2 really naughty boys in DS1's reception class

[scrambledhead]

I'm just trying to get DS2 settled into preschool which is stressful enough as it is. Then, in between his screaming and throwing of toys and sand the manager tried to have a chat - I've known her for 2 years and hadn't seen her since July. She said how sorry she feels for DS1's reception teacher - apparently there are 2 really naughty boys in the class this year. One of them has been expelled from 6 nurseries FFS.

It was hard enough to leave my gorgeous, sensitive, gentle DS1 before I heard this. Now I just feel sick.

He seems to be enjoying school so far but it's only day 5. We did have some cheek at the weekend but I put that down to growing up / new school etc, but if he's learning from the naughtiest boy in town then what do / can I do ....

[Romy7]

unprofessional cow. ignore her and wait and see - poor child, labelled at 4, maybe one of the nurseries should have sat down with the parents and the lea and come up with some sort of behaviour plan or additional support, rather than booting him out. statement the poor kid and get him a 1-1 rather than passing him on if it's that much of a problem, and give the next setting (and the child) a chance. sorry, but no-one sits down and thinks about the poor child in these situations. his poor mother is probably sat at home weeping wondering how long it will be before her ds gets kicked out again, and why no-one is bothering to help her.

[forevercleaning]

agree with romy, give it a chance and see for yourself how things pan out. Not good of the nursery manager to say that, what did she think she was going to get out of it, apart from to worry you?

[hertsnessex]

poor children being labelled so soon.

[oddsock]

Agree with what everyone has said - some boys just take longer to adjust. When my ds was in reception there were three 'naughty' boys and some mums got on their high horse,still remember one of the 'naughty' boys mums crying outside school. Now in year, over the years the boys have all settled down and he is a sweetheart! Every mum feels the same about their little one starting school, imagine how it mu8st feel to have your child labelled at 4!

Your ds will be fine

[oddsock]

Oops - year 6!

[2shoes]

"naughty"
banned word

[frogs]

Ds had two boys in his nursery class who came in pretty feral, f'ing and blinding and kicking doors and teachers. The school dealt with it well, and the children calmed down quite quickly, although there were intermittent incidents with one of the boys until well into the juniors.

Dd1's class was similar. Neither of my older dc has been harmed by it -- they just learn early on that some people find it difficult to behave nicely, and it's a bit silly and best ignored. And frankly I'd rather they work that out in Reception than keep them so secluded that they don't discover the glamour of being bad until they're 14 rather than 4, by which time there won't be much you can do about it.

If the school is a good one they'll have strategies for this kind of thing, the boys will calm down and settle into the class community. You don't really need to do anything apart from remind your child how he should behave and that he shouldn't copy everything he sees other people do (always a useful lesson in any case).

[NotQuiteCockney]

Am quite at a 'professional' talking this way. The ones I know don't like the word 'naughty' even when it's applied to behaviour, not children. (e.g. hitting someone is a naughty thing to do vs X is a naughty boy)

[cheesesarnie]

nursery manager sounds like a cow-how dare she label children as naughty then tell people.how do you know shes not labelling your child as 'naughty'(am shocked she used that word to describe behaviour)to other parents

[Marina]

Maybe those children are showing they are upset about something in their lives - just like your ds2 screaming and throwing sand because he had trouble settling?

I think you need to find out for yourself, from ds1, how things go this term. Cheek and mischief is normal from even the sweetest cherub in Reception BTW - they are getting the strain of being in formal education out of their system, once they come home. You will find ds1 is much more tired than usual as well.

Hopefully the school will manage any longer-term, more serious, disruptive behaviour well, and put your mind at rest.

Let's hope the nursery manager is not telling other parents about your ds2's screaming right now! She sounds very unprofessional.

[Blu]

Relax!

The most important thing is that DS1 is enjoying it...why should that get worse? Don't project!

Every Reception class will have a big range of behaviour, and Reception is largely about enabling each child to be 'school-friendly'.

And of course not every child in a class copies the behaviour of those who are kicking up - most primary classes are NOT places of pandemonium - and fo work ihave been in many, many many.

As Marina says - lets hope the nursery manager is not giving other parents totally unfounded worry by talking about your ds2 chucking sand and toys!

I hope all settles down bit by bit.

[coppertop]

I agree with everyone else about the manager being very unprofessional.

The school may be the place where the other boy gets the help he needs, whether that's help for some form of SN and/or support for the family.

Just because a child in the class is 'naughty' it doesn't necessarily follow that your ds and the other children will copy the behaviour. It may even be that the other boy will learn something from being around them.

In short, don't let the manager and her opinions get to you.

[scrambledhead]

Thanks everyone. Wise words. Now I'll try and stop worrying about DS1 and focus on DS2 and how we're going to get through our next nursery visit tomorrow.

It's such an emotional time ...

[Marina]

I know. It is the unknown quantity thing. I am sure things will be fine and good luck with ds1 and ds2

[Peachy]

This was ds1 in reception- he ended up with a statement, dx, and although is by no means percect (!) its being managed well now

You are rigt to worry- its your job- the techer is so wrong in so many ways

por little kid

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

There are three boys in my child's class (Y2) who have still not really settled into school and exhibit some very disruptive and (in different ways) alarming behaviour. I know that everyone has to start their career somewhere but I don't think it helped the boys (or the rest of the class) that for the first two years they had newly-qualified teachers who didn't have any experience of dealing with this situation. The class now has a very experienced teacher and already there's a different vibe.

You're entitled to worry. For two years I worried that the whole class's teaching and learning was being fitted into the brief interludes when Tom Dick and Harry weren't misbehaving. But I have to remind myself that my child has made good progress at school and is happy there and no class is ever going to be comprised only of cherubs!

[MrsMattie]

Agree with others. Shockingly unprofessional behaviour from the nursery woman. I wouldn;t like my child in her care if that's her attitude.

Re: the 'naughty' boys. Perhaps they (as reception age children) are having problems settling in? Perhaps there are other behavioural problems or SEN that you / nursery teacher aren't aware of? How about these very young children are given a chance?

I have taught (albeit older age groups) and agree that one disruptive pupil can make it very hard for the whole class, but this is for the school and parents to sort out constructively between themselves. Nothing will come of idle gossip from some one who should know better.

[Smithagain]

There were two "very naughty" boys in DD1's reception class, too. It was the best learning experience that she has ever had. The teacher was wise enough to realise that the small, quiet ones (like my DD) might be vulnerable and went all out to teach them all sorts of good coping strategies.

One of the boys has moved on - he didn't . The other is still there - his needs have been recognised and he has a special one-on-one TA who works with him and it also a lovely lady who is liked by the whole class. With the added bonus that she moves up with them each year, so they have a familiar face around at the beginning of a new class.

Just my experience - it's not all bad news.

[Dalex]

I am a Head and if this nursery manager worked in my institution she would have received notice by now!! This is not only unprofessional but also a breach of confientiality which is in all teaching staffs contracts. Perhaps this should be pointed out to her. More worryingly is that if she is saying this about one child, what is she saying about all the others?? With regards the behaviour of individual children in the class, it can cause disruption for other children. However, all little children deserve a chance to learn new ways of behaving and to find their place in the peer group. It would terrify you if you knew half of what some children have to deal with at home. Newly qualified teachers: I am mentoring one at the moment and she is more talented and nurturing than the teachers who have been in my school for 10+ years. Fresh blood may not bring experience but it brings vitality and a love of children.

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Dalex

I agree that all children deserve a chance to learn new ways of behaving. It is, though, disconcerting for the parents of other children (or for me, anyway) when those children with challenging behaviour seem to take so long to settle and the focus is so much on them; the concern (perhaps misplaced) is that other children's needs are being overshadowed. Of course, skilful teachers will manage the situation professionally.

I agree that NQTs very often have vitality and commitment on their side - and I hesitate to draw conclusions based on a sample of two and on what I saw as a visitor to the classroom - but one of the NQTs told me that nothing she had experienced during her training had prepared her for the realities of teaching in a fairly challenging inner-city school. Maybe this says something about the training.

[Peachy]

Maybe it does say a bit about the training- but I know of several PGCE students (and hope to be one next year) who are going in as mature students from a background with needy famillies(me homestart, my friend training now worked on an excluded kids scheme), so it might also say something about the schools recruitment?

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Very fair point, Peachy. One thing which the school has resolved to do (I have some inside knowledge as I am a governor there) is to ensure that in recruiting teachers we really probe whether they are resilient enough to cope with the many challenges (as well as the joys) of working in an inner city school.

The age thing is also very relevant - as well as being new to the profession these teachers were very young (very early 20s). Again, I mean no disrespect to young teachers, but I suspect that in our particular circumstances these teachers might have fared better if they had had more life experience, not necessarily in the classroom, on which to draw.