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"AIBU" to put a 10 year old girl and a boy of 9 in the same room?(40 Posts)
I have a chance to buy a two bedroom house. The 2nd bedroom is 8 x 14 with the door right in the corner, so I'm thinking i could two of those high sleeper beds (a bed ontop of a wardrobe basically) and maybe construct a bit of plywood in between them like a partition. To give them both a bit of privacy. I know it's not ideal. But the way I am visualising it they could at least both change in private. Do you picture it?
I can't afford a three bedroom house, I can hardly afford a two bedroom house and it still might not even happen. It's a wing and a prayer as it is. In time though, I might be able to do the attic. Perhaps. Or if not I'll sort something out.
I have two older sisters and a brother. We had a four bed house, and my sisters refused to share with each other. I could have shared with any of them, but chose to share with my brother for quite a while. He didn't seem to mind. I would have been 5/6, and he would have been 13/14.
I can see how people would find this odd, but it worked for us. We also had a playroom, though, so the bedroom was just for sleeping.
Had to change name again to say thank you for all the thoughts. I appreciate them. I will see how it goes. It would be fine to put them in together for a while, and I will be thinking of ways around the situation then. I think my dd would quite like to share with me. Well, I say that now! I could sleep downstairs if it came to it but keep all my stuff upstairs. I just can't afford a 3 bed.
in your situation, i would make the jump and buy. You will manage fine, and will adapt as the kids grow up/have different needs. If the worst came to the worst and it drove you mad, you could rent it out for a couple of years and rent somewhere else.
you are doing the right thing buying a house now.
OP, My mum grew up in a 3 bed house. Her brother had a bedroom of his own (the boxroom). My mum shared her bedroom with her little nieces and nephews (they were small). My nan shared her bedroom with her eldest daughter (the mum of the children mum was sharing with - she left her husband due to DV and went back home with her children).
It wasn't ideal, but it was fine. Needs must, and everyone does their best by their children. You are doing your best too.
If I were you, I would give your DS bedroom 2, and share bedroom w1 with your DD. As parents, we don't really spend much tim in our bedrooms - more time in the kitchen and living room, I suppose. Whereas children do spend, relative to us adults, more time in their bedrooms. So your DD would get the bedroom to herself, except for when you're actually asleep in it with her, would be my guess.
Good luck to you.
I would only do it if I were happy taking living room as my bedroom.
At 9 and 10, not so much of an issue. In 3-4 years, much more of an issue. Bedrooms for teens are not just a place to sleep.
Was going to say what coldtz said - if the layout is such that you can have a door leading out from the 'new' room.
Otherwise do you have a decent sized loft or a joined on garage you could convert at some point?
I think for now it would be fine, but when puberty hits they may not be too happy with it.
If the room is 8x14, it would be really easy to put a partition wall up, would cost too much and would add to the value of the house. Two 8x7 bedrooms is perfectly acceptable for single occupancy
I really agree with nappydays. Children that get on well as youngsters can change hugely once puberty kicks in!
dd is 12.5 and now developing, and i think she would throttle one of her brothers if she couldn't get away from them.
I think your solution sounds good. I'd look at partitioning the room too.
From my experience, I think that it's easier having two people sharing a bedroom than having one person sleeping on a sofabed in the living room, which means that everyone has to leave the room as soon as that person wants to go to bed.
If the room is 8 x 14 can it not be split into two rooms of 8 x 7? Even if this means the window is split in half, or the 2nd bedroom is off of the first bedroom? I think anything like that would be better than them sharing (surely as boy becomes teenager he's going to really need his privacy iykwim? <bleurgh>). And then you wouldn't need to sleep in the front room either (even if you use a sofa bed, where would you have all your clothes, cosmetics, stuff?)
Buy the property! But get a lovely sofa bed for living room with your bedding tucked into a blanket box out of the way. Looking at getting small spaces to work for you try googling tiny house living on YouTube. Lots of inspiration!
Have you asked the kids what they think?
Kids always used to share rooms. It was certainly more usual than not when I was growing up. I'm not sure it's a huge deal. Or why don't you agree with your dd if you're worried?
I think the house sounds ok as it is, they might be happy to share for a while anyway. If not, then you have lots of options (wardrobes/some other sort of partition, or sharing with your DD, or using lounge etc) so definitely go for it - good luck, I hope you manage to get it for a decent price
Wardrobes side by side is a good idea - they can use the back of each others for mirrors/posters/random shite But they might not even want to divide it up like that yet, they might enjoy sharing a more open room for a while.
It's perfectly acceptable to anyone with half a brain, only the seriously stupid will think it's neglect or worse and they aren't worth worrying about.
I have my suspicions that the housing market will drop further and interest rates too but if you can get on the ladder now with a mortgage and you can afford it (as you say, it's cheaper than rent) and you think the prices are going to start going up in your area, then you should do it. The practicalities will sort themselves out in the future and for now them sharing is fine.
I would let them have the room the way they want it - if a) they can agree and b) you can afford it!
ps, I have had ideas about pushing wardrobes back to back with book shelves to create a 'wall'. We will see. I have my eyes open anyway.
Thanks specialsubject. I have to make difficult decisions and I know other people mightn't agree but to me it's important to buy a place. If I get this place the mortgage will be lower than the rent. It's the right thing. I will be aware of potential difficulties though and if it comes to it, I'll share with my dd for a while and if that doesn't work out I'll sleep on the sofa downstairs and if that doesn't work out! then I'll have to get the attic converted. Thanks for not telling me it is abuse or asking for trouble.
I wouldn't do it if I could avoid it. Is this place the only option, or are there other 2 bed places around that you could afford? If so could you find one with 2 bedrooms, living room (to be someone's bedroom) and a decent-sized kitchen/diner that you could use as living space?
My cousins (boy and girl) shared throughout their teenage years - they actually quite liked it, I think. They had an improvised 'wall' in the style of a Japanese paper screen which they could open and close, so they could have privacy when they wanted it. They did have to be considerate over noise, though, and couldn't really have friends to visit in their bedrooms.
I'm going to be honest, until recently my DS1 and DS2 shares a room which they wanted to do when the youngest was about 2 and oldest 4. This worked really well and I didn't anticipate problems, but when the oldest DS turned 11 ready to start senior school hormones hit with a vengeance and he really did need his own space. We have recently made a small loft room for him and each boy having their own space has improved stress levels in the house considerably. DS3 is in a teeny, tiny box room but is only 2 at the moment.. My experience is of difficulties with 2 brothers sharing once they get older so I think if you can allow them their own space even if you and your Dd share or if you could get someone to build you a cheep stud wall. Good luck.
grab it. It's your chance to get on the housing ladder. So they have to wear pyjamas and get changed in the bathroom. They will be fed, warm, sheltered and loved. They'll cope.
It is NOT abuse! It is you providing for your kids despite difficulties. Good on you!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
It sounds fine. Many many people share. Like you said try can get changed in the bathroom. It makes complete sense to buy. You say the eldest is 12, for all you know he may move out at 18 to uni/ study/ work. So it's something you need to think about for you and your family for te next couple of decades rather than just your children's teens years
I shared with my db in our tiny rented cottage until I was 10 and he was 14. Can't say it bothered either of us that much tbh. But then we had never known any different. I do remember my parents getting anxious about it though and we moved in with my nan about she bought her council house (my parents paid the mortgage). I would say it willbe fine for a couple of years, by which time you will hopefully do the attic.
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