I've started this thread in here as it's property related. It's a bit long so best with me.
Me and DP were offered, back in June time last year, some money to help us buy. DP's mum was inheriting quite a large sum of money following a death in the family.
We weren't financially in a place to get a mortgage at that time - never in debt but we knew we were using our current accounts a bit too frequently so we wanted them tidied up before we approached a lender. Anyway, fast forward to December and all our info, bank statements, payslips, DP's statements of accounts (self employed) were sent to my friend who is a financial advisor. We got a rough idea of what we would be lent and started house hunting. You might have seen from other posts that we were concentrating on East London and specifically Leyton / Leytonstone.
Most properties in our budget are flats. During our second week of searching (having already lost out by £65k on a flat) DP got a text from his brother. He told DP that he was a fucking moron to consider buying leasehold, that we were stupid for considering that part of London, that the market is about to crash anyway and generally implied we were too stupid to be trusted. He then started sending links from newspapers that suggested a crash / the end of BTL etc. Then DP's mum started saying that she wasn't sure we should have the money, we can only have it if we buy freehold etc.
Relations broke down and it ended up with us having to email his mum setting out details of the research we'd done into leaseholds, the reality of buying a house in London, why we didn't want to live in the area she is etc, that we'd set up a deed of trust post purchase so she can be sure she'll get her money back.
Despite very little communication we were given the impression the money situation was okay and we should keep looking. We've lost out on 5 flats so far and were reaching the conclusion that we are priced out of our preferred area and so were realistic and planned to start looking at different areas.
We planned to view a house that had come on - a total state but a house, freehold, we'd keep them happy. We've had a few odd messages at the weekend we were meant to view, had we seen it, did we know we would need to do a deed of trust (yes, we suggested it). Anyway, the deposit money gets transferred.
Sunday night DP gets an email from his other brother saying that everyone is uncomfortable with the amount of money being lent, where we plan to buy, what we buy blah blah. But suddenly there is mention of this bring their inheritance and we are putting it at risk, this isn't a gift. All along the same lines of you can't be trusted.
I burst into tears at this point as these emails are fucking us about so much. This isn't just a bit of interference, this is our lives. Buying will drastically reduce our outgoings which gives us the opportunity to have a baby whereas renting just doesn't.
DP's mum claims she didn't know about the email but insists its only because the brothers care about her.
I cannot involve myself in these arguments as they aren't my family but I would love to. I feel insulted, deliberately misled, that they've been dishonest from the outset if this is about money rather than anything else. I'm fuming actually.
AIBU?
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50 replies
kirinm · 16/02/2016 09:14
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