Known the head a long time... now she no longer even says 'hello'...

(7 Posts)
VocationalGoat Wed 13-Jan-16 12:16:23

I wanted to NC but life is short.
I risk sounding totally silly, but the situation gets to me a tad. So I thank you in advance for reading. I just want an opinion or two...
We've been at our primary school for years.
We are admittedly, thinking of moving our DD who is in year 1 (posted a while back about an issue regarding bullying but won't bore you with the details for now).

I just want to know what would cause a head to no longer acknowledge a long time family (us!) at the school. She absolutely blanks me now. I've known her for years, used to be quite chummy with her when DC1 was there. She was very personal and personable, always acknowledging DD when she was in her pram, saying "One day, you'll be walking through those gates, following in your big brother's footsteps." We shared meals at charity dinners, chatted about the mundane and mildly gossipy (not about families of course), but we had a really nice rapport with the head... never bothered her at the gate with stuff, kept to ourselves, actively supported the school. When we went on to have a stillborn baby girl, she was so warm, so loving and supportive. Now, she doesn't even know my youngest child's name, doesn't even say hello to me even when I greet her at the gate. I've tried to tell myself that I am paranoid, and I know that I am definitely being silly. There are bigger fish to fry, God knows. But I am in this environment day in and day out and I've noticed the shift in attitude. I keep telling myself she's just overworked and time goes on... there are so many parents and kids for her to keep track of on top of an increasingly hyper-demanding job. Still... I can't help but feel I've blotted my copybook somewhere along the line. We didn't have a smooth time with DD at school. It's a bit better now but we are seriously considering leaving the school. I wonder if she has cottoned onto this. Would a head lose respect for parents if he/she got a whiff of the possibility that a family might move?

Sorry to analyze my naval here and thanks for reading and for any input you might have.

germanefficiency Wed 13-Jan-16 13:44:38

Would a head lose respect for parents if he/she got a whiff of the possibility that a family might move?

Yep, the one at our primary does.
Stops talking to/ignores/blanks parents all the time. Parents of 'difficult' children, parents of kids who have been bullied and he passed the buck because he didn't want to acknowledge scale of bullying or that bullying even happens at His Perfect School, parents who are not in the same 'league' as school parent governors or PTA parents, parents who try to make good suggestions and communicate effectively with school (especially if there are issues that can benefit from parent feedback) - these parents are particularly blanked , presumably because they dared to suggest a change at a school the deems to be perfect.

And the list goes on.
I should add, we 'only' fall into the category of parents who have never brown nosed. Our kid is happy there and popular. But we have 'dared' to question the odd behavioural policy. Tantamount to major crime in our school.

I have no idea if this is common in all inner London schools, but I for one, like you, am finding it all very petty, tedious and downright pointless.

Stand your ground. I do. Ultimately, we shouldn't care about gaining the respect of a person, even if they are headteacher, who shows so little respect for others.

multivac Wed 13-Jan-16 13:47:30

I should imagine it's more to do with increased pressures of the job, than with you, OP:

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/nov/20/headteacher-killed-herself-after-ofsted-downgrade-inquest

Bolognese Wed 13-Jan-16 14:54:39

Yip happened to me in Y5-6, once I started raising difficult questions about standards and answers came their none. Did start considering moving to a new school but was to close to sats and decided I couldn't risk it. Rumors get around.

Youarenotthebossofme Thu 14-Jan-16 11:24:03

Why does it bother you? The Head is someone to make small talk with...or not. Some parents revel in the 'relationship' they have with the Head, others just get on with it and couldn't be bothered if the Head picked them out to chummy chat with or not. My job is to take my child to school and pick them up at home time and support their work at home. The problem when you get too chummy with Heads/teachers at your child's school is that it can turn around on you or annoy other parents.
My ds went to a school where the Head clearly had her favourites.She would completely blank parents that she disapproved of, (one mother was told that she didn't approve of her job and since that day has been blanked, a few families brought up very valid reasons regarding poor teaching, child safety etc they were in turn laughed at or ignored) she gossiped to a chosen few about other parents and their children. It wasn't good. 'Secrets' always come out. I wouldn't move my child for those reasons but I would move them for unresolved bullying issues and poor staff ability.
You and your children have just joined the other 85% that the Head ignores. They take this as normal as they never had that initial chumminess with her. And yes, she will be annoyed that you dare to even think that you could find a better school for your child, especially as she picked you out from the beginning to add to her chosen few. If you are a supportive parent and you have clever kids that is 2 more reasons for her to be annoyed with as you will be taking those things away from the school and the Head at the new school would love to know why your child has moved school.
germanefficiency's post sounds all too familiar...we could be talking about the same school. It sounds like a common problem but thankfully not in the majority of schools. There are some Heads out there who don't take every little knock personally and truly do believe in what is the best for each child/ family.

upthegardenpath Thu 14-Jan-16 11:58:39

Youarenotthebossofme oh so true.
Glad to hear that we are not alone and also that you have some experience of other schools where this is not the case.
Roll on secondary I say, where polite chit chat between the Selected Few Parents and Staff becomes less important, as kids start to go to school alone and there is less need to hang about playgrounds at all.

Witchend Thu 14-Jan-16 12:28:28

It's possible that someone had seen you talking chummily with her and accused her of being biased towards you. She probably should have handled it better, but that could certainly produce the same reaction.

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