Frustrated First Time Buyer

[BeverlyGoldberg]

I just need to vent and if anyone has any words of wisdom I would be so grateful. I'll bullet point this so it doesn't turn into an essay:

• First time buyers, we have a 10 month old DD and I've just gone back to work full time in a fairly demanding job.
  
  
• We are buying our first home. Our offer was accepted in October, the mortgage application process took forever, useless estate agents and a very slow solicitor means that we have only just started to talk about completion dates.
  
  
• But our mortgage offer is only valid for 90 days and this expires in the first week in March.
  
  
• The vendors have been great and we have become quite friendly with them, they've pushed their solicitor and I am driving things our end but everything is taking a lot longer than I think it ought to.
  
  
• Having just gone back to work, managing this house move, window shopping (until we exchange at least) for the appliances and stuff we need, dealing with buildings insurance, life insurance, suppliers, ... I AM KNACKERED!
  
  
• Luckily my DD is an angel and out of all this she has been the element that has given me endless joy and very little stress.
  
  
• DH is all "thanks for sorting everything" but yesterday he was quite rude to me because he wants to know what days to book off work (how am I supposed to know!) and now I just feel like curling up in ball in bed and crying/sleeping!
  
  
• We're spending this weekend with my MIL for her birthday which involves a very long drive and no opportunity to relax or turn my head off. After yesterday I feel like telling DH to jog on, I'll spend the weekend getting my (shit) nails done and relaxing instead of driving a long way to be told how rubbish I am by MIL.
  
  If anyone can just tell me some good news stories or tell me they know how I feel I would be most grateful. I am run ragged just now.

[PipnPosy]

They say moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do and before we did it, I really couldn't understand why. It shouldn't be so stressful but the system in England leads to uncertainty and lack of control for everyone involved. It made me feel like my life was totally on hold for six months.

It sounds like your purchase should be fine; you and your vendor are both still committed, it's just taking longer than you'd hope. Keep pushing, tell the EAs and solicitors you want to exchange asap because of the mortgage offer expiring but realistically I'm sure that if it did expire you could get another one issued quite easily.

What's not on is your DH's attitude. Sit him down and explain how stressed the move is making you and try and get him to shoulder some of the burden. Good luck!

[TobleroneBoo]

After one failed attempt on a different property, we had an offer accepted in July and are finally completing today!!! It's a long hard journey but it will be worth it

[PipnPosy]

Also, you asked for good news stories; our straightforward chain of 4 took 6 months to complete. After we signed our contract and were ready to exchange, we were left waiting for three full months for incompetent solicitors and mortgage companies to get their acts together. Paperwork got sent to the wrong place etc. But we got there in the end despite being convinced many times that the chain was going to fall through!

[BeverlyGoldberg]

Thanks ladies.

You hit the nail on the head with the lack of control over my own life. I feel like I can't plan for anything and I'm just not getting any head space from working and then pushing this in my spare time.

We had a stomach churning few weeks with the mortgage offer as the lender made us feel like I was the only person in the world to buy a house on maternity leave. Then trying to get my solicitor's arse in gear is like pushing a steam roller made of jelly up a hill.

DH isn't usually a shit to be fair and he's apologised but I just can't shake the feeling of being hurt and I feel thoroughly shattered. He's cooking a Valentine's meal tonight and I just want cheese on toast and a bucket of wine.

Thanks again for listening to be vent

[Moving15]

Wow you are super woman. So many big changes and responsibilities in such a short window of time is a lot to cope with. It does sound like you a doing amazingly well, hang in there, it will all be worth it. When it has all gone through you won't have to speak to any of these incompetents ever again!! Have you booked yourself some time off for after the move so you can sleep and enjoy your new house a bit more? It has taken me a good month post move to start feeling less shattered and I work part time. I think you need to build in some recovery time as an essential on your extensive to do list. Good luck x

[PixieGio]

Wow we've just gone through exact the same, I feel for you. I applaud you too for being able to manage it all - I caved in and decided not to go back to work though (taking on a renovation to my defense, lol). Our offer was accepted September and we completed Jan 15th. It really was incredibly stressful but you forget about it all when you get the keys to your new home! Good luck with the rest of the process. Just double check all your paperwork. We were held up last minute by some of our paperwork stating freehold instead of leasehold and there was a small difference in purchase price that delayed us by 2 weeks too. So frustrating!

[Moving15]

Checking paperwork is such a good tip, every single form completed by our solicitors had incorrect names addresses and house prices on. So tedious!

[MidnightDexy]

That sounds grim, I'm sorry.

Only useful thing I can chip is about extending the mortgage offer. Have you arranged mortgage direct with bank or via broker? Our lender was not interested in extending our offer until 2 weeks before it expired, which throws a huge amount of unnecessary uncertainty into the mix, because then when someone asks you for a completion date you have to say X, or Y if we get an extension, and you can't exchange before you know for certain you'll be completing when the offer is still valid. Urgh.

Anyway our broker was not very helpful at all until we shoved a rocket up her arse and said 'ok, fine, let's just apply for a whole new mortgage with a different lender, so we get a 'fresh' 3 month period with new lender' and THAT did the trick. She couldn't face the additional paperwork and all of a sudden lender was agreeing to a 6 week extension no bother at all.

This is less likely to work if you are dealing direct with the bank, but if they are really being stubborn you could just say you want to apply for a different product (e.g. 2 year fix, instead of 3 year fix) and want to go through it all again. Might have same effect.

[BeverlyGoldberg]

Thanks everyone.

Moving and Pixie thanks for saying I'm doing well, it means a lot and after the week I've had it nearly made me have an un-mumsnetty weep. After driving almost 300 miles to see my MIL for her birthday she's just told us we need to be more organised because we were late getting here - we had to drive through heavy snow and we have a 10 month old plus I needed a decent coffee at a service station and the queue was horrendous but frankly I'd be in a murderous mood without it

We've heard the mortgage company have amended the offer to reflect freehold not leasehold. Everything is in place on our side to complete on 19th.

I volunteered to spend the only opportunity I have to relax doing this trip and "you need to be more organised" is the thanks I get. If it wasn't for DD I would have got in the car and driven straight home again. I can't even have a bloody drink.

[HolaWeenie]

I feel your pain, I'm at the end of an 8 month ordeal!! Offered on the place in July (had my second baby in October just to add another dimension of fun!), we exchanged in December and we complete this Friday, our mortgage offer was due to expire 1st march, so only 10 days in it. Add to that my eldest son is due to start school this September, so I had to push to exchange before the school application closing date in January so I could apply for schools in our new area. I had to do it all on my own pretty much, my husband was a support but it got a bit hairy in September and he was ready to walk, I was and still am completely emotionally attached to the new house (and have mentally moved out of our old house) so it wasn't an option for me to just walk away, I felt from then on I could only give him high level details and shouldered the burden of dealing with fuckwits the property professionals. It's so exhausting mentally dealing with it all and then a job and children on top of it.

You're doing great by the sounds of it, I know what you're going through. Sorry your MIL is so thoughtless!