ppeatfruit Fri 05-Oct-12 17:51:33

TA is pissing me off too. Why would that LOVELY elderly couple suddenly appear in one of Matt and Lil's houses if not to be ripped off? so bleedin' predictable and now Matt's half brother has turned up (with whom there has been a bit of almost hanky panky so Lil (who has a heart of gold REALLY?? She stuck by Matt while he was in clink, why? she is loaded) can go off with a GOOD man and 2 fingers to Matt.

Apologies for the moan but it's getting to me ATM.

heronsfly Fri 05-Oct-12 18:27:28

I still think Fallon will end up with Jazzer, only trouble is, Ive been muttering about this union on every archers thread for about two years now grin

DuaneDibbley Fri 05-Oct-12 19:47:36

Well they did shag each other....

ppeatfruit Sat 06-Oct-12 09:18:37

Did they Duane??? i don't remember, was it on Amex? Were they drunk? i bet she regretted it big time NO NOT JAZZER shock (who BTW is suddenly becoming a NICE person helping old people etc.) The S.W.s are changing him radically for some reason maybe for heronsfly grin

Panzee Sat 06-Oct-12 09:23:26

Maybe his character change is part of his brain damage finally manifesting.

ppeatfruit Sat 06-Oct-12 14:19:29

Did Fallon and Rhys shag and she's disillusioned now? oh another thing I must 've missed Kirstie and Ifti (sp.?) getting it together; was it in Ambex as well?

GrendelsMum Sat 06-Oct-12 18:20:06

No, Kirsty and Ifti met and fell instantly in love at Fallon's comedy evening at the Bull.

f and Rhys have not shagged anywhere as far as I know, but Fallon Shagged Jazzrt On
Amex when she saw Harry with Grant.

Sorry, iPad can't cope with
Archers names!

ppeatfruit Sun 07-Oct-12 07:59:19

Thanks grendels that seems to me to be the S.W.'s having to have Fallon with 'couple envy' so maybe pushing her towards the gargoyle- like Jazzer?

heronsfly Sun 07-Oct-12 19:26:50

Maybe shes pregnant after her quick bonk with jazzer. grin

ppeatfruit Mon 08-Oct-12 08:18:10

NOOOOO herons grin

ppeatfruit Mon 08-Oct-12 08:19:47

Was the shag before or while Jazzer was fixated with her?

GrendelsMum Mon 08-Oct-12 09:03:48

Now, I have to say I love the idea of Fallon being pregnant after sleeping with Jazzer.

The shag was about 6 weeks ago or so, when they tried to go to the Edinburgh Festival. Jazzer was actually rather nice about it and attempted not to take advantage of Fallon, who then flung herself on him saying things along the lines of since Harry turned out to be gay she might as well sleep with someone who was interested in her.

The thing that always makes me laugh is that in real life Jazzer is married with at least one child, and I saw a photo of him looking very 'domesticated dad'.

ppeatfruit Mon 08-Oct-12 09:12:42

Thanks grendels I must 've been away!! HOW interesting grin she hasn't carried on with her interest though has she? (is she ashamed and regrets it?)

GreenShadow Mon 08-Oct-12 15:50:18

I don't think they could have Fallon pregnant after the Jazzer incident if it was only on AmEx.

heronsfly Mon 08-Oct-12 17:49:56

Very true Greenshadow, I had forgotten that it was not on the normal Archers episodes, I am still hoping though grin

ppeatfruit Tue 09-Oct-12 08:45:23

"it was only on Amex" !!!grin grin an amex baby !

Songbird Tue 09-Oct-12 10:30:05

What happens on AmEx stays on AmEx!

GrendelsMum Tue 09-Oct-12 15:31:11

Imagine if Fallon had a baby that was only referred to on Amex. The rest of the time people would just say things like 'no, Fallon's got her hands full and can't work behind the bar at the moment'.

Mrskbpw Tue 09-Oct-12 15:37:21

As well as being a devoted dad in real life is Jazzer actually Scottish? I am Scottish (and indeed have been all my life), and I've never met anyone who talks like him. It sounds like the equivalent of when English actors get voice coaching before they're allowed to be English on American dramas.

daimbardiva Tue 09-Oct-12 15:42:39

I am so glad I stumbled on this thread - it was really bugging me that I'd missed Harry leaving and had no idea where he'd gone to!!

Has just taken me a while to work out what AmEx is too..I'm so behind the times!!

Songbird Tue 09-Oct-12 16:33:58

'Kelly was born in Glasgow, but moved to the Midlands at the age of three.' according to Wikipedia

ppeatfruit Tue 09-Oct-12 16:42:37

They'd call her baby Ami !

seeker Tue 09-Oct-12 16:45:06

Dis you know the actor who plays Jazzer is blind?

ppeatfruit Tue 09-Oct-12 16:53:48

No I didn't Seeker that's good! He plays a sighted role which is interesting.

ppeatfruit Tue 09-Oct-12 16:55:12

I'm assuming that because I've never heard anyone referring to him being blind on TA.

seeker Tue 09-Oct-12 17:21:57

I know- I didn't know until I just googled
Him. I hope Jazzer's sighted- he did drive the van
To Scotland!

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 21-Oct-12 15:38:33

Only just seen this thread , roar at one milkman short of a float!
What about Kirsty's birdwatching/naturewatch chap? Patrick was it?

seeker Mon 22-Oct-12 10:24:30

Patrick! What happened to him? And how come Kirsty and Ifty have suddenly become annitem? And where's Amy?

lalalonglegs Mon 22-Oct-12 11:17:06

Grrrr - had to spend a lot of time driving around yesterday and was trapped with accompanied by the Archers omnibus, which seemed to be entirely about whether Fallon and Kenton could/should job-swap. After about half an hour, the husband (whom I blame for first introducing me to the Archers but who has now detoxed and been clean for several years), just started yelling: "This is SOOOOO boring. How can anyone possibly listen to this shit? Why would anyone be interested in this drivel?" I'm so used to it inducing a state of semi-consciousness, I hadn't quite grasped how truly vapid it can be blush. Last week's episodes were real shockers in terms of scriptwriting.

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 22-Oct-12 11:41:20

grin @ your DH's Ambridge detox.

Songbird Thu 25-Oct-12 10:10:57

Well, I like Rhys. There, I said it! I actually find Fallon pretty boring at the moment so they're well matched!

seeker Thu 25-Oct-12 10:13:22

How long is it going to take Kenton to run the Bull into the ground? Or has he had a personality transplant into responsible, sober citizen, like Ed. And Jazzer. And Jamie.

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 25-Oct-12 12:46:21

Rhys has a lovely voice
But zero personality.

Songbird Thu 25-Oct-12 13:59:46

Yeah but the ones with 'personality' are shits! Rhys is sweet, he's been supportive of Fallon and he's funny(ish). He's also a relatively new main-ish character so he's a fairly blank canvas and should be easy to make more interesting (without being a twonk).

Songbird Thu 25-Oct-12 14:00:36

[feels a shiver of excitement at disagreeing with Mumsnet!]

GrimmaTheNome Thu 25-Oct-12 14:10:32

I've missed a few - how on earth did Paul end up being with Lillian at the hospital after her whinging idiot son got hurt (I don't care how that happened. He's a complete tosser.)

Jazzer's being nice to old people seems to usually have a self-interested angle to it - manipulating Christine into a bed for the night and all the food in her house, then on to Jim (I rather like that odd-couple pairing of mavericks)

Songbird Thu 25-Oct-12 14:28:40

I LOVE Jim and Jazzer living together! Just love it!!

The Paul thing came about because Matt wouldn't go to support Lillian at the hospital and in a complete panic (she also couldn't get hold of Jenny-darling) she rang Paul and he leapt to her side sigh. I know James is an idiot and Matt quite rightfully said he was probably laying it on a bit thick, but Lillian wanted him there and that was the important thing. And when she got home you could hear he was sitting there watching the telly, and not 'bust with work' as he claimed. I totally despise Matt, cannot see ANY redeeming side to his character at all. All that pusscat shite makes me vom.

GrimmaTheNome Thu 25-Oct-12 15:10:06

I guessed it must have been something like that, but ringing paul out of the blue seems too much of a stretch... dodgy plot device.

Songbird Thu 25-Oct-12 16:03:46

Yes I thought that. Clumsy setting up of an affair (or another almost-affair).

PseudoBadger Thu 25-Oct-12 16:43:53

Well I think she'd been busting to ring him since she found out he was running the church restoration project at NotAmbridge. Or something like that.

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 25-Oct-12 23:47:51


[feels a shiver of excitement at disagreeing with Mumsnet!]

Goodness, feel it's quite important to state that usual MNHQ disclaimers apply and that any views and opinions expressed about fictional characters on any long running radio soap opera are solely of the individual and are not the views of Mumsnet. grin
Let's hope Rhys doesn't turn into a twonk. grin

CuttedUpPear Thu 25-Oct-12 23:54:31

Another one here who wants Fallon and Jazzer to get together, the UST is running low now
(Unresolved Sexual Tension)

SomethingChanged Mon 29-Oct-12 14:36:44

Harry is bi?! I only went away for 2 weeks and totally missed his leaving storyline. I think the Fallon/Rhys thing is quite predictable. Cast together in the Christmas play.....sigh.

ppeatfruit Wed 31-Oct-12 10:51:14

cutted you DO know that Fallon and Jazzer actually did the deed in Ambex. on the way back from Edinburgh after they left Harry with his old boyf. in Cumbria. I missed it too something grin

Yes Olivia given the S.W.s record of changing the characters' personalities at the drop of a hat he may well turn out to be a "Twonk" (good word BTW!! grin)

CuttedUpPear Sat 03-Nov-12 01:38:54

No I didn't know [hshock]

CuttedUpPear Sat 03-Nov-12 01:39:26

ok halloween is over.

shock then

ppeatfruit Sat 03-Nov-12 08:38:39

What's annoying is there's been no communication (in any sense of the word) grin between them in TA since ,not that I've heard anyway!

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