Reception dilema decision for DD1

[Sallysue]

I would really appreciate some advice on a topic thats so hard for me.
My DD1 has attended a nursery out of catchment for 2 years that i sent her with the intention of getting a place at the school, which has excellent achievements.
However when the places were allocated she did no receive her place and was allocated 2nd choice.
I decided to appeal the decision and have recently now been allocated a place. However on the flip of the coin, whilst we were going throgh the horrible prospect of looking for an alternative school we discovered an amazing prep school, which my mother in law is more than happy to pay for as money is no issue for her. My daughter really likes the prep school too.
In some ways i wish i had never appealed the decision as i would not be faced with this dilema.
I mentioned to my husband and mother in law about just letting her go to the school with all her friends but they really have their heart set on this prep school now.
It is an amazing school and i know my daughter would benefit better and have better attention. Yet my heart is still with the school attached to her nursery.
I feel so sad she has a place there but have to give it back after i wanted it for so long.
Also even it isnt my money as we could never afford it ourselevs, i am worried if it is a wasted on such a young age??
Would really appreciate your views on this.

[savoycabbage]

What about when she gets older? Will your MIL pay for all of her education or will she go back to the state system?

What about any more children you may have?

My concern would be that I couldn't afford it myself and then you are in the hands of somebody else. Which I am not one for. If something happened along the way then you would have to take her out.

Does your dh have any other siblings who have children or may have children in the future?

It might be OK if your MIL said 'here is all of the money for the school' in a big pile as it were.

Children like schools when they look around them so I wouldn't take that into consideration, nor would I worry about friends and things like that that she might be leaving behind.

I would think about life outside school. Is the state school near where you live. Will you have a 'nicer' life walking to school with her and will she make friends with children who live near her. Children in private schools tend to be more spread around geographically. Will you feel uncomfortable making friends with the other parents, having them back to yours for coffee and a play?

[Lotkinsgonecurly]

Put her into the state school with all her friends and see how she gets on. It will be a really good transition for her for reception (and cheaper for mother in law). Then make a decision aged 7 ish and you could always transfer her then.

[Sallysue]

Yes my daughter has younger sibling and my in laws would do the same for her too.I think they will def do it all the way through too.
Both schools are approx 10 mins driving distance, neither is within walking distance.
I feel very confused i dont want to turn down a good opportunity for my daughter, as if i moved her at 7 or 8 she might be well settled and not want to go.

[sunnydelight]

It's a long time to be dependent on someone else. What happens further down the line if you are unhappy with something but your MIL thinks it's fine. Will she really just pay but want no say or input? Private schools, like state schools, vary widely and may or may not be the best place for your children. I think the possible lack of control would be the decider for me.

If you have a place at a good local primary, maybe it would be better talking about your MIL funding private secondary schooling which is often where the State system falls down?

[savoycabbage]

Me too. I just couldn't let somebody else have such a big hold over me, even if that relationship is wonderful.

[mummytime]

Do have a good look at how the fees increase as children get older, if you haven't you may be in for a big shock. Also consider University tution fees, they are going to get bigger, I have heard predictions of £5000 to £7000 a year in the very near future.

Think carefully, if the ILs can afford it for both your daughters throughout their career, then go for the Prep if you want. If not ask them to save it for: extra tuition if needed, and university fees.

Good luck!

[islandofsodor]

There are ots of children at the dc's school whose fees are paid by grandparents.

The fact that yo have called it amazing says to me that you have fallen in love with the school.

I sent dd to a prep school nursery as there were no state places available intending to move her for reception but we just couldn't and both dc have thrived there.

Go with your gut instinct as long as you have a reasonable relationship with your in laws.

[gladders]

my kids go to an independent school

BUT in your situation, if you love the primary school and she's already happy at the nursery there, i'd go with that personally?

i have a mixed relationship with my PILs - and if they were paying for 14 years of schooling for both my kids it would be unbearable. FIL would probably start wanting to come to parents evenings, and want to chat with the teachers... I also would never ever be able to be rude or stroppy with them and I am not v good at biting my tongue!!

[SE13Mummy]

I think I would accept the place at the school her nursery is attached to and talk to your DP and PIL about their kind offer... perhaps explain that at this particular moment in time you think the social and emotional support of transferring with her friends to a play-based learning experience is more important than some of the additional opportunities offered by the prep school. You could ask how they'd feel about the possibility of paying for schooling later on e.g. at 7+ or 11+ instead. Another thing to bear in mind is the additional costs of private school education as the children get older; uniforms can be very expensive and the residential trips are often pricey too so maybe if they are keen to support your DC's education financially they could think about setting up an account that could be used to fund instrumental lessons/expensive sports kit/skiing trips/overseas trips etc.

[fridayschild]

We are about to move DS1 to a prep school aged 7. He is sad to leave his lovely state school but is not worried about going somewhere new - he has been for an assessment morning and made friends, likes the look of the science lab and other things he would not get at his state school. We will stay in touch with his best friends from school. I don't think the issue of moving schools aged 7 should put you off.

DS2 is also moving at the same time, aged 5. He is incredibly over-excited about the move and can't wait - and he is also very happy about his existing school.