If a child said something worrying, or terrible, would you talk to the teacher, or is it none of my business?

[QuintessentialShadowOfYuleTide]

My son (year 1) cuddled up to me today and told me how much he loved me, which of course is nice.
Then he said " "John" hates his mum, and she hates him. He says he wants to kill her. "

I can believe that this boy had said such a thing, I have heard him say that to his mum, when she is insulting him, or smacking him, etc.

There is a concern, I have had a meeting with headmistress about this mums behaviour (she rang me and shouted abuse down the phone regards an issue with our sons in school).

If I were to mention this to the teacher, would I be seen as somebody meddling and bringing "hearsay"?

[jINGLESbells]

Oh so difficult QSYT....I think I'd leave well alone. I'm sure if there was a real problem the school would be aware of it and it might just make you look bad however well intentioned. I think I'd just discourage an active friendship i.e. no playdates etc and ignore the rest.

[QuintessentialShadowOfYuleTide]

Sadly I think you are right. I dont want to be a trouble maker...

[Rhubarb]

I think you have a duty of care to all the children there. I'm sure the teachers are aware of it, but there is no harm in you repeating, word for word, what your son said. They need to know that this is being said and they may decide to gently question the boy about his mother. The more evidence they can gather, the more likely they will be to act upon it.

I would definitely have a confidential chat with the headteacher about it. It's not gossip, it's a genuine concern that you have for the wellbeing of a child.

[NAB3littlemonkeys]

I agree with Rhubarb.

[ConnorTraceptive]

Agree with jingles, very little a teacher could do with this type of info. I suspect school are aware of issues anyway and will act when there is something they can act on.

[Rhubarb]

And why discourage a friendship? Surely this poor boy needs all the friends he can get? He needs to be able to see what a loving environment a home should be, he needs to be able to feel safe amongst adults, to have some kind of a safe haven. If all the mums discouraged their kids from playing with him, what would happen then? Are you not just washing your hands of him?

[ConnorTraceptive]

They can't gently question the boy about his mother, there are very strict guidelines about what to do about such disclosures

[ConnorTraceptive]

I do agree that it would be wrong and sad to discourage a friendship though

[Desiderata]

Ah, this is the lady you've posted about before, isn't it.

This is such a difficult situation to be in. You know something's very wrong, but you feel powerless to help.

I would mention it to a teacher. This little lad is obviously unhappy, and his mum would appear to be too. You know the old chestnut ... all it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing.

[BitTiredNow]

I think you need to focus on the consequences of what you might say. And choose your audience if you do decide to say something - our head is rubbish and something like that may be kindling to a small flame.

[BitTiredNow]

I think you need to focus on the consequences of what you might say. And choose your audience if you do decide to say something - our head is rubbish and something like that may be kindling to a small flame.

[Rhubarb]

If a convo has been reported, they can ask the boy what he said to the other boy. I agree they have to be careful, but if such an incident is reported, they can talk to him about it.

I've done child protection too.

[QuintessentialShadowOfYuleTide]

Rhubarb. No I am not, in most other circumstances, I would say the same as you, but there is a lot more to it. His mother is refusing my son to play with her son. The reason? Her son hits my son. My son makes him do it, she says, so her son is not allowed to play with my son. She says she rather her son have NO friends, than friends that cause a bad record for him, because he hits. Get your head around that one.

It is terribly tricky.

[QuintessentialShadowOfYuleTide]

Desi, you remember. It is a terrible situation. But it saddens me so.
I asked my son if somebody else heard him say this, and my son said he whispered it to his ear.

[Rhubarb]

It is tricky, but I would still not discourage your son from striking up a friendship with him.

Any little incident like the one you have mentioned does need to be reported as no doubt social services will know the family and may have asked the school to keep a record of such conversations or incidences. Talk to the head in confidence, just so she is aware. It will be recorded if nothing else, so should anything else happen, they'll have those notes to look back on.

[QuintessentialShadowOfYuleTide]

Rhubarb, I think I would have to go straight to the head, as I have spoken to her before about these kinds of issues. We both concluded that this was " a mum in crisis" and she reassured me the school had procedures in place, and they would get her help. I hope she is getting help.

[Rhubarb]

Well every incident that you report makes that more likely.

[Mercy]

Yes I would (not just for the boy's comment) but going on the other thingss you have mentioned, go straight to the headteacher, no-one else.

It will be dealt with in confidence, whatever the outcome or reason for him saying it.

[Alambil]

See the head, QS; no-one in school apart from you and the head will know about the conversation you have.

Better to have the head say "don't worry - we are doing all we can" than assume they know and always be wondering.

As Rhubarb says - every incident that is reported will help the mum and family get the help they need.

[Alambil]

forgot to add - it is not being a trouble-maker; it is helping a vulnerable child and mother get the support they desperately need.

[bossybritches]

Also QS you can just say to the head that you have some info you feel you need to share, but you realise it's sensitive.

I have been in this position before with a medical/psyche concern with a dear friend.

I just asked our mutual GP for a word & made it clear I didn't want to compromise anyones confidentiality or discuss details but I felt she might need to know some info. I told her & left it with her. Whether or not she acted on it I know not but at least she had the info to use as she saw fit.

It's a desperately sad situation & it's nice your son is obviously this little boys mate despite what mother says!

[hunkermunker]

Poor little lad

I couldn't just leave it - speak to the head.

[ShakeysGirl]

I agree with Rhubarb. You have a duty of care to the child, it breaks my heart to think of a child being unhappy and needing help and i couldn't not speak out if i had concerns.

[turkEgyptlets]

You must simply see the Head and report what you heard. I am a primary school teacher, and the Head will not speak about it to another soul, only keep it on record and when enough evidence is gathered to cause concern she can inform SS. They will take it from there. Your name will not be mentioned. It is all totally annoymous. You owe it to the child to add to the evidence which the Head should be keeping.

[QuintessentialShadowOfYuleTide]

Thanks for the encouragement guys.

I think, when little children say things like this, it is because they are reaching out. I would hate for his little voice to be unheard or ignored. He is such a lovely boy.