Not sure how to feel - inappropriate touching at school

[WaxyBean]

So, DS's teacher took me aside into the head teacher's office this morning. Apparently DS (aged 5, in reception) was touched inappropriately by two boys in the toilets last week. It was reported to her by a third party (DS's best friend) and DS hasn't mentioned it to her or me (she has asked if he is ok and he's said he's fine).

She's already phoned the relevant boys parents and spoken to them, and reminded all the children that they are to go on their own to the toilets. I've no concerns about how she is dealing with this.

But I am concerned about DS. He's got much more clingy since xmas, crying when I'm not there to pick him up, and wanting more cuddles. He's also been slightly more reluctant to go to school, though fince once there and his teacher said he was flying and an absolute star in the classroom. He's also had a slight regression in toilet training (he's never been reliable with bowel movements - but more recently has had small amounts of poo in his pants almost every day - I had put this down to his diet (v low fat due to allergies)) and had made a GP's appt for a few weeks time.

Help - what do I do? Anything? Nothing? Observe? Why isn't there a parents manual for these sorts of things?

[pinkdelight]

Hi there. Sorry, not much advice, but just wanted to say a similar thing happened with DS at the same age so I know how you feel - not knowing how to feel. I suspect it happens quite often, unfortunately. All DC are different of course, but if it's any reassurance, the problem was dealt with (in the same way you describe, no kids going to loo together etc) and the feeling passed. DS was fine. Do you think the clinginess is about something else? If it's been since Christmas, maybe he's more generally unsettled? That can happen after a holiday, when the initial 'thrill' of school has worn off and they want to stay home. The incident will of course not have helped, but I think those things can be more unsettling for us than them, in their innocence. All I can suggest is to keep talking to the teacher about your concerns. It sounds like you're dealing with it all well and often it's just about needing more time to pass. Frustrating I know, sorry. Hang in there.

[TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge]

With respect,while I understand your feelings and I wouldn't know what to think about it happening,I think it's most likely a completely separate issue. Kids that age will often brush off something like occured,although other will show signs but usually if more severe and involving an adult or older child. Many wouldn't know how to be scared or know why being touched by somebody else was wrong.

Could he possibly be being bullied or something else going on in school?
Something at home? Etc etc I think either of those are far far more likely to be the cause of your sons change in behaviour.

Unless he himself feels embarrassed after being told it is wrong and he doesn't quite understand etc?

[prh47bridge]

Soiling himself could well be a reaction to inappropriate touching, especially if this wasn't an isolated incident. A child starting to soil himself or herself is a known indicator abuse. He could be trying to make himself smell so that he is unattractive to the boys concerned. If there have been previous unreported incidents the clinginess could also be a reaction. It is, of course, also possible that these symptoms are unrelated to the incident. But, from experience in child protection, I would be working on the basis that this was not an isolated incident and that your son's changed behaviour is a result of previous incidents.

It is early days but I would be a worried by the fact your son hasn't mentioned the incident. It may be that it didn't affect him but it could be that he is trying to pretend it didn't happen, especially if there has been a series of incidents.

I note the GP's appointment is in a few weeks. If the symptoms persist I would tell your GP what happened.

[Branleuse]

id be wanting more answers about inappropriate touching. What do they mean,and to what degree, and ages of the other children.

Id want some answers without making a big deal about it to your son, because he might even be upset if the school have made a massive fuss to him over something not that serious and he might feel confused or like people are disappointed in him.
A 5 year old might not be able to differentiate between there being trouble, and him beung in trouble