My child is being bullied and threatend by another parent on school grounds/property and head teacher is not doing anything

(70 Posts)
honestyismybond1 Mon 16-Dec-13 23:31:14

Ok trying to stay calm! My child goes to an amazing school where for 5 years we have never had one single problem with any other child,parent or staff.I know we have been very lucky.Sadly a fellow parent who joined the school later on has a daughter in the same class.To put it kindly this parent has a very aggresive nature but daughter is pretty harmless.Many parents have warned me about this parent and requested to move class just to avoid her.I should have listerned but we had not had any direct problems.My child used to have speech problems but they went several years ago.Anyway one night last week my D came out of school white as a sheet,shaking with distorted speech.This disgusting parent had gone into the cloak room screaming at my D and pointing in her face backing her up against the wall.
I took my D straight to see the head who was'nt around so advised see head.in the morning.I sent a very blunt but polite email to the head asking for serious action.Head replied saying would be speaking to the crazy mum and telling her she would be banned if this ever happend again.I went to see him in person and thought I was in the twilight zone.Head totally played it down saying we all get a bit stressed at Xmas!When I brought up previous agression issues parent has had with others that I & many other had witnessed he acted like I was agressive one for bringing it up.I asked if he could stop parent coming into contact with my d who is scared stiff of her and he said he would try!Crazy parent now pushes past my child everyday and stands in cloakroom fixated on my child.No parents are even ment to go in there.This parent now travels out if her way to go the same route as us to school.I have explained all this to head.but all he says is I will talk to her! My D loves school and has always been so happy is now beging me not to go into school.Head says unless Crazy mum admits it he can not do a thing.So many children placed her there who head as spoken to! I feel so useless!

ThreeTomatoes Sat 21-Dec-13 10:38:44

Just been reading this thread, different situation (5 yo boy harrassing her 5 yo dd) but it sounds like the mum has done what you could do in this situation too, it's worth a read but in brief, having had a meeting with the HT first, here's what she's now done:

" I have written a letter (which covers 3 pages!) detailing everything from start until now. I have sent this by email to the HT, the Governor responsible for safeguarding, Child protection lady at council, SS [not necessary in your case, this one involved another child OP is concerned about] and Ofsted. I have written on the top of the letter who will be receiving so people know who to contact because it appears some agencies have a hard time linking things together! If i get to speak to an EWO [the OP has kept her dd off school for the last 2 days of term and it's being considered 'unauthorised absence' so an EWO will be contacting her] I will get their email address so I can send it to them too. "

nennypops Sat 21-Dec-13 08:07:21

How did the original incident happen in the first place without a staff member knowing? Aren't the children supervised or at least within earshot of teachers when they are in there?

GoodnessKnows Sat 21-Dec-13 06:27:46

That'd make the (stupid) Head get it out of the sand. I worked under a Head (Year 6 teacher) who was terrified of aggressive parents. As a result, there was little discipline in the school and these parents were given a voice at meetings and pacified. It was crap. Bet your head is afraid of being in your DC's position and is hence keeping the parent at arm's length.
Not on.

GoodnessKnows Sat 21-Dec-13 06:25:17

Oh my goodness this us terrible. I feel for your DC. I'd call the Ofsted number. Seriously.

NynaevesSister Fri 20-Dec-13 11:47:03

Followed the complaints procedure for the school? Don't leave them with any wiggle room. This is a safe guarding issue and your daughter is not safe. I cannot understand why the school is trying to get you to mediation instead of addressing this. At a panel hearing this would not go down well.

NynaevesSister Fri 20-Dec-13 11:44:42

This behaviour would get a site ban at our school. Less than that even! Am shocked at HT. You need to copy the governing body in on all of this as well. Have you also f

ThreeTomatoes Fri 20-Dec-13 09:45:54

This sounds so shocking, I would be incandescent if this were my dd, who has always loved school. dd's HT includes a stern note in the newsletter if someone so much as spits in the playground! Whenever there is an incident (there's only been 2 or 3) a very stern letter is sent home to all parents stating categorically that such behaviour will not be tolerated. One time a parent actually physically attacked another parent, the police were called and he was banned from the premises (forever, i think). The HT sent a letter home explaining exactly what had happened (without naming anybody of course) and warned that any such behaviour would be dealt with accordingly. The next day the HT, her deputy, and her brawny male teachers (more sweet & cuddly really, we like them! smile) were out in force at the entrance just in case. I dread to think what the HT would do if any of her pupils were threatened shock!

The doors to the school are always locked (complete with signs stating no parents allowed in) and when they're open (e.g. at pick up time) a teacher stands guard. Reception kids are let out of their building one by one and the other classes come out with their teacher and line up in the playground. Parents aren't allowed in at all unless there is a specific reason, and that would be with a teacher. The office entrance has a foyer and a locked inner door, so you can go round to that entrance if you need to speak to the office staff, with no access into the school. If you pick up from after school club there is a buzzer to be let in.

Just to add, in case it sounds like the school is unwelcoming and closed door-ish (ahem) that's not the case at all - other than the class teachers, the HT and /or deputy HT are in the playground before & after school most days available to speak to, the office staff are all really friendly and welcoming, and assemblies/schools shows etc are all warm and welcoming too.

I hope you manage to get this dealt with properly, OP. Sorry I don't have any advice.

prh47bridge Fri 20-Dec-13 09:23:55

Keep records of everything. The school's response appears to be grossly inadequate and your child is suffering. I hope it doesn't come to this but if you need to move your child to another school to get away from this woman you will need evidence to show that the school has failed to address the issue properly (indeed, from what you have reported they have failed to address the issue at all).

You need to follow the school's complaints procedure. If you have not already done so make it clear to the head that you are making a formal complaint. If the head still fails to sort it out you should escalate to the Chair of the Governors. Even if this doesn't achieve anything directly it will help you get a place at another school if this becomes necessary.

I think you now need to bring this to Ofsteds attention. And perhaps health and safety at the council and the lea? Ht is not able to resolve anything. Push the issue with the police.

larrygrylls Fri 20-Dec-13 07:54:08

This seems outrageous to me. I would definitely push the police again. Stalking is now a criminal offence. It also sounds like she is genuinely dangerous and things could escalate. I would write to the head formally complaining about his lack of action so far and copy it to the board of governors. Finally, if you can afford it, and I am aware it is expensive, I would seek leg advice and get the lawyers to write a formal letter to the school.

Best of luck, it sounds like a really horrible situation. I am not sure i would remain as lev headed as you.

Looksgoodingravy Fri 20-Dec-13 07:27:48

I don't understand why the school let this woman walk into the cloakroom!

Our school has two members of staff at the door in the morning, no parents allowed through, if you need to talk you talk to the staff on the door.

Utterly ridiculous OP, hope you get this sorted.

IDontDoIroning Fri 20-Dec-13 06:55:08

This is a safeguarding issue and the ht must act to ensure the children in the school feel (are?) safe.
Contact him in writing but make sure you make your concerns all about the safeguarding of the children. He can't put an adults needs above that.
If no adults are allowed into the cloakroom (except staff obv) then no adults should be in there - that's not racist or discrimination.
If you aren't happy you should contact your local education authority and ask for the safeguarding officer.

honestyismybond1 Thu 19-Dec-13 20:45:09

Update! This is now getting so out of control.The head teacher is new and wants to play the whole thing down to my utter amazement the bullying parent is saying she feel victimised.CM is saying is being falsely accused.Still waiting for police to get intouch.Cloakroom has been unguarded for two nights! CM has been in & out of that cloakroom all week but says she has'nt to the head.I know he knows she has.To be honest will go to GP because it is really
making me sick.This happend weeks ago and today ive only just found out CM was only told this Tuesday to stay out cloakroom.I so confussed I was given the impression CM was told when it happend!I get the strong feeling the governors will be no good because they picked him to be the new head.Community protection team I think is the way to go.This ville woman gets away we utter murder by counter claiming, shouting loudiest and screaming racist and anybody who goes against her.Race has nothing to do witha huge grown woman threatening a child in a tiny confined space.The head had the front to say we can bring in mediators to help you and the mum talk! Once again I had to point out this is an aggressive parent towards a child.The child is the victim.My child is the victim

adoptmama Wed 18-Dec-13 20:24:05

Also had CM doing similar verbal abuse at my DD who had done nothing. Not all actions by adults are reactions - sometimes you really do just have unjustifiable actions which need stopped. Good on you OP but keep up the pressure on the school as they will likely stop all cloakroom monitoring after the holidays if they can. Def. contact the police and have the incident logged and make sure that the action is also logged with the LEA.

fedup21 Wed 18-Dec-13 16:55:06

On the previous page-where the OP is giving an update. She says the lady is accusing OP of racism?

columngollum Wed 18-Dec-13 16:29:03

Missed that. Where's the racism at?

fedup21 Wed 18-Dec-13 16:24:40

Woah-where did the racism come from?

Damnautocorrect Wed 18-Dec-13 12:53:14

Just wanted to say you did the right thing with the police. Vile woman, there is no justification. And I'd tell the ht that their lack of involvement in safe guarding your child on their premises is why you've had to involve the police.

tiggytape Wed 18-Dec-13 12:05:01

I also think it might be worth talking to your GP - if your DD is very distressed about this, a letter from him to the school saying that the situation is having an adverse affect on her wellbeing may also help. It will also add to the paper trail that you must keep.

I know a lot of contact is face to face, but at the very least keep memory notes of what the HT and the teachers say to you. Next term you won't be able to remember which date exactly CM barged into the cloakroom or what the HT promised she would do but you may need this information if you have to take the complaint higher.

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat Wed 18-Dec-13 06:55:22

Well done, OP.

honestyismybond1 Wed 18-Dec-13 06:52:11

Hi yes you are right a HT can not continue to do this forever.I rang them and got a crime number but must wait to be contacted to give a statement.Just wanted.to say huge thank you to you for such fantastic indepth advice.THANK YOU

VivaLeBeaver Wed 18-Dec-13 06:39:39

I would still contact the police.

If this mum still tried to get into the cloakroom after been told not to then it shows she has no respect for the authority of the teachers. She will keep this up. The HT will get bored of been cloakroom monitor and you'll be back at square one. She's assaulted your dd.

honestyismybond1 Wed 18-Dec-13 06:36:38

Thank you all so much for the positive advice.I've not been able to update because i've non-stop been trying to get DD protected.Ok another main issue has now cropped up which explains the lack of action this crazy parent is new to this country and comes from a war torn country and has ISSUES! Crazy parent has let it be known wants to get me on my own to acuse me of racism I guess she is willing to throw this at the school too.A member of staff was placed on the cloakroom but CM still went in there now the HT is now guarding the cloakroom.Since HT is on the cloakroom CM does not go in there.Trust me it has taken every bit of will power I have not to confront her myself but trust me nothing productive would come from it and to honest im a very passive person.Sadly this CM has bullied many other parents and even a teacher but my DD seems to be the first child she has directly bullied.I have cobtacted every member of staff who come into contact with my child to see if DD did anything wrong to explain why DD was targeted by CM but every single person said DD is loving and kind and helps all of the xhildren including CM DD! Once I mentioned I would be contacting police (which I still will to get it logged) and community safety team (which I still might do) school took action and spoke to CM and she was firmly told not to enter cloak room but still did so now HT is on the door) it is early days yet but im taking no chances.I'm now there the second to gate opens to watch over DD and we had to drop out of after school clubs which angers me.If anybody out there is going through this you must must email everything fir records always mention this is a safeguarding issue.Most importantly you must stress the impaxt this is having on your child.My DD who has always loved school now does not want to go,has lack of sleep,keeps crying,very stressed,can't focus on school work.Good luck and my heart goes out to anybody going through this.Thank you all so much!

mumofthemonsters808 Tue 17-Dec-13 21:28:10

I agree with the posters who say not to confront this parent. You are wasting your breath. These type of people can not be reasoned with, all you will get is a barrage of abuse. She will justify her behaviour by throwing numerous accusations at your child. Regardless of what your child may or may not have done there is no excuse for her outrageous behaviour. Follow the official channels as others have suggested, the school have a duty of care towards your child.

We had a parent at our school who confronted every child her daughter fell out with. This was particularly alarming because the children were in year 6 and had no parent to stick up for them because they walked to and from school alone. Many complaints were made and the school actually prevented her from entering the playground. What the school were unable to stop was this woman harassing children on the walk home. Thankfully this parent was not violent but she was intimidating to 10/11 year olds.

admission Tue 17-Dec-13 18:27:12

Going after the parent will solve nothing, it is likely to aggravate the situation.
The two things that you can do, are firstly to accompany your child to the cloak room to ensure that there is no aggravation between other parent and your child and frankly to make sure that there is a viable complaint that this mother is going into the cloak room.
If it is clear that the other mother is going into the cloakroom, then secondly you have a legitimate complaint to be made to the head teacher about her being allowed in the cloak room - not about her antics, unless something else happens.
You need to put it in writing and say that it is an official complaint. You also need to establish what the schools complaints procedure says. I would expect it to say that the head teacher has to investigate any complaint and to come back to you in writing with an answer. The answer may well not say what you want it to say, that is the problem is sorted and the parent banned from the cloak room and/ or school. The reason for saying that is that the action between school and other mother is confidential to them, not you. There may be specific reasons why the mother is allowed in the cloak room or it could be that the school are in the process of banning the parent from the school or some kind of injunction involving the parent which you will not be and should not be privy too.
If you are not happy with the written explanation given by the head teacher then you an then escalate the complaint to the Chair of governors.

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