Late 56 times since September

[TrappedNerve]

Hi , very embarassed to put the title of the thread up.

Dd is in reception and has always been an amazing sleeper, went to afternoon nursery and is generally hard work waking up.

I'm super organised, have everything ready, down to socks and underwear being laid out and I get up around 5.30.

The problem is whatever time I try and get her up it's a nightmare, she cries and says she's tired and I have to physically carry her out of bed in the end.

I have a chronic illness which means I'm in a lot of pain and struggle with this. My ds is 13 and has asd and I have stupidly done way too much for him of a morning, he's completely and utterly reliant on me to dress him etc as he struggles with his uniform but then does PE in school twice a week and manages fine.

So the problem is quite clear, I need to firstly stop doing so much for ds as he's been mollycoddled for so long as was an only child for 8 yrs until I had dd. I accept that is all my fault.

So what can I do for September?
I had a meeting with the head and the attendance officer from the council this week and it was awful, mentioned fines etc but it made me feel like such a bad mum.

When I say 56 lates were usually the ones running through the gate as dd classroom door closes so it's not chronically late but enough to flag up the problem.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far :)

[BigGreenOlives]

How does she settle in the evening? Do you think she might need a longer wind-down period before bedtime? No tv or tablet, warm bath & story in bed.

[Tuiles]

If you are of the running through the gate as the door closes kind of late can't you just imagine that school starts 10 minutes earlier - then just be late for that time?

You need to re-examine your morning routine and shift all your crucial moments by 10 minutes. It's a mental thing not a timing thing.

[TrappedNerve]

Big- thanks for replying, I do think the wind down is an issue, she had a TV/DVD combi in her room and we removed that. Though her ipad seems to have replaced that, I hate her having it and her dad got it free with his contract phone.
Was thinking about bringing everything forward- earlier dinner, then reading then bath.
Getting the iPad time reduced will be a bone of contention but I think that is a major issue.
There were many others waiting for the meeting this week so seems to be a big problem at school with the same parents being late :(

I just don't want to be one of them.

[BigGreenOlives]

I would do bath and then reading as then she can be in her nightclothes in bed when you are reading. When you've finished the book/chapter you just say 'Night night darling, love you, time to go to sleep' & leave.

[Lunar1]

Change all the clocks in your house to 20 mins earlier. Over the holidays I'd still get them to bed early and up early so they don't get into a bad routine.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Absolutely no electronic devices in her room.

[megletthesecond]

Maybe reduce the ipad to weekends only? Mine were dragging theirs out later and later and it was causing arguments. So they've gone cold turkey.

[PrincessHairyMclary]

Why will the iPad time be a bone for contention? She's 5, if you don't get it sorted now it'll be a nightmare when she's older.

DD is 6 and gets to choose between 5 and 6pm what she wants to do whether that be TV, Nintendo DS, tablet, going to the park, toys or board game. At 6pm its bath time, then reading and then bedtime with some time to listen to a story on CD.

[Sirzy]

You have 6 weeks to practise the new routine! Start by getting rid of any electronics in the bedroom, at 5 it's not needed. Ok you may have a few rough nights to start with but look at it as short term pain for long term gain!

[P1nkP0ppy]

You're dressing a 13 year old as well?
Quite frankly op that is ridiculous! Just how long are you going to carry on doing that too? You're going to end up doing it forever if your DD's cottoned on to it already 😳
There's plenty of good advice above, you need to reinforce it before you start getting fined.

[TrappedNerve]

Thanks for all replies so far and for some great suggestions, I will be taking them on board.

Unfortunately my dd seems to be a little bit addicted for want of a better word to her iPad :(
I know how ridiculous that sounds.

She goes mainly on craft demos as this is her favourite thing to do, she's extremely bright and the head said that eventually it will catch up with her as lates impact on learning and I agree.

I need to be a lot firmer, I'm suffering with MH issues and have let it impact on my dc which upsets me no end but I'm the adult.

Ds has a rule that all electronics/phone etc are off by 9 and he relaxes to music usually and falls asleep around 10. He's no problem at all to get up.

Am so frustrated with myself right now!

[insancerre]

Get rid of the. iPad
Seriously
It is having a major impact on your dd

[carryoncleo]

Are you not going to take the iPad away?

[ThoraGruntwhistle]

Assuming your DS is NT, I'm a little shocked that you're still getting him dressed when he's a teenager. Isn't he embarrassed by it? What would happen if you stopped and point blank refused to do it? If he has no problems getting up, he can get himself ready.
Your DD being late so much is not great either obviously. A non negotiable winding down routine, all gadgets removed so there are no distractions and for it to continue through the weekends and school holidays. My two are horrible to get up on a Monday if they've had lie- ins over the weekend.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Seriously, staring at a screen has a massive impact on sleep. Please take her iPad out of her room.

[Lilaclily]

You don't mention a partner ?
Do they help ?
Could you afford breakfast club and drop her there at 8am and then Go back to help ds ?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Her DS isn't NT. She said he has ASD.

Wish people would read properly before wading in the the judging

M DD is nearly 10 and has autism. We have to dress her.

[Sirzy]

Would things like visual timetables help your Ds have slightly more independence with bits of getting dressed?

[ApostrophesMatter]

Remove the ipad at least an hour before bedtime.

Use the holidays to practice a new morning drill with both DCs with rewards at the end of the weeks it they conform. And stop lifting her out of bed - she's taking the piss.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Op I wouldn't blame yourself for "mollycoddling" your DS. It can be hard to know where to start with how to get a child with ASD to manage dressing. You probably need some professional input with it.

[Muddlingthroughtoo]

If I play computer games before bed I find that my brain won't shut down in time for sleep, I'm guessing it's worse for children. 56 times late into school is not acceptable, stop making excuses. You are a grown up, give yourself a mental shake, deep breath and take charge of your children. What you do now is crucial to how they grow up, do you think they'll still have a job after 56 instances of lateness? Your son has ASD so of course you give him allowances but your daughter hasn't got it. At her age she should be in bed around 7ish.

[Lilaclily]

Why don't people read the op

'Assuming your ds is nt' nope op says asd !

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Sirzy''s suggestion is good

[ThoraGruntwhistle]

I'm really sorry, i didn't see that bit.

[mouldycheesefan]

She is five and addicted to the iPad? You need to tackle this.
No gadgets TVs or iPads in the bedroom.
Bed at 7, lights out 7.30.
She can't get up because she is tired.
Late 56 times is really 😳
You are organised but you need to make the right decisions even if it means your kids don't like it e.g older one gets self dressed, maximum 30 mins per day screen time.
Use the holidays to get this sorted. Have a reward chart for when you go back to school, perhaps screen time can be eRned by getting dressed or being ready to leave at appropriate time.
You sound like you are really struggling hope you have some support💐