DD possibly unhappy in reception - parents evening

[Maxiebaby]

We are really worried about some of the things our DDs reception teacher is telling us about our daughter and feel she may be unhappy. We cant get any sense out of DD about what the problem is, so are having to draw our own conclusions. Parents evening is coming up next week and we are not expecting good feedback, and also want to get our view across. Would appreciate the opinion/reassurance of fellow mumsnetters.

DD had some teething (we thought) problems in term 1 with behaviour/social aspects, which seem to have reared their head again recently. She is bright, very lively and admittedly a bit of a handful sometimes. She is apparently 'not QUITE doing what she is told ' (quote, love the 'quite'!), finding it hard to get into groups socially, playing up occasionally and not concentrating well on her schoolwork (we find the same with homework).
The school wonders if DD is worried about a home problem as she is also developing what seem like nervous ticks such as excessive blinking and throat clearing. We can think of anything that may be bothering her and she is not articulating anything when asked.

My SIL, a primary teacher, thinks it could all be school related, exhaustion, too much pressure, constant TA changes, and suggests we prioritise sleep, routine, boundaries at home, and let DD play (which is what she wants to do) in her free time rather than forcing her to do the, in our (and her) view excessive homework.
We think this is worth a try before exploring other possibilities like special needs.

We are not sure however how the teacher will respond to our request that DD only does the homeword she wants to do. DD usually asks me to read her book to her, and likes some of the games/activiites in her weekend homework but we have to force her to do the rest and it seems to drag on all evening and all weekend on and off, poor kid.
Each evening she gets a book to read, an ongoing wordlist which is now impossibly (40 or so words)long, and at the weekend 2 books plus about 4 sides of A4 of varied homeword including sums/words/drawing/games/activities.
The teacher is older, very nice but very formal and old fashioned in her teaching methods-I volunteer in the class so get to see her in action. Personally we think this is the wrong approach for such little ones, and certainly for our daughter who just wants to play most of the time (April baby).

Incidentally, we think DD is doing fine academically (though nothing like some of his high-achieving class mates), reading ORT stage 3, year 1 words, counting to 100 with a bit of help, though motor skills less strong, so I am hoping the teacher will feel she can keep up with reduced homework.

Does it seem likely that DDs problems may be related to this pressure/tiredness or do you think something else may be going on?
Does our approach (prioritising routine, slepp, boundaries and reducing homework) sound sensible, and is their a way we can voice our concerns on homework and suggest it become voluntary in future without the teacher saying no or becoming defensive?
Is it too much to want a 4 year old to just enjoy being 4 and to be happy???

School is local, state, rated 'good' by Ofsted.

[tiggerlovestobounce]

I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to ask the teacher to let your DD do less of the homework.

I think that it is important that a child at the beginning of their schooling enjoys learning, and it seems like the amount of homework she is doing is preventing her from enjoying learning?

I think in your situation I would be happy to put the homework away for a while, and see if you can put the fun back into school for your DD.

[Maxiebaby]

Thanks for the reassurance Tigger, and sorry you had to read through such a long post - these subjects are so emotional it is hard to be concise sometimes.

[Madsometimes]

I am really sorry that your dd is having problems in reception.

My dd2 is in year 1 and she does not get that amount of homework now, never mind in reception. When I was reading your OP, it was going through my mind that she must be in a private school, so I was surprised to see that she is not.

In reception at our "state ofsted good" school children get 1 short reading book home each night. There is never any written homework, although often the children choose to draw a picture and bring it in to their teacher because they like the praise.

In year 1, their books are only changed 3 times a week, but they tend to be longer. They also get spellings and one written task to do at the weekend, which may be numeracy or literacy but never both.

When my children were in reception, most of their day was spent doing structured play activities. Typically the teacher or a TA would take a small group of children aside for 30 mins and do academic work, eg. writing or numeracy. This group would then go back to free play and another group of children would be called away to do "work". The teacher would also do small bursts of whole class teaching with the children on the carpet, never more than 30 mins at a time. As far as I know, this is how reception is meant to be taught. It is meant to have more in common with a nursery class than a year 1 class.

So yes, I would voice my concerns to the teacher. I am sure there will be proper teachers who can say exactly how reception is supposed to be structured, but I am fairly sure that it is not as you described.

[ksld]

I opened this because my DS is unhappy at School and I have parent's evening coming up... But am now a bit that your DD has so much work, and when she is doing so well. My DS can count past 20 but doesn't recognise the written numbers, is still learning the letters and phonic sounds. He gets phonic sounds each week to look at, and a book he can swap as often as he likes. That is it for 'homework'.

He is so tired after school, and not interested in doing any 'work', and I see no reason why he should. My worries about him not settling are all around the social aspects of fitting into the group and enjoying himself.

I would talk to the teacher and just say that amount of homework is not suiting your DD so she won't be doing it. It's not like she can force you to do it, and it doesn't sound like your DD will be left behind academically for not doing it. Is the school quite pushy academically all the way through? Will this be the right environment for your DD? The tics and blinks etc do sound like a reaction to stress, so your approach to sleep, boundaries, removal of academic stress sounds good to me. Hope she feels better if she is allowed to just settle in and play.

[sundew]

Maxie - I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this. I have 2 dds - 1 in reception who gets no homework - they bring reading books home but there is no pressure to read them some weeks we may read 3 or 4 other weeks we do none at all.

Your dd get way more home work than my dd in yr3 (and even that seems a lot to us).

I agree with the other posters that you need to say to the teacher at Parents evening that yiou feel your dd is stressed with all the additional work (she 4 ffs - they need time to play!) and you are going to try a period without homework. if the teacher complains you should suggest that you all meet up outside parents evening with the headteacher to talk things through.

Good luck

[cory]

I spent a lot of time writing in dd's homework book 'dd was too tired to do much reading tonight'. The passiver resistance approach. She's hardly going to get detention at this age.

[VirginiaWoolf]

Hmm. Sounds like the rather old-fashioned teacher is struggling to deliver the 'learning through play' curriculum for the Foundation stage that 4 year olds need.

[traceybath]

Blimey that sounds a pretty excessive amount of homework to me.

My ds1 is at private pre-prep in reception and they get 4 reading books a week and thats it homework wise.

They do their phonics, numeracy, french etc but most of it is still very play-based.

I think if she's on ort level 3 she's doing really well.

Do you know if other parents think the homework is excessive?

[Maxiebaby]

Thank you everyone for your support and reassurance that this is unusual and not the way things should be these days. You've given me the confidence to stand my ground and ask for what I think our DD needs (to do what she wants homework wise) in order to be happy and thrive, and to follow through with our plan for outside school.

Your experiences of the amount of homework and the teaching in reception are similar to those of my friends with kids at other schools. Even those at private schools are having a much more relaxed and enjoyable time of it, some only just starting to bring books home now! Looks like our school is unusual not the other way round. A year down the line I bet they'll all be in the same place, so what is the point of putting tiny kids through all this??

What surprises me is that teachers dont seem to have to follow recent guidelines on teaching methods, or are they just that, only guidelines rather than requirements (any teachers out there)?

Interestingly, whilst other parents at the school complain about the amount of homework, it is more from the practical perspective of fitting it all in. When pushed they seem to believe its a good thing really in terms of the kids' learning. Not met anyone as resistant as me, but then maybe others had different expectations due to greater familiarity with the school (we are slightly out of catchment). We seem to be unusual in being very keen for DD to do well academically, but feeling this is not necessarily the right way to go about it, especially if it turns the kids off reading or school in general.

Yes we have wondered (throughout!) if its the right school overall. It is certainly an old fashioned school, however from what other mums tell me, the other teachers in the school have different approaches. I am planning to start talking to other parents (and possibly the head) to reassure ourselves on that one. Unfortunately the alternatives would be private due to long waiting lists elsewhere, and private would be a stretch for us. But if our DDs happiness is at stake it may be the best option...

[VirginiaWoolf]

Research suggests that homework doesn't actually help children to make progress. Many schools set homework simply because parents want/expect it.........

[TotalChaos]

DS's school (whose foundation unit got rated very very highly indeed by Ofsted) sets an absolutely fraction of that homework in reception. DS gets 1 or 2 books a week, and a set of 9 sight words which get replaced once he knows them, so say every few weeks (he's not particularly taking to reading, am sure that those who are flying would get more words more often). No other homework at all. Like other posters I am rather at whether this teacher is actually following the appropriate Reception learning through play curriculum. Btw DS's teacher specifically said that if they sent home worksheets etc as homework then Ofsted would have their guts for garters as that's not how it's meant to be for reception aged children.

[laughalot]

Maxie my ds sounds like the spitting image of your dd he also is in reception. The traits that you describe about your dd is just like my ds and when he was in nursery we had a (OLD SCHOOL) teacher and endless problems. She said we should have him checked ect for any special needs she basically couldnt handle him because he wasnt the model by the book average child. I came out of that meeting in tears.

Had parents day last week and it was a different child that they talked about, she has him worked out and knows what does and dosent work for him and with alot of help and patience he has come on a real treat. My ds is very bright but because he struggles with his writing he struggles to get it out and put things on paper, however teacher has assured us this will come with time. She said she adores my ds and couldnt believe how different he was from the reports from nursery.

The bit that concerns me is the amount of homework your dd gets. My ds has a book which we keep a week and read every night, the odd days he may have a bit of homework but your dd's sounds excessive.

I think what im trying to say in this post is that it will get better and things will get easier with the right help and support. Voice your concern thats what they are there for.

[legoprincess]

I think you are right to be concerned about the amount of homework your DD is expected to do. My DS is in Y1 at an 'outstanding' state school and they have no homework, apart from reading which they are only encouraged to do, until Y2. I personally have nothing against homework but this doesn't sound appropriate at all.

[Maxiebaby]

Laughalot, thanks for your very encouraging post about your DS. Good to know it may all come right in the end. With today's discoveries though its hard to believe at the moment....

Have talked to one of the TAs in DDs classroom who's opinion seems to support the view that, like your DS, our DD does not fit the mould and cannot be moulded the way the teacher would like. She really doesnt understand what the teacher's problem is, but thinks it might be that DD is very bright and forthcoming and this causes some sort of issue (not used to it/cant handle it?).

The TA said DD is having a hard time, that she is always getting told off, that she gets blamed for things wrongly (which Ive noticed myself). My blood is boiling at their negativity... She also thinks she gets bored sometimes because of the level the class works at.

Plus, the teacher has been overheard saying that Im not taking her complaints seriously and simply shrug things off as being down to DDs personality. DD has a very strong character and Im sorry but I dont think I can change that fundamentally, nor would I want to knock the spirit out of her. That does not, however, mean we're not taking it seriously, and we do appreciate that we need to firm up on routine and discipline too. But I do feel very strongly that at least part of the problem is the way DD, and the class as a whole is being taught/handled/pressurised.

Rant over..

Sparks may be flying at this parents evening - a friend was very dismayed she has the slot after us and knows ours is going to be a long one!

[laughalot]

I think our dc where twins and seperated at birth . As I used to say to the nursery teacher I would rather have a out spoken child with a opinion any day. nobody says when you get pg just how hard things can be at times this time last year I could have wrote your post.

How old is your dd ? My ds is not 5 until july and she did say that children just being slightly older than him even by a few months you can tell the difference.

[lalalonglegs]

I have been on MN moaning about fact that dd (also in reception) isn't being stretched but, bloody hell, that is a horrendous workload and I would much sooner she was playing all day with very little formal teaching than being put under that sort of pressure. Do you think this teaching is typical of the school all the way through or this particular teacher's interpretation of the school's ethos? Given the rapport between your daughter and her teacher, if she is likely to be getting more of the same all the way through, I would be considering (and I do mean only considering) looking at alternative schools in the area.

Incidentally, at our parents' evening the other week, the teacher was insistent on 10 minute slots, the first 9 mins and 45 secs of which were filled with her spouting jargon. We had precisely 15 seconds to air our concerns before her timer went and we were ushered out so I would cut to the chase pretty early if I were you.

[Littlefish]

Maxie - the new Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) became statutory in September 2008. Reception should defnitely be offering a play-based, exploratory curriculum. The amount of homework your dd is being asked to do is absolutely ridiculous. I say this as a former deputy head and Reception teacher. Homework is not statutory. You do not have to do it. As far as I'm concerned, the only appropriate homework in Reception is Reading/Phonics. I completely agree with your SIL's suggestions.

I've copied and pasted the following from the EYFS website.

KEEP Key Elements of Effective Practice
What is KEEP?
KEEP is drawn from the Principles for Early Education2.

There is a cross reference between KEEP and the Principles on page 11.

The elements reflect the key findings of recent research into what helps early-years
staff reflect on their work and what effective practice looks like.

Good relationships between children and staff,parents and carers and staff,and among the staff themselves ensure children feel
secure and valued and parents are respected as partners in supporting their children?s learning.

Building on these good relationships,practitioners need to:

• understand how children develop and learn;
  
• know about the curriculum ? the ?subject knowledge?that is as important in the Foundation Stage as in later stages;
  
• know about and be able to use the range of teaching strategies appropriate to this distinct stage;
  
• understand how to promote and support child-initiated learning.
  
  To be truly successful practitioners and settings need to develop the ability to do all of these things within the context of close partnership with parents and the community,working alongside a range of
  professional colleagues coming together to deliver the truly integrated approach to services for young children and their families that is at the heart of the Sure Start agenda.
  
  KEEP provides a framework for this.
  Why is KEEP necessary?
  
  It is important that there is an agreed view within and across the sector about the knowledge,skills,understanding and attitudes
  practitioners need to effectively support young children?s learning.
  
  A shared view will help children make progress towards the early learning goals through a play-based curriculum which builds on their diverse needs, interests and preferred ways of learning.
  
  KEEP represents that agreed view and provides a benchmark against which local authorities can evaluate the training and professional development opportunities they plan and deliver.
  
  The purpose of defining effective practice for early-years practitioners is to set out the attitudes,knowledge,understanding and skills needed to put the Principles for Early Years Education into practice.
  
  KEEP provides a framework for developing,extending, agreeing and reviewing practitioners?priorities for training and
  professional development.

[thecloudhopper]

Homework in reception now that is extream !!!!!!!!!

[Miggsie]

It sounds like she is being pushed far too hard.
Stage 3 ORT at 4, with homework and year one words????!!!!

No wonder she is anxious, her whole life must seem like a treadmill of things she HAS to do.

It can't be much fun for her. It sounds a dreadful environment for any 4 yo.

I'd stop the homework straight away...the teacher saying she must a problem at home and bringing it to class, that would ring alarm bells for me that the school only has one way of delivering education and if the child acts away from from they expect they look outside for the problem....which suggests they won't be much help going forward as they won't change what they are doing in the classes.

[lljkk]

Just don't do the homework. Don't say anything to teacher about it, just don't do it at all (reading books ok, but not the rest unless she says she wants to). If teacher asks, say you don't agree with HW.

What are they going to do, expel her for not doing homework in reception??

[Maxiebaby]

Thanks so much ladies.
More weight to the argument that this level of homework and generally teaching approach is not appropriate at this age, nor in line with current requirements.

Laughalot, your DS and my DD do sound scarily similar dont they! So glad its all going well for him and you now - you must be so relieved that the issues were down to an individual teacher not 'getting' your DS rather than to your DS himself. Dont know about you, but DH and I are currently feeling crushed, very sad for DD and us, fiercely protective..all sorts of very strong emotions.

Lalalonglegs, thanks for the warning on rigid time slots. If we run out of time we may suggest a further, seperate meeting, though I am aware this request may be refused (was told by a TA/mum that that is not how the teacher does things and we're not going to be able to change her!). Have to say I find that attitude very frustrating, not to mention totally unacceptable.

On which point, Miggsie, the inability or lack of willingness to make changes seems to be common to the school as a whole from what I hear. And yes it rings serious alarm bells with me too. Though I havent personally tried, I hear complaints/meetings with the head have little if any effect.

Surprisingly though, it is a very popular oversubscribed school. Perhaps this is why parents are not prepared to rock the boat! And equally the school is so 'successful' it feels it has no need to change or modernise and so becomes complacent....all about preserving the status quo it would seem.

The more I write about it the more I realise there is a major mismatch not only between DD and the school but also between me and the school. School doesnt 'get' DD, I dont 'get' what is so great about the school. Next time I will trust my gut instincts - I could never see it and still dont after more than half an academic year, but thought its reputation spoke for itself and that so many other parents couldnt be wrong. How wrong can you be!!

[GooseyLoosey]

I would ask how they determine how much homework to set as, anecdotally, you understand that it is in excess of what other schools do. The 2 books and the ongoing word list don't sound too bad, but the 4 sides of A4 do.

I have a dd in reception and ds in year 1. Dd gets no homework beyond reading and learning "keywords". Ds (age 5) gets about 10 spellings and 2 sides of A4 as homework. I leave the homework until Sunday pm and will not spend all of the weekend doing it.

With dd, I read when she is happy to do so and if she says that she would prefer not to, then I don't push it.

As you rightly identify, the priority at 4 is to make sure that they are happy and well adjusted and learn to like learning not to hate it.

[islandofsodor]

My son is in reception class at a private prep school. He is very bright and on ORT level 3 too but we do not do homework. The school do send home a folder each weekend of activities which you can choose or not to do. Sometimes ds asks to do them, most times he wants to play with his trains instead.

I'm not surprised your dd is being a little difficult, school is exhausting at that age and they are being way too pushy. The teacher does not seem to know the difference between stretching a child and pushing them.

[Maxiebaby]

Aaagh, homework/reading been increased!
DD came home today with 2 school books to read tonight!
Seem to do that once they become fairly proficient - not much incentive to learn.