Help levelling this writing please #2

(12 Posts)
writingblues Wed 29-Jan-14 22:19:54

Following on from all the helpful guidance given to me in this thread. I am posting DD's next piece of writing. Until last week she'd written nothing at home since the last piece a couple of months ago. Would anyone be kind enough to level again, or just say if it confirms the first views. I actually prefer the previous story but how does this compare level wise?

More than anything though what would be the targets for DD to work on.  I'm thinking openings (she's used quite a few thens) connectives, adjectives and different ways to say 'said' - she's attempted it here although hasn't quite got it! Oh and I mean doing the above by simply drawing her attention to good examples in the stories she / we read, not through more writing - unless she's inspired to write more herself, she's just started keeping a completely shared "secret" diary under her pillow (sooo sweet, sorry I know I shouldn't but it just IS so sweet).  grin Presumably it's way to early to be pointing out paragraphs?

Spellings and punctuation all verbatim, although she noticed that bacame and everywun didn't look right and asked, which is why they are then correct further on. She asked for help spelling lightening (I needed to mention the e as she pronounces it lightning she then she sounded out the rest), and world. Everything else was sounded out independently.

One fine morning a prince and princess woke up.  They were very ixcited because they were going to the beach. When they reached the beach a brite light apeared. "It's a fairy!" everywun shouted. The queen said "I wish I could have peas and quiet" and everything bacame quiet. The king said "I wish for fun and games" and everyone startied playing. Then the prince and princess said "we wish for all the sweet things in the world." In a clap of thunder everything was made of choclates and sweets. Then all the children on the beach started stuffing thair faces with choclate and sweets. Sudnly all the children became sick! Then all the children said "my tummy hurts" they wined. In a flash of lightening the fairy apaered. "I will make you better" she said. Then everything went back to the begining.

telsa Thu 30-Jan-14 08:57:27

Sorry can't level for you, but she was right on lightning! Lovely little story.

answersonapostcard Thu 30-Jan-14 09:26:58

i want 'peas and quiet' too.

I'd be guessing as I'm not a teacher, but DD is currently level 2b for writing and she could probably produce that on a good day, ie she'd be working above herself IYSWIM. Not so much because of the spelling, more that she's not very good at coming up with story ideas, whereas this one has a sensible structure and flows quite well I think. So...above 2b grin

Huitre Thu 30-Jan-14 11:49:55

Lightning is right! Lightening means something different (becoming lighter).

writingblues Thu 30-Jan-14 13:21:57

Ha ha DD has thankfully inherited DH's spelling abilities! As you can see mine are dire blush (must remember to keep dictionary on hand at all times)!

Rue - thank you your thoughts are helpful as you have a definite level for comparison.

juniper9 Thu 30-Jan-14 18:03:11

If she's year 1 and that is independent then that is fantastic! It's a lot stronger than her previous piece. I'd say a 2a, personally, as she has used 'when' as an opener, speech marks correctly and 'In a clap of thunder' and 'In a flash of lightning' are great openers too. It could be a 3c but it doesn't have the flow.

junkfoodaddict Thu 30-Jan-14 20:38:41

I agree with juniper. Defintely a strong 2B but with a possibility of being a 2A. She has elements of 3C but she lacks detail and the story has no obvious 'opening, beginning, problem, resolution and end'.
It's tricky without having the actual piece in front of you. She has good spelling strategies though!

writingblues Thu 30-Jan-14 22:21:47

Thank you juniper, the levelling art seems complex and mysterious to me so I am strongly swayed by my enjoyment of the funny images the first story evokes. She told me a while later when we reread the story one day that she meant parrot fish not pirate fish, which obviously makes much more sense. She loves Octonauts and has a head full of all sorts of creatures. I'm so pleased, however, that you think the second story is stronger.

Thank you also junkfood. I'm not sure if DD is quite ready for the level of structure you mention and in my mind it would fit with the idea of paragraphs and planning things out a bit (or am I being daft)??? Then again I think it would help DD if I modelled the 5 parts to a story idea myself - I know she'd love it if I wrote a story for her, especially if I typed it with different coloured text for each section smile

Both pieces are written in fairly neat, mostly small(ish), joined up writing. The second has noticably smaller writing, although the words tend to get larger as she gets tired & again she wrote this on two separate occasions. She was very happy to proof read her work and self corrected two missing capital letters.

juniper9 Fri 31-Jan-14 20:30:21

The way I teach story mountains (ie the 5 part story) is to use post-it notes to record the main aspects of a story, then try to place them onto a picture of a mountain. This helps identify whether there is a conflict / resolution, and whether there is a clear ending etc.

To get a secure level 3 then paragraphing comes into play. Using APP (which we do), paragraphing is only absolutely essential to get a level 4.

emptychair Fri 31-Jan-14 20:47:28

I'd say a strong 2b but I'd agree with Junkfood that to be a strong 2a, the writing needs to be more sustained and structured.

Lovely little story. smile

writingblues Fri 31-Jan-14 22:59:17

Juniper and empty, thank you both so much. The post it note idea is great!

Funnily enough she's written another story tonight, or rather she wrote out a story at home that she'd written at school and, it turns out, knows by heart (long story, won't bore you) It has a title "The Lost Swan".

One fine morning a fairy woke up. When she woke up her swan was gone. "Where has my swan gone" said the fairy. So she set off on her jouney. She kept waking [walking] until she came to a dark and damp and scairy wood. She took one step in then stoped. A big monster came out of the darkness. Just in the nick of time the foriest fairys came to help. They punched the monster and he fell over. Then the swan apeared. She grabed her swan they had a big party and she felt very happy.

Also from the school bag this poem, which she wrote and then typed and printed:

Swirling snowflakes in the sky,
Naughty children make snow angels
Objects flying about!
Wild winter winds in the snow.

I felt bad because I didn't think DD had written it herself partly due to the correct spellings. However she assured me she had written it and had then had help with the spellings when typing out her hand written version.

I know that levelling needs to include different sorts of writing, and I know that DD can do lists with commas or bullets and can label a picture quite happily but other than that and the above I'm not sure if she done anything else.

Whatever the case I am over the moon at how far she's come and that despite still finding the writing part laborious and time consuming she's got an endearing (well to me at least grin) creative streak.

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