Help pls - Yr 3 DD hysterical at school drop off every morning!

[eeyoresgrumpierfriend]

My DD (7) started a new school in September. She says she likes the school more than her old one, seems to have made lots of friends - goes on plenty of playdates etc, school say she is doing well and happy in class BUT over the last month she has started crying every morning at drop off. It's getting worse quite quickly and we're now at the point where the teacher has to prise her off us and take her in.

The school is quite a bit bigger than her old one and in the mornings we have to take her into the playground and then all the parents hang around with their kids until a bell rings and then they line up in their classes and their teachers come out and take them in. DD is fine right up until the moment they ring the bell then all hell breaks loose.

Her teacher says she is fine again quite quickly.

We've talked to DD about it and she's not really able to explain why she gets upset. She says she likes school but misses us and that her heart starts to pound when we leave so I think it is probably separation anxiety.

We've tried having DH take her instead but it makes no difference. Same with reward charts. We try not to make a big deal of it and just basically give her a quick hug, tell her 'no more tears' and leave.

It's heart-breaking seeing her so upset and it seems to be escalating really quickly so I'd really appreciate any ideas to help break the cycle.

DD is the smallest in her year and one of the youngest and I'm a bit worried that she'll end up isolating herself from the other children if this carries on.

Thanks

[eeyoresgrumpierfriend]

Oh forgot to say - she did something similar during the 2nd and 3rd terms of Reception at her last school but seemed to grow out of it over the summer and was fine in Yrs 1 & 2.

[anotherdayanothersquabble]

I had similar with DD. In the end, we did flexible schooling where she went only two days a week. Lots of things going on but never really understood why... After a term of school two days a week and Sumner holidays she willingly went back full time.

[golfbuggy]

My DS was the same all the way through infants, though he grew out of it in Y3 as he realized it wasn't "Junior child" behavior.

If she's fine up until the last minute, I think I would start just dropping her off at school (i.e not waiting until the bell). Of course this might just bring the anxiety forward but worth a try. I'd also suggest enlisting a friend that she can go in with so the focus comes off you.

[user789653241]

One of my friend parent's dd is like that. But she has always been like that through ks1. In ks2, parents can stay or drop off child in the playground, and children make way to the class themselves after the bell rung.
Her mum/dad is now taking her in before bell rings into the class room, hand her to the class teacher. (Our teacher doesn't come into the playground.)
I think the playground with lots of kids is just overwhelming for some children. Can't you arrange with school/teacher to take her in before the bell and give her lots of hugs/encouragement before you leave, in the calm environment?

[eeyoresgrumpierfriend]

Thanks for the replies. I'm seeing her teacher on Monday so will ask if she can go straight to the classroom until things settle down.

[calamityjam]

If, as you say there doesn't seem to be any issues with her once she is actually in class, I would take the tough love approach. Explain to her that she is in the juniors now and she is a big girl. I would take her as late as possible to the playground, just as they are lining up. Quick kiss and hug and leave her with the teacher straight away.

[TeenAndTween]

Two words: Transition object.

Give her a small cuddly toy, or a scarf with your perfume, or similar to take in with her from home to school. Small enough to fit in her school bag or even her pocket. No one else needs to know it is there, but she can put her hand in and squeeze it and feel reassured.

Worked well for DD2 on and off throughout yR-y6 (and has even been used once this term in y7 when she was feeling particularly vulnerable).

[fleurdelacourt]

happened with a boy in ds's class - randomly in y1 after he was fine in YR.

The Mum worked with the school and the solution was to take him into the classroom before the other kids, and for the Mum to leave him there with a teaching assistant before all the other kids came in.

Would that work?