School report surprise

(15 Posts)
vinyard68 Fri 01-Jul-16 10:11:22

So my daughter's school report (Yr3) came out this morning and I can't help feeling that I should not have been given quite such a surprise - she is doing very well academically, but the report keeps going on about her chattering, lack of listening skills and overall problematic social skills. I don't question that there are issues - but should the class teacher not have asked us for a meeting to discuss the issues, and possible strategies to address them? It was never raised at any of the parent teacher meetings, which always focused on her academic achievements. Also, some of the criticism - too dominant - sounds like stuff she would be praised for if she was a boy...

TeenAndTween Fri 01-Jul-16 16:19:04

I feel there should be no unexpected bad news in a report.

Absolutely you should have been forewarned if her social skills were causing issues.

Leadership is good, dominance not so much.

In your shoes I would go and talk with the teacher, and then next term I would raise with new teacher and ask to be informed if it is still an issue.

sirfredfredgeorge Fri 01-Jul-16 16:32:05

What's the point of a report if there's no news in it though? Presumably rather than thinking "why was I not told about this before!" Isn't the conclusion "There's some minor social challenges that aren't big enough for an intervention that need to be mentioned".

If your child is completely failing to grasp reading, you'd expect to find out before the report and work together on it, but if your child is well within an expected range but with a couple of areas to work on, then that would come in the report. Why the conclusion that the issues are serious.

Mind you - the parent-teacher meetings that only talked about academic sound odd - who lead the discussion, did you not ask at all about attitudes to learning / discipline etc. or was it just not brought up?

sunnydayinmay Fri 01-Jul-16 18:22:29

Just ask to see the teacher, and discuss an approach for next year.

I think had a very sad report for ds1 once, that basically said he hadn't been happy all year. I cried.

I spoke to the teacher, who was very approachable, and she said that they'd been trying different strategies all year, but just hadn't cracked it. We had a planning meeting and had more success the following year.

Now, I am very involved in school (governor, parent helper...), and had discussed many things with the teacher, but I was still shocked by the report. Seeing it written down was hard.

sunnydayinmay Fri 01-Jul-16 18:23:54

Actually, thinking about this, it was year 3 as well. They grow into their personalities so much during that year.

bojorojo Fri 01-Jul-16 18:25:45

I don't think a domineering boy is well thought of either. Dominating is different to leadership. One is collaborative and the other is trying to get what you want all the time by not giving others a chance.

I would ask to see the teacher before the end of term to discuss the report. I do think this should have been mentioned before now. Or maybe it has come to the fore recently? I would ask how you can help. I think your comment about what the view would be if she was a boy is a bit worrying. Is she allowed to dominate because she should be treated like a boy and is this your view of equality between girls and boys?

EarthboundMisfit Fri 01-Jul-16 19:44:35

I hate this. At that age, problems should be addressed as you go along. What's the point of getting that news at the end of the year, when you could have been helping to address it for months?

irvineoneohone Fri 01-Jul-16 19:56:37

The report sounds very odd.
If the issue is big enough to be written on report, I would expect teacher to raise it with parents.
My ds had a bit of naughty spell in yr2 and separated from a friend in class, but nothing negative was written on his end of year report.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall Fri 01-Jul-16 21:43:42

Also, some of the criticism - too dominant - sounds like stuff she would be praised for if she was a boy...

No child ever gets praised for being too dominant.

uhoh1973 Fri 01-Jul-16 22:01:28

We get the report before parents evening so you can think about it beforehand. Ask for a meeting with the teacher. If the report had nothing informative in it wouldn't be worth writing?

Dontlikethedailyfail21 Sat 02-Jul-16 00:00:57

In my experience as a TA teachers are often very polite when talking to parents about their child. Being "dominant" may well mean something worse than a strong character but as teachers are subject to so many complaints now a days they are not always able to be frank.
Perhaps book a meeting with the teacher to discuss your concerns.

jamdonut Sat 02-Jul-16 09:40:10

I agree with Dontlikethedailyfail

But you get reports before the end of term so that here IS a chance to
discuss any issues before they move on to the next class. I imagine that they have been trying to deal with this in house, and that it's now got to a point where it needs to be mentioned. I'd just go and see the teacher for clarification, if I were you.

RosesareSublime Sat 02-Jul-16 10:18:25

I find it odd such an issue would be left to carry on all year without raising it. surely parents and teachers should be working together?

vinyard68 Sat 02-Jul-16 11:36:44

Hello, thanks everyone for your feedback. We have now asked for a meeting with the headmistress, and will ask for the class teacher to join so we can get the full picture. The parent/teacher meetings are indeed a bit odd at our school, strictly timed to 10 minutes so only the major English/maths stuff can be discussed. But I would have organised a separate meeting had I been made aware of the behaviour issues - as many of you said, I would have appreciated a chance to work with the school on this during the year. And to see some positive strategies put in place, rather than just a grumpy report at the end of the year. The boy/girl stuff is a bit of a red herring, I was just so cross when writing the post and no, I don't think that domineering behaviour should be tolerated in boys either.

milothemonkey Sat 02-Jul-16 18:28:51

Yes very odd to have left it this long. Ms dc as high functioning autism and can be domineering. It's not a nice trait for the kids around him. I have a communication book in place as teacher insisted things were fine when clearly they were not. I had to coach him in what my child was like and why dc did things in a particular way. It's made me realise that I don't trust teachers to do the best for my child.

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