How to deal with post parent consultation boasting

(57 Posts)
DieWilde13 Fri 22-Mar-13 17:54:46

I hate the way some parents boast about their dcs levels post parent consultations! I usually just listen, smile politely and grunt some sort of approval. I know that these parents are dying to compare their children's achievements with mine, but I refuse to engage in this stupid game.

It actually gets on my nerves so much that I am tempted to say "Level 3? That is wonderful for your child, isn't it? Little13 is actually a level 4, but I don't like to boast about it." I am too much of a wuss, though, and might have to resign myself to venting here and keeping quiet irl. Like most of the time when I can't be bothered to point out to people how much crap they are spouting.

Thanks for listening, rant over smile

archfiend Fri 22-Mar-13 18:07:47

grin I could do with some tips too - rant away!

I have now started counting the seconds between one particular parent arriving in the playground after a parents' eve and her starting to talk about how utterly brilliant her DC is. Think the record so far is 10 seconds...

Nod and smile, nod and smile...

daisydoodoo Fri 22-Mar-13 18:11:46

Its the fb announcements. Someone has posted that their 6 & 7 yr old ds' have got A's in all subjects. I didn't even realise school's graded primary school children like that.

My dc have attended 4 different primariesand always rereferred to achievement in terms of on target etc.

I just ignore the fb statuses and don't engage in the competitive chat.

Booyhoo Fri 22-Mar-13 18:17:55

i think your method is the best. just nod and smile and dont engage. you could take it as far as to just smile expectantly when they are talking, but continue it once they have made their shocking, amazing announcement as if tehy haven't yet said anything worth a reaction. just stay silent and let them try and fill the silence so their 'announcement' is completely ignored. grin

Hasn't anyone arrived on the thread to say 'are we not allowed to be proud of our children then'? grin

archfiend Fri 22-Mar-13 18:20:51

booyhoo that could be fun! I may try this next week after parents' eve.

archfiend Fri 22-Mar-13 18:26:43

sparkling hello - hope not too snowy with you!

am sure they will be along in a minute!

Our school only gives NC levels in SATS years so it can be quite fun watching people tie themselves in knots trying to boast and not being able to quantify it grin

HumphreyCobbler Fri 22-Mar-13 18:28:00

I tend to say effusively how proud they must be and leave it at that. I never mention my own DC, ever.

DieWilde13 Fri 22-Mar-13 18:35:30

booyhoo I like your style grin

jollydiane Fri 22-Mar-13 18:40:29

Perhaps just say 'Right' it they go on about it smile and nod. If they still go on ask if DC could find a answer for the Cypriot crisis, and what is their view on the macro economic problems, do they think the govt should take a Keynesianism view? Also what do they think about the new regulatory regime in the UK? Finish off with what type of biscuit do the like?

Hi arch- sleeting at the moment....

Cat98 Fri 22-Mar-13 18:43:10

Oops, I talked to my friend about ds's parents evening - it was partly because I was very proud but also partly because there were aspects of it that concerned me and I wanted her opinion!
they are not at DS's school though.

I wouldn't make more than a passing comment about it to other parents at the school, and only then if it was relevant to the conversation. Maybe I'm a bit odd though but I like hearing about friends' children and their achievements. I think I'm just nosey but it doesn't bother me - I'd think it a bit odd if a random I didn't really know started enthusing to me, but otherwise it's fine!

I think putting it on FB is OTT but I have been flamed for saying that previously.

Cat98 Fri 22-Mar-13 18:45:42

Maybe sparklingbrook, doesn't bother me though if others do. Duly noted though!

Cat98 Fri 22-Mar-13 18:45:57

Depends how you say it, too smile

BuggedByJake Fri 22-Mar-13 18:47:26

I've never witnessed any boasting in RL or on Fb but I really don't see a problem with discussing results though. I'm sure some of you may see that as boasting.
My ds has Sen and I'm interested to see where other kids are at, it helps me get things in perspective.

I don't like FB anyway so I am a bit biased. I don't have it so the boasting is wasted on me. grin

redskyatnight Fri 22-Mar-13 18:48:08

Maybe you could change schools ? grin I've never had anyone tell me their child's level in a boasting way or otherwise. Similarly no one has ever compared their child's reading level with my child's. I wouldn't know such parents existed if it wasn't for MN, so can only conclude that these things must only happen at a certain type of school or maybe from a certain type of parent?

ElegantSufficiency Fri 22-Mar-13 18:49:33

We are told not to discuss results at my dcs school. suits me.

chimchar Fri 22-Mar-13 18:51:48

I never boast about my kids levels or anything because people dont like it. i rarely tell people their levels (particularly dc1 who is particularly clever wink) but I do struggle sometimes.... I don't have anyone really who I can boast to...grandparents are not interested at all in my children, my mum died a few years ago, and she used to be the one who loved to hear about how they were getting on.

Sometimes you just want to tell people because you are so proud you could burst!

TheEasterQODdy Fri 22-Mar-13 18:52:16

Yu need to have American Facebook friends .... It's utterly amazing how they are all Honor role students, all A grades again and just the most amazing child ever. All of them. Every single one.
It's the whole "no child left behind" thing over there (according to a sane friend whose DD's are actually pretty clever but she's just not into the bragging) they all have to be a success.
Lovely in a way, but really?

I want my dd to do well, but I'm bothered about behaviour and effort, not achievement

archfiend Fri 22-Mar-13 18:54:06

Sleeting here too at the moment sparkling - going to get battered by snow tomorrow though sad

The vast majority of parents I know don't go on about their children, we might talk in private about a particular issue but there is this one parent who will engineer a conversation around to their DC no matter what you start talking about - 'dreadful weather isn't it?' 'Oh yes, of course as x's teacher was saying he has such an advanced understanding of weather/politics/maths/the environment...'. All very tiresome.

I don't do FB boasts - think that sharing achievements should be limited to people who may have an interest such as grandparents.

CredulousThicko Fri 22-Mar-13 18:55:23

daisydoodoo Fri 22-Mar-13 18:11:46

"Its the fb announcements. Someone has posted that their 6 & 7 yr old ds' have got A's in all subjects. I didn't even realise school's graded primary school children like that. "

daisy, in my dc's school, they put 'A' with a circle round it next to work done. I too thought it meant 'grade A' at first and was chuffed to bits, until dc put me straight 'no mummy, it means 'achieved' " (as in, they have achieved their learning objective)


Thankfully I'm a facebook phobic so I didn't make a complete twat of myself by bragging about it grin

BalloonSlayer Fri 22-Mar-13 19:00:26

I don't know anyone who brags. Although I am not on Facebook.

Floggingmolly Fri 22-Mar-13 19:07:18

What sort of sorry arsehole posts on fb that their 6/7 year old got all A's? shock
They don't have that grading system at any primary school I've ever encountered.

Floggingmolly Fri 22-Mar-13 19:08:47

Oh, Credulous, I've just seen your post. Brilliant grin

exoticfruits Fri 22-Mar-13 19:08:52

I don't know anyone who does it. Just ignore. 'Really' is a good, non committal, word - said in a bored tone- and change the subject.

Booyhoo Fri 22-Mar-13 19:15:25

how embarrassing for anyone that boasted about their dc having all A's if in fact it was an A for achieved! and all the other parents knowing this! grin

Acinonyx Fri 22-Mar-13 19:16:57

I've never heard a parent talk about levels one way or the other. Where are all these boasting parents? They don't live round here....

Untrusty Fri 22-Mar-13 21:12:55

A for achieved is OK.

It's A for assisted (by TA) you need to watch out for smile

Smooshy Fri 22-Mar-13 21:45:34

I actually came across a stealth boasting parent the other day. She was chatting with her son and another boy and saying to her boy how he was doing year 2 maths (he's year 1) and he was saying yes, he was level 1a and the other boy (year 2) was saying how he was doing year 4 maths and was level 3? (I can't remember)

I actually found it sad that the children know and were comparing their levels. Mine don't know and don't care. All I want is for them to try their best, and behave in school, which they do.

The only thing I mentioned to others about parents evening was when DS5's teacher said in maths he was at 1c and DS2 misheard and said "I want a onesie!" That made me laugh!

We have I (Independent) S (Support) and G (Group) on their work here, so at least it doesn't get confused with A grades!

couldwinterstopnowplease Fri 22-Mar-13 21:50:27

Thankfully this doesn't happen in our class. I've never had a parent boast about how their child is doing. A couple of close friends and I do discuss levels sometimes but not to compare our individual children really, just to try and gauge generally how others are doing (hard to explain what I mean - it just isn't done competitively).

bonzoed Fri 22-Mar-13 22:39:56

DC1 is widely known to be well ahead of her class. I don't raise this topic but other parents often interrogate her about her work - drives me nuts. We had a recent parents evening and I've been asked repeatedly how it went. I've been quite curt and noncommittal. I don't need to boast and I'm not interested in how their children are doing. Not engaging drives these parents nuts.

DC2 is in Reception. It would seem that that cohort of parents assume this child is opposite end of the spectrum - when actually they are similar academically. We're more concerned with DC2's social acclimatisation. However, I'm letting other parents assume the worst of this child because I can't bare the competition.

The thing is that everyone who raises the issue says their child had a wholly positive report which leads me to think that no one gets a bad report so I can't see what there is to really compete over anyway.

learnandsay Sat 23-Mar-13 07:40:05

DC1 is widely known to be well ahead of her class. I don't raise this topic

Er, you just did.

bonzoed Sat 23-Mar-13 11:45:05

I don't raise it with parents at school.

Miggsie Sat 23-Mar-13 11:49:24

It is annoying and I ignore it (though it is rare at DD's school).

It annnoys me that the parents seem to talk about it as though their child is a thing there to reflect well on them - and it puts pressure on the child to feel they have to keep making their parents proud - I do sometimes wonder what the children want - not at DD's school but at her drama class....when the child seems considerably less thrilled with things than the parent.

I also wonder what the parents will do when the child doesn't do well and they can't boast?

thegreylady Sat 23-Mar-13 13:26:54

What do you do if another parent asks though? There is a very competetive mum with a boy in dgs1's class [Yr1] and she alwayys makes a beeline for me to ask about dgs' levels,reading book etc.
She doesn't ask my dd on her pickup days but must think I am a soft touch.
I don't want to say "I don't know." My ds-i-l just says,"Oh he is brilliant we are so proud of him!" Then he manages to leave quickly.
This lady's ds tended to 'pick on' dgs when the boy started the school [September] but dgs has many friends and just ignored it.

exoticfruits Sat 23-Mar-13 13:57:04

I would just say-'I'm not bothered about levels-it isn't a race'.

christinarossetti Sat 23-Mar-13 18:02:10

I've got a couple of close friends I've discussed 'levels' with (mainly because none of us understood what they meantgrin but otherwise wouldn't dream of mentioning them.

There's only one mum at my dc's school who tries to engage me in discussion and I do the nod, smile and change subject technique.

CharlotteBronteSaurus Sat 23-Mar-13 18:05:33

i can "never remember" dd1's levels/book band etc
although i am quite dim generally, which makes it easier to pull this one off

Goldenbear Sat 23-Mar-13 18:17:52

I've only had one parent tell me post Parents' Consultation that the teacher had told her that her son was the brightest in the class, the brightest child she has ever taught in Reception year and probably the brightest in his year.

stressyBessy22 Sat 23-Mar-13 18:25:33

'A' probably means absent!! wink

learnandsay Sat 23-Mar-13 19:04:22

I can top that. My child is the brightest in the universe, no, the brightest in the universe and beyond, twice.

threestars Sat 23-Mar-13 19:37:04

I thought the levels were supposed to be for the teachers to work out how to differentiate planning for their class, rather than for parents to discuss deeply?

VonHerrBurton Sat 23-Mar-13 21:36:39

I cut anybody like this dead. Look through them and wander off. I know I am being extremely rude but I find talking/bragging/asking about levels vulgar. Just as I would find anyone talking about money in a braggy way vulgar. Walk away.

MsPepperminCreams Sat 23-Mar-13 22:16:56

I just say "Oh yeah? ?Was your appointment on time/didn't Mrs X look knackered/it's lovely looking through all their work" etc. And change the subject.

I can also pull off the "I have no idea what level he's on" look.

vjg13 Sat 23-Mar-13 22:22:58

I think you are unlucky with the parents at school. I've never had that conversation about a parents evening, everyone just says it went ok if asked or have a little moan about something!

intheshed Sun 24-Mar-13 09:41:35

Thankfully the worst offender I know for this is my neighbour whose DS is at a different school. They have completely different colour coding for their reading books so when she says 'oh I'm so proud, DS is on the black dot books now' I can honestly just smile and nod and tell her I don't have a clue what that means!

harryhausen Sun 24-Mar-13 10:07:45

I never discuss reading levels/maths levels with parents at school.

I hate the FB boasting too. The worst time is the end of year school report boasting. Even my sister half way across the world indulged in this is the worst way last year. Everyone's child is amazing and brilliant and a genius it seems.

The only time I've discussed parents evening is with other good friends with dcs the same age who go to different schools, and then it's only because something the teacher said has worried me or my dc isn't doing well at something and I need a chat about it with someone's opinion I respect.
Most of my school mums don't indulge at all in boasting to be fair (except end of year stealth FB boasting). There's only one mum who's awful for it and I avoid her like the plague. We have a two form entry and her dc is in the other class. From Reception to Y1 she spread huge rumours that her dc's class was the higher level class, told everyone our dcs class weren't using phonics to learn (as they were incapable etc). Her just deserts came one afternoon when we had been invited into school in small groups so the teacher could explain to us how they teach them reading, techniques to use, questions to ask etc. Boasting mum was in my group, including my dd's friends mum (same class as dd). Boasting mum looked slightly mental when my dd's friend came into class with 'The Hobbit'grin.....her son was doing ok but definitely still working his way through the levels.

Haven't heard much from her after thatgrin

harryhausen Sun 24-Mar-13 10:10:29

Intheshed, I hate that too. Even I haven't got much if a grasp of the different levels in our school (is it just ours or does each school have many various reading schemes - Oxford reading tree, snapdragons, rugby rockets etc?).

I have absolutely no idea what a 'turquoise level 7' level is? (Or whatever they say)

seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 10:12:55

I've got a friend who always puts stuff like this on face book. But she also posted a photo of her Valentines cards, so she obviously needs the affirmation....

almostanotherday Sun 24-Mar-13 10:24:39

I always call my closest friends and ask if its a good time to do a bit of boasting re parents evening smile and then once

almostanotherday Sun 24-Mar-13 10:26:56

ffs stupid phone!

then once my closest friends have had their parents evening I get the same phone call but its not always a boast its also an "I need to let of steam" conversation depends on what the teachers had to say smile

chicaguapa Sun 24-Mar-13 10:35:47

Tbh I've always found the opposite. DD has always been streets ahead of other DC and while I have to listen to boasting about sporting or dance achievements, it's very much frowned on if someone should say something about how well their DC is doing academically. On Facebook I'm always reading about how someone's DC scored a hat trick or came first in a swimming race or has been described as a natural dancer. But heaven forbid if you say you're proud of your DC because they came top in a test. hmm

One of DS's friends is a very a high achiever and the other parents are all very sniffy and nasty about it. I always engage the parents in conversation about how well he's doing and let them celebrate how clever their DS is. I don't see it as a slight on my DS. He's good at other things and it's not a competition.

chicaguapa Sun 24-Mar-13 10:42:24

Parents do try to draw me into conversations about levels though, but I don't bite. DD & DS are both in top groups in class, so the other parents often want to know what reading level DS is on etc. I just say I don't know, which tbh I don't. One parent told me what reading level DS was on, which I was a bit hmm at and I quickly got the measure of her and stay clear of!

Like is said, it's not a competition, but it would be nice to be able to be publicly proud if your DC is strong academically.

mrz Sun 24-Mar-13 11:01:26

When they say "my DC is level 1234567890" smile sympathetically and rely "how are the school going to help him/her catch up" then walk away.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 11:12:16

grin mrz

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