Nosey parents! How to handle re: results!!

(50 Posts)
grants1000 Sat 13-Jul-13 10:44:05

Just had a text from a Mum of a boy in Y6 who has not spoken or seem me in ages which reads :-

'Had ... had his results yet??'

My DS is in Y6 with her DS. I am going to ignore the text. It has pissed me right off because what business is it of hers? I am gobsmacked at the rude, noseyness of her. I am dreading the end of term playground and results chatter, it's private and personal and not for public consumption. I think they get their reports/results on Tuesday.

Give me some things to say that tell people to fuck off and mind your own business ina polite way please.

Pancakeflipper Sat 13-Jul-13 10:48:08

Say "yes. My DS is fab"
When she asks in the playground grin madly and "yes got results. Delighted" and wander off whilst she pins down someone else

spanieleyes Sat 13-Jul-13 10:48:26

Fuck off and mind your own business sounds fine!

mynameisslimshady Sat 13-Jul-13 10:52:46

Yes, they were just as I expected.

I always get it. It bugs me so much, my ds is quite severely dyslexic so I think people try and get his results for things to make themselves feel better. I tell people they aren't my results to share, or that he did really well, which he did, just not if you compare test results.

piprabbit Sat 13-Jul-13 10:55:20

Is she asking for your DCs results or is she trying to find out if the reports have come out (because her DC has successfully destroyed his)?

Just reply "Yes I have, thanks for asking". It really is none of her business. I have a colleague whose DS is in the same class as DD, she is always trying to compare reading levels/test results etc. Her child is, apparently, a genius. She eventually came to the conclusion that DD must be "struggling" as I wouldn't engage in competitive test result swapping. DD isn't struggling, I just don't think her results are anyone else's business.

Iamnotminterested Sat 13-Jul-13 10:59:37

Surely if her ds is in the same class as your ds the dopey mare should realise that you haven't yet if they come out on Tuesday?

intheshed Sat 13-Jul-13 11:00:05

Maybe just stick to the factual : 'yes they came home in the bookbags, didn't X get his?' If she follows up with asking how he did just say 'great thanks'.

grants1000 Sat 13-Jul-13 11:31:20

mynameisslimshady - that is it! My DS is dyslexic and had a reader and a scribe for his SATS which I heard one of the parents saying 'was unfair' Not the same parent who text me, another one.

I think they want to know "how the dyslexic child/ren did" because they want it be be worse than their "normal" child.

That the HUGE myth about dyslexia, it is NOTHING to do with intelligence or ability, it is to do with the skill to write the words on a page or read (which varies greatly from child to child).

I will just smile and say "really great thanks" whilst thinking FUCK RIGHT OFF YOU NOSEY INSECURE HELICOPTER MOTHER!!!!!

Jinsei Sat 13-Jul-13 11:42:29

I would agree with the "yes thanks" approach, and something along the lines of "we were really proud of him/the results were roughly what we were expecting" if they probe further. And if they ask outright what your DS got, just smile and say "I don't really think it's appropriate for us to discuss the actual results, do you?"

mynameisslimshady Sat 13-Jul-13 11:58:41

Grants my ds had the same, I heard some of the other mothers gossiping about how its unfair that some kids were getting help with their exams and the adults would clearly be guiding their answers to make the school look better.

I was fuming, and told them as much, and why, they were all shame faced (but I bet they carried on when I had gone) every one of them asked how ds did yesterday, with a head tilt, and a 'never mind' tone to their voice angry

(sorry for the hijack op)

Xihha Sat 13-Jul-13 11:59:27

Could it just be that her child hasnt had results yet and she's checking if other people have coz shes forgotten when they were due? I would just say yeah, they came back on friday (or whenever you got them), then wait and see if she asks how your son did.

mynameisslimshady Sat 13-Jul-13 11:59:30

Just realised you are the op blush I need more coffee grin

Kirrin Sat 13-Jul-13 12:07:16

I would take that question as checking whether the results are out or not rather than asking how your DS did? A simple yes or no should do it. Obviously if she follows up with a how did he do question that's different.

AlienAttack Sat 13-Jul-13 12:09:08

My DD only in year 1, reports out yesterday, and have just had exactly the same at an extra-curric club this morning! A not-so-subtle enquiry about levels. You know the sort, starts with a "how was minialien's report? we were very pleased with x's report, especially the 2bs, but I'm sure lots of children got the same...how did minialien do?". I just smiled and said yes, both I and minialien were proud of her report. No way am I going to give any detail about levels to anyone else. Certainly not to someone just fishing so they can compare their DC's levels to those of my DD.

Galena Sat 13-Jul-13 12:51:38

Yeah, I agree, maybe just checking whether or not she should have had her DS's yet.

everlong Sat 13-Jul-13 13:28:44

I had this about ds's year 2 sats this week.

One of the mums of a boy ds is good friends with.
Blatantly texting saying ' what did he get '

Bit depressing really. I'm quite private and wanted to keep it to myself. He's done well and I'm proud of him but don't feel the need to share it.
Meh.

Nosy cah.

lljkk Sat 13-Jul-13 14:17:13

i am the only person I know of who ever asked about other kids results (DC1's y2). Everyone thought I was terribly gauche & declined to answer. This at a school that most MNers would turn noses up at.

DaddyPigsMistress Sat 13-Jul-13 14:34:20

I would just say yes thanks he did fine! And if she text back for more detail i wluld deliberately play dumb an keep saying he got wht we expected/he did his best/ he got the levels we wanted.

amotherincognito Sat 13-Jul-13 16:27:35

If cornered in person, I find saying "oh I forget" works a treat as it's obvious you haven't really forgotten but just don't want to tell them. Yet they won't want to probe further.

BackforGood Sat 13-Jul-13 16:33:09

How do you know she wants to know your dc's results, and that she's not just asking if they should have come home with the dc on Friday ?

MrsHoarder Sat 13-Jul-13 16:33:28

I read that and assumed she was fretting that her DS's results had been mislaid rather than wanting to know what your DS got. Just say "No they're out on Tuesday" and she can stop worrying about it.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Sat 13-Jul-13 16:35:20

Yes, just say 'yep, think they are all coming out soon', if that's true, or 'nope, think they're out next week', if that's true. Don't assume she's being nosy, she might just want to know when they're coming out!

Picturesinthefirelight Sat 13-Jul-13 16:45:15

Facebook has been full of everyone's year 6 SATS results bring out (they came out on Thursday) I think - so she might be wondering why she hasn't had her sons yet.

anitasmall Sat 13-Jul-13 17:06:17

The solution would be in making all the SATS results public (like hanging the scores at the main reception). Than nobody would spy on other children. Even parents of lower class children could see the improvements made.

VonHerrBurton Sat 13-Jul-13 17:16:03

Oh we've got a mum like this in our playground - doesn't speak to you for years thank god then its beeline time when any results come out.

Her dd is in my ds's class and what's hilarious is she uses my ds as some sort of benchmark, 'as long as you're doing as well as Von, you're ok' er, no love, he was 'quite bright' in infants, decidedly average now smile

I always use the 'oh, we're VERY proud' and you see her seething thinking he must be some brain of Britain.

Don't go into playground at all anymore - he either walks or we wait in the car in a particular place if weather's bad, can't you do that, op? Sorted. Don't even have to see/speak to these people. Ignore texts. Idiots. What are they going to fill their time with in high school?

lljkk Sat 13-Jul-13 17:39:21

(Just figuring out I have almost no one on my FB with a child currently in y6)

Other threads were teachers saying that the marking was terrible (lots of mistakes), some schools must be appealing, I imagine.

FormaLurka Sat 13-Jul-13 17:52:45

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Galena Sat 13-Jul-13 19:03:54

Forma, I can read at least 4 posts saying that it could simply be that she's trying to work out whether the results are out yet...?

Hassled Sat 13-Jul-13 19:08:54

I have loads of fellow Yr6 mothers as FB friends and we have all managed to be very diplomatically quiet over the last few days - there hasn't been a peep out of any of us on the subject grin. Makes me like them even more.

But I did enjoy the mother outside the school gates saying loudly (as Jocasta opened the envelope of fear) "but Jocasta, what does two Level 6s mean?". I know she knew damn well what it meant.

FormaLurka Sat 13-Jul-13 19:10:51

That will teach me not to read past the initial nosy bitch comments. blush

i even get people asking what reaeding level dd is on, in year one

whats up with these idiots

DeWe Sat 13-Jul-13 19:26:31

If they're not out until Tuesday, then I would assume that she's genuinely wanting to check that she hasn't had them yet.

But remember when people tell results they don't have to tell the truth.
After dd's ks1 sats one mother told me how her dd had looked at her report and burst into tears because she thought 3 was the bottom and so she thought she'd done dreadfully in everything...
Unbeknown to her I had had a conversation with a teacher where they had mentioned (for good reason) that none of that form had got all level 3s that year. confused

Never worked out why she came especially over to tell me that. I didn't say anything about dd's levels.

TheSteveMilliband Sat 13-Jul-13 19:32:30

Just go and take a look at reception children report thread!

Periwinkle007 Sat 13-Jul-13 19:38:07

I would just think she is wondering if they are out yet in case her child has 'mislaid' them.

forehead Sat 13-Jul-13 20:27:04

She is probably being nosey.
My dd received her results on Thursday and I have had numerous parents approach me and ask how she has done.
My reply is always the same 'fine'. Some have actually asked what her levels were. I always tell them that my dd does not want anyone to know.
I have never asked a parent about their dcs reading levels,
exam marks etc. It is none of my business.
If there are any mumsnetters who are doing this, please refrain from doing so, as you just come across as being nosey.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 13-Jul-13 20:31:00

The question was have you had them, not what were they, wasn't it?

I don't understand. Surely the answer to that question is either yes we have or no we havent.

lljkk Sat 13-Jul-13 20:47:38

I had a weird conversation other day.
Saw a lady whose many Dc used to attend same school as my kids, seems her DD will be at secondary with mine (fine).
2 of her DC & my DD were present, and the woman starts asking me about my kids (catchup, fine).
But then "Are they bright? What about her, is she bright?" It was almost pushy. I felt like I was supposed to ask back the same sorts of questions about her kids & it was just I dunno, intrusive. And just wrong with our children present as though we were holding them up for comparison like nice blouses or something.

Dixiefish Sun 14-Jul-13 07:59:22

Like other posters have said, 'he did fine' should shut most people up from probing further. I don't think it's that unnatural being interested in how other kids in your DC's year did, though I would never raise the topic with anyone I wasn't close friends with. Trawling through the playground picking out the parents of the dyslexic kids to patronise is really rude.

bico Sun 14-Jul-13 09:11:53

I know someone who will only ever call/text/email when she either wants information or has information to impart. I wouldn't mind but the information she wants to share is always about her dcs and her latest school dilemma (which is never interesting to anyone but her). Mostly I ignore.

SanityClause Sun 14-Jul-13 09:16:03

DD1 is in Y9, and one of her friends got extra time in the tests, because she is dyslexic.

Another girl in the class was saying how unfair this was, until DD1's friend said, "Do you want me to take my glasses off as well?"

youarewinning Sun 14-Jul-13 09:24:07

I had this too - with my friend. Her dd is slightly above average in all areas so did well. (Our dcs are year 4 and go to different school).

My DS is a poor writer, on sen register, SA and IEP and been referred to camhs.

She told me how proud she was of her dd results, and what they were. She asked me Friday if I was eased with DS. Told her his results for writing as made a sublevel!!! Listened to the talk from her about how he'll hopefully catch up, he's a summer born (late aug) etc. then she said 'didn't he get a level for maths' oh yes I reply and give it.

Suddenly her DD's school must hold back results because its primary (he's junior).

Sigh - don't understand why some people can't accept children have different abilities and my summer born DS us a very able. The boys gotta have something grin I agree with others that people seem to hate the SN children doing well.

I agree though that text does sound very much like she'd expected results home by now abc just checking they haven't been sent.

youarewinning Sun 14-Jul-13 09:27:43

Should say able mathematician. Poor sod isn't generally able!

KansasCityOctopus Sun 14-Jul-13 09:49:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dixiefish Sun 14-Jul-13 17:46:20

I dunno... if she just wanted to know when the results came out, wouldn't she have asked one of her friends, not OP who she hasn't spoken to for ages?!

ThePlEWhoLovedMe Sun 14-Jul-13 18:01:59

My son is dyslexic and had a scribe for SATS / GCSE's / A Levels. He has just finished Uni with a first. When he was younger and people used to ask for his scores, i would make them up ! (either really high or really low - just to see their expressions).

youarewinning Sun 14-Jul-13 18:20:04

thePIE that's why I always give my DS writing result. Get all the sympathetic looks, words of encouragement about catching up and summer borns. I don't make it up but it's funny to watch people trip over finding something nice to say over bad levels!
They usually then ask his maths level to do the 'oh not all children are academic speech over again!'
I'm happy to give it - again the truth - they soon change the subject.

I should probably be upset as it seems like people use my DS as a comparison because they think he's the boy that will make any other child look clever (suspected asd and his writing as observed at class topic days is clearly miles behind his peers). What people seem to look past is that he's like s little professor to talk too and very knowledgable and I wouldn't be surprised if he went into engineering or something with the ideas and designs he comes up with now.

Well done your DS - a prime example if never judging a book by its cover. wine for him

grants1000 Sun 14-Jul-13 23:38:46

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

I have two children who are probably dyslexic (seeing an EP in Oct) and I am always vague about their results (Yr5 and Yr1). I don't give out results and just go with the "it was what we expected" or "I was pleased with the amount of work he put in".

DS1 won the progress prize this year for his class and I was so pleased I nearly cried because I have seen how hard he works to get his results.

Forma - my son was above the class average in subjects without any extra time or support and below in others just because he can't read the questions quickly enough and write down the answers in the time given.
I suspect with an EP's report and reasonable adjustments he will show what he is really capable of. I'm just delighted that his teachers were a lot less judgmental than you.

Elibean Mon 15-Jul-13 11:38:58

Not had any nosy parents at all, for either Y1 or Y4 dds.

Y1 dd, OTOH, has a friend who never stops asking what grade/level dd is on, from writing to swimming to piano lessons hmm

I've had to work hard to keep dd's self-confidence up at times!

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