Told not to help in dd's class as it unsettles her. ..

(39 Posts)
orangeandlemons Thu 13-Dec-12 11:59:15

I started helping in dd.s class. She is 6 and was really happy about it. I have only done 2 weeks. The first week she was fine, but the second week she got very upset and awkward.

Teacher told me today to leave it for a few weeks as it is unsettling her. I feel miffed. Are they right in this? I'm a teacher, but whilst I sort of understand this, I do think dd would have settled eventually. Now I have to tell her I can't go in and she will be gutted.

GrimAndHumourlessAndEven Thu 13-Dec-12 12:04:03

Are you volunteering in order to have some sort of access to or input into dd's learning? Examine your motives carefully

Ime parents are welcome to volunteer at sch but not good practice to be in own child's class

orangeandlemons Thu 13-Dec-12 12:05:57

Just to volunteer really. 2 other mums's in there both with dc in the class

seeker Thu 13-Dec-12 12:06:31

Most schools prefer parents not to help in their own child's class.

orangeandlemons Thu 13-Dec-12 12:09:13

Do they? In dd's school, all parent's go in dc class.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn Thu 13-Dec-12 12:10:58

Same for my DC primary - you help in your own chlld's class.

OP, I don't get why you're miffed. They don't want your DD upset confused

Bramshott Thu 13-Dec-12 12:15:05

In our school parents usually help in their DCs class, but I know schools who prefer it the other way. If your DD was fine the first time, I'd be tempted to ask if you can give it one more go before deciding that it's "too unsettling" for her.

orangeandlemons Thu 13-Dec-12 12:15:51

Hmmm miffed because not sure that is the whole story. They haven't really given it a chance. However, I'm a teachers and there is nothing worse than an unsettled kid. However dd won't understand that, she will just see that x and y's mum can go in but not me.

Elibean Thu 13-Dec-12 12:38:27

In our school, parents help in their own child's class unless there's a reason not to - but its happened to me, O&L, and I did just stop helping for a week or two whilst dd was going through wobbly patch.

This near end of term, they are so tired (I have a 6 year old dd too) so wobbles to be expected. I just felt bad for disrupting the rest of the class (however little) so it was my idea, rather than the teacher's, but I do see the point. I just told dd I couldn't for a week or two but promised to do it again soon. She was fine.

With my first dd, who was far more clingy than my second, it happened at the beginning of most terms - but teachers helped by letting me read with kids away from classroom, and I hardly saw dd. dd1 actually told me later that she found it easier if I wasn't there smile

VonHerrBurton Thu 13-Dec-12 12:45:04

No parent-helpers are allowed to help in their own dc's classes here, either. TBH, I'm pleased about that, there seemed to be an extortionate number of competitive mums at our school and gossiping in playground was rife years ago before they changed 'the rules' and allowed parent helpers only in classes with none of their own dc.

I'm not suggesting that's the case with you though, op. Could your dd be embarrassed? Just a possibility? You say 'upset and awkward', that's how my ds would be if he was embarrassed at that age. She may just want to be like the majority of the dc in the class, not feel like Mum's watching? She may not want to hurt your feelings by telling you.

Sorry if I'm miles wide of the mark, but can't think of anything else blush

redskyatnight Thu 13-Dec-12 13:05:06

Not sure why are miffed tbh? If you want to help at school, you want to help at school, it's up to the school to decide where you are best placed. If the school had asked you to help with another class because there were too many volunteers in your DD's class, what would your reaction be?

VonHerrBurton Thu 13-Dec-12 13:16:56

Good point redsky.

Are you miffed your daughter is unsettled possibly because you're there? Or is it because school have said that's why she's unsettled, IYSWIM?

orangeandlemons Thu 13-Dec-12 13:37:11

Perhaps the word is nonplussed. Just I haven't heard of it happening before.

BooksandaCuppa Thu 13-Dec-12 15:51:25

I would just offer to help with a different class for a bit. Tell dd that they need a bit more help in a different class. They don't have a specific rule at ds's old primary but parents generally prefer to help out/just read in classes without their dcs. After all, they're there to help the school as a whole and would rather not see exactly what their child is up to at school at short range.

mrz Thu 13-Dec-12 16:37:46

We always ask parents to help in classes where they haven't got a child because it can be very unsettling for children especially the younger ones.
As a parent I always asked to be in a different KS to my own children when I helped out and even refused supply work in my child's class.

LIZS Thu 13-Dec-12 16:40:04

If you really want to volunteer then it won't matter that it isn't your dd's class. Many schools actively discourage it anyway.

auntevil Thu 13-Dec-12 16:48:00

When I volunteered I was in a different class to my DCs. TBH I wouldn't have wanted to be in the same class.
I volunteered to support the school that educates my children, not to get a sneaky look at them being educated.

Toomuchturkeyatendofthedinner Thu 13-Dec-12 16:54:03

Our school always places parents in a different class to their Dc

( except the attached preschool, who will grab ANYBODY willing to help deal with 40 over excited 3 and 4 year olds any day grin )

After helping in the nursery, I was a bit confused how it changed when Ds started school proper, (Scottish system, so age 5) but I can completely understand it, my Ds would be playing up for my attention, probably being a bit silly, and I would prefer to be in a class as Mrs Xxx the helper rather than "Ds mum" iyswim.

Anyway, maybe ask for one more week. I know they are all knackered at this time of year, Ds is prone to 5pm meltdowns just about every day at the moment <chants 6 more days to go, 6 more days to self>

SunflowersSmile Thu 13-Dec-12 17:34:23

Agree ask to be in another class..
Would dislike working in my children's class..

catnipkitty Thu 13-Dec-12 18:42:34

I often helped in DDs infant school and parents were never allowed to be in the same year let alone the same class as their child/ren. Makes sense to me.

GreatUncleEddie Thu 13-Dec-12 18:49:14

You don't have to tell her you aren't allowed to go in. Make up an excuse.

TurkeyDino Thu 13-Dec-12 18:54:22

This is pretty much why I don't volunteer at DS's nursery. I know he would be unsettled by it so I can't see any benefit to the class by my being there.

DeWe Thu 13-Dec-12 19:06:55

Some children are fine with their parent in, others aren't. I don't help in ds's class because he either plays up when I'm there, or clings dramatically to me. Neither of which is helpful.
Dd1 loved me in there and I was fine even dealing with her in a group. Dd2 was fine with me in the classroom, but I asked not to take a group with her in because it didn't work.
I happily choose to help in a classroom that ds isn't in, and he's quite happy with that.

Tgger Thu 13-Dec-12 21:33:15

I went to help once in DS's reception class. He stayed by my side the whole time grin, apart from the 5 minutes his teacher prised him off me to "do a job". In the end I gave up fighting it and asked him to give me a tour of the classroom (during CHIL). I did not repeat the exercise! I think if I wanted to help again I'd go to a different class.

fossil97 Thu 13-Dec-12 21:41:09

I found the same thing doing Sunday school - the DCs very unsettled (well naughty and attention seeking) if I was leading their group. Even though they made a big fuss beforehand "mummy I want you to be the teacher this week".

You can't really control how your child reacts and it does confuse the boundary between school and home.

The teacher is asking you to leave it a few weeks, not booting you out because you're awful. And TBH if it isn't the whole story, do the teacher the kindness of not having to spell out that she doesn't 100% get on with you or some other awkwardness!

Viviennemary Thu 13-Dec-12 21:46:55

A lot of schools don't allow parents to work in their child's class. I think this is a sensible policy. Why not offer to help in a different class.

exoticfruits Thu 13-Dec-12 22:06:33

Just offer to help in another class- problem solved.

learnandsay Thu 13-Dec-12 22:13:57

I was a bit miffed at pickup today. Some mother, obviously a parent helper, stood inside the cloakroom taking ages to wrap her son up, as we all stood outside in the cold. She didn't pay any attention to any other other children. And then when she was finished she said goodbye to the teacher, shuffled her child out of the room, closing the door behind her, and our children were led out of the classroom into the freezing air, as usual, without their gloves on and with their coats undone.

Is there some element of - I go into school to help out insofar as I look after my own?! -

juniper904 Thu 13-Dec-12 22:34:19

OP, as a teacher, would you want a parent of one of your class with you?

Personally, I wouldn't. It's a lot of pressure.

orangeandlemons Fri 14-Dec-12 11:31:05

Well I'm a secondary school teacher and .................yes I would love it, if f it was one of the lazy ones who won't do anything!

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn Fri 14-Dec-12 12:04:42

What if it was disrupting the child's learning though?

learnandsay Fri 14-Dec-12 12:05:10

Orange, who is lazy, the mum, the pupil or both?

orangeandlemons Fri 14-Dec-12 14:53:46

Well, obviously not then, but somehow I don't think it would at secondary level. I would love to try it and see.grin

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn Fri 14-Dec-12 15:05:14

No, but it apparently is disrupting your DDs learning.

lljkk Fri 14-Dec-12 15:16:37

I am always amazed by MNers saying they can't volunteer in own child's class.

Do your schools actually get any volunteers? Not many, I'll wager. And mostly only people who are looking for a job eventually in school environments.

to OrangeAndLemons: sadly some of my DC turned into PITA if I came to volunteer, too. Got better as they got older, though, sometimes.

SunflowersSmile Fri 14-Dec-12 15:56:07

I don't volunteer at school to sit with my child/ be in his class.
I am in different year group and do it in a class that needs people to listen to children read. Would hate to be breathing down my own child's neck at school.

carolb54 Fri 14-Dec-12 16:24:01

Not quite sure it is a good idea to assist in your DC classroom. It might unsettle your DC.

On the other hand, some parents go to assist in classroom with a different motives. They normally gossip in the playground about which DC are in bottom of groups etc which I find very distasteful.

Fuzzymum1 Fri 14-Dec-12 22:44:36

I found the same - I had been helping in the year 1/2 class while he was in YR and now he has moved up into year 1 I am still there. When I first helped this year he was fine then he started getting really upset that I was with other children rather than him, I explained to him that if he got upset by me being there I would have to stop and that would be a shame. It took a week or two but he was fine - now I get a "Hello mummy" when I arrive and he carries on with what he was doing.

simpson Sat 15-Dec-12 00:15:04

In my DC school you cannot volunteer to be with the same year group as your DC.

So I have a child in yr3 and reception and read with kids in yr1,2 and 4.

Having said that no parent volunteers are allowed in reception anyway as we are there to listen to kids read and a lot of them cannot read and the ones that can, the teachers want to oversee it ( fair enough IMO).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now