Reception Birthday Party Hell

[verbeier]

We are planning my DS's birthday party. We have decided to have it in a local (small) hall as we live in a veeeeeery small flat. My DS is very shy and finds it difficult making friends - he gets a bit worried and upset bout it. There have been a lot of birthday parties in the class and my DS hasn't been invited to most of them. I thought this party might be an idea to invite a lot of children so that he might make more friends and feel a bit more comfortable in the class. We have invited 20 out of 30 children (cannot have more than 25 due to entertainer restrictions). We would be happy with few children, but I genuinely worry that no one will turn up at all so we thought we should overdue it and hope for half to accept! (I work and so am not at the school gates). But I feel bad for the 10 we haven't invited, just as my DS was sad to have not been invited to other parties. One of the two parties we went to had a similar size, but ALL the girls and a few boys, including my DS. We are not inviting all the boys as we couldn't invite any girls then, and he has a few girl friends he wants to invite (and the one all boy party we went to was extremely rough and rowdy, which would make my son very uncomfortable). I feel awful though, I don't want to the rude and inconsiderate Mum and make things even worse for him! I can't believe I am worrying so much about this....any advice on birthday party etiquette? Am I breaking the birthday party rules? ;)

[reni1]

I find you generally get 2/3 attendance if doing a whole class rather than friends only guest list, so invite all. You won't get more than 25.

[Haggisfish]

I'd agree-invite all and feign surprise if more than twenty turn up.

[minionmadness]

I've had 3 parties all class parties for my dts's and out of the 58 children invited (dts in different classes) I've only ever had 3 children that were not able to attend.

I've also been to a lot of parties and it's quite normal for the whole class bar a couple attend.

If you can't invite the whole class then you can't but what will you do if you invite the whole class and they all accept.

[FastForward2]

You have done the right thing. Out of 20 you will get enough to have a party. Dont worry about not inviting them all, you cant invite all and they know that. You are doing a great job just having a party he will feel really special. So long as there is cake etc He has plenty of time to make friends Reception is very early.

[Scrounger]

Don't worry 20 out of 30 isn't isolating one or two children. I wouldn't have a whole class party it would be mayhem. Children change friends a lot at that age, they get invited to some parties but not all and they get on with it. It is important that he has a party that he would be happy with. I don't keep a tally of who hasn't invited my children to a party but I invite children back if they have invited mine.

[verbeier]

Ah, thanks for your support! We are going to stick with 20 and see how it goes...phew! Wasn't sure if I was breaking a party rule - saw another thread which said invite less than half or all. Thanks all!

[DeeWe]

I think 20 is fine. If you get 5 refusals you can always invite the rest with a "oh isn't it silly, I found these at the bottom of his book bag".

However you may find they can all come, so don't go over numbers. We had a party invited 25 (over 2 forms all the girls and a small number of boys before anyone gets excited about just leaving 5 out) and assumed as it was holiday time that about half wouldn't be able to come as had happened the previous year. However all except one could come which was dreadful absolutely wonderful.

[leccybill]

There seems to be some unwritten rule in our school that you have a whole-class party when in Reception. So far, we've been to 11 (7 in the same venue, same entertainer, groan).
I wasn't aware and did a soft play party for 12 classmates and DD in February. Now I feel a bit bad for leaving some out. But ah well, I'm only at the gate once a week, I'm not getting too worried about it.
I hope your son has a lovely party. Can recommend Kinder eggs for party bags, they are 3 for £1.25 in Lidl and went down well at my DD's party.

[Almostapril]

Don't worry about it . Invite who you feel is right and to your venue and budgets etc. kinder eggs is great idea

[Starlightbright1]

I did about 23 when my DS was in reception. Over 2 classes of about 30. Believe me that was more than enough.

Do what is right for your DS no everyone else.

[monkeysaymoo]

20 is fine, most people never know who has been invited to what. My ds2 was similar in reception, very few party invitations so I used to invite around 2/3rds of the class. He's in year 2 now and gets invited to quite a few parties these days.

[hiccupgirl]

We invited 22 out of 30 to DS's party at Christmas. He was adamant that he didn't want to invite 5 boys he doesn't get on with and we really only had 15 places as it was a joint party with a friend at a different school. As it turned out 20 of the 22 turned up so it cost us a bit more but it worked out fine.

I'm aware of quite a few parties that have happened that DS hasn't been invited to as well as there having been a couple of whole class ones. Do what works for you rather than what you feel you should do for the show of it.

[Singleandproud]

We couldn't invite the whole class either but DD took in the left over sweets / bits from the pinata the next day, so all the children got something even if they hadn't been to the party.

[TheFullGammon]

20 is fine. I think we overthink these things sometimes - no child can get invited to every party and generally they don't have the foggiest whether they are one of 5, or 10, or 15 not invited. 20 max sounds plenty for your DS anyway, he'll enjoy it more than a bigger group and not have to have anyone there he doesn't want to.

The proportion of acceptances depends partly on the timing. If it's not in the hols or at short notice I'd expect a good take-up rate.