Supporting your child when they are unhappy at school

[Notcontent]

My dd is a generally happy, bright 9 year old who has always enjoyed school. I don't think there has ever been a day when she didn't want to go to school. But - I think she has some problems with social interactions, which have become apparent over the last couple of years. I have posted about this before.

Anyway, there is a girl in her class who used to be her best friend - they used to be extremely close. Over the last 12 months the friendship became increasingly one sided. Now - whenever dd even tries to speak to her, she is quite rude and snappy or just blanks her - I have witnessed this myself. This afternoon I picked up dd to take her to an after school club (also attended by this girl) and dd was really unhappy and said she didn't want to go because her former friend had been particularly mean and rude to her. This is so unlike dd - not to want to go to something - that I am really worried that it might escalate to not wanting to go to school.

She is really social and loves being with other children but does not have any particular friend at the moment. I think she may have mild aspergers, although has not been diagnosed and school has never raised any issues. I don't know how to make it better. She does extra curricular activities where she has made friends but these friendships have not really extended beyond the activity.

[poppy70]

We are all on the spectrum somewhere. When is a label helpful? Why? All girls have problems with friendships. Par of the course.

[bryte]

Aw Notcontent - I could have written your post. I have a Y4 9 year old who is experiencing a similar thing and I would like to know how to help her best as she goes through this. My older DD didn't experience many friendship issues at Primary School, so this is new territory for me. Is age 9 typically a trying time for friendships? Does it get better during Y5?

[missimpossible]

Hi Notcontent. My DD is in year 4 and we also had to go through this too. It was heartbreaking for me as a parent to stand by and watch.

My DD is quite shy amongst her peers and has always had one or two close friends at school, rather than a big group. She became close with another little girl in her class, with similar personality. She was overjoyed, they did EVERYTHING together and everything was going well! Then following the summer holiday, the little girl became distant and didnt want to spend time with my DD. She took it very hard. She was hurt, confused and very teary. It was heartbreaking to watch.

All I could do was DD lots of hugs and reassurance. We talked about it alot and I suggested she just give her space. They are still friends, but not as tehy used to be.

She still has a few other girls she hangs out with now, but, I know my DD still misses that particular friendship. It was a hard lessson for her to learn so young.

Its hard Notcontent, but you're not alone!