How would your school deal with this bullying?

(17 Posts)
bicyclebell Wed 25-May-16 22:13:08

DS has been at his school since Reception. In January a new boy arrived in his class. Straight away he was disruptive and rough with other children. It seems from the things he's said to DS and the things school have said to me that he has probably been thrown out of his previous school for bullying or something similar.

My DS has a mild disability. The left side of his body is weak and has little or no movement in parts.

The new boy is picking on DS. Originally it was specifically for his disability. The first time he focussed solely on DS was when he pulled him by his weaker hand to the floor of the playground. Ran at him and pushed him over and then kept smacking DS's weaker hand. Now it is because he just doesn't like DS or sees him as weaker which is a phrase he uses.

DS has become afraid to go into school. He obsesses over the new boy and how he will fight back. He's had several stomach aches that have turned out to be nerves and anxiety. He's humming to soothe himself and talks about this boy and what he might do non stop.

All this has been reported to school. I'm logging the daily incidents. Emailing in. We've had lots of meetings.

On Monday DS exploded because of a silly thing to do with pushing or being in the wrong place in the line. He was made to miss his whole lunch break because he shouted at a teacher. This was all in connection to the new boy.

I will later on, if necessary, say what our school is doing. But it will make this original post too long. So please could anyone tell me how their school would go about dealing with this. My husband has asked me to post this question to you, as he feels that our school is not doing enough.

Thank you.

sunnydayinmay Wed 25-May-16 22:22:47

Our school would be working closely with both children, and would be keeping parents involved and updated.

The other child would probably be having a daily diary/update back home, and would be closely supervised, including at break.

Your child would be getting a lot of support. He wouldn't have missed lunch, but the Head would have had him in her office for a stern chat.

Single form entry, so impossible to keep children apart completely, but this simply would not be tolerated. It would be dealt with by the teacher, but a lot of involvement from the Head and probably Senco.

bicyclebell Wed 25-May-16 22:32:08

There is a lot of involvement from Head and Senco. The teacher is less on top of it all. She is very young and an NQT.

They have met with the other child's parents and I get the feeling it is ongoing.

They said DS missed his lunch because they couldn't have him shouting at a teacher. I understand this, but it is totally out of character for him. He has never ever done it before. So I pointed out that he has been pushed to his limit.

Its a 4 form entry school. They are in Year 4.

Breaks and lunches are being monitored - more so recently. DS and the boy have been told they can't play together and have to choose different groups to play in - from today. DS is happy with this so long as he can still play with his good friends. And it seems that the boy still moved over to his group today when not being watched.

If the boy does anything to DS, DS has to go straight away to tell a senior teacher - not a dinner lady.

I can see that this has to be worked through. Most of what is happening to DS is when teachers are not there - and I suppose they can't just take his word for it. They need to see stuff or be made aware of it at the time, at least.

My husband is so fed up and worried though. He feels there should be zero tolerance - or something like that. I don't know how possible or practical that is though.

Cleo1303 Thu 26-May-16 18:28:59

How dreadfully upsetting for your DS. I agree with your husband that it should be zero tolerance.

Why aren't they moving this child to another form if there are four forms? He'd still have to be watched in the playground but that would be a start. Someone should be watching this child at all times in the playground.

They need to be backing your DS. He exploded because of the stress this intolerable situation has put him under. They will no that he doesn't usually behave like that. It is simply cause and effect.

Attacking anyone physically should result in a suspension at the very least. Attacking an obviously weaker child is the pits. If the suspension doesn't improve this child's behaviour they should expel him.

Cleo1303 Thu 26-May-16 18:31:04

Sorry: they will know that he .......

bojorojo Thu 26-May-16 22:29:59

Children have to be educated, even the disruptive ones. I think the school does understand the problems but if they do not try lots of strategies and take advice on how to manage this child, it is not right to exclude him permanently, unless he does something which does mean this punishment is appropriate. It is highly likely the child is emotionally and behaviourally disturbed and does need help. It may be that a mainstream school cannot meet his needs and his SEN should be met elsewhere. However this will take ages and, in the meantime, he should remain in school if at all possible.

I think, OP, you need to see how it goes. The other child could be deprived of playtime and be closely supervised . Where I used to be a governor, the Head did it herself at lunchtime. Very hands-on with such children. I do hope the school continues to work with the child and that all the teachers are briefed on the situation. Clearly your child should not have to put up with this so I do hope everything improves for him.

bicyclebell Thu 26-May-16 22:44:20

Thank you for your views on this.

My husband and lots of my friends and family think like you Cleo.

I see your point bojorojo. And this definitely feels to me like what is happening.

I wonder why (they must have known about his behaviour before he came) he was put in a class with an extremely young NQT teacher and a child with an obvious disability. Plus there are a lot of other children in this class with special needs of different sorts.

I realise that disruptive children also need to be educated. But I wonder if at any point the school will think about moving this boy to a different class. The amount of staff input at the moment to manage this situation is huge and IMO unsustainable.

eyebrowse Thu 26-May-16 22:46:15

I know of a case where the two children each had a half of the playground and could not cross into the other half. It seemed to help.

bicyclebell Thu 26-May-16 23:19:04

They are trying something out like that now. But my son has lots of different friends and wants to play with all of them. He's finding it difficult to stay in his bit.

Or maybe the other boy is straying over to DS's side. I can't really tell.

It doesn't seem to be having great effect so far. But we'll see ...

Cleo1303 Fri 27-May-16 00:04:26

I would "suggest" very strongly that they do move him to a different class. Remind them that they have a duty of care to your son. Personally I would say that if any serious harm comes to DS you will be suing them - but that's just me.

Yes, awful children have to be educated - but other children have to be protected.

LunaLoveg00d Fri 27-May-16 10:48:28

We have a child like this in our school. He did a couple of years at another local Primary before it was suggested to his mother that he might be happier elsewhere.... So we got him.
However the school have handled it very differently. They juggled the teachers around before the start of the year so that the class with this child in has a very experienced teacher. Disruptive child is not allowed to stay in the classroom with the rest of hte children when it's wet and they're not allowed to go out, he is supervised by a TA in a separate area. In the playground he has his own "minder" adult who follows him around and has eyes on him at all times. He has a behaviour card which the teacher fills in three times a day and the Head signs every day. My child who is also in the class says this boy is sent to the Head or Deputy regularly, and if he is being super-disruptive they just call his Mum and tell her to take him away. Low level disruption (he apparently often tells the teacher to shut up when she asks him to do something) is just ignored as he wants the reaction from them.

So far they're handling it well, and it's not affecting my son. The one time this other child went for him in the playground I had a call straight away and reassurance that it would be dealt with.

bicyclebell Fri 27-May-16 23:07:43

I'm hoping the class will get a much more experienced teacher next year. The school really would be mad to not organise this.

Also I think they are slowly getting their act together with him - and perhaps getting some extra funding for him ... they have said they are looking into things but cannot tell me exactly what.

My husband and some other parents are frustrated at how slow it all seems. But I can see - especially from feedback here - why it would be take time.

My only worry is what kind of impact this boy has on my son and other children in the class in the time it takes for the school to sort itself out.

I'm trying to be positive and see this as good preparation for DS learning to deal with any future bullies. So far he's met next to none. Don't know if that's just another way of saying I'm burying my head in the sand a bit though.

Babyhayden Sat 28-May-16 00:01:38

I'm very sorry to hear about this and it's very thought provoking. it's very sad to see people discriminating. Can't offer any advice as my child has not started school yet, but I would take this seriously to make sure the problem is settled. I hope everything gets better

bicyclebell Wed 08-Jun-16 19:08:32

This issue is ongoing.

It seems the school knows the new child has serious 'issues'. My SEN child is being picked on and provoked every day.

The school is putting in measures to try and prevent and manage this. But none of it is working very effectively because the new child (been are DS's school since December) is not responding to anything.

Today my usually very calm son came out of school fuming with anger. His teacher was shocked. They had just had French with a different teacher and this new kid had provoked/mocked and teased my son throughout the lesson. The French teacher had just ignored it. Other kids had tried to get involved.

I spent 30 minutes with teachers afterwards talking through this with my son and another child also reported what had happened.

I was told that the new kid needs to be 'given time'. I asked how much time that would be - but there was no answer.

If I keep my son off school and say that he is not coming back until this child has moved classes or schools what will happen?

I don't see any other way of this being resolved.

admission Wed 08-Jun-16 22:12:43

I am afraid that keeping your child off school is the worst possible move. The other pupil has won and your son is being given all the wrong messages about how things should happen. Fully understand your feelings but it is the wrong way.
Having said that there is clearly a need for the school to make something happen with this child, giving him time is not an option. Neither moving class or school is a viable option. The viable option is that the child has, as others have suggested, a full time assistant with the them, so the bad behaviour is minimised, whilst proper external services are accessed to get professional expertise on ways of improving the situation.
I would put in writing your dis-satisfaction of the current situation to the head teacher and confirm to them that unless there is a substantive and obvious move forward to protect your son you will be taking it further with the governing body and LA as this is a safeguarding issue, for your son, as much as a behaviour issue for the other pupil.

bicyclebell Wed 08-Jun-16 22:48:49

Ok thank you.

I have actually just written to them and I said that I would take my son out of school until the end of term or until the boy was moved to another class ...

I'll use your words in the meeting we have though, as I know she'll call us in for one.

We've had endless meetings about all this and its all going nowhere. This child was moved from another school for the same reason.

One to one in the playground would sort this out though, in a big way I think. So I'll push for that too.

Thank you.

BoGrainger Thu 09-Jun-16 07:26:32

Be careful what you wish for. The current class for this boy might be the best fit for him so the solution might be to move your ds which I'm sure isn't what you want. Also moving classes wouldn't solve playtime issues. Make sure your ds follows the 'rules' if there is a playground split, this will have been implemented for his own safety. Have you got to the bottom of the flash points? What happened to make your ds so angry? I hope things improve in the future, this must be very worrying for all of you.

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