I don't feel at home, in our 'new house'

(12 Posts)
Youvegottobekidding Sun 29-May-16 19:37:14

Well I say new, we've been here 2 years now and it's not a new build, it's an old council built house from the 60's.

It's our first 'own' home - we've only rented for several years before. it was empty when it was for sale, the previous occupant was an elderly man who had gone into a retirement home & the daughter was selling the house. It needed a total refurb, from changing the wet room into a bathroom to plastering all the downstairs walls to redecorating & finally last year splitting the bedrooms. So a lot of work, time and money have been spent!

We've pretty much done what we've needed to and wanted to, maybe there are finishing touches left, but I've acquired this feeling, like I don't feel at home here anymore I don't know if I ever did. You see this house, we took it because it was basically the only one that we could get/afford -in the area where we are, we knew we could get the work done on it.

Don't get me wrong, it's a nice house & we're really lucky to be in this position, trust me I know. It's just that, we since we've been here, there's an atmosphere of stress, low moods, I'm always feeling run down, I've never had so many sore throats!! OH is always stressed & moody, it's nearly always shouty. DD & ds are always quibbling. I wonder if OH is feeling stressed as the mortgage is in his name only - perhaps he feels the weight, he's the main breadwinner & I think maybe he worries too much. It just feels like the house has this atmosphere. OH loves this house, he hasn't an idea how I feel - it would destroy him if he knew how i really feel!

We couldn't afford to move, so that's not an option. Is there such a thing as a house having a bearing on how it makes a person feel? Or is it utter nonsense?

228agreenend Sun 29-May-16 19:44:09

Just a thought,,now the house is finished, do think you have lost a purpose. Before, you were working on the house, now that has gone.

If you have lots of sore throats, it may be worth visiting the gp,,as that could be a sign of something serious.

alazuli Sun 29-May-16 19:46:33

definitely! have you read up on feng shui? maybe try re-positioning a few things in the house according to its principles?

FinallyHere Sun 29-May-16 20:20:54

When it comes down to it, loving your surroundings (or not) is a choice.

Is there something in your life that you are not happy about, that you are projecting onto this house? Can you spot what it might be? Loss of purpose as a PP said, or....

InUseAlready Sun 29-May-16 20:26:25

Why is it only your OH's name on the mortgage? Are you married?

Youvegottobekidding Sun 29-May-16 22:17:20

Thank you all for your replies.

228agreenend - it could well be that, however, the back garden needs an overhaul, but we haven't the money so it's next on the list!!

alazuli - I shall Google feng shui & see what it brings up!!

FinallyHere - a couple of things I'm not happy about but I can't see them having a bearing on the house side of things.

InUseAlready - the mortgage is only in hubbys name (which answers your 2nd question!) because I had bad credit in the past - it was the only way to secure a mortgage deal by doing it in his name only, we're not tied together financially in any way - we don't even have joint bank accounts! I can always be added onto the mortgage in the future....if I can feel at home in this house that is!!!

PigletJohn Sun 29-May-16 23:45:02

Sore throats can be plaster dust.

thesnailandthewhale Mon 30-May-16 07:31:18

I have bought 3 (and currently buying my fourth) properties in my life. The first one was a flat and I knew as soon as I walked in I wanted it. I loved it. The second was a house, we bought for similar reasons to you - we needed more space, it was a great location, it had lots of potential, but I was never wowed at the viewings, it was more an opportunity to get a 'sensible' family house and make some money on it. I hated that house after a year, I dreaded coming home to it, it was dark, it never felt like home no matter how much we did to it. After that I bought another flat and have lived here for 9 years, again I knew the minute I walked in to it that it was right, and I have loved living here and will miss it lots. I am currently buying a house again, and got that feeling when I went in it and I know I won't regret that one either. I would only now buy anywhere if I got that feeling, my heart decides my property purchases more than my head smile

whois Mon 30-May-16 11:11:26

I second doing a bit of rearranging of furniture to get good flow.

Do you have anything you really 'love' like a picture or a rug or anything like that. Sometimes the finishing touches can make you feel more at home.

Also, you've been ill. It is stressful doing up a house (very stressful!) so no wonder everyone is snippy. Can you and DD go out for the day together, and you and DH get an evening together to try and have some fun away from the house?

Youvegottobekidding Mon 30-May-16 12:09:57

Yes yes to more fun, we definitely need to inject more fun into the house, we'll prob not just the house but our lives as a whole - we just seem to work, clean, tidy up, work clean, tidy up!

As finishing touches, I've got two photo's up, which are one each of the kids & that's it so far!! So not many at all & lots of wall space!! Bare walls, that are prob screaming out for a photo or something other than just white paint!

The house is a light house, I mean it's not dark, plenty of light floods through. Perhaps I just need to put my stamp on it. I've painted it quite a few times, but it still doesn't feel quite like home. We have blinds & I managed to convince hubby to have curtains in the lounge. We could do with a new stair & landing carpet, as we still have the one that was laid when we first moved in, which got hammered by workmen & the landing part is now a bit saved from one of the bedrooms that was spilt!

CodyKing Mon 30-May-16 13:09:29

I think your house sounds unloved - it's hard to justify money on extras for the house when you have kids - but mirrors pictures throws cushion all make a difference -

Can you get a few style magazines and see what you'd like it to look like - Maybe a few secondhand bargains?

Some memories for your children - a wall of mismatched photo frames - vases - table clothes all make a welcome feel - as does it being tidy - but we'Lloyd move on!

specialsubject Mon 30-May-16 17:27:10

It's not the house and it is not primitive superstition. It is something else.

Get talking.moving would just take the problem elsewhere.

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