Valentine's Disco at primary...

(27 Posts)
ThreeTomatoes Mon 16-Dec-13 19:22:47

AIBU to not like this idea? Normally dd's school have a Christmas disco but last year they didn't manage to organise it (not enough parent volunteers) so they ended up having a Valentine's Disco. dd's classmates (yr5) got into their heads that they had to go with a partner, and dd got a 'yes' from a boy who then broke to her the day before the disco that he couldn't go. She was so upset, but luckily confirming with her teacher that of course that wasn't the intention of the disco (i never believed it was but she didn't believe me, she thought she couldn't go & anyway wanted to go with him, plus was worried she was now going to be the only one without a 'partner'...) - however, shopping for a dress cheered her up and I'm pleased to say she happily went along anyway, independent-like, and had fun with her friends.

Anyway, the PTA are planning another one this year and I've a good mind to email them my feelings about it. dd is now in yr6 and has a 'boyfriend' (very loose term!!) so is expecting to 'go with' him. I just think it's a bit inappropriate to have a 'Valentine's' disco for primary age kids. FHS why can't they just make it a 'spring' or 'winter' disco?? What do others think? WIBU to drop them an email about this? There are no plans set in stone yet, they've just mentioned that they want to plan one and have asked for volunteers to help organise it etc, so there would still be time for them to rethink the name.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 16-Dec-13 19:40:45

I must admit I don't really like it either. Hate to be a party pooper and maybe I'm being old fashioned but valentines is for boyfriend/girlfriend and I don't think primary kids should be encouraged to be thinking of pairing off. I doubt the school would change their minds on just one email though. It would probably take a number of parents expressing concern. Valentines is near the half term hol, can't they just call it half-term disco?!

shebird Mon 16-Dec-13 19:45:17

I totally agree OP our school have a similar valentines disco which caused all sorts of dramas last year. Why not just a disco rather than the valentines tag or something else themed to focus on. Its great that the PTA want to raise money but perhaps they are not aware of the issues it might cause

5OBalesofHay Mon 16-Dec-13 19:49:31

Why a disco at that age anyway? Still a bit adult for me. If the PITA want to do something why not just a party?

MirandaWest Mon 16-Dec-13 19:52:06

Discos are fine - they have them at DCs school at the end of each term. They're the Christmas, Easter and Summer discos. Separate ones for infants and juniors.

Calling it a valentines disco is a bit daft I think. They could just call it a disco and it would be fine IMO.

ThreeTomatoes Mon 16-Dec-13 20:47:12

Oh good, I'm glad it's not just me!
I have no problem at all with a disco, the kids have great fun, the school puts up stalls and a raffle and games etc as well. Just don't like it being 'Valentine's', I think the older kids (yr 5/6) take it all too seriously - i guess for the littler kids it doesn't mean much.

I think I will drop them an email, then, just a friendly one letting them know what happened last year in dd's class and my concerns about what she's already saying this year too.

kilmuir Mon 16-Dec-13 20:48:31

yuk, horrid idea

ThreeTomatoes Mon 16-Dec-13 20:49:12

btw 50 was your mispelling of PITA a mistake or deliberate? grin

nonicknameseemsavailable Mon 16-Dec-13 21:00:49

I would prefer it to just be a spring disco/party to be honest.

TeenAndTween Mon 16-Dec-13 21:09:10

Agree here too. There was a valentines disco at our school one year and the upper juniors got all het up about having to have partners. Next year it was a Spring Bop.

Fuzzymum1 Mon 16-Dec-13 22:01:45

We have had a valentine disco in the past with the exact same outcome as you describe - lots f hassle for the Y5/6 teacher and lots of hand wringing etc in the days leading up to it. The word valentines is banned from all school events now.

5OBalesofHay Mon 16-Dec-13 22:31:06

You may think deliberate, tomatoes, I couldn't possibly comment

mydaftlass Mon 16-Dec-13 23:08:02

I wouldn't like it and it is completely unnecessary to call it that. Spring Bop is good!

MillyMollyMama Tue 17-Dec-13 01:24:38

Discos seem to be enjoyed by most children but I don't like the idea of a Valentines Disco at primary school. However, this is a PTA function so not sure what influence the Head will have. Can you influence the PTA Chairman? They have obviously decided to give it a name because it is going to be held around half term. At that age, boys and girls just want to have fun and not pair up. Can't see why adults put their values onto a children's event. Although at our school people started hiring limos for the end of year disco. That is just totally yuk and over the top!

ThreeTomatoes Tue 17-Dec-13 09:49:52

Thank you everyone. There is an email address for the PTA (meant for offers of help wink) and I've just sent an email explaining what I think & why. I do hope they listen and change it, I will be pleased if they do. Mind you, it's probably too late for dd's class to change their perception of it now. But still, hopefully it'll make the PTA rethink from now on. The crazy thing is, the school were aware of the yr5 'hand-wringing' as you put it last year, when i approached the teacher mentioned in my OP, he said "oh god yeah all the yr5s seem to have got it into their heads they need to go with a partner!" You'd think someone would think twice for next time, wouldn't you.

ThreeTomatoes Tue 17-Dec-13 09:50:31

oh and 50 grin

DeWe Tue 17-Dec-13 10:06:18

When I was at primary the spring term disco was always called "The Valentine disco". I can't remember anything being made of it except in the name.

ThreeTomatoes Tue 17-Dec-13 10:08:52

DeWe i can't remember any of us being into 'boys' and all that in yr6 either, but dd & friends sure are. Times seem to have changed... sad. dd is even one of the youngest (summer baby)

DeWe Tue 17-Dec-13 11:33:38

I've got a dd in year 8 and a dd in year 5. Neither are into boys except as friends, nor are their close friends. They look a bit confused at any that are. If they were told they had to have a boy partner, they'd probably agree with one of the boys they're friendly with, but it would be just the same as going with a girl friend.

Ds is into his girls. He loves them and is frequently giving them hugs (and kisses on the odd occasion) I had to tell the boys several times at his party to stop hugging the girls (who thought this was terribly funny!). But he is only 6yo and it is nothing more than friends. He hugs the boys too.

Nocomet Tue 17-Dec-13 11:47:35

I have a feeling posters that I've ended up doing posters for a 'valentines' disco at primary (same reason Xmas chaos). It did feel a bit silly and I did try and play the theme down.

Disco it's self was the same brilliant DJ as normal, who does as many games as dancing, it was only the date.

PastSellByDate Tue 17-Dec-13 13:08:00

Three Tomatoes

It's not completely clear but I'm presuming this is a disco open to all ages at your school.

Maybe it's being foreign (from US) but our DDs adore valentines. They make valentines for all their friends (and their friends do too), they make valentines for their teachers and their old Mum & Dad. The school has a post box for valentines (as they do at Christmas).

It really seems that what you're objecting to is the impression this is about dating in primary school. Perhaps the way to handle this is to request that the PTA make this clear that although it is a Valentine theme children are not expected to have 'dates' or to be asked.

Frankly discos are a really easy way of raising useful funds for the school. Kids just bounce around, eat cakes/ sweets and make a few things. They have a good time, learn a few dances, shout now and then and probably win some prizes.

I think the way forward is for you to object to the idea that this is about 'dating', but not the disco.

I don't know if you saw it but CBBC had a programme on about being in Y6 and moving up to senior school on last year (Goodbye Y6: www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/shows/goodbye-year-six) and the kids in that school were going to a prom and being asked - so although I would find it unusual around here, I do accept that elsewhere having boyfriends/ girlfriends in Y6 and liking boys/ girls isn't out of the norm.

HTH

ThreeTomatoes Tue 17-Dec-13 15:01:25

That's interesting PastSellByDate, Valentine's Day is quite different in the UK, very much about couples.

I have absolutely nothing against discos, and last year's 'Valentine's' disco did turn out to be like all the others, but a lot of stress & upset for the kids could have been prevented had it be named differently!

Suffolkgirl1 Tue 17-Dec-13 16:43:53

Anything to do with Valentines Day is banned in DC's primary. It is felt not appropriate for the age group. The heads opinion is that Secondary school is early enough.

SapphireMoon Tue 17-Dec-13 18:04:57

Seems bazaar to me to have a Valentine's disco at Christmas, apart from the fact it seems inappropriate at primary [wouldn't be that hot on it for secondary either].
Why is a Christmas disco more costly than a plain old disco? Don't understand!!

magicbiscuits Tue 17-Dec-13 18:07:22

I don't know, I remember being put into "couples" in Year 1 for Valentine's Day hmm only there was an odd number and so I was put into a threesome!! Just so wrong!!!!

I wouldn't like my DD or DS to be part of this when so little.

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