I am putting this here and not in special needs education because I really want to reach as wide an audience as possible.
DS has had problems right through from nursery and is now in Yr 2 (was 7 end December 09). He is due for a first appointment at the social communication clinic tomorrow and it could be that he has ADHD or Aspergers or autistic traits. (who knows I am snowed under with it all and can no longer see the wood for the trees).
Currently he has 15 hrs of one to one time per week which I am told is to help him access the curriculum. His behaviour in the classroom is inconsistant as he has some sensory difficulties which are mainly around lots of noise. There are some activities which staff know that DS just will not cope with so they arrange other activites for these times. DS also has sensory seeking probs and the OT has said this is due to difficulty DS has in knowing where his body is in space - hence he needs to keep moving. Mainly this excess activity manifests itself in fidgeting and wriggling around lots. His DT (dear teacher) has given up trying to get him to sit on the carpet at story time so DS now sits on a chair.
My concern is that over the past three months his behaviour seems to have deteriorated and there have been three incidents with other children over recent weeks. The first incident involved another child who would not let DS join in a game with Lego - DS spat in his face in temper. This was dealt with in school in that he was told that you do NOT do that and Lego was withdrawn for the rest of that day. Another child used to spit at DS when he was cross so am sure DS picked that up from there.
Then last week DS hit a little girl in the class. The little girl's Mum who is a TA in the classroom witnessed this and says it wasn't a hard hit and was due to an disagreement between the two if them. The school told me at the end of the school day and DS was nowhere to be seen. He was in fact hidden behind the book corner where there are some storage shelves. DS had tucked himself in on the bottom shelf and refused to come out. I mean..,. why hide away from me? I am not a horrible Mummy who hits and shouts. I just want to understand why he behaved in the way he did. I asked him about the incident and got a very confused story - in short I couldn't work out the whys and wherefores so made an appointment with the school.
On the way home I noted that DS looked extremely tired and suggested that he did not use the Wii that evening (he is usually allowed 30 mins before tea) and he went into an utter meltdown - screaming and raging and telling me he hated me etc etc. He was in the front of the car and was kicking the dashboard, then he took a shoe off and held it to my face shouting "do you want a piece of me" (a line from Toy Story). I pulled the car over, got hold of him and made eye contact before telling him firmly to STOP his behaviour NOW. And he did - this eye contact and firm handling often works. We got home and no more mention was made of the Wii - he didn't even attempt to put it on - there was no fight - he just accepted that I had said No and that was that.
I had a meeting with the school yesterday and told them all the above. They said firstly that he had never displayed those kinds of rages in school and that secondly although DS had hit another child this was not usual for him (something I already knew). They also said that social skills in most children aged 6-7 could still be erratic and that had this not been part of a bigger problem with social communication that they would not have told me. (Not sure I wouldn't want them to tell me tbh). Anyhow - I came away feeling more positive and ready for the social communication clinic (first appointment tomorrow).
Today I collected DS to be told that he had hit another little girl. In fact he had really hit her hard around the head according to the TA and I am just mortified by this as he could have really hurt her. Apparently they were listening to some music and DS wanted to listen to one thing while the little girl wanted to hear something else - cue an argument and DS (or not so DS )lashing out.
I am just so upset and worried as prior to January there were no incidents like this. I am racking my brains but cannot think of any reason for his behaviour to have changed like this. DS has never been a hitter and was always the child at nursery who got bitten (there was an incident last year where he bit another child but it appears that they were both mucking about and getting too physical according to the school).
So - bg question. Do I apologise to this little girl's Mum as I want to do? I feel so bad as her DD needs to feel safe in school and I can't help thinking that DS could have really hurt this little girl. It's not a nice thought to know that your child has done something horrible.
I asked DS if he had apologised and he said no because the teacher would not let him. My feeling is that she was upset and that they thought DS might make things worse. I have suggested to DS that he apologises tomorrow and he agreed he would. I asked him about the incident and he says that he "didn't mean to hit her". My reply of course is that his hand did not hit her by mistake and that he has ultimate control about what his hands do. So of course you meant to hit her. I asked him what he could have done instead of hitting and tbh he seemed clueless. I suggested that he could have walked away, listened to her choice of music, or gone to speak to an adult about feeling angry. His reply was that he wasn't angry. I asked him why he hit this little girl if he wasn't angry and he couldn't answer.
I am so worried about all this. At the moment I can control him and use stickers etc to reward good behaviour - as he gets older this will be less effective (tell me if that is wrong).
Is this my fault? I had PND after DS was born and have had depression on and off ever since.
If you've read this far thank you - realise I am rambling but just need to write all this down.
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DS is hitting other children (is possible Aspergers).
12 replies
JollyPirate · 24/03/2010 19:44
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colabottles ·
25/03/2010 13:20
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