Worried about my 4 and half yr old DS coping at school

[Lukilu]

My lovely, bright, confident and friendly son has become anxious and upset and I think he's struggling socially at school. He started last Sept, mornings only, and went full time in Jan. His main friend is very bold and constantly talks and I think my son finds it difficult to express himself because he gets talked over all the time. They keep falling out and I think he ends up on his own at playtime. He has another friend who he was friends with before he started school. This boy plays with him outside of school but totally blanks him at school, I know that hurts my son's feelings. I took him to school this morning and went to join the queue,as usual nobody said hello to him although a lot of them seemed to be talking to each other. I had to take him down to the classroom and he didn't want me to leave. I told his teacher and she said she'll have a chat with him. It just seems to be getting worse rather than better. He said he sat on the mat and cried yesterday afternoon because no one lets him speak and he wanted me. I can't bear him to be sad like this, it's heartbreaking.

[singalongamumum]

Oh no, your poor DS. And you. It'll be interesting to see what the teacher has to say about it all when she has spoken to him- he probably just needs some encouragement in the right direction.

Maybe you could lend him a hand by inviting one or two friends over for a play date/ to the park so he can build friendships in a quieter environment? Perhaps you could approach some of the mums in the playground and ask how their DCs are getting on, not as a way of moaning but just to get to know a few people- if your DS sees you doing it then he may feel more confident to do it himself.

[Lukilu]

Thanks for your suggestions. I spoke to the teacher and she said he was fine after a while. She encouraged him to join in and said he's never on his own and he's popular and it may just be he saves all the negatives for me! We know lots of people and he gets invited to lots of parties, I suppose I just have to avoid getting caught up in the mood swings. I do really try and encourage him to be friends with lots of people rather than just one or two so that if he falls out with them, or they're not in he's not on his own. It just seems that he's been quite down lately and it's hard to tell what's really going on.

[izyboy]

Is he sleeping ok Lukilu? Sometimes over tiredness can make little ones (and us) over sensitive. Especially as he has just started full time maybe he is extra tired perhaps? Some extra early nights?

[izyboy]

Is he sleeping ok Lukilu? Sometimes over tiredness can make little ones (and us) over sensitive. Especially as he has just started full time maybe he is extra tired perhaps? Some extra early nights?

[basementbear]

Sorry to hear your DS (and you!) are having a hard time. From my own experience it seems quite common that children go through little "blips" - the novelty of school begins to wear off and they do switch friends quite a bit during the early years. I've seen quite a few normally confident children in my DS's class crying before they go in - there are usually two or three stragglers every morning who have to be gently pushed into the class or removed from their mum's leg!! I remember my DS1's teacher's advice before he started, she said that some of them will cry before they go in, and they might cry when you come to pick them up, but honestly they don't spend all day crying - amd it sounds like your teacher is on the ball and I hope the fact that she says he's popular is reassuring you.

Of course, given the choice I'm sure most children would rather stay at home, that's why we bear the brunt of it at home time!! Maybe try and arrange for another boy or girl to come and play after school to encourage him to socialise a bit more?

[Lukilu]

No Izyboy, he hasn't been sleeping very well. He goes to bed at 7.30, has been very restless lately and then wakes up at about 5.30am. Also he used to still have lunchtime naps right up to last Christmas, so yes, I'm sure he's very tired!
As you say basementbear, there probably is an element of the novelty wearing off. He did say school was boring because they only do boring things and don't talk about space and rockets! There could be an element of 'only child syndrome' too. He's so used to being heard and having all the attention on him (and getting his own way) that there is a lot of re-adjusting to do in the school environment.
Thanks though, your comments help put it in perspective.

[whizzylala]

I'll just add that don't forget his teachers input that he is popular etc. My DD constatnly told me no one played with her and she didn't have friends only for me to be told by her teacher how much she loves playing with all her friends and that she is very popular......her teacher couldn't believe wahat she was telling me.....! Hopefully he is fine and just going through a bad phase.