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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

I don't want my daughter to go to school

35 replies

PirateFairy45 · 29/08/2016 10:05

My anxiety is building daily because my DD has to go to school next year. NEXT YEAR.

She's too young and immature and needs her mummy to be able to go to school. I'm not ready to be away from her. She'll only be 4.5yo. Can we hold off... For 4-5 decades?

And no I'm not serious... Sort of.

How can I start getting us ready for school? She'll be fine I'm sure. Except from her speech that we are working on daily. But I'm worried sick!

OP posts:

Report

lljkk · 29/08/2016 10:16

Challenges are good for them, they build up to them very slowly. Lots of people will be holding back a few tears next September.

mary21 · 29/08/2016 10:19

You don't have to send her you could home educate

AndNowItsSeven · 29/08/2016 10:22

If you are in England she doesn't need to start until term 5th birthday. So if she is I am assuming April born that would be the following September.

AndNowItsSeven · 29/08/2016 10:22

Term after.

Mov1ngOn · 29/08/2016 10:24

You could home ed? You'll find she changes a lot in a year though and many children love school!

ShelaghTurner · 29/08/2016 10:25

I know how you feel. My DD2 starts next week - also 4.5. I look at her during the day and she's more than ready for school. But at night when she's in her little pjs and snuggling up to me (we co-sleep) asking for her bedtime cuddle and telling me she loves me my heart could break to be sending her out into the world. And I know it's silly, she'll love it. They'll all be fine, very few of them aren't.

TheoriginalLEM · 29/08/2016 10:28

you could keep her hime for the year but she would then have to go into yr1 and muss reception.

Of course she isn't ready now and maybe the speech felay makes her seem younger. A year really is a long time at this stage and sure she'll be ready next year.

My dd had speech delay so i felt much the same. If I could have kept her back a year i would but only if she could have started reception. She is starting secondary school next week. She's ready - me, not so much!

are you getting help with your anxiety? i have that t shirt too

KnockMeDown · 29/08/2016 10:29

It's still a whole year away - she will develop and mature a great deal in that time. Does she go to nursery or pre-school at all? This would greatly help in preparing both of you.

Also, what plans do you have for YOU for when she starts school, and you suddenly have more time on your hands. Do you have younger DC to look after, or could you start planning a new hobby or part time job? This may make you feel more positive about the whole thing.

TheoriginalLEM · 29/08/2016 10:29

sorry about the fat fingers!

GettingScaredNow · 29/08/2016 10:29

Dd it arts in September. In 2 weeks time!!
She will be 4+6 weeks.
She is extraordinarily excited and she looks so smart and grown up in her uniform.
I am excited for her and can't wait to hear all about it. I have ds (2) at home so maybe I'll find it harder with him but he doesn't go for another 3 years!
I am sad at how quickly she is going, but she is so advanced and quick and clever that it will be good for her. She's totally ready.

Must say though that this time last year when I was researching schools and doing the application I was very tense and apprehensive. Seemed too soon and too young. Alt has changed in a year!

cexuwaleozbu · 29/08/2016 10:31

She'll be 4.5yo and pretty much in the middle of the age distribution in her class which will probably have a child who only turned 4 a week before the term started and a child who turns 5 in the first week of term. I do sympathise honestly but it's going to be OK. Reception isn't that different from nursery, it's mostly playing with gentle introduction of behaviours that will help them cope when more formal teaching starts. Try not to worry.

hownottofuckup · 29/08/2016 10:31

In my experience they change alot in the pre-school year. I have one starting next year too at 4.5 she's quite babyish so I can't imagine it right now, but with the other 2 by the time they went it was something of a relief they were sooo ready as was i and one of those is a summer baby, I was conscious I hadn't had her to myself as long, but still she was definitely ready to go!
The nursery/pre-school in the coming year has always helped prepare them too.
Personally, I would just concentrate on her being able to get dressed, put on shoes and coat and go to the toilet by herself.

BlackCatSleeps · 29/08/2016 10:32

Try to embrace to wonder and brilliance of your child growing up. Your job as a parent to to help your daughter fly on her own. It's a bit sad but the whole point is that they leave us, so each step she takes in that direction means you are doing a brilliant job of helping her to be happy.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 29/08/2016 10:32

A year is a long time, especially when you're 4! She'll much more grown up. Her speech will come on leaps and bounds I'm sure.

I felt similar out my total mummy's girl dd1 even though she didn't go till she was 5 and half (were in Scotland) and obviously she was absaloutly fine.

KnockMeDown · 29/08/2016 10:35

Also, being happy with the school she will be going to will be a great help - do you know where she is going already, or will you find out later in the school year? I seem to have forgotten how the timings work, and my DD is only just going in to yr 2!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 29/08/2016 10:37

At a year before starting school my ds was in no way shape or form ready for school. I was still worried in the April.
However he started at 4.5, has made a pile of new friends, is reading, writing and swans off confidently. He's going into Y1 now.

Ilovewillow · 29/08/2016 10:59

She has another whole year, they change and mature such a lot in that yr! My daughter now about to go into yr 4 was 4 yrs old a week before she started school, she absolutely loved it and thrived! My son will be the same next September. I have found that in the yr before help them to develop their independence skills really helps e.g. Put their own does on, get dressed, do their coat up etc.

PirateFairy45 · 29/08/2016 11:02

Sat here upset because just feel like she's growing up too fast! Feel like a right moron!

OP posts:

GiddyOnZackHunt · 29/08/2016 11:09

Home Ed is an alternative.

Mycraneisfixed · 29/08/2016 11:22

Try not to communicate your anxiety to your DD.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 29/08/2016 11:27

The growing up is good though pirate! Every stage is just as wonderful, if not more so than the one before. My dd1 is 6 now and she is just great. She's such good company and has an amazing sense of humour. It's like having a very small best friend.

paxillin · 29/08/2016 11:29

Drop her off the first morning, allow yourself a good cry, be ready to be hyper-enthusiastic when you pick her up. When you ask her what she did she'll say "nothing", lunch- "forgot", who did you play with "nobody".

You can't prepare, but you will feel much better a week in.

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jamdonut · 29/08/2016 13:10

I cried when DS1 went to school at 4.5...it didn't seem right, and I had just had another baby, I thought he was going to feel abandoned!. But he was absolutely fine. He was 24 yesterday. Back to uni in a week or two for his 3rd year. I had the same pangs when he went there too!
Seriously, it will all fall into place.
I have 3 children. DD was absolutely ready to go to school, and bounded off without so much as a goodbye kiss! Same with Uni, last year!! ( Actually I cried more when I left her there!)
DS2...I thought he would never be ready for school. He was still in nappies during the day when we went for our pre starting visit, and had never been to a nursery or toddlers group before( I had been at home for him). But , almost overnight, he stopped needing nappies and was ready for school.It didn't stop me worrying. However, he has always struggled with the social side of things at school, but, despit that, has just come out with 4A* ,5A and 2B's in his GCSEs this year.

Honestly, it is human and only natural to feel concern. But they manage, and we get over it. It is very hard to see them go off, but they can't be our babies forever, they are little people with lives to lead, and we can only help them on their way to being confident, well-adjusted adults.

ShelaghTurner · 29/08/2016 14:22

My plan is to big it up, cuddle and go. Then meet similarly bereft friends in Costa. Then home for a weep and wail and knashing of teeth, then back at 3.30 full of the joys of spring and clutching snacks!

throckenholt · 29/08/2016 15:09

A year is a very long time at that age - she will mature hugely. She will cope - and if you really don't think it is right for her at that stage, the you can think about home ed.

But - regardless of all that - you sound like you are overthinking things. Enjoy the now a bit more, and let the future look after itself. Are there reasons why this is bothering you now, when it isn't for over a year's time ?

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