School friends from deprived families(456 Posts)
DS1 just started reception in September. We didn’t get our first choice of school which could be seen from our house due to oversubscription and sibling rule. DS1 now goes to second choice school which is in a more deprived area although the school has performed rather well and been improving. We’re 7th on the waiting list for first choice school which has very low turnover so chances of getting in are pretty slim. I have no issue with the school as given its circumstances ie high FSM and SEN its performance is very good. However I can’t seem to make myself like the families of the children there. At the school gate I’ve met people in their pyjamas, with cigarettes on their fingers, piercings on etc. I’ve seen people shouting/swearing at each other in the playground while waiting for their children. DS was invited to a birthday party of one of the boys in his class and it was the worst house I’ve ever set foot in. Mom was in nightie with a cig on when we arrived at mid day. DS1 appears to be academic, loves reading and writing, both DH and I have masters from redbrick units and are in professional jobs, our house is walled with books and CDs.
DS loves his school and teachers which is the main reason I’m using to calm me down. However I worry whether the environment where his friends grow in would have an impact on him and his education.
Well it might help him grow up with an unbiased outlook on life and stop him being a snob.
As obviously he won't learn that at home.
Think of it as sociological research!
You will get slated. I would be out of there.
I find it hard to believe that a mother hosted a birthday party in her house wearing a nighty.
Actually, sod it, I do hav something to say.
I'm from a deprived family. I was in the top set all through school, I got excellent exam results, I was in the gifted and talented programme, I graduated uni with a DipHE in nursing studies and I worked as a nurse before I had my children.
I'm sure I was a terrible influence on the more well off children.
I think mixing with like minded people is important, your child will spend most of his day learning, playing at school, the early years are important in learning social skills and how friendships work, etc.
If your case, I would look to moving area or going to fee paying school until a place became available at your chosen school.
you do sound like a snob.
as for "the families of the children there" I bet they are not all 'like that' by any means, you are choosing what to notice.
does "both DH and I have masters from redbrick units and are in professional jobs, our house is walled with books and CDs" mean that you are superior to the estate mums (who love their kids just like you do) in every aspect then?
I bet you live in a famous south coast city, am I right?
Are you aware that smoking, having piercings and going out in your pjs or wearing your nightdress in the day doesn't make you a bad person.
I think a big issue is YOU rather than the families of your son's classmates. Having a Masters from a red brick uni does not turn you into any kind of saint. Having a house full of books does not make you a better human being.
My daughter goes to a school in a deprived area and none of the parents wear pjyamas to school. Some of the mums wear trackie bottoms from Primark though. Having dodgy dress sense prehaps the lack of money to spend on decent clothes does not make someone a bad person.
There are people with body piecings, but the person with body piercings is often a friendly human being under all the bling if you are polite and friendly yourself.
Rather than critising these people, prehaps you with all your money should think how to make these people's lives better. You could get involved with the PTA or listen to reading if work commitments allow. If you lack time then prehaps you can donate money.
I've never read a thread before that's made me want to climb into mumsnet and shake someone.
And I've been here 3 years
with my tattoos, piercings and degree
I don't think OP is worried about the children being from a deprived area (i.e. less financially able), she is worried about the general behaviour of the grown ups around these children.
I imagine it a matter of time before mumsnet delete this thread with a hilerous deletion message.
You're sadly going to get flamed from lots of people who actually secretly would think exactly the same as you I am not a snob - my family were cleaners and factory workers and I have friends doing all sorts of jobs from university professor to catalogue delivery. But I wouldn't think much of any parent who smoked and swore in the school playground, especially not if they were still wearing their pyjamas. People who say differently on here are being disingenuous.
DS goes to a comp that has a huge estate in its catchment area, it is rough as a badgers arse and FSM uptake is almost 30% These dc also went to his primary school. DH has a PhD from Cambridge and I studied at a RG uni though as a mature student. Not that I would normally bang on about it but seems relevant to your post.
It really does not matter to us and DS now in year 8 is doing incredibly well. He went off down the estate and played footie with his mates yesterday he says it is pretty shocking when six year olds are shouting that your a fucking prick for missing a goal. But that doesn't make his suddenly drop a grade.
One of the Mums at the school has become a really good friend to me, she does boxing as a hobby and by her own admission was pretty badly behaved as a kid. I have been really ill over the last few months, as in laid up in bed ill and in huge amounts of pain. She is the one person who has really bothered to help me out as has one of the other Mums who I must admit I don't know so well. My long standing friend who is a professional and educated to Masters level basically ended the friendship because illness was a bit too difficult for her, not as if it is catching.
I am purely pointing out educational levels because they seem to mean so much to you. People need to be judged on their actions and not their educational attainment. I admit to hating smoking and ok rubbish to be in your nightie but was the Mum nice?
Seriously the private school in my town has quite a few problems, I know because my friend is the school nurse. No she does not name names but gives a general over view.
Given your 'Redbrick' degree and fabulous careers....maybe send your already academic dc to a Private school and pay for his education, as you are so scathing about having to endure the 'awful' crowd at the gates....
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