I think my TA has an Eating Disorder?

[Libby456]

Hello everyone!

This is quite a difficult topic for me so please go easy!
Basically, I have a TA in my year 3 class and she is brilliant.. Been with us for about 2 years and is a real member of the class and school.

I do have worries though that she has developed an eating disorder. the last 5/6 months I have noticed extreme weight loss and an anxious look whenever she's in the staff room. Her clothes have become more baggy as if she's hiding away her body shape and she barley eats at lunch. I have only ever seen her eat apples and crackers lately. Her attitude in the class room has not changed but I have noticed a sad look in her that is really worrying me.

Another teacher started to notice too and I really don't know what I should do, I don't want to get her into any sort of trouble or in a position where she could lose her job, but I am almost certain that she has developed an ED.

Any advice or stories to relate to would be much appreciated.

Thank you.

[FabulousFudge]

Perhaps you could go and speak to your Head in confidence? The school have a duty of care towards this lady as her employer.

[Timeforanap1]

Does it affect her work? If not, it's nothing to do with the employer. Depending on your relationship, you could always ask her how she is and whether there's something wrong, given you've noticed anxiety and sadness.

[NanaNina]

I think you should be able to gently ask her about this - you could say more or less what you've said on here and I'm sure she will know you are acting out of concern for her, as you sound a lovely person. She just might be relieved to be able to talk about it. Obviously you would need to stress that there has been nothing of concern about her TA position in the class.

My DGD has an ED and I was worried about her for some months but she's always been skinny but always had a good appetite, and then I noticed she wasn't eating properly. We don't see her that often as she lives 150 miles away but visits regularly (she's 24 now) so I just asked her one day if she had a problem with food, and she nodded "yes" and told me everything.........she was relieved to tell me but didn't want me to worry - hmmm that wasn't going to happen was it. She is so much better now - 4 years on from when she told me - she thought it started when she was about 18.

She saw a counsellor and knows that an ED isn't about food it's a mental illness really and is usually about control (sorry I'm sure you know all this) and feeling anxious and the one thing that the sufferer can control is food intake. It's a complex illness for sure. There's a good website B-EAT which you might find helpful to look at - but I honestly think you need to have that chat with her and of course you'll need to agree between you IF she confirms your suspicions who you will share the info with and I assume on a "need to know" basis this would be the head and possibly the deputy but I'm not a teacher so don't know the protocols.

EDs usually cause physical problems too - my DGD had bad skin, lots of sore throats and swollen glands and for a time her periods stopped. She is still quite susceptible to colds and sore throats but is so much better.

Hope you can help this TA

[dailygrowl]

I would speak to your TA herself rather than inform anyone else at school at present. You could just say you've noticed she seems a little under the weather/not happy and whether there's anything you can help with.

Just to say sometimes extreme weight loss can be due to a metabolic illness like an overactive thyroid (of which the appearance of anxiety/nervousness can also be a symptom) or a serious illness like cancer. A friend of a friend was being praised for "losing weight and looking so great!" by a lot of people who didn't realise the weight loss was due to terminal cancer, and only realised their mistake when she died the following year. Just be careful with trying to "diagnose" it .....

I think all you can do is be supportive and a friend - even if you don't know her well, just to be supportive without pushing it. If it isn't currently affecting her work, there's not really a lot you can do, and if she feels that people at work might judge her or dismiss her simply because of her health, that could make her more stressed, and if she did indeed have an eating disorder, push her over the edge. Many eating disorders are linked with depression.

The most helpful thing anyone can do is encourage her to go to her GP if they know she hasn't yet. It is really important that other diseases are ruled out and the correct diagnosis made. If she does open up to you and say she hasn't been feeling good, it's worth asking if she has indeed consulted her doctor. If she feels her doctor isn't helpful, she can be reminded that it's within her rights to change practices - or that she can also request an appointment with a different doctor (if the practice has other GPs) to get more help.

I also possibly wouldn't push the issue too often, but just continue to be supportive and pleasant towards her.

[Libby456]

Thank you all for the wonderful advice. I will keep all of this in mind.

[disgracefullyyoung]

Beat is a great resource and, as I remember, has tips for employers and work colleagues of ED sufferers. They have a good website. Hope that helps.

[sezamcgregor]

I think that I'd ask her to meet for a drink after work or similar to chat to her outside of school.

Talking about it during school time might make her feel like school is no longer a "safe place" for her and she might be more troubled while she's at school, rather than continuing to be fantastic like she has been doing.

I'd feel very uncomfortable if someone at work asked me during work about the things that make me unhappy

[Portlypenguin]

I have had an eating disorder that was very nearly fatal 10yrs ago; i would try and help this poor lady by getting someone senior to talk to her. Perhaps a head/head of dept or whatever, someone empathetic though. That way it comes with some seriousness and doesn't cause problems in the classroom. Eating disorders are very secretive and coated in denial; the earlier thye are dealt with the betterthe chance of recovery. Be brave and good luck!

[NorwaySpruce]

In what universe is this any of your business at all? You don't mention being a friend, just a work colleague.

Jesus, if you are happy to work in the kind of place where you could lose your job for having an ED, I'd seriously take a long hard look at yourself.

I'd leave the person well alone, unless you actually like them, and can see yourselves becoming friends. Then you might be qualified to intrude upon their personal life.

Why do you assume ED over anything else?

[sezamcgregor]

NorwaySpruce You know, when I read the OP, I read "there is a woman at work that I am worried about. How can I help her?" I'm not sure what you read.

[NanaNina]

I think your post is insulting to the OP NorwaySpruce - it was very clear to most of us that she was posting out of concern for the TA, and there was no notion that she was wanted to "intrude on her life" - and who says anything about the TA losing her job. The OP made it clear that as far as her role as TA was concerned there weren't any problems. I think your post says far more about you than it does about the OP