Calling all Reception teachers - what makes you hate parents?

(110 Posts)
spiralqueen Wed 07-Jul-10 13:48:48

A friend who has not long retired from teaching at a primary school recently warned us that our DD knowing too much on arrival at Reception would make the staff hate us. Is this true - honest opinions and not the PC line?

(We have a horror of small children being dragged to "mandarin for toddlers" and the like but she does go to nursery part time. She has picked up a great deal but that has not been because we have been pushing her)

heronsfly Wed 07-Jul-10 13:57:13

My sil is a reception teacher, I doubt she hates any of the class parents, but her pet moan is about parents who are far more interested in what other children are doing rather than delighting in there own childs milestones.

onedeadbadger Wed 07-Jul-10 13:59:00

My DS's reception teacher confided to me that she disliked the parents who didn't read with their children or encourage them at all.

gorionine Wed 07-Jul-10 14:02:57

What is wrong with Mandarin for toddlers? this is the age were they will find it the easiest to learn a new language.

If teachers start hating parents because their children know too much it is really worrying!

onedeadbadger, that makes more sense!

Many friends who teach this age and she said exactly what onedead and herons said. that, and sending your child in to the school ill equipped, either materially (pe kit) or wiping their own bottoms wise.

<resolves to try and get DD to wipe her own bottom>

I think she will just not poo at school tbh.

MathsMadMummy Wed 07-Jul-10 16:29:18

lol noah

my friend is a reception NQT and I asked her this a while ago. she agrees the apathetic parents are much worse. but also those who are always pushing her for info, being demanding etc - but that's more because of the time it takes up!

as for being annoyed if DC knows too much when they start school, I'd be devastated if DD's school took that view. I guess it can make things harder as you have to differentiate work more.

I worry about that, some of the things my friend is teaching her class is stuff my DD can do now - like number stuff as she enjoys it. I'd hope her teacher will just encourage it.

purpleturtle Wed 07-Jul-10 16:33:55

If DS2 knows 'too much' when he goes into reception in September it'll be because they keep letting him in to the reception class from pre-school now!

I can't imagine going in to school once a week to tell a teacher how to do their job would endear you very much - but I walked down the road with a mum who seems to do pretty much that kind of thing today. shock

CompyCod Wed 07-Jul-10 16:34:54

ANyone remember my story abotu my mate who works in a primary school?

she says that EVERY SINGLE PARENT she has ever shown around says their kid is " advanced for their age"

tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 16:42:24

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potplant Wed 07-Jul-10 16:50:48

I was slightly offended when my sons reception teacher said DS was one of her best pupils cos he could sit nicely on the carpet. I mean come on he's been sitting up since he's 6 months old.

My teacher friend told me that the feeder nursery (that my DS didn't go to) doesn't do carpet time so most of the kids in the class just don't know how to sit still and listen for more than a very short period of time.

I would imagine that parents who don't take any interest are as bad as those who do. In my DS's class the same mother is 'having a word' with the teacher at drop off virtually every day - asking for extra work, what did they do yesterday, can they do a different topic blah blah. I imagine that gets pretty wearing after a while

PuzzleAddict Wed 07-Jul-10 16:51:11

"She had to move school because she's quite bright and the other school wasn't able to cater for her" -- very stoic quiet reserved teacher friend actually guffawed out loud when she heard that; said that when a parent says that, alarm bells ring about how awfully pushy the parents must be.

potplant Wed 07-Jul-10 16:51:39

Should say are as bad as those who take TOO muchy interest.

Hulababy Wed 07-Jul-10 16:54:35

Isn't preschool for playing more than anything else?

I can't imagine infant school teachers hating parents at all and not for a child knowing too much anyway. Can imagine in secondary school when some children think they know everything that some teachers may find it more annoying!

I think reception and infant school teachers are likely to get frustrating with parents who don't do anything to help their own child - reading regulaly, etc.

And likewise a parent who is in here all the time qustioning what they are doing, are they pushing the child enough, wanting to know how x is doing compared to the rest, etc - now that wouldn't be particularly endearing either.

Fortunately most parents fit nicely within the middle

belledechocolatefluffybunny Wed 07-Jul-10 16:55:18

I wasn't believed when I said ds was a bit advanced and could already read. Within a few days she commented "ds is very bright isn't he, we are also having a problem finding him a reading book" with a shocked look on her face. I don't think they tend to believe parents.

katiestar Wed 07-Jul-10 17:06:10

'I think reception and infant school teachers are likely to get frustrating with parents who don't do anything to help their own child - reading regulaly, etc.'

They hate parents who won't do their (the school's) job. OOOkaaaay!!

wheelsonthebus Wed 07-Jul-10 17:07:23

potplant - my dc is always coming home with housepoints for sitting nicely or queueing well. hmm.
Agree that overbearing parents can be as bad as undermotivated ones. We do a lot with dc outside the classroom (reading/writing) and my view is that if we are that concerned about any issue, we do it ourselves.

katiestar Wed 07-Jul-10 17:07:40

IME they dislike (not hate) pushy parents who try to dictate stuff like who their DC can and can't sit next to.

katiestar Wed 07-Jul-10 17:09:27

Oh and parents who complain their children are bored at school because they have to spend 10 minutes a day doing phonics which they already know.

SrStanislaus Wed 07-Jul-10 17:10:21

I wouldnt say 'hate' as such but Parents who annoyed me were;
Those who thought that all learning took place only in school -so they didnt have to do anything to prepare for school.So I had children arriving who could not take off/put on an outdoor coat-or hang said coat on a peg.And one who didnt know how to work a felt tip pen .And another who didnt know he had a name of his own -and that other children also had their very own names

Those who told their child horror stories of their school days and either scared the bejesus out of them or made them anti school (Oh s/hes just like me -hates school)before they had even started.

Those who thought that the entire curriculum was engineered to 'get at' their little darling. So they were given extra hard spellings/number work etc just for my amusement.

Those who assumed that I would somehow know exactly what was going on in their childs home life.Like the Mother who I spoke to for 15 minutes trying to find out why her little daughter was suddenly so withdrawn in school. She blanked every suggestion -no nothing was wrong at home, no she wasn't up too late, Yes she was eating fine etc etc. Until just as I had given up she volunteered "It 'might' have something to do with her Dad walking out last week".....

belledechocolatefluffybunny Wed 07-Jul-10 17:10:45

There was a mother at one of ds's schools who was a helicopter parent, she used to unpack her daughters school bag (child was 9), she'd request extra homework at the weekends and school holidays for her daughter, she'd clean her desk for her, she'd carry all of her things etc. That would annoy me if I were this child's teacher smothered or what. I wonder what she will turn out to be like.

ninah Wed 07-Jul-10 17:13:16

how about this (grandma) on being given a hand painted T shirt her dgs was really proud of
'oh that, yes we've had his sister's one already my daughter had to sneak it into the bin'
that kind of family, for me

Belle03 Wed 07-Jul-10 17:16:23

OK here goes...as a reception teacher I can't stand pushy parents 'Oh he's so bright for his age' etc No, he's probably as bright as all the other kids, he's only 4. I get nervous of parents who push thier kids to loads of after school activities, it'd be lovely for them to just 'be'
My biggest bug bear is for the mums who get their child's reading book out on the playground & wave it around if they think their child is a good reader-aaaahhh!!
On the flip side, I LOVE parents who are chilled, who only do a few minues reading homework but do it every night & I love parents who let their kids dig, look at worms, obsess over dinosaurs-whatever the kid wants to do, not the bloody parent! Most of all I love parents who actually talk to their child & who actually listen to the answers, more like this please! Rant over!

MathsMadMummy Wed 07-Jul-10 17:18:11

oh ninah that's really sad

DH and I will have to be careful not to be the always-talking-to-the-teacher parents. It will take a massive amount of effort for both of us I reckon!

belledechocolatefluffybunny Wed 07-Jul-10 17:19:17

Some children are very bright for their age though Belle. You run the risk of alienating these parents.

Hulababy Wed 07-Jul-10 17:19:52

Since when was it schools job to teach the child to read etc? Surely it is a joint effort. A school can teach a child the phonics, etc. but not many schools have time to sit and do 1:1 reading every day with every child - and everyone knows that reading imporoves with practise, and practise needs to be very regularly.

It is the parent's job to SUPPORT school and their own child's learning. Parents SHOULD be reading with their child regularly if they want to see their child reading whilst in reception.

It is not about doing the school's job for them. It is about supporting their own child's learning. Like homework later on in school, etc.

MathsMadMummy Wed 07-Jul-10 17:21:55

Belle03: On the flip side, I LOVE parents who are chilled, who only do a few minues reading homework but do it every night & I love parents who let their kids dig, look at worms, obsess over dinosaurs-whatever the kid wants to do, not the bloody parent! Most of all I love parents who actually talk to their child & who actually listen to the answers, more like this please!

now THAT is the kind of parent I really want to be.

actually ninah you reminded me, when I used to collect my stepdaughters from juniors, their friends would tell their parents about their day and get no response, parents too busy chatting amongst themselves. not in an 'in a minute darling I'm just talking to somebody else' way, but in a 'it's not my job to care what you do in school' way. made me very and angry to see that

sarah293 Wed 07-Jul-10 17:25:22

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MathsMadMummy Wed 07-Jul-10 17:26:15

ok that teacher wins the catsbummouth award! angry

Lara2 Wed 07-Jul-10 17:28:42

Parents who think it's my job to toilet train their child, teach them basic manners, teach them how to get dressed and undressed, teach them how to hang up their coat, teach them how to eat with a knufe and fork, teach them basic, simple conversation....... need I say more? The list could be endless really. I'm NOT there to be the parent (obviously I will be lovely to your child as if they were my own whilst they are in my care at school) - I have a job to do which, funnily enough, is to teach them.

Parents who just don't care are my pet hate, especially the ones who keep having children until they get the boy/girl they wanted and then ignore the other siblings!!! At the end of the day, it's usually the taechers who end up picking up the pieces.

Oh and one last one, which REALLY annoys teachers at this time of year - parents who moan about how are they possibly going to manage to spend 6 weeks with their children? Er, hello? I've just spent 6 hours a day for 39 weeeks with your child - surely you ( you had the after all!) can manage 6 weeks?

I DO love my job - it's just that some parents can make it very frustrating and depressing sometimes......

activate Wed 07-Jul-10 17:29:09

turning up late to collect

dropping them late

insisting on talking to teacher every day

pointing out loudly what they've done at home - they need to do it in the classroom so shaddup

sarah293 Wed 07-Jul-10 17:29:13

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Lara2 Wed 07-Jul-10 17:30:35

Oops! You can tell it's the end of a long day - sooooooo many spelling mistakes. blush Sorry.

belledechocolatefluffybunny Wed 07-Jul-10 17:32:04

My best friend's a teacher, her school have had to refuse children who are not toilet trained (no medical condition). She hates parents that take no interest in their children and allow the nanny to do it all, she also hates parents who tell her when she is allowed to go on maternity leave hmm
She likes pro active parents, if they have the spawn of satan the least they can do is back her up.

sarah293 Wed 07-Jul-10 17:37:57

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tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 17:41:26

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2shoes Wed 07-Jul-10 17:41:57

lara........don't you get paid then?

Hulababy Wed 07-Jul-10 17:54:33

Obviously if a child is being failed by a school that is different and should be addressed.

mrz Wed 07-Jul-10 17:55:02

Sorry spiralqueen but I've never heard anything so ridiculous.

sarah293 Wed 07-Jul-10 17:59:01

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tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 18:04:37

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Horton Wed 07-Jul-10 18:10:10

What do you DO, though, if your kid is really bright and reading/comprehending far above his or her age and you don't want to piss the reception teacher off? How do you introduce the subject so as not to sound like a nutter and immediately make the teacher not want to ever talk to you again? It's all very well saying 'they're all 4 and all as bright as each other' but what if your 4 year old has essentially taught herself to read (I mean actually deciphering words off her own bat, not just recognising her name or other simple words) and you think it would be a good idea if the teacher knew that. I know that reception is a lot more about learning to be in a group, playing, making friends, being independent rather than actual formal learning. But it's surely not nuts to tell your child's teacher if they are doing something that is actually quite good for their age? I'm a bit aghast at the idea that this would be interpreted as unhelpful.

sarah293 Wed 07-Jul-10 18:14:34

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belledechocolatefluffybunny Wed 07-Jul-10 18:16:09

Well Horton, I must have been a really unhelpful parent as ds was reading Dick King Smith books when he started school.

Whoamireally Wed 07-Jul-10 18:16:39

DD1 starts reception in September. I am now really worried that I am 'not allowed' to ask how she's getting on or will be put on the parents-i-don't-like list.

What is considered an acceptable frequency, then? Weekly? Monthly? Should I wait until the teacher decides she wants to speak to me? Is it really any wonder people wave reading books around in the playground if it's the only method they feel they have of gauging how well their child is doing - even if it's in relation to other kids at least you find out? If you don't ask how they are getting on, how can you best help your child at home? hmm

I am not having a go btw, just wanting to know what 'the rules' are grin I work in the NHS and I love the patients that sit happily (and quietly) on my waiting list until I send them an appointment which I then expect them to make at my convenience, and then there's always the ones who ring up wanting to know when they're going to be seen (how very dare they wink)...so I do get the whole time-pressured resource concept in relation to teacher's time as I have to do it myself. But that doesn't make it an ideal system and even worse is that we are conditioned not to ask for fear of offending.

Piccalilli2 Wed 07-Jul-10 18:18:01

But surely the teacher will notice for themselves if your child is doing something that others their age can't? My dd has also started deciphering words and actually I'm sure she won't be the only one in her reception class who can do it. She's bright and picks things up quickly but it's hardly child genius stuff is it?

tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 18:21:47

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domesticsluttery Wed 07-Jul-10 18:22:58

Never mind the parents who want a word with the teachers every night, what about the teachers who want a word with the parents every night? It is just as annoying...

defineme Wed 07-Jul-10 18:23:54

Horton I think they will notice that anyway without you telling them.
Ds2 is super fast at picking up maths- fractions at age 3 kind of stuff.
I didn't tell the teacher and despite there being 30 other kids in the class his maths ability has been commented on as soon as he entered foundation and he's been put in numeracy sets with the most able kids in KS1 and so on.
You can nurture special skills at home too I think-doesn't mean you're doing the school's job, just doing nice interesting stuff with your child.

belledechocolatefluffybunny Wed 07-Jul-10 18:25:10

It depends Picca. I just wrote on his information (get to know ds) that he could read, I didn't say how well. He was still sent home with an ORT stage 1 book for the first month or so, pointless really. The teacher only heard him read once a week so didn't really know what level he was at as she just didn't have the time. If it was down to her he'd have read every book at every level before he was allowed to move onto something more challenging.

tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 18:26:40

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domesticsluttery Wed 07-Jul-10 18:29:29

You do have to remember though that there is a difference between what some children do at home and what they show they are capable of at school. A teacher can only report on what he/she sees in school.

tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 18:30:42

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domesticsluttery Wed 07-Jul-10 18:35:49

It may just be that they work better in their home environment or in a one-to-one with an adult situation.

For example some children in my pre-school class might write their names at home with their mums sitting with them and helping them, but lack the confidence to do it in the classroom. It will come in time, but there is no point pushing them too hard if they aren't ready!

My DS2 always behaved and performed better at home as he doesn't work well in a class of 30. With all the will in the world his teacher can't do a lot about that!

tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 18:38:18

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domesticsluttery Wed 07-Jul-10 18:42:11

If you think he needs a 1:1 then ask for him to be referred for an assesment. If a child in my class spent every day sitting under the table spinning things and ignoring everyone I would certainly be looking into an assesment!

tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 18:49:23

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defineme Wed 07-Jul-10 18:54:38

tribunal my ds1 (dx aspergers) would do exactly that too( took him to drs appt this am and he was lying on the floor under the bed spinning wheels on the toys within minutes) and he has some 1-1 provision in the mornings.
The 1-1 does do a lot of work on his social skills (eg how to ask a kid to play/how to play chase) as well as his (weak) academic stuff. I have wondered if he'd get more hours if he wasn't so well behaved! I assume you're fighting for the help from your nickname.? My ds1 makes progress (slowly) because of school and home, but it has varied according to the teacher.
I have learned to start every conversation with school with a positive and then make my request for whatever, but I think I'm very lucky with the school.

tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 18:58:04

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tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 18:59:11

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Imarriedafrog Wed 07-Jul-10 19:04:51

Lara- being with a class for 6 hours a day monday to friday is not even similar to being at home with your children for six solid weeks. I am a teacher and completely understand it when parents have a bit of a wobble about the holidays.

BigGreenBin Wed 07-Jul-10 19:21:25

I don't understand the wht am I going to do for 6 weeks bit. We have the children. We chose to have the children (in most cases) so surely we should understand that part and parcel of having children is that there will be school hols?

I look on the flip side. No homework. No packed lunch. No running out the door in the morning. No looking for that pe kit or the bloody book bag which disappears overnight. No loitering in the playground, I forget the housework and all the day to day chores and actually embrace the fact that we are completely free to just enjoy ourselves.

purpleturtle Wed 07-Jul-10 19:23:03

Thank you, Imarriedafrog. Admittedly, now that all 3 of my DC are in the education system I dread the longer holidays less, but I am still aware that my DC (don't know about anyone else's) are very well behaved at school, but not necessarily when they're with me. And 24 hours a day, 7 days a week is not 6 hours a day, 5 days a week.

And a few hours work a week make me a much happier mother in general. But I won't be working through the summer holidays.

<Sorry, rant over>

compo Wed 07-Jul-10 19:27:25

I can honestly say when I was broody i only thought of tiny tiny newborns and a yearning to be pregnant not school run traumas and six week holidays

spiralqueen Wed 07-Jul-10 19:42:39

Good to hear that my friend's view may be a bit off the mark - perhaps the Early Years curriculum develops DCs at a faster rate than used to be the case in years gone by.

I would say that it very difficult to judge your DC's ability when it is your first child and you don't have much experience of small children. My DD amazes me at times but I have only the feedback from nursery staff to go on and I always suspect they tell everyone their children are bright hmm

Whoamireally Wed 07-Jul-10 19:53:16

spiralqueen I am not sold on the early years curriculum - just looks like common sense squished into a 'framework' which is then used as an excuse for spending a billion pounds hmm

Isn't ability just relative to other people anyway? You are told it's unconstructive for you as a parent to compare your child to others, but isn't that what the teacher does when deciding which set to place a child in for certain things?

domesticsluttery Wed 07-Jul-10 19:58:22

BigGreenBin: that is exactly how I look at the school holidays! I love them grin

katiestar Wed 07-Jul-10 20:14:20

'Since when was it schools job to teach the child to read etc? '

um since they called themselves a school ?

katiestar Wed 07-Jul-10 20:18:37

'In preschool, ds achieved about 4/5 of the early years foundation stage targets. I went through with my highlighter and added another 38. Shocking!

Teacher didn't believe me.'

Now you are the sort of parent I would hate if I were a teacher!

Feenie Wed 07-Jul-10 20:21:28

It's also essential that those taught skills are practised little and often, katiestar, and that's where parents come in.

I'm with mrz, spiralqueen - ridiculous statement.

ReasonableDoubt Wed 07-Jul-10 20:27:59

This idea that you shouldn't teach your child to read in case it makes the lives of teachers harder really boils my bloody.

I also totally relate to the parent who went through the school report with a highligter pen, actually grin. DS's last report said he 'needed to work on hs numeracy skills'. I questioned this and was made to feel like Mrs PFB from Pushyville.

An Ed Psych report just put him on the 97th centile for children his age for mathematical ability and non-verbal reasoning (working at Year 5 level).

I'm not interested in boasting about my 'gifted' child. I am interested in his teachers having some idea of his capabilities, though.

Littlefish Wed 07-Jul-10 20:31:52

<quick hijack> Feenie how did the meeting go at your ds's school? Did you sit on your hands, or could you just not contain all your questions wink

Feenie Wed 07-Jul-10 20:33:58

It's bollocks though, reasonabledoubt. Our Reception teacher is delighted when she finds out kids can read - and as IF it would make her job harder. I've never met a teacher who says this - apart from my Reception teacher when I was 4, and since she was absolutely ancient then, she is probably dead by now. It's a philosophy that isn't in existence now, thank goodness grin.

We get upset at our school with parents who don't feed their children, clothe them adequately, keep them clean or, as happened to one poor mite recently, give them a birthday present or even a sodding card sad.

justaboutblowingbubbles Wed 07-Jul-10 20:37:36

"her school have had to refuse children who are not toilet trained (no medical condition)"

That is against the law nowadays, isn't it?
Our Area Preschool SENCO says it is. Even if there is a delay in NO OTHER AREA, toilet training delay is a developmental delay and you can't refuse access to school on those grounds.

So if this was recent, I hope your friend knows her school is breaking the law.

tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 20:40:55

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Feenie Wed 07-Jul-10 20:41:47

Katiestar is not a teacher.

domesticsluttery Wed 07-Jul-10 20:44:49

I have to say that I have yet to meet a teacher who is annoyed that a child can do things.

Annoyed that they can do them but won't in school perhaps, but that is a whole other thread.

tribunalgoer Wed 07-Jul-10 20:46:10

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thirdname Wed 07-Jul-10 20:51:36

[And who was it who mentioned parents should lettheir dc dig for worms. I rather take them for mandarin lessons than digging for worms.
Anthing would be better than digging for worms eeeuuukkk

GraceK Wed 07-Jul-10 22:37:22

My DD will be the eldest in class when she starts Reception in 2011 (1st Sept birthday) so I asked my teacher friends what I could do if she starts to get interested in reading (rather being read to) in the next year - I was advised to try & speak to the reception teacher at her prospective school & find out what reading / spelling scheme they use - then if they are ahead when they start, they can move up along the school's curriculum & won't start complaining that the letters are pronounced a different way, etc.

BetsyBoop Wed 07-Jul-10 22:44:49

my DD (starting school in Sept) doesn't do digging for worms, but hunts for slugs & snails (yuck) instead, does that count? grin....she is dinosaur mad too.....and we don't get a choice about reading to/with her (not that we mind of course wink)

OMG that must mean I'm a chilled.... shockgrin

justaboutblowingbubbles Wed 07-Jul-10 22:47:23

What makes you hate parents?

Do you think having an irritating mother who kept pointing out odd problems with her son's hearing, which you refused to acknowledge, then insisted you refer him to a paediatrician despite your insistence that there was nothing wrong and said mother was paranoid because of having other children with SN, THEN rather than waiting forever for paed appointment said mother took son to an independent OT who confirmed exactly what she had been saying, significant auditory processing difficulties and other stuff...whilst you'd been trying to convince her she was talking rubbish...said mother then asked if you would be willing to accept input from independent OT...

do you think that would make a Reception teacher hate a mother?

I do hope not.

gorionine Thu 08-Jul-10 07:32:42

So far I have had a fantastic relationship with all my dcs teachers but at the end of the day, I am not here to be liked by them, I am here to do the right thing by my Dcs. If that had to mean that I need to talk to the teachers everyday after school I would.

Another thing, apperances can be very deceptive. I do open DS2(reception)'s bag as soon as he gets out of the classroom because if he forgot his reading book, and I do not realise before being home it means another 1 hour round walking trip to go and get it in order to be "the chilled parent who only does a couple of minutes reading every night"grin

sarah293 Thu 08-Jul-10 07:32:47

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sarah293 Thu 08-Jul-10 07:33:29

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MathsMadMummy Thu 08-Jul-10 08:46:17

mrz - if you're still about, on another thread feenie linked to a very good publication about supporting DCs learning in year 2, and I was wondering if there was such a thing for parents of DCs in Reception - feenie said you might know of one? so I can help at home and not have to bug the teachers as much wink

my teacher was full of praise when I went to school already reading, but I know of quite a few parents who've been 'told off' for starting their DCs on reading too early. I suppose it's a problem if they learn a different scheme but if a DC wants to learn to read, surely saying "no you have to wait until you start school" would be damaging? it would've been in my case I think.

the idea that it is entirely the school's job to teach reading really pisses me off actually. of course we're entitled to expect that the school teaches it, but it has to be supported by parents!

DH and I are very pro-home-ed, but because DD is desperate to go to big school (and is flourishing in preschool) we've decided not to HE and she'll be starting Reception in 2011. if we were HEing obviously we would've taught reading completely, but just because she'll be at school it doesn't absolve us of responsibility! FGS angry

Ineedsomesleep Thu 08-Jul-10 09:36:30

whoamireally you usually get to meet the teacher during the first term for a Parents Evening. If you have concerns before then you should be able to request a chat with the teacher at a time convenient to you both.

As for taking the books out on the schoolyard, I do check its in the bag too but wouldn't dream of taking it out. If another parent thinks you are showing off, they will hate you forever and you'll have too see all the parents, twice a day, 5 days a week, 39 weeks a year.

Riven I wish you hadn't moved either smile

spiralqueen don't you think that "horror" is a tad irrational?

Term-time holidays!

Oblomov Thu 08-Jul-10 10:12:20

I am proud to admit that I have read the whole thread and honestly don't think i do any of the crimes listed. smug. smug. oh come on, its not that smug, its not hard. its called being reasonable.

DD wiped her own bottom yesterday aternoon [proud].

Still think she will just not poo at school.

tribunalgoer Thu 08-Jul-10 11:01:52

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Miggsie Thu 08-Jul-10 11:11:42

I would just like to say in defence of those who tell the recption teacher that their child is advanced?

I met DD's recpetion teacher and said "DD is quite bright, she will consider you to be her personal assistant." Cue teacher's eyes glazing over and automatic "yes yes" to a deluded parent tone of voice.

3 weeks after DD started reception the same teacher came to me and said "I now see what you meant about your DD, she's really really bright." DD went on to do the literary SAT tests in reception.

So, statistically, there is ONE that beats the norm.

Same teacher once dropped in that she found the "my child is a precious over sensitive angel who must be protected from rough play in case it damages his self esteeem" from mothers of boys annoying and ludicrous.

CompyCod Thu 08-Jul-10 11:12:33

lol at miggsie

you are SO SO typical

Miggsie Thu 08-Jul-10 11:18:32

Thanks Cod, but DD is not a typical child, she just isn't.

Litchick Thu 08-Jul-10 11:32:07

The reception teacher I work with hates the parents who won't do any reading at home with their child or support them in any way.
Who will often be late.
Who will not attend parents evenings.
Who will not teach their children basic manners or kindnesses.
She adores parents who are interested in the children's schooling.

Conversly, my Aunt hates any parent she feels to be 'pushy'.

I suspect that, as humans, different teachers like and dislike certain things depending on personal tastes.

zoelikesjam Thu 08-Jul-10 11:33:51

DD1 started school last september, reception. As she was one of the oldest she did two years of prechool which i think really helped initiate her into school life.
I knew she could read some words, as she reads with me every night, i also knew she could write words and do some basic sums. She was a very talkative child but we never atributed that to her being bright.

When she started, the teachers took an instant shine to her...within two months she had been moved from reception to year one work.
By January she was reading at age 7 stage.

School, but mainly her teacher and the teaching assistant have been amazing. They give her one to one sessions as and when they can, and luckily they are keeping her in the same class for next year(our sch's reception and year one classes are intergrated) so they can continue to work with her.

I cannot praise her teacher any higher, she is amazing.
I just wish more teachers were like her!

cory Thu 08-Jul-10 11:53:41

Miggsie, if teacher's sense of humour quota had been used up for the day (as happens with those who spend their day with the you and fractious), she may have thought you meant the second half of "DD is quite bright, she will consider you to be her personal assistant." grin

It was a joke, wasn't it? <anxious emoticon>

the subtext surely should be, "dd is quite bright, but I would come down on her like a ton of bricks if she considered an adult as her personal assistant- or indeed anybody else until she is in a position to pay for a PA"

Teachers ime don't need to be reassured that the children are average in intellect: just that they have been well brought up.

Oblomov Thu 08-Jul-10 11:54:44

I am the opposite of miggsie.
was talking to reception teacher last year, "oh, i said, so long as he's not struggling. i just want him to be adverage. i never want him to struggle". (looking back seems a bit inappropriate at reception stage, more liek the conversation at gcse stage !!)
oh no, mrs obs she said. he's far from average. he's very bright. oh i said. oh right.

obs downplays everything in life. thats her problem.

Butterpie Thu 08-Jul-10 12:15:41

I would be pushy, I think, if mine went to school

I KNOW DD1 is maybe slightly above in some areas, but she is slightly below in others. I think I would be worried that they wouldn't see the bits she is good at and just see her being clumsy and a bit dreamy. Or the other way round and she wouldn't be given help with the bits she finds hard.

Ob you are like me then. As long as there is no struggle im happy! Anything for an easy life.

Not quite the same as being a teacher (not as much training involved wink) but I work at ELC and you would think I live in Britains Brainiest Town. Because every child is advanced and couldnt possibly play with the age appropriate toy because it is far far below the childs intellectual level. <yadda yadda, yawn>
The funniest one I have been asked for was an educational toy that can teach newborns to read.
The saddest one was the parents insisting that toys were too young for their 12 month old when it was clear she just hadnt been taught how to play with them.
Trying not to get completely off topic, Im trying to say that I could see it being annoying for teachers to be told that little Mickey is a genius and should be worshipped.

MathsMadMummy Thu 08-Jul-10 13:04:28

lol ferret I hadn't even thought of parents asking ELC staff that kind of thing. 'tis both depressing and hilarious!

I was a bit worried about being pushy as I've spoken to the preschool staff, but I just wanted to check DD is behaving herself. they frequently tell me (even when I didn't ask) she's beautifully behaved so I am now very smug proud. especially given that some of the other kids are stroppy nightmares. hmm

so I really empathise with teachers being more concerned that kids know manners and other basic skills. it's a parent's job to teach that stuff!

as an aside, I'm also wondering - what a PP said about it being down to personal taste, what a teacher finds annoying in the parents. Maybe it relates to whether the teacher has kids? I think it's hard to know how desperate you can be to ensure your child gets the best schooling possible, until you actually have your own child? just my random musings, as you were folks...

katiestar Thu 08-Jul-10 22:52:38

'3 weeks after DD started reception the same teacher came to me and said "I now see what you meant about your DD, she's really really bright." DD went on to do the literary SAT tests in reception'

Did you insist she was put in for them.I am struggling to see why any school would want to put a reception child in for SATS ? Why?
How would it benefit the child or the school?How does it fit in with the idea of learning through play?

They need to find the level the child is at, so they can target the IEP at the right areas and skills. It's actually more work for the school, as a lot of them (even some supposedly 'outstanding' schools)are happy as long as all children gain the requisite 2 sublevels progress. Shows a good, proactive staff who care that every child makes genuine progress.

Feenie Fri 09-Jul-10 15:06:10

You can't 'put a child in for SATs'. You mean that she completed the same test that the Year 2s completed that year.

Her results wouldn't have counted towards the whole school's Y2 teacher assessments that year (although I bet they wish they had!)

I actually agree with katiestar - they should be more confident in their teacher assessment procedures than to give her a very narrowly focused test.

MathsMadMummy Fri 09-Jul-10 15:14:06

feenie - mrz gave me links to helping-my-child-through-reception type things, thanks

Feenie Fri 09-Jul-10 18:23:41

Oh good, glad she could help.

Belle03 Fri 09-Jul-10 22:06:40

bit of a late response regarding schools excluding children who are not toilet trained- they are legally not allowed to do this anymore. Uder EYFS, any provision (school, childminder, nursery, whatever) for under 5s must cater for all their needs if necesary. Schools seem to be having a hard time grasping this.
I'd posted about parents that annoy me & parents I love, can I just say any teacher worthy of their job should welcome any communciation, I'm always happy to chat to parents about their child, teachers should be willing to hear your worries, concerns etc
Sorry, can't remember who commented about checking ds's bag for reading book- that's fine!(I do that with my own kids) no problems with that...unless you wave it above your head & suddenly develop a booming voice to announce the book level! That's when I start muttering & getting annoyed!

Dysgu Fri 09-Jul-10 23:57:58

I have read the entire thread and it is all quite fascinating. I am a teacher and, in the past decade have taught all year groups from Reception to Year 7.

I can't recall ANY parents that I hated in that time. I can recall parents who, on occasion, made my life harder in many of the ways already listed, such as: not supporting school rules, times, processes etc.

Then there are the parents who, on being asked to come in to see me, get defensive and that may lead to anger. I feel I am a very calm person and the only parent I did have to stop myself from 'debating' with was fairly recently when she asked me how I expected her to get her son's (Y6) homework done and why do teachers have such unreasonable expectations of single parents (her words) and obviously teachers don't have children and housework and other stuff to do or they would not set (a 20 minute) task once a week!

Now, though, I get to see it all from the other side of the fence. DD1 is 3.10 so has another year of pre-school still to do before starting Reception. She already knows her alphabet and most single sounds, can use her fingers for simple addition and subtraction and has lots of sight words (so can 'spot' PLAY in any context because she sees it so much on the cbeebies website!)

Where she has picked all these - and other - bits of knowledge up I don't know! Obviously she learns through play and does it a lot. She is fascinated with the world around her and is generally a chatty, friendly little girl. I get called in to speak to her keyworker once a term, as with all other parents, and although it is nice to look at the pictures and browse through her observations and stuff, I simply send her there because she loves going and is happy there! That's what I write in my feedback box too.

We spend our time at the beach, or watching ants or bees or beetles, sharing books, tipping toys all over the floor and having fun.

The big thing that I think links to parents wanting to speak to the teacher all the time and ask how their DC is doing is because, until the child starts school I think you get to know what they do all day - as soon as they start school it quickly moves to the:

Parent: How was school today?
DC: Fine.
Parent: What did you do?
DC: Nothing

and that can be hard for us parents!

Lara2 Sat 10-Jul-10 09:14:08

2shoes - not sure what you're getting at? Yes, I do get paid - but not to teach basic stuff that I think every child should know before they come to school at 4 years old.

Lara2 Sat 10-Jul-10 09:25:36

Eek - I think I've really trodden on a few toes.
Ok - firstly, thanks for the support BigGreenBin.
secondly, I am a parent, I have 2 SEN children - no, I didn't choose to have them that way - but I recognise that I'm their parent and if they're not in school I love spending time with them, no matter how bloody knackered I am. Yes, my kids are hard work too, that doesn't make me unique in any way, but when school is out, I'm their mum and carer. Buck stops with me and I don't moan that I have to have them for more time.

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