Year 2 troubles

(8 Posts)
SmileAndNod Mon 06-Jul-15 20:19:34

I'm hoping that this is normal for 7 year olds but as I've not had a 7 year old before it's all new to me.

Ds seems to be having a hard time at school. Two main issues - there is one child who is constantly (every day) pushing, shoving, jumping on, throwing things at DS. Have mentioned it to teacher and they are aware of this problem but the child in question has done kind of issue which means that he cannot always understand this and doesn't realise his own strength. He has also hurt reception age children.

The other problem is another child who basically won't leave my Ds alone. They have been friends but it's got to the stage now where he can be quite possessive, he doesn't like it if Ds plays with anyone else (tells on him to a teacher) constantly distracting him in class etc.

Ds has not been going outside to play to take himself away from the situation. He now doesn't want to go to school anymore sad. I can't keep going back to the teacher, nor do I feel I can interfere. But seeing my son so upset is heart breaking. Is this all normal age 7 stuff? Any tips for coping?

Tissie Mon 06-Jul-15 22:12:57

I think you can and should go back to the teacher/senco/headteacher until these issues are soved. It is happening in their school and needs to be dealt with. They should have strategies to deal with the bullying pupil - why doesn't he understand? If this is so he needs to learn what is acceptabe and unacceptable. The school are not doing him any favours by ignoring his behaviour.
The other child needs some group work with your son and a couple of others to explore what friendship is and hos it works.The senco should be able to set this up and deal with it. It might inclide some CBT. One session alone will not work. It needs about 6.Don't sit back. Be pushy. Complain again and again until something is done. Best wishes.

SmileAndNod Tue 07-Jul-15 11:45:41

Thank you. I had no choice but to bring it up today as my son was in tears and refusing to go to school, which is not like him at all. We've spoken to the teacher (again) and they've started a feelings book for him. Apparently it's just the way the other boys are. Which I can kind of understand, but it doesn't make it any easier for DS. I left him still in tears, which has made me feel awful. Have since had a call and DS has gone into another class today to work. Will see how he is at pick up time.

Millymollymama Tue 07-Jul-15 12:26:39

I'm afraid there can be special needs children who really do not have empathy with other children and their understanding of how to play is not well developed. They do not understand that attacking another child is not the way to get your own way.

I definitely think the class teacher needs to manage your DS's learning environment much more effectively in the classroom in that he should not need to be removed, because that, in effect, is punishing your DS, and he should not have to put up unwelcome disruptions. The teacher really must deal with that and it is not acceptable. I would see the Headteacher about this issue.

Dealing with the two children in the playground is more difficult and I cannot see how a "feelings" book is of much use. Usually at age 7 children are playing in bigger groups and your DS should definitely onto use to play in a bigger group who, collectively, will not put up with pushing and shoving. The playground staff should also be made aware that one boy is possessive and this is not acceptable either. I would suggest a teacher needs to monitor playground activity to see exactly what is going on. The playground supervisors should also be made aware of the problems.

Unfortunately, you cannot guarantee that all children in any school are going to be pleasant. However it is down to the school to manage all of this. It is the disruptive child in the classroom that should be removed, not the child that wants to work. I imagine it will be slow progress with the special needs child whose behaviour is not acceptable. The school must keep your DS safe and I would stress this to the Headteacher. There could be more supervision of him in the playground and more supervision in the classroom to minimise the distractions. I do hope your DS feels better about school soon and finds true friends to play with.

sugarhoops Tue 07-Jul-15 13:15:03

Gosh this sound very similar to my DS in yr2 (he's now in yr 3 and thriving again smile).

Yes you do definitely need to keep going into the school and telling the teachers that your DS is not happy. Granted the teachers may not be able to resolve the behavioural issues of the other boys, but they should be supporting your DS more if its upsetting him as early as school arrival time.

My DS had very similar issues in yr 2 - he had a friend with SEN that (and the teachers even admitted to me), he was paired up with very frequently because he had a "calming influence" on this friend. Whilst he enjoyed this the first few weeks, he became very upset and frustrated further down the line as his friends challenging behaviour over-rode everything they were meant to do together. It manifested itself in alot of tears before school, dragging him up the steps every morning. I went and saw the teachers about it several times before we got to the bottom of it.

Its sad really because they were split up (3 class intake) going into yr 3 which my DS was really pleased about and, at the time, stated he never wants to play with this friend again. I felt if the school hadn't forced the pairing so frequently, they could still be great friends, albeit in different classes.

Millymollymama Tue 07-Jul-15 14:02:44

I think you will find that very many children really do not want "challenging" friends. Diligent children should not be used by teachers to calm other children either. That is not their role in going to school. Challenging children do need to be moved around so all children in the class learn to tolerate and support the child, together with adult supervision. It is very sad, but if the challenging behaviour does not improve, these children do become isolated because other children, rightly, want to learn and play without the worry and frustration of these children impeding everything they do. Young children trying to do well at school are not adults and therefore react like children to disruptions and annoyance - they want to avoid it! They complain when they cannot. It is up to the adults to ensure all children learn and feel safe and happy at school.

My DD was livid at having to sit next to "the naughty child" for more than a term. He spent a lot of time under the table, or poking her with a pencil, taking her workbook and pencils, punching, lashing out at staff etc: every day there was some new drama. Some children never had to sit next to him, ever! Yes, I complained. He did, eventually, get supervision!

sugarhoops Tue 07-Jul-15 16:09:59

Very eloquently put milly - my other concern (alongside the main concern of my upset child) was that I didnt want to seem like the mother that was saying "I don't want MY child sitting next to THAT child" - the boys were good friends but unfortunately the SEN friend was becoming increasingly isolated due to his behaviour. I felt that my DS and this child had a friendship that was worth nurturing. Unfortunately it didnt work out as DS was so fed up with friend by the end of it all, he never wanted to play with him again sad

Millymollymama Tue 07-Jul-15 19:32:27

I think, as adults, we are compassionate, tolerant of others with a problem, helpful, friendly and nurturing. Children can only be a few of those things when they are young because they are not fully mature as human beings. That's why the friendship as you described started to run into trouble and then collapse. You were the caring adult but your DS struggled with the difficulties his friend presented. As adults we think long and hard about complaining. Our children complain to us pretty quickly and often the same day if they really dislike something. Sometimes we just have to be THAT parent to ensure our child gets the education they deserve free from hassle and upset. We also hope that the child with difficulties is well managed in the classroom and their behaviour improves.

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