My child is being bullied and threatend by another parent on school grounds/property and head teacher is not doing anything

(70 Posts)
honestyismybond1 Mon 16-Dec-13 23:31:14

Ok trying to stay calm! My child goes to an amazing school where for 5 years we have never had one single problem with any other child,parent or staff.I know we have been very lucky.Sadly a fellow parent who joined the school later on has a daughter in the same class.To put it kindly this parent has a very aggresive nature but daughter is pretty harmless.Many parents have warned me about this parent and requested to move class just to avoid her.I should have listerned but we had not had any direct problems.My child used to have speech problems but they went several years ago.Anyway one night last week my D came out of school white as a sheet,shaking with distorted speech.This disgusting parent had gone into the cloak room screaming at my D and pointing in her face backing her up against the wall.
I took my D straight to see the head who was'nt around so advised see head.in the morning.I sent a very blunt but polite email to the head asking for serious action.Head replied saying would be speaking to the crazy mum and telling her she would be banned if this ever happend again.I went to see him in person and thought I was in the twilight zone.Head totally played it down saying we all get a bit stressed at Xmas!When I brought up previous agression issues parent has had with others that I & many other had witnessed he acted like I was agressive one for bringing it up.I asked if he could stop parent coming into contact with my d who is scared stiff of her and he said he would try!Crazy parent now pushes past my child everyday and stands in cloakroom fixated on my child.No parents are even ment to go in there.This parent now travels out if her way to go the same route as us to school.I have explained all this to head.but all he says is I will talk to her! My D loves school and has always been so happy is now beging me not to go into school.Head says unless Crazy mum admits it he can not do a thing.So many children placed her there who head as spoken to! I feel so useless!

I'd confront the parent about their unpleasant behaviour and if they get aggressive with you then call the police and report them.

There's no excuse ever to get in someone's face

Put your issues in writing/email. Suggest what you would like to see done (maybe no access to the cloakroom for starters). Set a date when you expect to hear back from him, after which you will escalate the issue to the Board of Governors as per the schools complaints procedure.

If the person confronts you aggressively away from school - then you should contact the police.

kowab Tue 17-Dec-13 04:44:09

I would contact the police now.

Rosa Tue 17-Dec-13 05:11:53

Do you know the reason why this parent has gone 'crazy' at your daughter and picked her out ?

Oblomov Tue 17-Dec-13 05:59:12

Crazy parent pushes past dd?
This is mad. No parent should be in the cloakroom. I can't believe that Head is so weak.

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 17-Dec-13 06:33:10

Write to the head,but focus only on the incident with your DD and leave out stuff with other people (will be seen as here say and will weaken your arugment).

VivaLeBeaver Tue 17-Dec-13 06:41:00

See the head again and quote safeguarding. Ask for the Name of head of governors and write to them. Write to ofsted and lea saying the school is not keeping your child safe.

Contact the police. If this woman has pushed your dd then its assault.

I had similar when my dd was in year six. Another parent pushed my dd and another girl against a wall and screamed abuse. The head downplayed it at first and I went crazy. By the next day I'd got the parent banned from the school grounds. I also got the police involved and they went round to see her.

VivaLeBeaver Tue 17-Dec-13 06:42:39

And if crazy parent is going in cloakroom every day can't you follow her in and be there as well?

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth Tue 17-Dec-13 06:46:10

I agree with the previous poster, seek advice from the police. She's pushed your daughter - assault? They need to pay her a visit and warn her in no uncertain terms. Re the head teacher, a letter to the local authority and ofsted asap. He's scared of the woman too it seems. What kind of person carries out a campaign of hate against a child? Awful

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth Tue 17-Dec-13 06:48:16

X post with viva. Absolutely do everything she says

OddBoots Tue 17-Dec-13 06:51:21

VivaLeBeaver has got it right, I hope they sort this out, it sounds like a horrible situation.

longtallsally2 Tue 17-Dec-13 06:53:58

Email Head again saying that although she hasn't done it again (ie screamed at your child), this parent continues to go into the cloakroom, where parents are not allowed to go, and that your child no longer feels safe at school as a result (key Ofsted criteria). State that the fear is affecting her learning and her health/wellbeing. Ask for reassurance that the Head will ensure your child's safety on school property, and that, as a very minimum, the ban on parents in cloakrooms will be enforced and that he will meet with you again to discuss any further complications (is your daughter happy arriving at and leaving school? Do you always meet her or does she ever have to/want to walk home alone? Copy to Chair of Governors, and say that you are seriously considering further action if a plan cannot be established which manages this situation satisfactorily.

Ofsted/police if things escalate.

How is dd now? It sounds awful for her, but at least you should be able to reassure her that you are onto it and that there are people who will help to keep her safe.

(Hope that this woman gets some help too. She sounds very very disturbed. Her poor dd too.)

longtallsally2 Tue 17-Dec-13 06:55:40

I should have said Ofsted/police if the Head does not respond satisfactorily and quickly, rather than if things escalate. They are bad enough as it is!

Kbear Tue 17-Dec-13 06:56:05

You need to confront this parent in no uncertain terms - "come near my child again, so much as breathe near her and you will be dealing with me" - THAT she will be understand. You need to show your dd bullies will not be tolerated and this women needs a short sharp shock.

but that's just me....

VivaLeBeaver Tue 17-Dec-13 07:31:35

Must admit at the time I wondered if I'd gone overboard with everything I did when it was my dd. but I decided that I'd rather go over the top rather than not do enough. I had to make sure dd was safe and I had to show dd I was doing everything I could to protect her as well.

Ime, schools will do anything for a quiet life. They'd rather they didn't have to deal with stuff like this so they pretend its not as bad as it is, etc.

My situation was rather different as about 20 parents and a TA saw the crazy mum pin dd and her friend against a wall while screaming at them. Once I knew she'd been physical I didn't hesitate in calling the police. Police asked what I wanted done and I said I just wanted them to talk to her and warn her off which they were happy to do. Believe me she didn't cause any more problems.

columngollum Tue 17-Dec-13 08:08:14

Police/restraining order.

tiggytape Tue 17-Dec-13 08:52:02

Agree with the others. Keep your letter / email to the Head factual and only concentrate on what has happened to your child (not what others say about the adult involved) and make it clear you will escalate this if it is not dealt with. At the very least the parent needs to be banned from the school cloakroom.

The Head is wrong to play this down but when you said Many parents have warned me about this parent and requested to move class just to avoid her. it made me wonder if the Head has had dozens of parents coming into complain based purely on rumours.
If a lot of parents have already asked to change classes based on third hand information being passed around the playground, the Head teacher is probably sick of it and sees it as a witch hunt.

That's no excuse to ignore a genuine and very serious incident though and the Head does need to deal with this but the other parents all gossiping about this woman have probably made the Head less tuned into serious / genuine complaints than normal. I hope it gets dealt with quickly for you and your DD - it is appalling behaviour by the other mother and needs resolving.

BananaNotPeelingWell Tue 17-Dec-13 09:07:22

Wowshock Someone needs to be considering that HT's position - he's clearly not up to the job. Good advice here; I'd be following all suggestions mentioned. Your poor ddsad

HSMMaCM Tue 17-Dec-13 09:24:42

This happened to my DD. Her lovely form teacher supervised a couple of morning drop offs in the cloakroom and the other parent was banned from entering the school building. It transferred the problem to the playground, but that was also dealt with effectively by the school.

msvee Tue 17-Dec-13 09:29:39

Why don't you speak to the parent. Id be doing the same to her .

columngollum Tue 17-Dec-13 09:38:55

I think you've got to have cahoonas like a battleship to go up against a mad screaming parent like that!

And how could it work out well, if you did? You'd have to be prepared to deck the woman in the schoolyard if need be. It's not a practical approach.

Elibean Tue 17-Dec-13 09:44:34

I would use my 'cahoonas' to get tough with the school, rather than the parent. There's something wrong if an aggressive parent is allowed into the cloakroom like that hmm

Pagwatch Tue 17-Dec-13 09:57:52

I would be going into the cloakroom with my child if this parent was going in there though. Everytime.

columngollum Tue 17-Dec-13 10:04:44

There needs to be some official solution. If the parents are following each other into the cloakroom that's just a recipe for something bad to happen. (It's just a matter of time.)

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