Sanction being carried out after the weekend, thoughts please

[TribbleTrouble]

So ds1 is massively struggling at school, he's just turned six. I think his class has just fully transitioned to year one structure now. He is being looked at for learning difficulties.

He has been lashing out against other children of late, and he did so again today. I spoke with the teacher who told me ds1 has lost his playtimes for Monday. Honestly, I feel this is heavy handed as its going to be a whole weekend after the incident. The teacher said she felt it was heavy handed, the member of SLT I spoke with said that the sanction was due to the severity of the incident and had over ruled the teacher.

So he's six, and it's going to be three days until his punishment. Surely this is too long for someone of his age? Shouldn't he have been sanctioned immediately?

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

Normally I would agree that sanctions should be immediate but if your DS is lashing out at break-time then I can understand why the school might think it's appropriate to keep him in on Monday. That extra day may help to diffuse the situation with the other children and it also gives the school the opportunity to put additional measures in place in the playground (if that is where the lashing out usually occurs).

[TribbleTrouble]

Will it make it worse though? If he's a physical child and he has not let out, won't he end up lashing out during class time?

[TribbleTrouble]

Has no let out even.

God this has really knocked me.

[RandomDent]

If kids caught on that sanctions didn't count after the weekend, Fridays would be carnage. :o

Seriously though, I would only consider removal of play times as a nearly last resort. I usually only do it if the child is really struggling to behave then, to give themselves a day at least when they are not "in trouble". Is playtime an issue for your son?

[TribbleTrouble]

It never normally has been, and then last week we were told that he had been headbutting other children (where the hell thats come from I don't know) and had a few removal of playtimes for his troubles.

Prior to this, we've had nothing like this, yes once or twice in reception we had words but nothing on this scale. He's a very sociable little boy, friendly and would talk to anyone. He's popular with the other children from what I've seen.

[TribbleTrouble]

Trouble I know that, I'm not disputing his behaviour is wrong. I'm asking if having to wait a whole weekend for a sanction is reasonable for a just turned six year old.

[BiscuitMillionaire]

Have you tried talking to your DS to see what's been going on, why he's been lashing out? Is there an issue with a certain other child or group? If his behaviour has changed, I would guess there is a reason for it.

[NoSunNoMoon]

I don't see what else they could do. He can't be let off violent behaviour just because it's a Friday.

[TribbleTrouble]

I spoke with him after the first lot of incidents last week. He said he missed all the toys, that they don't play anymore and that the teacher just makes them do displays and writing all the time. The teacher said herself he is massively struggling with the workload and structure of year one.

He was supposed to have a prolonged transition from reception to year one and I suspect this has just finished in the past few weeks.

[Cucumber5]

If it was his first offence it would be different but as he is a serial offender and has decided to continue behaving badly, its fine he has the weekend to mull the issue over. It sounds like your son could be bulling the other boy. The victim will have been much more upset

[TribbleTrouble]

nosun but surely any sanction should be immediate at this age?

[Cucumber5]

It's common for that transition to be hard going. Have you asked the teachers to prolong it further? Maybe talk to the head about this as he is clearly struggling. Headbutting is VERY serious and I'm sorry to say that that punishment doesn't fit the crime at all. In effect he's assaulted another child.

[TribbleTrouble]

Trouble to be honest, if it was the same child all the time then yes I'd probably have an issue. But one offs probably not, with kids of this age I would expect a bit of hitting and shoving down to their lack of impulse control and inability to handle complex social situations. They're all still learning how to navigate this stuff aren't they.

[mrz]

Do you think that because of the weekend his behaviour should be forgotten?

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

I think you need to adopt a different mindset. If this is a recurring problem, then staying in at break isn't just about sanctioning your child. It's about giving him a rest from a situation he obviously finds stressful and it's allowing the children he has hurt, to have the opportunity to play without being hurt.
Rather than focusing on 'carrying a sanction over a weekend', you should be asking the school if they have identified any triggers for this behaviour; if it always involves the same children; and what strategies they are implementing to address it. For example, you could suggest they have more led-play at break rather than free play.

[user789653241]

I understand what you are saying, but he needs to learn his action has consequences, and it can't be forgotten just because it's Friday.
My ds had bit of trouble transitioning to reception, he was selective mute in nursery. He started talking in reception, but still had few pushing episode rather than talking to other child. He was sanctioned by holding midday supervisor's hand for couple of days during lunch break. He hated it, and he learned lesson. He was 4. At 6 years old, he need to know, you can't lash out just because you are not happy.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Ideally, yes - but what if there isn't time left in the school day for a suitable sanction, Tribble?

[TribbleTrouble]

So what are they supposed to do with him Cucumber, he's six and below the age of criminal responsibility by a good number of years. He's not in a chaotic home environment, I'm on a full time course and his Dad works part time around school. He has friends and family that we see regularly. Where the hell has it come from?

[merlottime]

A missed playtime sounds very lenient to me, even having to wait over the weekend. If my DC had been assaulted in this way I would be asking the school why they are not treating it more seriously, and how they would ensure that my DC is kept safe.

[bastedyoungturkey]

What would you suggest as the sanction then OP? I know this sounds like I'm being confrontational and I promise you I'm not but what do you think would have been appropriate?

[TribbleTrouble]

I'm not going to stop it, I wanted to know if it was reasonable from the schools side of things. I don't know what to do.

[ceeveebee]

What do you suggest instead then, detention?
Tbh if my child hit other children repeatedly I would be punishing them at home on Saturday as well!

[TribbleTrouble]

I don't know, immediate time out, having to talk to the other child, a letter of apology, apologising and working on the issue, keeping an eye on him during playtimes, getting him to work through stuff, missing his break to help in the classroom. I don't know, something along the lines of restorative justice.