Oldest or youngest in year?

[LazyLondoner]

If you could choose whether your child was the oldest in their year or the youngest which would you prefer? My summer born DD is due to start school this September but I have the choice to delay a year so that she is the oldest rather than the youngest if I wish. My instinct is to do this as there is lots of evidence about summer borns being disadvantaged but now several people have commented that it can be just as difficult for children who are oldest in the year and get frustrated as they are much more able than their peers. Argh! Any advice from parents of autumn born kids who are the most able in their class - is it a problem?

[bigTillyMint]

I was the oldest in my year, DH was the youngest in his. DD is very near the youngest (end of July) in her year.

I don't think it has caused any major difficulties for any of us, but that is just our personal experience.

FWIW, even if you did delay her entry to school, she will have to be put in with her correct year group when she starts as that is the law for state schools. That means that she would have missed out on all the "schooling" that the others had while you kept her at home.

I am not sure if this true for private education though.

[nonicknameseemsavailable]

my daughter is the oldest in her year, she was only 48hrs and 10 minutes into this school year and to be honest she would probably have been better as the youngest in the year above. Confidence wise I think perhaps being the oldest has been a bit better for her BUT she has a lot of extra pressure on her from being the oldest, partly self imposed but partly because the others say things like 'well you are the oldest so you should be able to do it' and if they beat her in things they rub it in saying 'I am younger than you' so that upsets her. She is very bright and does find the pace of things incredibly slow and she gets frustrated at the immaturity of some of her classmates (not necessarily the youngest ones - just some children are more immature).

She is often ready to move on both academically and in other ways but can't because the class aren't ready.

I think to be an extreme is difficult anyway whichever end of the scale you are.

If your DD is bright and confident then I wouldn't delay I really wouldn't. You are holding her back. What about when they get older and she is a year below with doing things?

[nonicknameseemsavailable]

bigtillymint - private schools are allowed to admit a year later I THINK

[roslet]

Both my children are summer birthdays. Academically I'm not concerned about them keeping up with the rest of the class, but I feel like they get less childhood than they would if they were autumn babies. My son is now in Year 1 with little time for play, whereas his nursery friends who were born a few weeks later are still having lots of play and fun in Reception. Also, my son doesn't like being one of the shortest boys in the class.

[LazyLondoner]

Thanks for all the replies. Really don't know what to do! I think nonickname is right that either way is not ideal. I do feel like she needs another year of playing but am worried about what will happen later on if she's the oldest and getting frustrated like nonickname's daughter.

I'm lucky that at her school if I choose to delay her she can start in reception and doesn't have to go straight into year one

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Whereabouts are you OP? Rules for deferrals vary between area to area. I would say deferring where this is unusual would worry me more than deferring where many children do and system is set up for it (eg Scotland). Also as others have mentioned private schools can often be happier to defer than state schools.

[LtGreggs]

I looked in to this - we're in Scotland and have option to defer, I have two DC with Jan & Feb birthdays (end of Feb is school year cut-off here, so it's the equivalent of having July/Aug children in England).

[LtGreggs]

And I always post too soon!

Evidence for academic outcome (and sporting success actually) is slightly weighted to deferring. But so much depends on the individual child.

We have send both DC in 'correct' year. Due partly to others deferring, each child is the youngest one in their year, and class ages range by about 15 months.

Both are doing fine and we are happy with our decision (they are still primary school)

[PlainBrownEnvelope]

I have one September born and one August born. To complicate things more, I also have the option to use an international school which has a jan-dec year, meaning they would both be 3rd quartile. I made the decision to leave them both in the correct year and use the British system. My logic is that ds will almost certainly benefit from being the oldest, and with dd, who will almost certainly be the youngest, if the option to defer is there now ( independent ) it always will be so she can always repeat down the line if I feel she needs more time.

The evidence is in favour of oldest in the year but that says nothing about an individual child so you have to look at their maturity ( social skills in particular) and make a call.

[legalalien]

One small point worth thinking about if you think your child might turn out to be sporty - some sports (e.g. league football, club cricket) require children to play in teams based on their age as at 1 Sept rather than their school year. So if you defer your child they will end up in a situation where they may not be able to participate in eg club football in the same team as others in their year group. Not a huge deal, but it does crop up. (Not an issue for school sports activities as far as I know).

[BigWellyLittleWelly]

The law is changing. A child has to be placed into their chronological year unless they will be disadvantaged by missing Reception. We are currently in discussions with our LEA about coming out of year group and deferring her place BUT she will join Reception not Y1.

DD1 is late summer born with significant development delay,but even I she didn't have the development delay I think I would look at options for her. Not all summer borns will struggle, but those who are not socially and emotionally ready should be able to defer to reduce impacts on self esteem and confidence.

As for my feelings about formal schooling at just four years old - think its bloody madness.

[gleegeek]

I would defer!

I have a youngest in the year dd and she just seems less ready for life than her peers IYKWIM? She is now in Year 6 and still is very quiet and lacking in confidence. She is doing fine academically tbh but gets upset if she does struggle with work. She is never picked for school sports teams - the majority of children picked are Autumn born (I know this because they were split according to age at infant school). She still plays with Sylvanians/has no interest in fashion/pop stars/boys.

She was in a mixed older Year1/ younger year 2 class and still plays with her younger friends and is just more comfortable with their level of development.

I know there are always exceptions to the rule, but she thrives whenever she is the eldest for a change. She is dreading going to Secondary in September and would happily do another year at Junior school...

I envy your being given the choice!

[Seeline]

My DD is one of the youngest in her year (very end of July) and academically I have never had a problem as she is bright and mature for her age. She was really ready to start school when she did. However, I do feel sorry for her sometimes. She is now Y5 and has realised she never has a birthday at school, Her birthday during the holidays mean she finally reaches the next age, goes back to school in September and some of her friends are already a year older - again! She is never the oldest at anything eg Rainbows she actually left before she was 7 to start Brownies as her birthday fell in the holiday. I was reading another thread recently about a DS who was learning to drive a year after his friends, and would only legally be allowed in a pub 3 weeks before going of to uni.
I blame the parents

[DeWe]

The problem is you have no idea long term which your dc would be better.

My ds is June. And he's young for his age in a lot of ways. Through reception and year 1 I would have said if I could have delayed him starting a year, or even 18 months, I would have.

However he's now year 2 and has started to flourish. He's very much one of the crowd, in the top groups and pushing the top of those in maths in particular. I can now see if i had been able to delay him, it may have been better in reception, but I think he would now be very bored-and his behaviour would reflect that-and it's easier to deal with "young boy behaviour" in reception, than "bored boy behaviour" in year 1+.

[Floggingmolly]

The oldest in the class doesn't actually equate with being the most able, you know . Neither does the converse apply, necessarily.

[JammieCodger]

DD1 is oldest in her year and DD2 the youngest in the class, if not the year (late July birthday). Having the two of them two years apart in age but only one year apart academically really highlights what a difference it makes. DD1 has faced none of the issues that NoNickName’s daughter has, and I would say that there are no negatives to being the eldest. She’s always been quite academically and physically advanced for her age anyway, but there’s been no extra pressure on her just because she’s a couple of weeks older than some of her friends. She does get frustrated occasionally when members of the class are messing around, but that’s got nothing to do with age. And she doesn't get bored because her teachers have always ensured she (and everyone else in the top group, of varied ages) has been challenged.

But I think the younger one has suffered for being a year younger at every stage, whether that’s been going away for her first residential, being less physically capable (a year can make a big difference at infants) and just emotionally more likely to respond to pressure with panic. And then there’s the fact that I think we start formal schooling far too young in this country anyway and that an extra year’s play is always going to be a good thing. Defer defer defer.

[potterpaint]

Mine is the youngest. She started late (January rather than September). She got very tired in reception and Y1 (unlike my winter-born who took school in her stride). However she is a sensitive child, so that might have been the case even if she was older.

I would have chosen her to be a youngest rather than an oldest. She is academic and is still top/among the top of her class. I think she would be incredibly bored if she was a year below. She's grown-up for age so tends to play with the older ones in her class in any case - she is also tall, so she looks older than half her class too.

All in all, I think she would have struggled a lot in the year below. The only disadvantage that I can see now (y4) is that she struggles with sports sometimes (she's not a sporty kid). Also I would quite like her to try for a scholarship - as she is up against older kids, I don't think she will have the chance that she would have had competing as the oldest. Neither of those things would have outweighed the boredom factor, I don't think.

[siblingrevelry]

My first child is Feb born so no huge issue there, middle child is very end of August (currently in Y1), toddler is Oct so I'll eventually get to see all ways!

I used to worry most about my middle child, and looked into keeping him back as I worried he was starting too soon, but my experience of him and talking to other parents with kids at either end of the scale, is that now I prefer to have a youngest than an eldest (I'm September too).

I believe he is being (gently) pulled along by older peers, whereas I have seen older kids (more so in pre-school to be fair) being held back.

I also believe birth place is a key factor too, in that him not being first born 'negates' some of the issues with being youngest in class.

And I also imagine that if you're the type of parent who is aware of the research on any possible disadvantage then you'll ensure (naturally or deliberately) there isn't one.

[BoysRule]

My DS started school last September and has an end of August birthday. I think if I had the option to defer him with him starting in Reception I would have seriously considered it. He is doing really well at school but there are things that he just hasn't had as much time to develop.

In particular fine motor skills - we did a lot of playdoh, big painting, etc from the age of 2 as I knew this would be an issue for him. However he still struggles with writing and hasn't decided on left or right hand yet.

Social skills - he has made brilliant friends and is confident, however, he still finds it very difficult to resolve conflict or cope with being told off. Purely I think because he is still developing these skills which are focused more on in pre-school (he only had a year of preschool whereas a lot of his class had two years).

[AnswersToAnything]

DD was desperate to start school (summer birthday) but as others have said, it does mean you get less time with them. There are some kids still at her pre-school that are older than her, which always freaks me out a bit.

It depends a lot on the individual child.

[PiqueABoo]

Flip a coin. In most cases I suspect you'll only be sure about the correct choice several years later.

There were early issues, but we didn't have a choice and with hindsight summer-born Y6 DD was best left with her 'chronological' cohort. She'd be a monster as the oldest in Y5.

One of the biggest problems we've had in terms of age and DD-moaning is with Rainbow/Brownies/Scouts [local guides is a bit rubbish] where they move up to the next stage based on birthday i.e. all her friends from her school class 'moved up' way ahead of her. Similarly for several things within the Brownies stage i.e. she was the last to do Adventure One(?), be a sixer etc.

[Bumpsadaisie]

I was august born and always academically ahead. My dd is one of the youngest in reception and well ahead in her reading etc.

Some people say it's harder for summer born boys as they are generally less ready. Don't know if there's any truth to this but I certainly observe that my 2 yr old son is slower at talking and more boisterous than my dd was. So maybe he would suffer more if he were a summer born reception child. Who knows !

[lainiekazan]

Both dcs (premature August birthdays) have been top of their years academically. However, ds is about to do his GCSEs and is royally stuffed afterwards. You have to be 16 to work in a shop, volunteer, join a youth camp... everything. He is going to be stuck here with me for 3 months!

[FruitBasedDrinkForALady]

DD is early June and I've decided to keep her in montessori until she's 5. For me it's not so much about her age starting school, it's more that I want her to be the 15 year old surrounded by 14 year olds rather than 16 year olds. My own birthday is July and I was 4 starting school and although it was fine, I would have prefered to be older, especially finishing school. DS is late July so he'll be 5 starting too.

[AbbyR1973]

I think it depends entirely on the individual child. Ds1 has November birthday, to be honest he would have been better off being born in August and being younger in the year. He's currently in year 1 working with the year 2's in a mixed year 1/2 class. I was told in the September 1 year before he started school that he was ready for school and nursery didn't know what to do with him because they'd never come across a 3, nearly 4 year old that could read before. In September the year 2's will move up to the year 3/4 class then I don't know what will happen to him.
DS2 is about right with a very late April birthday, happily floating along just above the rest of the class but not so far ahead he's out of sight.
DB1 was end of August and would probably have been better off being September although he's done very well for himself. DB2 was October but started school a year early and remained with the academic year above his chronological year throughout. He did extremely well and didn't cause him any problem being so much younger.
Think therefore it's down to the personality and individual characteristics of the child. As a parent only you can judge.