DD behaviour changes since starting school

[littlemoog]

My DD is a August baby and started school at 4 yrs and 4 weeks. Our local school has the policy that all children start at the same time, so she started school at the begining of September; had two weeks of mornings and straight to full time.

Whilst she is doing well educationally speaking (she is in the top group/stream) I am concerned about her coping emotionally and socially.

I am seeing a change in her behaviour, normally resulting in her being tired. She is over emotional, crying and having tantrums again-almost like a two year old.
I have spoken with the school about my concerns in the first half of term, when I had to remove my daughter from a birthday party because her behaviour was really so bad. I left with her screaming hysterically and wretching.

At school I am getting no feed back at all as to how she is settling, and have heard other mums complain that they have no idea how their children are settling in.
the situation has come to ahead with the teacher calling me aside in the playground, telling me DD had bitten someone. She couldn't tell me the situation, as she didn't see it, nor know who it was or why it happened. I was shocked as this isn't normal behaviour.teacher went on to say DD is really 'all that naughty' but she doesn't always listen whilst sitting on the carpet and can be a bit bossy with her classmates and tells them off.

I am frustrated because I feel I have no feed back from her school, the mornings are manic in the classroom and you don't get a chance to have a chat with the teacher/ta and at the end of the day the class gets led out the door and there is no teacher/parent interaction there.

I have an issue with general communication within the school. DD had a large nosebleed and came home in different clothes. I only knew what had happened because DD told me when I noticed her clothes and dried blood on her nose.I spoke to the head of year and told her that I felt it was an important thing to be told about, and she agreed and said as the class teacher was new she may not have realsied blah blah blah...

I am trying very hard not to over react to all of this. The teacher is new and all the parents have commented on her lack of interaction with them.

I could go on but this is turning into a novel! I am worried because my DD has a school birthday party to go to today and I just don't know what her behaviour will be like. This will be her first school party and I don't think I could face dragging her out kicking and screaming infront of all her classmates, if she behaves badly.

[littlemoog]

sorry typing error, teacher said she is 'NOT all that naughty' !

[AllarmBells]

Poor little mite! And poor you having to wonder what is going on.
Obviously you know her best but it sounds like she is exhausted.
I would ask to see the teacher, can you ring and arrange an appointment? Could she go back to a half day Mon and/or Fri? And does she sleep in at the weekends? If it can't be done "officially" I know some people on here have posted about keeping their LOs off sick on Friday if they are exhausted at the end of the week.
My DD was born in Jan, she started reception in Sept, and she is mornings only till after Xmas. We grumbled a bit at first but tbh it's been plenty for her. 4 years and 4 weeks is just tiny to be doing full time. Was she much better when she just did mornings?
Also, I would keep things very quiet at the weekend. I know they love parties but if it were my DD she would go to the party but stay in with toys/TV after that, no shopping expeditions or park or anything.
Re the social things (bossiness etc) I would not worry. She's ever so young, she's unlikely to be the bossiest in the class. Let her settle in and check with the teacher if she's any better after Xmas.
Re the unreported injury, that is shocking.
Is there a parents evening coming up where you could get some more info on how she's coping?
Don't really have any advice re calling/writing to the school "officially", I've never done it and am about to post on whether I should.
Good luck.

[Builde]

It sounds like tiredness, that's all.

I have to admit that when my dd started school, all she could do when she got home was veg with a book or do colouring in.

If your dd is too tired to go to a party, don't go! These big reception class parties aren't actually much fun for the children.

It also sounds like the teacher is settling in, although I would be shocked if I hadn't been told about an injury. My dd has always been lead out by the TA if anything had happened to her in the playground.

It's funny, but my dds school is not at all popular and yet when you read Mumsnet, none of the bad stuff you read has ever occurred and yet all the good stuff does. The teachers communicate well and the head is always around at the end of the day.

Anyway, stay relaxed for a bit, wait til the school seems familar to you and then - if you think there are some problems - wade in and complain!

[thebfn]

my dd (June baby) started full time in September. There is great communication in her school and I am reassured she is doing great etc etc etc but at home she has turned into a MONSTER!!! I am assured by my parents, friends, teachers, etc etc etc that it is due to just pure tiredness. Bless her but OMG I am struggling with the change in her behaviour. She had a mega tantrum this morning over NOTHING going to school. She loves school and I reckon the experienced amongst us are right but boy my patience is wearing thin. I know I need to be her rock but I feel more like a sand-dune at the moment. Good luck Littlemoog, let's stay ABOVE all this 4 year old nonsense!

[sunnydelight]

It's really common to wonder "where has my nice child gone" then they start reception tbh, especially at that age. Most of it is probably just because she is totally shattered and maybe a bit ovewhelmed by the whole thing. Communication does seem pretty hopeless, but again with a new teacher I think it's only fair to give her a bit of settling down time too.

I think starting school can be just as traumatic for parenets as the kids, especially first time round. If things haven't settled down in a few weeks maybe try and make an appointment to see the teacher then; making a proper after school appointment rather than trying to catch her for "a quick word" will probably be more successful.