"X pushed me" Telling teacher about every little thing - how to stop.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

DD has just started P1. She is an irritatingly very precocious child with a very strong sense of right and wrong. And if someone does wrong she finds it very important to tell the teacher. The teacher has told me how she seems to be very sensitive and complains about every imagined slight

I have spoken to DD but it is quite hard to convey that yes she should tell teacher about really bad things (another kid spitting in her face) but she shouldnt bother him with minor things (being accidentally barged in the cloakroom). She feels (correctly I guess) that if someone accidentally barges her they should say sorry, but if they don't (most of the time) she then tries to get the teacher to tell them to say sorry.

Any advice on books etc I can use to teach her to negotiate this stuff on her own without involving and adult at least some of the time?

[Littlefish]

As a teacher, if I sense that a child is about to tell me something about another child, I say "Is your name in that story, Jemima?" When they invariably confirm that it isn't, then I say "In that case, I would like the person in the story to tell me about it, rather than you".

You have to be very consistent with some children, and do it everytime they approach you with a story until they begin to think about it before they come and see you.

It is often a phase that young children go thrgh when they start school but it doesn't usually last long.

[Lurkedforever1]

Boy who cried wolf story? With amendments for the fact she isn't actually lying. So you're explaining if she keeps telling when it's not important, one day when the teacher is busy and it is something worth telling the teacher might not listen. And of course that her new classmates might see her as trying to get them in trouble and not want to play as much with her. Asking how she would feel if she was the child being 'told on' for something minor/ accidental.

[user789653241]

My ds was exactly same when he just started school, but the difference was that he confronted that child himself.
I was called in by teacher many times that my ds pushed someone, etc.
When I asked him why, he said the child jumped the queue, done something nasty to him or someone, etc.
Then he realised retaliating someone gets him into trouble, he started to tell teachers.
But teacher's reaction was quite good, like what Littlefish says, he stopped doing it by year1.

[Flomple]

I think infant school teachers tend to be adept at managing this. With children and also their parents!

Just remember when she comes home full of the latest injustice that there will be another side. Having read "how to talk..." I am these days less inclined to jump in and try to explain the other viewpoint to her. I more say 'mmm' and stuff like "oh no, you must have been so cross about that. How frustrating" which seems to defuse her.

[Lowdoorinthewall]

I tend to say... 'tell me what words you have used to explain how you feel and to try to sort it out'.

If they haven't used any I suggest some and send them away to say them (if appropriate) or with the idea that they should try that next time.

My children learn I will only get involved when they have used sensible strategies to try and sort it themselves.

[Geraniumred]

The teacher ought to be used to dealing with children like this - it is quite common. My stock phrase was 'thank you for letting me know'- and the child would quite happily go off satisfied they had been listened to. Sometimes just giving a little bit of attention helps or distracting with a job to do. They do grow out of it.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Thanks all for the feedback.

I am now slightly reassured that I am not that mother with that child....

[roundtable]

www.google.co.uk/search?redir_esc=&client=ms-android-hms-vf-gb&hl=en-GB&oe=utf-8&safe=images&q=reporting+or+telling+tales&source=android-browser-suggest&qsubts=1441391173230&action=devloc#imgrc=-f3Nk7aKD-yMCM%3A

This might help. Some children love a tale but she should grow out of it with your 'help'

[roundtable]

No, you're fine op.

That parent doesn't recognise that their child is a fan of telling a tale but thinks their child is doing the community a great service and is very perceptive. Not talking about reporting just telling tales.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Ooh - that's awesome - thanks!

[BarbarianMum]

Dn's teacher had a 'tattle book' (this was in the States). Unless someone was hurt, all 'telling' had to be written down. This cut down the amount if telling by 90% and the remainder tended to be the stuff that did need dealing with.

[EmeraldKitten]

DS1 is very similar (age 7, Year 3).

He is a natural rule follower and it really bothers him at times when others don't do the same. But we went through a long phase where he would tell the teacher everything. X is kicking up leaves. X pushed Y. X is running in the corridor. X hasn't put his book in the right place.

I tried talking to him about it, and eventually I told him that if he ever saw anything very dangerous (and we had a long chat about what was 'dangerous') or someone hurting someone elses feelings on purpose, he must tell a teacher. And that anything else was not his job to tell about and he must leave it to the teachers.

It took a while but he did come out of it and is mostly much better now.

[NewLife4Me]

Littlefish

You sound like my type of teacher. Have you got lots of those sayings

[SilverHoney]

An idea that I've heard of but not used myself is that the child gets 3 tokens (for example), they can use each of these tokens to tell the teacher something but when the tokens are gone they're gone. It's supposed to help the child decided if this incident is important enough to tell the teacher about or whether to save the token for something else.

[Littlefish]

Thanks Newlife. I sound horribly like Joyce Grenfell at times when I'm teaching!

[NewLife4Me]

Littlefish

The best teacher my dc ever had was just the same. She was infant teacher and did the whole 3 years at small village school, so just one class mixed.
We are still in touch despite moving hundreds of miles away and her not teaching any of mine for 15 years.

I love Joyce Grenfell, the character she did was so funny.

Now, sit down timmy. Classic.

[Littlefish]

Today, I actually heard myself say "George, don't do that"!