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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

8yr old boy touched my daughter inappropriatley

39 replies

adders21 · 18/01/2016 22:50

My daughter, whilst doing handstands was touched between the legs by an older boy at school today. The head teacher told me that it was not an act of a sexual nature and that the boy was reprimanded. Should I inform the police? Or am I better to let the school handle things?

OP posts:

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defineme · 18/01/2016 22:54

What do you want to happen? Do you want him to be arrested?
Leave the school to handle it.

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timelytess · 18/01/2016 22:57

This is sexual.
It doesn't matter if his intent was sexual, the act was sexual because of the area touched.
I don't know how best to proceed. You need advice from a specialist in child protection. Your local authority will probably have one, or perhaps better still, speak to the NSPCC.

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VoldysGoneMouldy · 18/01/2016 22:58

I don't know whether I'd be contacting the police, but I certainly wouldn't be happy with what the head teacher had said, and would want follow up. Exactly what has been said to this boy? Is your DD okay?

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ovenchips · 18/01/2016 23:00

How old is your DD? What exactly happened?

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GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 18/01/2016 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChange30 · 18/01/2016 23:33

Does the school have a child protection officer? If so try and speak to them. You could also call NSPCC.

The boy might be at risk and need support. Or it might be "harmless" but if so there is no harm in making sure. Much better that than ignore a potential big problem.

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adders21 · 19/01/2016 08:48

Hi All,

Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

This morning I was ready to call the Police but having read your replies my wife and I decided that it would be best to contact the NSPCC.

The NSPCC listened to what I had to say and took the matter very serious. They wanted to pass the matter on to Child Services as not only our daughter could be at risk but other children at the school. I was also informed that the school should be taking this very serious and have notified child services. With this information, my wife has gone to discuss the matter with the headteacher to see what procedure they have followed. If the school hasn't passed the matter on to child services then we shall take the incident further.

Thank you again for your advice.

OP posts:

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thankthoseluckystars · 19/01/2016 08:51

'What exactly happened'

Is it just me who thought OP was perfectly clear?

Glad it's sorted OP.

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OhShutUpThomas · 19/01/2016 08:55

The fuck?

He's 8. Don't label him a sexual predator for life.
Kids do this stuff, because they're kids and don't realise how inappropriate it is. They get told off, job done.

If a child was showing overtly sexual behaviour, then there would be concern that that child may have picked it up through abuse.

But I certainly don't think that you need to be reporting this boy to the police. The school have dealt with it!

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sh77 · 19/01/2016 12:10

Tricky one. I'd be furious if this happened to my child. I think getting child services involved is overkill though without understanding if this is the first time, does the boy have sen, was he just being silly. I fear this boy will be labelled and his parents will go through hell with child services involved IF it was innocent. I think context and being firm with the head shod have preceded a call to the nspcc. Of course they would have said it was serious. I'm not condoning the boy's actions but I do strongly believe you needed to have taken the time to understand more about the child in question.

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bojorojo · 19/01/2016 12:25

The MUST be a lead teacher, and possibly the Headteacher, who is the Safeguarding Officer at the school. It is the law. There must also be a safeguarding policy that must be adhered to. However, if you read the legislation surrounding such a policy the concerns are mostly aimed at adults and not 8 year old children. An 8 year old will not be deemed to have the same mental facutlies as an adult and is still very much in need of nurturing and protection themselves. If the school has seen more of this type of behaviour from the child, then you should rest asured they are dealing with it via the appriopriate channels. They will not be able to share every detail with you.

You really should have spoken to the school at greater length and understood more fully about what they can do. It could even be that your DD has not been entirely truthful. By leaping to condemn an 8 year old as a possible risk to girls, you may not have been aware of the full picture. At this stage, it may be that the boy needs help and guidance. Or it may just have been a foolish silly game that needs stopping. I totally agree with sh77 and I also totally understand that your DD should not have been touched.

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bojorojo · 19/01/2016 12:29

I meant to add that, reading a number of safeguarding policies, it is difficult to see how one incident of an 8 year old boy fits into the policy advice. I will be interested in what the school says. I would not escalate the matter further though at this stage.

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adders21 · 19/01/2016 12:34

To update, the headteacher has now informed me that the the child has a history of this sort of thing and is bringing in child services.
Odd that this wasn't mentioned yesterday!

Never, ever take these kind of things lightly and follow your gut feeling.

Thank you again for your advice.
NSPCC was the correct first approach in this case.
They gave me the knowledge and guidance of how to approach the headteacher.

OP posts:

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Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 19/01/2016 12:34

OP, you do realise that if the school has serious safeguarding concerns about the boy they cannot, and should not, discuss it with you in any way.

You have reported the incident. The school is aware. Unless it happens again, the only thing you can do is leave it.

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bikingintherain · 19/01/2016 12:34

Although distressing for the OP and child, the real child protection issue is with the older boy. What happened is a red flag that the boy himself has seen inappropriate things/ being abused himself. It may have been a case of a boy being stupid, or it may be a sign of something more. That is why it needs reporting invade there are other incidences that have happened. Then social services can start to piece a puzzle together if there is one to do so.

But huge sympathy for the girl and the family, really not a nice thing at all. I hope your DD is too distressed by it.

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Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 19/01/2016 12:35

Cross post. I would be extremely concerned if the school is sharing this kind of information about another child with me. I would consider this a serious breach of confidentiality.

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bikingintherain · 19/01/2016 12:36

Cross post!

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NameChange30 · 19/01/2016 13:49

I think the OP was absolutely right to call NSPCC. As I said in my previous post, there is no harm in getting advice and getting the appropriate people (the school and/or social services) to investigate further.

It's absolutely ridiculous to suggest that the boy will be "labelled a sexual predator for life". His inappropriate sexual behaviour is clearly a sign that he could be a victim of sexual abuse or he could be witnessing sexual behaviour. Reporting his behaviour means that this will be investigated so he can be protected and supported. That's obviously a GOOD THING for him.

Perhaps the headteacher should not have told the OP that there have been other incidents, but I think they were right to reassure the OP that child services have been notified. The OP deserves to know that the incident involving their DD is being taken seriously.

How is your DD? Was she upset, and if so is she feeing ok now?

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NameChange30 · 19/01/2016 13:52

" It could even be that your DD has not been entirely truthful."

Nice.

Minimising and now accusing the victim of lying...

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adders21 · 19/01/2016 14:00

Our DD didn't want to go to school today but I hope that she will be feeling happier after today.

Just to be clear to doubters, my DD was playing with her girl friends when the boy approached. There were multiple witnesses, some older girls. There is no doubt of what happened or how things happened.

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NameChange30 · 19/01/2016 14:04

Sorry your DD didn't want to go to school today Did she go or not? And is there support for her there?

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adders21 · 19/01/2016 15:50

Yes, she went.
To be honest, I'm not sure if there is any sort of support. She has some good friends so I hope they will carry on as usual to make things as normal as possible. Just be glad to get her back home.

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NameChange30 · 19/01/2016 15:57

I was just wondering if there is any pastoral support or even a school counsellor or anything like that.. I don't know whether school are supposed to provide one or have the funding to do so (wouldn't be surprised if they don't). Anyway hope DD had a good day and is feeling ok when she gets home. x

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ovenchips · 19/01/2016 16:04

Thankthoseluckystars. I don't know what exactly happened. Neither do you. The description given 'Whilst doing handstands my DD was touched between the legs' covers a range of possibilties of increasing seriousness. That is what I was trying to ascertain the level of seriousness before offering advice.

Your faux face is unwarranted.

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timelytess · 19/01/2016 16:32

the real child protection issue is with the older boy
MN pc foolishness again. The older boy definitely needs attention and probably support - the OP's insistence on having the matter dealt with effectively might change the boy's life. But the 'real issue' is that children not connected with his home life/personal predicament are being brought into an abuse situation by his actions. That is, and lets not hide from this, he is abusing others. Children should be safe from sexual abuse in school, no matter who the perpetrator.