Bought house with parents, now they want their money back in one go.

(188 Posts)
DreamlessSleep Tue 08-Oct-13 11:46:47

My mum and step dad suggested that they helped us buy a house 5 years ago when our landlord was selling the house we were in, but now they want all their money back in one go (70,000 I don't begrudge them for wanting it but think they could have gone about it in a different way) and obviously we don't have this. We tried remortgaging but they won't take their names off the mortgage therefore we cant as they are now deemed too old to be on our mortgage.

Are there any other options I have not thought of apart from from selling? (Which is the option it looks like we will have to go for at the moment.) We were naive when we bought it and in hindsight we should have stuck to renting.

giantpenguinmonster Thu 31-Oct-13 20:05:17

OP - I agree you should get legal advice ASAP. But I suspect that they will be entitled to a proportion of the proceeds. So if (for illustration) they put 70K in and you put 10K in and took a mortgage for 60K you would both own 50%. If you sold for less (say $120k) they would be entitled to less (60K).

But most importantly, if they intend to buy another property it will also have fallen in value compared to when you bought yours. So they will get more for their money. If you give them everything, they will actually be profiting for the situation IYSWIM.

Either they don't understand how investments work, or they are being really mean.

nauticant Thu 31-Oct-13 09:17:44

There can sometimes come the point when it's best to cut one's losses and run. Especially when it resolves a situation that's so stressful it's making someone ill.

So I think we should respect the OP's wishes if she wants to walk away. But she really ought to consult a solicitor and find out what kind of legally correct deal can be presented to the parents. I'd be surprised if the parents would have a legal right to be immune to the effects of negative equity.

DreamingAlice Thu 31-Oct-13 08:48:50

And I might add that what your parents are doing is also totally bonkers, which makes the whole thing combined really, really strange from where I am sitting. Sorry.

DreamingAlice Thu 31-Oct-13 08:47:55

Dreamless Is there something else you are not telling us here? I have huge sympathy with how stressful this all must be but I just don't get your reaction to this, since it seems to me that- to be blunt, you are not really acting like a normal person would respond in this situation, which worries me some.

PastaBeeandCheese Thu 31-Oct-13 08:46:56

They are absolutely bonkers to turn down your offer of the full £70k back in return for coming off the deeds knowing that if you sell they get less.

You have made clear to them that this severs all financial ties so if you sell and they get less you won't be paying them anymore.

Do you have siblings? What do they think? Mine would be appalled if my parents were making me homeless.

I'm so sorry dreamless.

Geckos48 Thu 31-Oct-13 07:34:01

The money should be at least split 70/10, if not more in your favour as you are paying the mortgage and they are not, I assume you can prove the mortgage payments?

I think you need to stop thinking about this as her daughter and start looking at as her someone you have bought a house with. Especially as you plan to have a relationship with her beyond this.

So any improvements you have made to the house you need to add onto your 10k, plus the fees you have had to pay etc etc etc.

Look at it like this, when you leave this house you could have

A) no home, no money

B) some deposit and full mortgage payments to show to another lender who, might WELL be happy to loan you the money for a new house.

This could actually work out really really well for you but you need to protect yourself and your children. If your mother and step-father don't like that, that really is there problem.

Good - I think you may find the solicitor has different advice. When are you seeing one?

And do not screw yourself to give them extra. Your relationship is damaged anyway & they will not recognise you shafted yourselves to give them more - they will just whinge that you didn't give them 70k.

If you are going to sell they share the losses equally. (Assuming they have 50% share).

DreamlessSleep Thu 31-Oct-13 07:25:01

Im definitely not putting them first but its just not that black and white.

they know they wont get it all.

Nothing will be done without talking to the solicitors first.

Do not do anything without drawing up a solicitor's agreement - you should have one, they should have one.

Without that it will a) potentially be very costly b) you risk some sort of money laundering accusation. Money laundering is a 'go straight to jail do not pass go' situation. C) you will fall out with your money grabbing parents anyway as they will feel hard done by.

This is a case where a solicitor is worth however much they cost & will potentially save you a lot of money, stress & heartache.

ginmakesitallok Thu 31-Oct-13 07:04:09

Have you actually made it clear to them that if you have to sell they will not get their money back?

Inertia Thu 31-Oct-13 06:55:30

Why on earth are you rewarding your parents for making the children homeless by maximising their payback and continuing to see them? She isn't a good grandparent, she is making her own grandchildren homeless so she can make money. Like previous posters, I don't understand why you are putting the feelings of your swindling parents above the security of your children.

They are going to say that you have cheated them anyway, you do realise that don't you? They expect their full 70 k back so they are going to badmouth you regardless, so you may as well split the losses fairly.

In the absence of a contract, all losses in equity, EA fees, survey fees etc should be split 4 ways between the 4 investors. I would insist on having a contract drawn up to formalise how the money is split before you sell.

DreamlessSleep Thu 31-Oct-13 06:45:32

I do know how damaging it can be, but hopefully it would be good for the family in the end as currently live 15 mins from town and will be able to move close to the centre so that will be helpful as I cant drive, and the school would be suitable for ds as has special teams and classes to help him (he has higher functioning autism.) Assuming I can get him in that is. Plus will be walking distance of mil and step-fil. (We get on well with them)

3littlefrogs Wed 30-Oct-13 21:58:35

Do not underestimate the effect of moving house on young children. It is stressful for adults but much more so for children. I speak from experience.

Omg I can't believe they would do this and then beat you with it if you don't give them all of the 70k. I think from now to eternity I would be beating them with it.

Yes we have to move again, remember you forced us to sell the house and left us with nothing etc...

I'd have to question just how much they care for their DGC if they are happy to put them out of their home!!

RedBushedT Wed 30-Oct-13 20:48:24

I have nothing to add advice wise, but just wanted to say that I cannot believe how cruel your mother is being. Whether she is being pushed into it by your step father or not, I cannot imagine ever putting my children in such a position for the sake of money!
You have children, in what crazy world would you do this to them?! You wouldn't. Get angry, she is behaving atrociously.

contortionist Wed 30-Oct-13 20:43:54

Don't forget to include stamp duty, estate agents fees, conveyancing fees, surveys, searches etc.
Those are all costs of the transactions, and if you're paying them, it should be counted as part of your financial contribution.
Mortgage capital repayments too (but not interest).

contortionist Wed 30-Oct-13 20:38:33

You're not nearly angry enough about this. Have you done the numbers and figured out how much your goodwill gesture would cost you?

Oh Dreamless what a shit situation

While I understand your need to get it all done and dusted ASAP, it's possible that in years to come you will really really regret not looking after your own interests and doing this via a solicitor with the proper financial shareout if you do go through with the sale.

I disagree that you'd be cutting off your nose to spite your face if you cut all contact. Your own mother is breezily forcing you to sell your home, causing you to uproot your children and move them in with your FIL - hardly ideal IMO - and expecting you to take a massive financial hit in the process.

If this was my mother I would be telling her in no uncertain terms the effect her actions were having on her family (ie daughter and grandchildren) and that we would not be able to have any kind of relationship with her in the future.

Print this thread off and send it to her.

RandomMess Wed 30-Oct-13 19:38:52

I think if you do as they propose they will still complain that they didn't get all their money back, so you may as well split the equity remaining 70:10 in the way you put it in. Paying the mortgage is lost money anyway on a house that has gone down in value and presumably it was similar to the level of rent you were paying?

I really feel for you <<hugs>>

DreamlessSleep Wed 30-Oct-13 19:11:44

I know how stressful it is to move, this will be my 8th move. 1st time with the children though.

Nothing will be done from now on without consultation.

AdoraBell Wed 30-Oct-13 17:16:32

Moving house has been compared to divorcing in terms of the stress level.

How many times are you going to put yourselves and your DCs through that amount of stress to please your DM and step father.

What if you can't afford to rent, can you live permanently at FIL's? With all your belongings, without hindering his home life?

I know you think your DM is a good grandmother, but I don't believe it. I understand what you said about step father controlling DM, and maybe she needs help because of that, but losing large amounts of money you can't afford and having no home to live will not help her and it could negatively impact your DCs. That doesn't achieve helping DM either.

As for the potential money laundering aspect, a lot of money laundering enterprises actually appear to lose money. The people who are doing it don't care about those loses because the money they get back is clean. The financial authorities know that, that's why simply saying "but I lost money" won't satisfy them if they suspect wrong doing.

I'm really sorry you've been put in this position, but I agree that you are taking it far too lightly.

If I were in your position I would not only get legal advice but I would instruct a solicitor to write to them outlining the agreement you made with them and with a sensible proposal for resolving this. Like if they want the investment back they relinquish that which they invested in.

And if they cry "you set a solicitor on us" they tried to make you and the GCs homeless and out of pocket.

DreamlessSleep Wed 30-Oct-13 17:03:15

Their presence in our life will be cut right back, I physically cant even talk to them right now im so angry about their behaviour.

bigbrick Wed 30-Oct-13 16:51:54

Just say ok you'll sell & move & that's it for them as grandparents. Let them show what they value in life

SteamWisher Wed 30-Oct-13 16:47:36

Moving house is one of the most stressful things one can go through and your mum is putting your family through it all for money.

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