Is anyone REALLY sad about their offspring starting school?(89 Posts)
I have another year until ds1 starts and it already makes me want to cry and makes me feel so sad!!
Thank god. I looked for a thread about this & I couldn't find one - made me think I was alone in this & I edged closer to a second g&t...
Until today, I purposely haven't been thinking of it but we went to Clarks today and it's hit me.
My youngest starts school this week. She's so excited to be going to big sister's school. I thought I was fine with it and looking forward to some me time at home but now I'm not so sure.
My friends pfb starts school with her and I know for a fact she's dreading it. She's got her dh coming with her for support.
Technically it is just me because you'll probably be emotionally stable this time next year whereas I'm not... at all.
Yes DH has the day off too - it's a massive big deal in this house. Sigh.
Yes he's my PFB but I'm going to really miss him. It's EVERY DAY!
I guess it's easier when you've done it before..?
I got DS's uniform out today to check it fits, he looked like a real schoolboy, no longer my baby
I've got it all ready to wash tomorrow.
I'm welling up just writing this! I thought I was fine about it. But we've only got 2 of "our" days left (I work part time) and then I have to wait for school holidays
I actually feel a little sick at the thought
or is it because I will have to work Mondays
I'm the same, devastated that my DD is starting school. That sounds way OTT but she's my shadow. We are a duo, wherever I am she's not far behind. She's DC2 and I wasn't this bad when DS1 started!
Last time I still had a little one at home.
This time I dont.
Definitely feels different, although it doesn't diminish from the excitement
and sadness we felt when dd1 started school because she was the pfb and it was different somehow.
I cried on the first day of most of DC's first days. I don't think it gets easier. I was crying on number 6 too.
Oh God. I haven't even opened the Marks' package with his uniform in yet! I can't bare it.
I have taken my role as a SAHM very seriously, I love our 'in jokes' and that I understand (almost) every obscure reference to everything. It's so important that I know him. I worry that we won't connect anymore & I won't understand him. It's heartbreaking.
DD4 starts Thursday, I know that she is more than ready but she is still so tiny (age 3 clothes). DD1 starts high school too so I shall be as emotional with her too.
I guess it's easier when you've done it before..?
Nope, DS is going into year 5 and I'm still tearful about DD going.
You should of seen my parents when my baby sister (Dads 8th child, Mums 7th) started school, they waited til she was out of sight then walked up the school drive holding hands and crying, then mum spent the whole day getting tearful over stupid things.
I wad completely ready for months and months. I suddenly wobbled last week DD3 is so refreshingly individual and genuinely witty (not the bizarre joke that you laugh at to please your child, but an actual, quite sophisticated wit) I suddenly thought 'What if they don't 'get' her and squeeze her into a mould?'
She, on the other hand, is completely breezy about the whole affair.
Yep I'm trying not to think too much about it. It's really silly for me as well because he's been in full time Nursery while I've worked as....a Reception teacher I just can't accept that we have got to this point in his life so soon. He is very excited.
No, we're delighted :-) September born though, so makes a difference.
I also have another one at home.
DD my second child starts school Nursery class so only half days and I am going to miss her so much. I cried when DS started nursery class and again when he left, then when he started reception and July when he finished infant school.
I will probably when I leave him at the Junior school on Wednesday.
It is horrible when you have to leave them but I have always managed to smile and wave and not cry until I am around the corner.
DS2 starts on Weds.
I am dreading it. I cry about it before he's even started at night.
I was ok about DS1 starting school. I had DS2 still.And it was an adventure for us all to see what this' school malarkey was all about.
This time I know what it is about. DS2 has been my little friend for the last 4 years. I love hanging around with him. I will miss him so much.
Thankfully he is only doing mornings for the next few weeks to break us parents in gently.
I felt like I'd lost a limb walking out of school for the first time without ds2.
It was only the first time though!
Ha ha gracie! I have a sept born DD (she's a younger sibling too) and the next 48hrs can't go fast enough.
lougle I feel like that!! He can be a talker but is hesitant & stutters a little. I worry no one will have the patience to listen & he'll stop trying.
Don't think I haven't researched that rooners
DD is so excited. She is born in September so nearly 5.
I on the other hand am feeling sad. We used to have lovely afternoons after preschool in the park, drinking hot chocolates at Costa or swimming. I am happy that she is growing up and becoming a person but it seems to be going so fast .
I was awake all night worrying about pfb DS1 starting school this week.
Had a bit of a cry at 5am
I'm going to miss him so much.
Pretty sure he's going to love it but can't help feeling wobbly.
Rooners, I have considered that (a friend home eds her 4 DC) but it would only be worse when he decides to leave as a teenager!! I can visualise me hanging onto his ankles as he walks into uni..... That would be mean... Wouldn't it?
My df said 'you will lose her once she starts school'. That was 10 years ago. I did.
I do like the idea of home schooling. I have always found that children who don't go to school don't have as many hang ups and they think in a refreshingly different way (I could be generalising). I still think you can cultivate this in your child when they go to school but it's much harder.
I know I wouldn't have the support of my family if I did either, we don't know anyone who currently does it and they are all for going with the flow. Heaven forbid the child is different.
I am too, definitely. She is my fourth child, and last, and I'm really going to miss her.
It's funny, as when my other three started school I didn't feel like this, rather it was exciting for me and them. It's a long time since I've done a first day in reception, as DDs 1 and 2 are now at university, and DS is starting In sixth form today.
She, on the other hand, is excited for Wednesday. I strongly suspect I may be trying very hard to hold back the tears. It's the end of an era that I'll never have again, so i guess I'm mourning the loss of that rather than her starting school iykwim?
It was worse with my 2nd (youngest) DC, as that really was the end of an era. But, she did half days for a month and we had some lovely times together in those afternoons, it was a special time. Mine are going into Yrs 3 and 5 now and I still feel a little sad every September. I love having the house to myself on my non work days though.
Oh gosh. This thread is making me well up! DD starts next year and I'm already feeling the days slipping by. We have just a year and I know I will weep for missing her.
I feel your pain OP and others in the same boat. Just remember to ficus on that bond you have. You're their rock and a pair of warm, loving arms when the school day ends.
I think I'm okay. My girl is my eldest and is just so ready and so excited. The fact she's so excited helps, as does also having a baby at home I'm sure.
I think any tears will be pride, I am so proud of her. Oh god I'm welling up. I'm going to cry aren't I?
You have set me off, you lot. <big sob>
Actually, yes, I agree. My other three are September, October and November born, with under the years between all three, so I was probably rather keen for the one less child wotnot by the time they each started!
Dd3 is not five until next year, so I don't feel that I've 'had' her for as long as I did with the others.
<still kids self>
I wasn't upset when my pfb started two years ago but now my youngest is starting it does feel more odd. I'm not as certain that school will suit him as much and TBH I'm a bit worried he is still going to strip naked every time he goes to the toilet. can't bear the idea he might get the piss taken out of him
Oh gawd I thought it was just me.
Ive cried and cried already.
Was ok when dd started as I still had my baby needing me.
Now my baby ds is off. Noooo. Hes my mate, we have had such fun, joined at the hip for the last 4 years.
Oh Moaning I think that in reception class there are many children with their own 'quirks' and the others don't think anything of it to be honest. Teachers are on guard for it, they expect it.
My daughter still often calls me when she does a poo bless her. So she's going to have to manage at school.
Aw Moaning - in Reception I have always found that half the kids (including two of my own) pretty much do that and no one flinches. They will soon pick it up when they see lots of their peers managing.
I can't wait for this new stage to start - I'm really excited!
My DS was born on 31 August so I'm feeling very hard done by and cheated out of that year with him. He is starting preschool this September (every afternoon) and I'm dreading it. Next September will be so much worse.
Luckily he's quite grown up for his age and ready for it I think. DC2 due in January so hoping this will help ease my sadness. I know it's only afternoons but its the end of our free and easy time together and the start of losing him to school.
Well I'll go against te flow here. I've been so happy for my two DDs to start school (youngest started last September).
I love the fact that the foundation we have given them now allows them to go off without us (within a safe and supportive environment) and be confident with other adults and their peers.
I love the fact that they can make their own genuine friendships, not just be forced to hang out with the children of my own friends, and who I feel would be a good friend for them. An extention of this is, young as they were, they managed to steer clear of the obvious PITAs within the class.
This is their next step. The start of their independence. For me it's so exciting, much more so than other milestones reached. This shows that we have made a real proper individual person.
This was me a year ago. Just about kept it together to drop off pfb before sobbing outside. he's now about to go into year one and is so excited to go back to school --and tbh I need the break, it's been a long summer hols--but I still feel like crying. Every year he is getting bigger and closer to the time he leaves home and he's just growing up too fast .
This time next year however dd1 will be due to start and I know will feel much worse. She's just too little, and not ready at all. She also has speech problems and can't bear the thought of other children laughing at her. Seriously considering delaying her start.
Sorry not v helpful am i, but you're definitely not alone!
Mine's an August baby so I honestly feel like he's too young.
TBH I went through this with nursery but the feeling didn't go away, it never felt right with the school & teachers etc and in the end I took him out (best decision). This time, it's a different school & I love it - everything's done completely differenly (and better) and I don't have the extra worry. But even so, I'm devastated. Little things like lunch time & toilet time freak me out. Mine stays clothed Moaning but I'm sure yours will in front of classmates.
I do have DS2 at home still though...
I wish I was this confident in my own parenting growlithe
I am happy that he is happy. He told the Clarks lady that he's going to look so smart with his new shoes & tie. If he didn't want to go I'd find it all the more difficult.
Doesn't get any easier. DD1 is going into year one tomorrow and I think I'm worse than I was last year. Agree with whoever said it was like losing a friend. I still have my 19mo at home and although she's gorgeous and chatty it's not quite the same yet!
We managed the wobbles by going out for lunch together after the first morning when dd1 started. Did the same for dd2, but seemed mean to leave dd1 out so took her out for just the lunch hour, was military operation to get her to restaurant & back, but all her friends were jealous of her! Will be springing both of them when ds starts, but have another year yet. Sept born and youngest of three I don't think he'll have a problem. Plan some nice things to do in the morning as a treat for yourself if you're off and something nice to do when you pick them up. In the longer term the three options seem to be get a job(or more hours)/baby/dog!
My pfb starts reception on Thursday & I was looking forward to it & then it hit me the other day that my 4 year old is starting full time school I think im going to be a wreck when I take him .
Though he does look exceptionally cute in his little shirt and tie
Growlithe that's how I think of it when I'm bit thinking about myself, if that makes sense. It is exciting, and I do feel we've given DS everything he needs to go out I to the world.... But I can't deny that the flip side of this is that I will miss my time with my wonderful (pfb) creation
Shittt im going to cry my eyes out aren't I.
Oh keeps going on about it, I want him to shush!
My ds is my best friend, he's also an only
Oops posted too soon, so its going to be a big change for both of us.
Well, when you are thinking about missing them, remember that it really isn't that many hours they are at school. You've still got them for most of the afternoon/evening, and a lot of that can be quality time as you are bringing them home at that time and they often just want a chill and a snuggle after school.
And then when they start reading to you in that time? That is one of my very favourite times as a parent.
He told the Clarks lady that he's going to look so smart with his new shoes & tie Anastasia, that made me well up a little, I can't imagine what it did to you!
It doesn't get easier. I was hopeless when DS1 started school (DC2) and even though DS2 is 2 years away from reception the knowledge that he'll be starting pre-school in May is giving me collywobbles.
I hoped there would be a thread like this, so relieved its not just me. DS starts on Thursday. He is very excited about it and more than ready, its a wonderful school but I still keep welling up and blubbing randomly, like when stitching name tapes into little school trousers the other night.
Good luck little ones starting this week.
Actually, after the morning I've had, bring it on!
That's what I need Growlithe - that has cheered me a little Here's to snuggles & reading.
In the same boat here! Insanely sad
DD is an only. She starts Reception on Friday. She can be hard work, but it's going to be such a massive change to my life. We only got her uniform today - talk about burying your head in the sand
My ds starts tomorrow, just ironed uniform and put his bag and shoes ready
When pfb dd started I felt nothing but pride. Mixed with a bit of relief, as I had a toddler and baby too.
Now my precious last born is starting school next year and even though he's September born and will be more than ready, I'm already broken hearted at the thought. It's going to be much, much harder than with the other two. End of an era as someone said. And since ds1 started school 2 years ago ds2 and I have been the best of friends, going on all sorts of adventures during the day.
I'm going to be lost without him. Not sure the feeling will be mutual! (Which is as it should be)
I've just started a similar thread as I didn't see this one. I feel so down about it tonight. DD2 starts on Thurs, she is my youngest of 3 and is so ready and excited to be starting and I was excited for her until tonight......feeling a bit and tearful - how pathetic?
I'm with you rooners !! Home Ed all the way
I am sad too, DD1 is November born, and was very ready to start school. DD2 is July born, and so tiny, I know really that socially she will be fine but she still falls asleep I the afternoon sometimes. My heart aches for it not to be happening yet. We took a fair time to conceive her, and the reality is that we really could not afford another so this is it, baby days are over.
I am in pieces.
Been crying for weeks everytime someone mentioned it. I'm normally the hard faced bitch.
She starts tomorrow & I am a wreck. Had a nice family day out today, so not too bad, but yesterday I was in floods. She has seen me crying and I've told her I'm going to miss her and I'm sad lots of our fun times are over, but that she's going to make lots of new friends and have different fun than we have.
Lost my job early in the pregnancy so she's been the centre my life for 5 years, even though just turned 4. I too, have taken my role as a SAHM seriously. Completely get that OP
Our whole life changes tomorrow, I'm not ready, I don't want it & I don't even believe in it
I'd home educate if I could, but finances have changed and DD loves the thought of school and being surrounded by other children.
No idea how I'm going to cope in the morning.
"Rooners, I have considered that (a friend home eds her 4 DC) but it would only be worse when he decides to leave as a teenager!! I can visualise me hanging onto his ankles as he walks into uni..... That would be mean... Wouldn't it? "
Well I don't know, Shifty, because I haven't sent one off to uni yet. But in general I think the whole business of detaching myself from a growing child is easier without school because it's more gradual. My teenager is out and about quite a lot these days, and often spends a week at a time away from home. However, this has been building for years. We didn't have that experience of spending most of our time together for the first four years, and then suddenly spending 30 hours less per week together. I guess that is why school start hits people so hard, because it happens all at once.
Dd1 did try school for a while when she was nine. It wasn't the huge wrench it would have been when she was four. And the reason for that was that I was really 100% sure she would be OK there. A nine year old is more competent and grown up than a four year old. It felt OK to me. In some cases, the difficulty of sending kids to school is because parents really don't feel sure it's going to be the right thing for their child at that time. And maybe it will turn out to be the right thing after all in spite of parents' doubts, but it's undoubtedly easier to wave them off when you know in your heart that it is right.
That's not to say I won't cry when my kids move out. Of course I will! But I don't think it'll be any worse for me than it is for other mums.
Good luck to all of you anyway, and your kids! I hope it all comes out well for everybody.
I don't think it's fair to come on a thread like this and talk about HE.
These parents have already made their decision to send their children to school, and are basically talking about their own feelings on the first day. Missing your child when they are at school is not a valid reason to HE.
You will soon get used to the routine of school guys. Don't think about the end of an era, but the start of a new adventure, where your child's life (and your own) is going to be filled with new friends, and new ideas.
Remember you aren't just handing them over and being shut out yourself too. For those with a bit of time on your hands as a result of this, most infant schools will bite your hand off at the offer of a bit of volunteering.
Above all, when you are upset today, be brave and keep positive positive positive for your child's sake of course. Any negativity from you will be attached to the school in their minds.
Good luck everyone.
Oh, I totally didn't intend it to come across as smug or unkind - it was a suggestion, that's all, if you can imagine it being said with the very best of intentions then please do as that's how it was when I typed it.
I missed mine too, HE'd ds1 for a short while (he learned nothing apart from how to dissect a slug) and sent him to school when a place came up...he has never looked back.
Ds2 is HE at the moment but I don't know how it will pan out.
I just wanted to say it in case there were people here who hadn't considered it and might go 'actually, stuff this, I think we can make it work at home'. And be happier that way.
Total respect to those who want to use school. I didn't mean to rub anyone's noses in it or anything
But still Growlithe I don't think it's fair to state that missing them isn't a valid reason to HE. I think it's one of many perfectly valid reasons out there.
OP - I didn't have any family support either with ds1. It was awful. Partly why he went back.
They are more supportive about ds2, he's different...he learns by himself and is more socially adrift, a bit like me!
anyway sorry again and as you were.
This is the thread for me! I am so sad at the thought of DD going to school. Rationally I kbow she will be fine and should love it but my heart breaks a little when I think back to all the time we've had together and often a memory pops into my head and I well up. She's been to nursery 2 days a week since she was 12 months so it's not like we've never been apart but, still this feels different - she's nor my baby anymore.
So i am holding tight to the thought that she is ready to go and it's the start of new adventures and new friends (for us both).
Gawd knows what i'll be like when ds goes!
Good luck to those starting today.
I do NOT feel this way. I didn't feel it with ds1, 5 years ago. And I don't feel it with ds2.
I am happy for him to go and I think he is ready. On visiting days, he just ran off, without a backward glance. He seems quite blasé about the whole thing.
I can only assume that it's because he has been going to school for years, to pick ds1 up and knows quite a few of the other children and knows the lay out.
I will miss my time with him. Because I love him so VERY VERY much. But I am not SAD.
Thanks for that Oblomov - I'd begun to think I had no heart for not feeling this way.
I was so proud of my two (Y1 and Y5) going in today without a backwards glance because they'd both met friends on the way in and were excited. I would have liked a little wave of course, but its not about me.
Now to clear up the mess in this house that they've made over the last six weeks - there are advantages!
I am excited for her not sad. She's ready and keen. I'm happy about that.
I'm happy for them, but a little sad for me IYSWIM, I love the holidays with us all just hanging out together on my days off. I never let on though, it's not about me. Although I empathise with DS, he hates going back every year, loves his holidays.
I agree with Rooners. True, it's wrong to sound off about HE to people who've made a firm decision to send their kids to school and are comfortable with that decision, just as it's wrong for parents with children at school to come onto the home ed board and suggest school as the solution whenever home ed families are having a rough time.
However, where people genuinely seem unsure about the decision they are making, and perhaps don't have all the information needed, I think it is acceptable to suggest that the decision might be considered, or reconsidered. There are a lot of misconceptions about HE, and many parents who eventually end up home educating say they wouldn't have sent their kids to school in the first place if they had known HE was a realistic option.
Still, I'm very sorry if I have upset anyone. I know that it isn't easy to feel your decisions are being questioned as you are going through a hard time. I did think twice before posting.
I think when your youngest/last child starts school it's always sad.
Ds5 has just gone back into year3. He's in the prep now which seems much more grown up than the kindergarten. I feel a bit sad about that if I'm honest.
But it's part of life. Changing and moving on. It's all good.
Can't wait to pick him up at 3.45 though
DS started this morning and I was really excited for him - the school he's going to is fantastic and I wish I was primary age again!
I wasn't upset at all, until I had to fight back the tears as he waved then turned back into line and went into his classroom for the first time.
But that's because I'm proud of him as well as little sad at the fact he's growing up so quickly - cliché but it's true. I do have DD who's 5mo so it's not my last go at this and I think it'll be harder when she goes as that'll be the end of the lovely young child stage
unless I persuade DH to have more
I felt sad when the last one, DC3, finished nursery in July but what with working 4 days I feel that I'm not at home with him much anyway so it won't make too much difference now he's in school. That is quite sad isn't it I feel a bit distressed that I won't be there to pick him up on the first or second day but am rushing home from work at lunchtime tomorrow so that I can drop him off (he's doing afternoons only). He's only 4.0 so part of me is in denial about him really going to school. Elder DS was a summer born but didn't go till Easter.
Just waved DS off this morning.
We went past his preschool on the way and he knocked on the window and shouted 'I'm going to SCHOOL!' <not got prickly eyes at all, 'onest guv>
My second/last child starts reception soon [staggered start]. May have to think about paid work [volunteer lots at mo]. Scary after long break.
For moment will use time in Reception to sort out cluttered, decaying house and garden plus 'up' my very poor computer skills in preparation for possible work. Will keep up volunteer stuff for time being.
So part of sadness is slight panic at change in my status [plus comments from others like 'so you must be going back to work soon then'. Not straight away I reply and get slightly judgemental looks from some]...
Money is tight but don't like assumption that I should start work again immediately.
Well mine howled and howled both days this week. Bereft, he was.
I have feeling BoffinMum I may have problems with mine. At fun intro morning last week he clung to my skirt and went very shy despite knowing many of the children. Also due to staggered intake does not start half days til mid next week. We'll see.....
Not really sad but I do feel like it is only minutes since dd was a baby.
She is completely ready for school (October b'day) and has been in nursery/preschool so shouldn't really seem a big deal, but there is something about "big school" that says they are growing up.
My youngest started school yesterday, I feel a little sad because it's my baby growing up but she loved it. My daughter was really excited about it to the point that she ran in our room wearing her uniform to wake us up. We got the biggest grin as we left her going into her class.
My daughter is a October b'day so she was well ready for it although when my son started a couple of years ago I was more worried as he is a August birthday.
Mine is still howling and pegged it down the street today away from the school gate. I had to fireman's lift him into class. We had a pow wow in the school office and the Family Support Worker is now involved. You could say it's not going well. On the other hand he comes home chatting away about all the nice things he did at school.
Good luck BoffinMum. That sounds quite hard but it's good he comes away happy. All children are different in their reactions. My DS (now 9) used to cry about going to assembly when he started school. His younger brother 4.0 has started and is very cheerful about going in. However, I'm thinking that he is having to be more like a 5 year old at school with the consequence that at home he reverts to being more like a 3 year old. I had to carry him home part-way today, sobbing crossly because he had bashed his brother for something inconsequential and in the process inadvertently blown the seeds off the dandelion he'd picked. Ho hum, we'll what going full time next week is like!
Right, he only cried once we had penetrated the classroom today, so I suppose that is progress. However a factor in this is that his dad was gripping his wrist. I sent him in with his prize winning marrow from the under 5s class in the village show, so he's got something to show the other kids and teachers. That might calm him down a bit.
I am a little sad that dd is growing so quickly. However I did not cry when she started school. To be fair dd has attended nursery full time since 11 months so she is used to being away from me for long periods of time.
Not entirely happy about that but I had to work
I am a little jealous of those of you part timers/sahm's who spent your days/afternoons with your dcs in the park/coffee shops. I always felt so rushed dropping and collecting dd which was shared with dh. We used to collect her at 6pm daily. Feel terribly guilty.
Oh God - I still have a whole year to go before DD starts and this thread is making me sad already! I will have to really treasure our Fridays together this year, I think.
Mind you, the whole primary school application process has me in a complete panic already and it is only September!
I feel for you, OP
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