bullying has stopped so should I move him

[atah]

I have been toying with moving my DS to a new school for the past 2 terms, its a difficult decision because he worked so hard to pass the 7+ into one of the best schools in the area and although he is unhappy I think he feels a failure if he leaves.
He is almost 9 (year 4) and had a terrible 1st year at his new prep last year, he was bullied mercilessly by 3 boys. After a year of trying to find out was going on and reporting to the ineffectual teacher, I went to the head at the beginning of year 4. he stamped it out immediately and although these boys aren't very nice to him still, he isn't really bullied. the problem is that having been "the victim" for so long has given him such a bad rep in the school that he is ignored, avoided and left out by most of the kids.
He has lost a lot of confidence, most of his spark and his social skills are appalling (tbh I am having difficulty working out if the social skills or lack of are a result of the bullying or the cause of it IYKWIM).
We could move him from September this year - year 5, but am worried about how he would integrate as the new kid in a school where they have all been together since reception. This is a bigger worry given the difficulty he has in making new friends, the past 2 years have been peppered with issues and incidents around friendships and bullying, outside of school too recently. DH puts everything down to the bullying, but I'm not sure, if there is something about him that attracts negative attention from other kids, he just doesn't seem to be able to let go and just play.
Sorry its so long but i just wanted to know how difficult it is to settle into a new school especially if you already have "social issues"

[expatinscotland]

Dont have any answers but didn't want this to go unanswered. Bumping!

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

In my experience, children forgive and forget very quickly but it will help your son if you find out what he's doing to cause himself so many problems with the other children. My son was like this, I had alot of reports from his teacher just saying that he had been annoying the other children. This went on for a while until I changed my approach and went through a typical play time with him so I could see where the problem was, he was just repeatidly asking them to play incase they changed their minds. Once the playground rule was explained to him it clicked and he got on with the other children alot better. There's a book that we also used called the unwritten rules of friendship, the scenarios inside it were really helpful.I think if your child is having some social skills problems then they will just follow him if he's moved, you need to find out what they are so you can guide him.

[atah]

thanks I have the book and many others, they have been really helpful. he has adjusted his behaviour tremendously over the past year, i think he was simply immature compared to the rest of the class, he is a summer born kid most of the rest are autumn so a big difference. he was also reacting angriliy to being left out and teased which didn't endear him to other potential friends either. But all that has improved no end yet he remains "persona non grata" its as though he is now tainted and no one wants to catch the victim disease. you are right without good social skills his problems will follow him and further damage his fragile confidence but if he stays...........

[namelessmum]

What was your son like before he started at his current school? If he used to make friends much more easily, but there has been a dramatic personality change since he started at this school then perhaps it is the wrong school for him; but if you know that he already had issues with making friends before starting at the current school, then it's not obvious that things would be any different at a different school. Do you have a trusted friend or relative who could give you an honest opinion on the extent to which there may be issues with your son's behaviour that are preventing him from making friends?

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

Have you spoken to his teacher? They have 'circle time' at ds's school which really helps. Are the school doing anything to support your son?

[mummytime]

If you have a place for him at a new school, then I'd suggest that you visit and also ask them how they would support your son. How would they help him integrate and develop his social skills?
At least then you can make a decision on knowledge not just presumption.

[atah]

thanks so much to all of you I already feel better. he was fine before this school, no social issues in fact he was among the most popular at his old school! I will ask a good friend as it is really hard for me to judge him and to be honest the past 2 years have been such hell I can't really remember "before bullying".
The school have been great since the headmaster got involved, DS see's the school counsellor and feels very supported, but is it too little too late. I wonder if he will ever have any true friends there or be fully included by his classmates, which is the reason I am considering a move. I am going to ask the new school more questions about how they would help him to settle in etc, perhaps even a trial day.