Sexist letter from the head?

[LilBigSis]

Hi, I'm new to Mumsnet - I'm a big sister rather than a Mum (or Mom as we say in Walsall!) but thought I'd join up to find out how I can better help my Mom with my two youngest sisters, aged 17 and 7.

My mom's a working lone parent so she was a bit upset when she recently got a letter from my littlest sister's school about parents' evening which said something to the effect of: '...we know some parents find it difficult to get out of work, particularly fathers...'. My mom found this rather dismissive of the struggle she has to fit parental responsibilities around her job. As for me, I think it's a bit worrying if a school is perpetuating the idea that daddies work and mummies don't!

What do other people think? Have you had anything similar from your school?

[southeastastra]

i don't think i'd sweat over it tbh. just one of those things, sure they didn't mean to upset anyone

[EleanoraBuntingCupcake]

i would complain. the head is a nob

[ArcticFox]

I think the head's implication is that in his/her experience mothers make the effort to get out of work to attend parent's evening whereas father's don't make that effort to the same extent.

i.e I think there may be a subtext here.

[cory]

Me to, I think it's a subtext: "we don't seem to be seeing many fathers round here".

And if he/she is only mentioning the actual facts, then that's not making a sexist assumption. What he/she is actually saying is that the school would like to see more involvement from fathers, rather than it being mums all the time. Which is rather the opposite of sexist.

[Merrylegs]

'...we know some parents find it difficult to get out of work, particularly fathers...'.

ie both parents work, but mothers make more of an effort to attend, despite the many pressures on them.....

'Your mom' should be celebrating the recognition of her efforts.

Dontcha think

[fernie3]

I dont see the problem with the letter, look around any school event and there ARE alot more mums than dads.

[princessparty]

I think it is sexist.Daddy's have big important jobs which they can't leave and mums dont

[pooexplosions]

I think its just true, fair or not. It is more likely that dads find it harder to get time off, it is more likely to be dads in full time work, and/or in jobs that they can't get away from.

[OtterInaSkoda]

I imagine (or at least hope) that the head had good intentions - as in "we understand that it can be hard to get out of work on time to attend these things but really, it is very important that parents (and tht includes YOU, that's right YOU FATHER AT THE BACK PRETENEDING TO BE SOOO JOLLY IMPORTANT AT WORK THAT YOU CANNOT BE ARSED TO POSSIBLY COME) make the effort.

Your mum could mention that it came across as being sexist though.

[UnquietDad]

It could read as "Daddies have big important jobs which they can't leave and mums don't", it could read as "We don't see many fathers here, but we know it is hard to get time off" or it could read as "the mums make more effort." However you spin it, it is a bit unnecessary. Just as it is at my children's school when we get references to "asking the mums" to help and "could the mums do so-and-so."

In many cases, the very reason that Mum is available to come to school at odd hours during the day is that she doesn't have to work - thanks to the fact that dad has a job which is so important he can't actually drop everything and leave it.