Meeting with teachers - DS not settling in reception - what can I expect?

[ksld]

DS started in reception this month, and is on his fourth week now. I have posted before (but lost the thread) that he is not settling. He finds lunchtime frightening and noisy, so is not eating anything, thus getting very tired. This has now extended to not drinking because he doesn't want to use the loos (also full of big boys and frightening to him).

I took suggestions from other MNters and asked if the teachers could find him someone older to sit with - but they have not done this. I now pick him up some afternoons after lunch to give him a break, but that is the only proactive thing they have suggested. DS is crying most days now, disliking all morning as he works himself up about lunch time, then tired all afternoon.

I have now booked a meeting to discuss this properly, and want to have some idea of what is reasonable to expect, and if I am being too PFBish with him?

1. He has days where he has not drunk or eaten all day long - and they don't seem to even notice this. Can I expect more input from them?
   
   
2. Can I push them on finding him an older lunch buddy?
   
   3)Can I expect them to help him join in lunchtime games, or is it normal to just leave him watching?
   
   Just to add (if you managed to get this far!) I know he doesn't HAVE to be at school yet. At the moment I want him to go because I think it will be harder for him in September to join a class that has already been at school a year, have already bonded with each other etc, than it is to try and fit in now. Also I have considered and rejected Home Educating. I would rather just focus on settling him happily into school.

[Seona1973]

could he come home for lunch? At dd's school they can have a school lunch, a pack lunch or a 'homer' as dd calls it, where you pick them up and they have lunch at home and then you take them back for the afternoon session.

[Fluffybubble]

My ds was very unsettled for about the first half term in reception (he started last September). One of his big worries was lunchtimes, and especially being in the 'big' playground.

In the end, both my ds and I ended up approaching the head dinner lady in tears (), as we spotted her outside school, and she immediately said she'd keep an eye on him in the lunch-hall and in the playground. She has been brilliant, and it made such a huge difference to my ds. Maybe asking for an adult that is available at lunchtime to keep an eye on him is an option for you?

I don't think that you are being PFBish at all, it is important that your ds is settled and happy, in order that he is able to join in and learn. When you speak to the teacher can you ask how is after you leave him in the morning? My ds was usually fine after 5 minutes. I also, though, rang on occasions to check that he'd settled after I had left, if that morning had been really traumatic!

My ds also said that he walked round on his own at playtimes, which broke my heart. I think that was a confidence thing though and, now that he is happier generally, he joins in with everything. Could you invite a classmate back for a play or tea, to help him to make friends?

As far as the loos go, I'd say that is a concern health-wise anyway, as he needs to drink and he also needs to be able to go to the toilet when he needs to! Can you tell the teacher that this is a significant concern for you, and ask for his/her suggestions?

I hope that you get on okay. If it's any consolation, my ds's teacher has said that he is now one of the most confident children in the class, and my ds can't wait to go everyday. I hope that you get to this point soon too.

[morningsun]

I'd just like to second what fluffy said in that my ds missed me terribly and was worried about lunchtimes
[both the hall and the yard]and i was upset too.I picked him up at lunchtime for 3 to 4 weeks most days and he was soon running in.He is also very confident now with lots of friends
So don't feel its your fault,with my ds he simply loved being at home,now he loves being at school too.
Good luckxx

[Katiestar]

I thought infants (and definitely reception) always had their own toilets so they could go without leaving the classroom.In that case there shouldn't be any big boys in there ?

[Katiestar]

Also why not try picking him up at the end of morning school before lunch so that he can learn to enjoy the mornings without the worry of lunchtime