Ds getting distracted and being silly

[MummyPig24]

Ds is in year 1 and turned 6 at the end of October.

We haven't had issues raised about his behaviour at school before (he's been there 3 years including the nursery class). Sometimes we struggle at home but generally he is well behaved. I asked about his behaviour at parent evening in October and teacher said its fine.

Today I asked his teacher for a class list for Christmas cards and she mentioned that she had to speak to ds a few times today, reminding him to listen, and that he has been excitable and silly. Last week he told me he got into trouble for being silly and getting distracted and once for play fighting in the playground.

Teacher said he is being distracted by others. Should I be worried? I asked teacher to inform me if there was a problem and she said usually it's all fine but I know ds is very easily distracted and prone to silliness. I have spoken to him about it and it's just like he can't help himself. I assume this is normal behaviour, but a little reassurance would be appreciated, or if it's not normal, I would like to be told too!

[MummyPig24]

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?

[KOKOagainandagain]

What does 'being silly' mean?

Otoh if you are seriously concerned about teachers raising difficulties with attention etc ...

[SqueakyCleanLibertine]

I've got a six year old boy the exact same age,I think they're all a bit silly aren't they? Try not to worry, but if it continues maybe he just needs to be sat further away from his 'silly' mates?

[MummyPig24]

Sorry keepon I don't understand the second part of your post? When I say silliness I mean not listening and being excitable. The teacher didn't elaborate on what she meant by silliness but I assumed the same thing.

I guess they can all be silly, yes. I just worry that if he's not listening and disrupting the class he will get into more and more trouble. I don't want him to miss out on the things he should be learning because he is too busy mucking about, he's a clever boy and I would hate him to waste it.

[KateAdiesEarrings]

We had a similar issue with ds. The teacher wasn't overly concerned as she thought it was a maturity issue.

In the meantime, we re-inforced how he was supposed to behave at school; played at schools quite often ; added an extra row to his reward chart for his school behaviour, and identified any triggers eg unstructured activities and another child ( 'silly mates' as Squeaky put it up above ). We agreed he should be separated from the other child and that did impact on some of the behaviour.

tbh if it has only happened in the run up to Christmas, I wouldn't be that concerned about it. They are all running on energy, excitement and expectation just now.

[MummyPig24]

They have reward charts at school but ds frequently seems to get "stuck" on the same amount of stickers. Usually he is not naughty, but he doesn't approach the teacher much either so he slips through the net and doesn't get noticed.

I was thinking of doing a reward chart for home to reinforce how he should behave at school. I have spoken to him often to make sure he knows how he is expected to behave.

He is quite sensitive and change of routine affects him, and as they have been doing a lot of Christmas play rehearsal I think it has wound him up, like a lot of the children.

[Crushedvelvet99]

We have the same problem with DS he is in year 2, one of the youngest so he was 6 in August.

They mixed up the classes from year 1 and he is now with a group of boys who are really silly and distract each other. He is the youngest and easily influenced. Not saying he's an angel!

We have a book that we can communicate with teachers and it started with notes to the effect of " DS has Been really silly today" or " never completes a task he's been given as he's distracted"

We have spoken to him on several occasions and told him to keep away from the boys but its hard as they are on the same ability tables.

He has split teaching, one teacher seems to have it in for him and writes the most petty comments in the book, the other says he's behaviour has not got any worse it's just they are less tolerant of it in year 2.

I'm hoping its just a phase but am worried he will continue this behaviour in year 3.

I am also working really hard with him so he can move up to the next ability table to get away from these boys and sit with some girls who seem to be a lot more mature in his class and may be a calming influence.

I just monitor on a day to day basis and if a comment of " he's had a bad today" is in the book, he doesn't get to play his games etc, seems to be working this week, he's come home with 2 certificates for being really good.

We have told him you go to school to learn and while your in the classroom you listen and concentrate, you can mess about at play times.
He seems to have taken it on board.

[NynaevesSister]

Are there any other issues that might worry you? You mention silliness and disruptive in class. You also mentioned sensitive and liking routine.

Does he have any difficulties using scissors or doing up buttons? Does he like to draw or does he tend to avoid this?

Does he find it hard to concentrate and focus in class? Is his reading and writing where you think it should be?

Does he play ball games or is this something he says he doesn't like? Does he ride a bike or a scooter?

When you say sensitive does he tend to be over emotional? Does he find certain textures difficult to have on his skin? Are some textures difficult for him to eat?

If the answer to all this is mostly no not at all then the silliness isn't anything to really worry about. Talking to him will help a lot.

[MummyPig24]

No other issues to mention, can use scissors and do up buttons easily, very athletic and has been riding a bike without stabilisers for 2 years and a 2 wheel scooter for 3. Likes to draw, can read and write very well.

Very fussy about clothes though. Doesn't like being uncomfortable and is very conscious of how he thinks e looks in certain clothes. Food, no. Used to be a little fussy as a toddler but now would literally eat anything. Can be quite emotional and is a bit of a worrier.

I asked him about today and he said he got told off for being silly with child X when coming in this afternoon but he said that he stopped when he was asked and didn't get told off again. So that's good. Of course he could be lying but I doubt it. I've worked hard so that he trusts that I will be happy with the truth, whatever it is and I don't think he would hide things from me, he hasn't before.

It's the play tonight and tomorrow night so I think things will calm down a bit at school after that and maybe the children will too!

Thank you everyone who responded.

[lynniep]

My DS1 is 6 (Y2) and his teacher mentioned this term that he has attention issues (or rather lack of attention issues) and can also get a bit 'silly'. I think the silliness is pretty normal for a 6 year old. He is easily distracted. He is a fidget though, and at our school they have sensory circuits just before school. Quite a few children attend this an its supposed to 'stimulate the mind' and 'calm the body'.

NynaevesSister those questions you asked - are they hinting towards being on the autistic spectrum? I'm asking as DS1 displays a few of those tendencies (as does his dad) Food issues. Clothes sensitivity. Lack of balance (can't ride a bike yet, although can catch a ball) Intelligent (top at maths and reading) but cannot concentrate.

[Yorky]

Hello mummypig, my DS1 is in yr2 and sounds like your son - silly and distractable. Last year school recommended we take him to a paediatrician to see if he had ADHD, but because his energy isn't affecting his ability to learn or make friends, and his 2 (shared class) teachers filled in the questionnaire noticably differently we are left with a boy who is just very energetic.

We were really frustrated as nothing had been said the previous year, and he had the same TA working with his class.

This year has been more of the same :( if anything its taken him longer to settle back down after the summer holidays. His teacher this year was in the school as a student last year and has, in fairness, been great. He communicates with us regularly, works to focus on the positive (DS1 now works to collect 'well dones' daily and teacher takes the time to discuss with him what he can say well done to DS1 for. DS1 is allowed to wear a wristband in class so he has something to fiddle with so his hands are occupied without him disturbing other kids.

There was an incident recently when another parent mentioned to DH in the playground that DS1 had hurt her daughter during break time, when we asked him about it his reply was seriously WTF! 'I keep attacking her but she doesn't want to play with me' He apologised to her, but it was a genuine case of exuberance/boisterous giving of hugs, possibly involving jumping on her from behind to hug her! She is the sister of one of the other boys at boys' brigade, and is older than DS1.

It can be so frustrating because we say to him at least once or twice a week 'What were you thinking?!' and he generally looks crestfallen and mumbles 'I don't know'. We talk about whatever he did and got told off for, and walk him through, 'How would you feel if another child did (whatever it was) to you?' But he just hasn't got the hang of thinking before he opens his mouth :(

It was so reassuring to hear his teacher say that he isn't a bad kid, his silliness isn't motivated by naughtiness, just not thinking before he acts. But I don't know how to get him to do that, which is massively frustrating. And then I get really stressed when there is a school trip coming up because of the potential for him to get over excited and giddy, fortunately he seems able to rise to these special occasions - or school match him with a particularly vigilant helper on trips!

Sorry - I didn't mean for that to turn out quite so long, hope some of it is of some use to you

[grassroots]

Not trying to hijack thread but can I ask NynaevesSister about those things you mentioned? Those questions you asked...seem to describe my DS quite well! Would they point to anything in particular?? IYO?

[MummyPig24]

Thanks it is really reassuring to hear that a degree of silliness is normal.

As we arrived at school for the play we had to wait outside for a bit and child X made a beeline for ds and just set him off, saying anything he could to encourage ds into the silly behaviour. I have no idea where his parents were but he wouldn't leave us alone, so when we got to the classroom I asked the teacher if they could be separated and she said she was looking at the carpet spaces to see who ds would e better sitting with. And she said that ds had tried hard today and done well. I am by no means blaming another child, just saying that ds needs no encouragement to be silly!!

I don't think that ds has any issues like ADHD, maybe I'm wrong, but nobody has ever suggested it and I haven't ever thought it as he is perfectly capable of sitting and concentrating, doesn't fidget. He is very active though.

Anyway he was great in the play, fab singing and dancing and it was brilliant to see.

I'm just having a bit of a crisis of confidence in my parenting I guess. I was very young when I had him and totally clueless, now I'm expecting our 3rd and probably a bit hormonal and sensitive! I just want my children to have a great life and do well at school.

[NynaevesSister]

I'm not an expert and sorry I didn't want to worry anyone unduly. We've been doing the rounds of assessments and diagnosis for a while now. Those are just some of the broad indicators that can point towards an underlying issue. ADD, ADHD, SPD, Dyspraxia.

Not autism although I suspect many are ASD attributes but other issues will be more noticeable.

The problems with motor skills are on the list for Dyspraxia.

[grassroots]

Thanks NynaevesSister. We are doing the rounds too.

MummyPig - hope things settle down in the New Year for you and DS. I am sure that if he is generally well behaved, then good behaviour will return...but maybe not until after Christmas?!

[MummyPig24]

I do feel like ds is generally a lot happier than a few months ago. We have been trying very hard to be really positive and focus on the good things he does and it's made a huge difference. He is so much more responsive and happy. He went through a phase of being grumpy, refusing cuddles and being generally a pain. But he is different now and I believe it's down to the change in our parenting.

When I reminded him this morning about not being silly he said he was going to try really hard today and he was going to ask to move carpet spaces as child X keeps distracting him.

As we went into class today child X came up to him, similar to yesterday and began doing the same thing. "Look A, your sister has got a pink hat." "my mum kissed me." . I can imagine how that would really pee the teacher off if they are both doing that whilst she is trying to conduct a lesson!

[hillyhilly]

My DD had issues like this throughout Y1, in the main it was a combination of sitting with a disruptive friend (& showing off to her) and not being challenged enough by the work.
My DD is very bright but needs to be challenged by the work - this was the only year we have behaviour problems with her and with the benefit of hindsight I wish I'd been a bit more challenging back to the teachers rather than apologising and talking to her about it, although I do accept that this needed to happen too.

[MummyPig24]

hilly that sounds very like what is happening here with ds. I'm not going to make a big deal before Christmas but if it carries on in the new year I will talk to the teacher again. She didn't actually approach me until I went to ask her a question so that tells me it isn't a big issue, and hopefully won't be.

[PastSellByDate]

Hi MummyPig24:

I agree with hillyhilly's post - if you're surrounded by rowdy kids you tend to join in. If previously you've been the quiet well-behaved one, the teacher notices you, not them.

I will also say - hey Christmas is coming. It's exciting. My girls (Y4 & Y6) are completely goofy. I can't get them to settle at night and they're really tired so being really silly at the moment. Of course all the extra treats/ sweets/ activities associated with Christmas just make it even more wild/ exciting.

My advice is hang in there. One more week. A nice long holiday and some time at home with family and friends will do him a world of good.

In January why not encourage him to resolve to try hard to be super well-behaved in class. Don't make it all day. Just in class - especially when the teacher is at the computer/ whiteboard/ etc... explaining something or working with him at his table. It's a manageable goal and the teacher will notice the difference I suspect.

[MummyPig24]

Thanks for responding.

I've noticed that most of them are excited and in high spirits at the moment. The teacher came out at the end of the day and said she had moved him in class and he had done very well so that's great news. She said she has been giving him lots of praise which ds really needs to boost his confidence so I'm pleased about that. And he had written a gorgeously sweet letter to Santa!

[MummyPig24]

I did say that class time is for listening and sitting and playtime is for running about and silly games which he understood.

Although a friend pissed me off yesterday. She phoned to say "I thought you'd want to know that your ds (A) pushed my ds (H) over at lunchtime because H was annoying him." No, I didn't want to know really because it was obviously minor enough that the teacher didn't mention it to me. And there are a billion times that ds has come home with minor injuries inflicted by H and I haven't phoned her, because it has been dealt with in school! It was like she was delighting in showing ds up and it did put a downer on the good feedback he has had from the teacher. Anyway I did speak to him about what he should do if someone won't stop doing something he doesn't like. I say someone, but I mean H as ds has never lashed out at anyone else.