Girls vs Boys

[user789653241]

My ds and his best friend are kind of quiet nerdy boys(YR3). They enjoy each others company and get on with what they like. There are group of girls who keep coming to annoy them.

My ds had a trouble once, few months ago, he ended up punching a girl after she kept on pulling his hair, pulling his hood, pushing, etc. and they were both punished. (She admitted that she started it to the teacher.)

Now my ds tells me it started happening again for last few weeks, the girl he punched and few others keep bothering them during breaks. He says they just don't leave them alone. And he told me he may end up fighting back again.
I told him to ignore, but he said they tell boys they are cowards not fighting back.

All those girls are well behaved in class, so my ds believes that teacher wouldn't believe him if he told the teacher.
And also the main girl's Mum is a school staff, and she told him she can get him into trouble if she wanted to, and he believes it.

I told him to try to stay away, and be visible from adults if possible, but what else can I do? Should I mention this to teacher? My ds said he already told lunch time supervisors few times, but they were just told to ignore the girls, and they don't bother them when adults are around.

[bojorojo]

Go and see the teacher. They should have strategies to separate children who wish to be quiet. Where can he go to stay away from these girls. They are, of course, annoying him to elicit a reaction. Say to his teacher that you do not want him to retaliate so you would appreciate the school speaking to these girls and asking them not to annoy your son by pulling at his hair and his clothes. Schools normally have a behaviour policy which children adhere to and this would include not baiting other children. They should be expected to respect him.

Do it next week before he gets into trouble.

[Elisheva]

My son was being bullied by his 'friend' and when I spoke to the class teacher he always said things like 'It's six of one and half a dozen of the other,' or 'They wind each other up.' My son was miserable. I eventually wrote down everything he said verbatim and took it to the head teacher (my son knew). I told him that I didn't know exactly what was going on but this is what my son was telling me.
The school were great. The headmaster spoke to my son and then to his friend. They offered my son ELSA support to develop his assertiveness, they kept an eye on the situation at break times, they moved the seating around in class, and the headteacher regularly checked with my son to see how things were going.
There was no big drama, no one got into big trouble and my son was very happy with how it was dealt with.

[Dellarobia]

Yes absolutely, I wouldn't hesitate to go and talk to the teacher. No need to go in all guns blazing but just go for a chat to explain the situation to the teacher and ask for her support in helping DS to deal with this.

[user789653241]

Thank you for your replies. I was a bit worried if I was being over protective.
I will have a chat with the teacher on Monday, and explain what seems to be happening during breaks.

[catkind]

YYY do speak to the teachers.

I'd always phrase it as "this is what DS is saying, can you find out what's going on?" rather than making any assumptions, though it certainly sounds like deliberate mischief, particularly the child with a parent on the staff trying to pull rank. (Don't envy the child when her parent hears about that one!)

Pulling hair and pushing people on a regular basis is IMO a form of bullying. Not fair at all to just tell them to ignore. I wonder if they'd say the same if it was boys pushing and pulling girls' hair?

[user789653241]

Thank you, catkind.
All those pulling pushing etc seems to be not with so much force, so my ds hasn't been hurt. But it just seems to happen regularly and he is very annoyed.
But like you said, if that was other way around, I'm sure they wouldn't tell them to ignore.
I'll ask the teacher as you suggested, rather than making assumptions. Thank you.

[corythatwas]

Remind him that when it happened before they were both punished, so the teacher does take it seriously that he is being bothered. Point out that if he handles it properly this time and goes straight to the teacher, she might be able to deal with it so there don't have to be any punishments. Or at least not to him. To the teacher it will look good that he is looking for better solutions than last time.

[user789653241]

Yes, thank you cory. I did remind him what happened before, but I'll keep reminding him until it get sorted.

[catkind]

To be fair I'm not sure about exact bullying definitions used in schools, but verbal taunting can be bullying so I would really think that combined with pushing and pulling would be. My general rule is that if I wouldn't put up with it in the workplace, kids shouldn't have to put up with it at school. I shouldn't imagine if your son went around pulling teachers' hair they'd "just ignore it", however gentle!