Move from most local school?

[patchworkhill]

Our eldest DC is in year 2 at our nearest village primary school. We are in a rural community and, like several others who attend the school, we don't live in the village itself (though many do) and are just over a mile away. We also have a 2yo.

Problem is that there are a number of things regarding the school we are unhappy about but can't decide whether they warrant a move to a school that is not our most local iyswim. I am being deliberately vague about the details but I'm not talking about one big issue (we wouldn't hesitate to move DC if we felt there was a safety issue/bullying that wasn't resolved for e.g.)but several smaller problems. Things like small pool of friends (DC is not unhappy about this but does struggle to find others the same age to gel with), feel that differentiation is not happening as it should (teacher agreed when we spoke with her that XYZ needed to be done but it hasn't happened- in fact, there have been several empty 'promises' on matters that we have raised but have never been properly resolved or mentioned again by staff).

Anyway, part of me feels that if DC is 'happy' (and they are just that- fairly happy at, but not excited by, school) then to just leave it. Although our location means that DC doesn't 'play out' with children from school it is still our nearest school and means that playdates (not many admittedly- small pool of friends issue) are fairly easy to sort out.

The other school that we would possibly consider is around a 20 minute drive away. I feel the education there may be more suitable- more sparky, lively and more up DC's street and it is bigger- so more children to potentially be friends with. But, are we just going to be avoided with regards to playdates because of the distance? Is it just going to be frying pan/fire scenario?

When do the disadvantages of a small, local school outweigh the benefits?

Would like to hear experiences from others who have had a similar dilemma.

[Millymollymama]

I moved DD to a school 25 minutes drive away. 35 if the traffic was bad. She didn't get many invitations to play when we were at the local school, so we had nothing to lose! I felt like you. She was just coasting along and not really involved with school. Not unhappy, but not excited either.

We were glad we changed, but it was to a top class independent prep school. She made friends there and was invited to play. She also did lots of after school activities so playing after school was less of an issue. She did the activities with friends. Sleeping over became the norm at the weekend. I would pick her up the next day.

However, a more exciting curriculum, plenty of choice of friends and high expectations worked wonders for her. If your choice of school can offer this, then great. However, we didn't stay friends with the old friends. But there were only two of them who were remotely proper friends.

[patchworkhill]

Thank you Millymollymama. Really glad it worked out for your DD. You are right in that at the moment, there is little to lose with regards to friendships/play mates. The other school is larger and I suppose at least the potential is there to make more friends. I am not sure if I have a realistic idea of what is 'normal' when it comes to frequency of play dates. There are a few children in our current school who literally seem to take/go home with another child most days of the week. DC has had a very few which have always been reciprocated but they have felt a bit forced- no natural friendships have sprung from them. I think because of the culture of having lots of play dates that is apparent with some parents/children this has made me a bit anxious about them. But that aside, I do think the schooling will be much more suited to DC and things like trips and after school activities are much better provided for.

[patchworkhill]

Bump

[Hassled]

I think your instincts are right - at a bigger school, there's a bigger pool from which friendships can form, and if you already have to chauffeur to playdates etc then some extra minutes isn't going to seem like a massive change. But remember some children just don't really want/need much in the way of out-of-school socialisation - one of mine is always at a friend's house or has someone here, while another has just never been bothered and school social contact is enough - so don't get too bogged down in that if your DC isn't fussed.

I know she's only Year 2 but would there be any High School implications from a move - do village school and larger school children all end up going to the same place?

[Itshouldntmatter]

We moved our dd. Door step to 20 minutes. I just didn't like her school and she was getting lost. Our problem was the other way - too many children, just allowed to coast in the quiet middle ground. We moved because of a great alternative school. Was the best decision.

[patchworkhill]

Thanks all. Hassled, that is a good point about children being different in terms of out of school socialisation. I agree with you and think I need to try and remember that, whichever school DC is at. Both schools feed to the same secondary. Itshouldntmatter- that is exactly how we feel about the current school- despite it being small, it feels impersonal. Can I ask how you found the 20 minute commute and what happened with regards to friendships etc?

[Millymollymama]

One of our original problems regarding friendships was that parents knew each other and organised play for their own children. If you arrived, and were not known, it seemed very difficult for your child to be included. We were also a C of E school, and there was a a church group of parents who knew each other from church and stuck together.

To be perfectly honest, you could get that in another school. However with after school clubs and more children, your child stands a better chance of fitting in somewhere! I think some children thrive on having music, drama and sporting opportunities for example. Small schools are less likely to be able to offer this. If you don't try the other school, you will never know! If you can, help out with PTA events. This usually gets you known around school. Also children like to invite the new child home for tea. Curiosity - but it might lead to friendship.

[holmessweetholmes]

We moved dd in year 1 from a tiny village primary to a bigger one 15 mins' drive away. The move was prompted by the threatened closure of the school due to low pupil numbers. We moved dd before a decision was made about the closure - partly because we wanted to find her a place before everyone was scrambling for them, and partly because we weren't that happy with the school anyway.

We were really happy with the new school, and glad that the threatened closure (which never happened in the end) pushed us into moving her.

However, 4 years later we have moved far away to a more rural location at the other end of the country. Both dc are at a tiny village school again, but this one is awesome!

In summary - tiny schools can be great. Dc can play out with their friends because they live in the village. Lovely family atmosphere, connections with the local community, tiny classes, plenty of teacher time per pupil etc.

The disadvantages of our original tiny school were that it just didn't challenge my bright dd, had few facilities, a limited pool of friends and little in the way of trips, extra - curricular activities etc. But little schools don't have to be like that - our new one certainly isn't! In fact it offers just as much as the bigger, Ofsted outstanding school they had moved to before.