Taking dd out 1 afternoon/week

(150 Posts)
LalaDipsey Thu 02-Jan-14 17:29:52

I had forgotten, during the endless last term, how beautifully happy and loving and happy dd (4) is! School has turned her into a tantrumming screaming nightmare a lot of the time as she has been shattered . We don't do any other after school or weekend activities so I don't have those to stop. What I would really like to do is pick her up at lunchtime on a Wednesday for the next term until she legally has to be there the following term (July birthday).
I feel that I know my dd best and she is just sooo young for 8.45-3.15 5 days a week.
What do you reckon my chances are of getting the hm to agree??!!

noramum Thu 02-Jan-14 18:10:27

I doubt it very much. When you enrol them your child is expected to attend as all other children.

To be honest, DD was also shattered after the first term, we didn't do anything, only during Spring term she started to cope better and I actually found getting her into gymnastic seemed to give her a release for all the energy she couldn't release at school.

handcream Thu 02-Jan-14 18:13:57

They are always shattered after school. You sound a bit PFB tbh. I have a late August child and he is 16 and always shattered.

HyvaPaiva Thu 02-Jan-14 18:20:06

You can't do that. Your PFB remarks about knowing her best and she's 'soooo young' are really irrelevant: she's at school now and has to attend like every other shattered tiny person.

JustJazz Thu 02-Jan-14 18:24:06

A girl in my DD's class goes home at lunchtime on Wednesday's so it is possible, depends how flexible the school is I guess.

I think it's worth asking, or at least having a chat with the teacher to see if anything else could be done to help with the tiredness. I'm sure the tiredness will affect her at school as well as at home, so hopefully they'll be keen to help for everyone's benefit.

HTH

oodyboodyboocs Thu 02-Jan-14 18:25:54

Flexi-schooling is a legal option in this country. If that's what you feel is best for your child it's definitely worth a chat with the head. Some head teachers are more open to it than others. If you pop over to the home ed topic I think there are some flexi-schoolers in there who would be able to give you tips on how best to broach the subject with the school.

handcream Thu 02-Jan-14 18:27:29

I think you need to be very careful about thinking you always know best. If all the other kids are there full time then I think so does you child. What next - they are too tired to do their homework!

BTW - the 16 year old is tired for different reasons to a 4/5 year old. And dont get me started on the mood swings and secrecy....

birdybear Thu 02-Jan-14 18:28:41

I was told if my child was too tired , just keep then off on the Friday. Before she turned 5, obviously.

LalaDipsey Thu 02-Jan-14 18:53:39

I don't think I'm pfb, and saying what about all the other 'tiny shattered people' won't help me and dd will it! I thought I'd posted in education not aibu?!
I am a single mother with 2 year old twins also and quite frankly I am not prepared to do another term like the one we have just had. Telling her to 'get on with it' will not help with her falling asleep at school will it?
By saying I know her best I mean that I have lived with her on a daily basis now for 4.5years and I feel that I am picking up an exhausted child every day who is too tired to cope. This is also making me struggle with 3 children as they set each other off.
I am trying to think what is best for her. We have stuck a whole term out and I thought this may be a solution to try and get her through this term the happy sunny girl I know she is, but who I lost about the end of September.

handcream Thu 02-Jan-14 18:59:11

You are sounding a little over dramatic - 'happy, sunny girl who you have now lost'. All of us generally have lived with our kids for 4.5 years btw.

Perhaps you need to consider home ed?

JodieGarberJacob Thu 02-Jan-14 19:02:47

Can't see that one afternoon is going to make much difference. See what she's like in the next couple of weeks and then take her out completely if she's still struggling and you feel it won't improve.

NynaevesSister Thu 02-Jan-14 19:07:04

Oh don't listen to them OP. PFB indeed! You should explore flexischooling. As you say she's not five yet so I wouldn't expect the school to be too hard on attendance. Calling in sick a couple of days a term isn't a bad thing.

cranberryorange Thu 02-Jan-14 19:08:40

You know your DD best and if you think it will help her then ask the school if its an option.

I wish I had done it for Ds last year and I hardly think losing a half day a week will destroy her future academic success!

Birdybears idea of Fridays off sounds great.

ExcuseTypos Thu 02-Jan-14 19:12:57

Do it if you feel it's the right thing. It won't make one iota of difference to her academic future and she doesn't legally need to be in school full time.

I volunteer in a year R class and the teacher doesn't care at all if parents decide their dc are too tired to come to school occasionally. She thinks it's a good idea for them to have the odd lie in/afternoon off. She's very sensiblesmile

I'd do it. My DS has an Autumn birthday so not possible for me (he's in Y1 now anyway)

That said, IME the Autumn term is the worst - everything is so new, and the term is so long - there is so much expected of them I think and it really takes its toll, throw in all the excitement about Christmas and it can all get fragile (and as I said, that is with an Autumn born).

The Spring term is much shorter and things might seem so much calmer now. Jan to Feb half term isn't long and then before you know it Easter is on it's way. I really think the worst is out of the way, but if you have a HT who is open to the idea then I can't see it would do any harm. My DS would love flexi schooling, he frankly couldn't give a stuff what he'd miss out on!

Bythebeach Thu 02-Jan-14 19:17:31

It sounds eminently sensible. My eldest had Fri afternoon off from 12 throughout the reception year, my middle son finished at 12 everyday for first term and three days a week for the second. It worked well for them. They did little of academic value in the afternoons and they got sufficient social interaction with the time in school they did have. Year 4 and 1 now and don't regret it!

WireCatGlitteryBaubles Thu 02-Jan-14 19:17:56

How will one afternoon make a difference?

This next half a term is only five weeks, so maybe just keep sending her ft and by the thord or fourth week if you think she could do with a duvet day, just keep her off.

LalaDipsey Thu 02-Jan-14 21:18:02

Thank for all those with helpful messages. I think I will go and speak to her teacher next week and then the HT. the reason I would rather have planned absence than react to extreme tiredness is that she could then possibly use tiredness to miss school if she didn't want to go in, and I would rather we all knew where we were at. Also, I want to avoid the tiredness, rather than react to it and hopefully have a better term. Thanks

Eastpoint Thu 02-Jan-14 21:26:08

My DCs had optional ½ days on Fridays for the autumn & spring terms and then had to be at school the full week in the summer term. Another local independent school had ½ days on Wednesdays

ShoeWhore Thu 02-Jan-14 21:33:41

What time does she normally go to bed OP? My ds struggled in his first term at school and bringing bedtime forward helped massively. I also agree that the autumn term is the hardest.

Hope you find this term goes more smoothly.

Ragwort Thu 02-Jan-14 21:33:53

I am genuinely amazed at the number of children who seem to be 'tired' after a normal school day hmm - surely most children go to some sort of pre-school or nursery before starting full time education, it's not as if they are lounging around at home all day before starting school are they?

As Wire says, how is one afternoon going to make any difference - are you sure your DD is going to bed at the right time?

Sorry to be blunt, but you do sound very PFB about her; and would she want to be the child who is 'different' - who gets to go home every Wednesday lunch time? At age 4 children are hardly likely to be sitting in straight rows doing times tables etc all day are they, there is bound to be plenty of built in 'play' time.

lalouche Thu 02-Jan-14 21:40:15

And yet, ragwort, the fact is that they are! I'm sure you labour under the delusion that your stellar parenting was what gave your 4 yo their energy, but those of us on planet earth can see that reception is very different to nursery and that a majority of 4 yos are in fact wrecked after a school day, even if the odd few do fine.

LalaDipsey Thu 02-Jan-14 21:41:56

You may be genuinely amazed. You may be blessed with children with boundless energy who sail through life and school. bully for you.
I am not trying to be pfb. She was falling asleep at school ffs. She goes to bed 6.45/7.
She went to preschool 3 days a week. This she was fine with. If I had a choice she would be going to school 4 days a week for the next term as I think she would cope with that,
I don't know what's supposed to be so bloody pfb about trying to stop your child being so tired they are tantrummy, falling asleep at school and beside themselves with tiredness.
And no, she can't goto bed earlier as I have 2 year twins to get to bed too and I get them to bed for 6.30/6.45 so I get 15 minutes on my own with dd to read her a story and put her to bed.

LalaDipsey Thu 02-Jan-14 21:42:29

Thanks lalouche winethanks

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